"Oh wow…."

"You don't like it?" asked Texas, her face falling a thousand floors.

"It's fine, it's pretty, it's just….." casting his eyes up and down Texas' outfit, the beige high collared blouse, calf length navy skirt and the buckled shoes Calvin lost his words a minute, "… it's just not you Boots."

"Maybe it could be?"

"I guess so. Is that what you want?"

"I'm trying to be different, the kind of woman who wears this outfit. Sensible, sober…."

"Someplace between Mrs Doubtfire and a nun?"

"Cal!" she cried, stamping her practical shoe tempestuously and bracing her hands on her hips. "I am trying to change here, okay?"

"Yeah well don't, okay? You can be sober and a better version of yourself without a total fucking lobotomy Texas. Would you go put on your normal clothes, please? The leopard, the pleather, the boots…"

"Boots, huh?" she smirked, knowing just exactly how much he loved her in her battered old cowboy boots and not a lot else.

"Are you honestly telling me you're comfortable in that get up?" he tested, arching a lofted brown. "Because if you are then fine, but I'm figuring…."

"Give me five minutes?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

After a few moments Texas re-emerged from the bedroom and Calvin's face lit up with the light of a thousand suns. His cheeks ached, and his eyes sparked. Twirling for his amusement Texas had dragged on an old black skirt, hip hugging and cut somewhere mid-thigh. Her shirt was red and cut just low enough to drive Calvin wild but not low enough to be deemed entirely inappropriate. Her giant gold hoops were back, and her long hair waved wildly over her shoulders. She was wearing her boots.

"Wow….." he murmured, "… you're a fucking sensation Texas Mendoza."

"Because I'm back to dressing like a whore?" she smirked wryly, grabbing her clutch and throwing her phone and lipstick into it. "Right, I'm ready, let's go backpack boy."

"Hey, hey, you, come here…." he insisted, grabbing for her wrist and sliding his hand into hers, "… don't do that. Stop it, fucking stop it. You are damn sexy Tex but you're not a whore. I never saw you as anything other than totally fucking beautiful and it's not about the clothes. It's how you light up wearing them. How you're shamelessly you."

"Yeah, well, maybe a little more shame would've done me some good over the years."

"You know damn well that what I feel for you goes way beyond skin deep."

"I…."

"That being said you always did have a great rack and a tight peach…"

"Vete a la chingada!"

"I don't…."

"And I'm not translating…." she breezed, grabbing her keys and heading for the door with her trademark swagger returned, "… and why do you have a giant backpack?"

"It's dinner."

"Huh?" she puzzled, locking the door behind them and lifting a brow. "We're not going out to eat?"

"Did you win the lotto?" and she laughed, deep and long, because he didn't change. "Besides, you can vete la whatever the heck you just said to me right back atcha because it's romantic. It's thoughtful, resourceful. Some girls might find it adorable actually."

"I'm not some girls, mi amor."

"I'm aware…." he grinned, because that's what made her Texas. Unthinking, just needing the connection, he grabbed for her hand as they exited the elevator.

"What's this?" she asked, lifting their joined hands as they headed out into the street. "Are we hand holders now?"

"I can keep you on a tight leash this way."

"You're a hand holder in your old age Arliss…." interlacing her fingers with his, relaxing, she added warmly, "… and I don't hate it."


"God I missed you…."

"We've only been gone three days!" laughed Olivia, feeling Elliot hug her a little tighter.

"That's a long time to be without you."

"Hmm…" she smiled, then a little wider because he smiled back. "You missed me. I missed you too."

"How was it? How is she…." and then because one directly led to another he added, "…. how are you?"

"It was good, it was nice to spend some time just the two of us. We talked a lot; some things became a little clearer and others even less so. I think she's just in a hard, hard place right now and maybe there isn't anything but time that can help that. She's got a lot of healing to do, a lot of things to figure out."

"I wish she didn't have to. I wish to God she wasn't picking up the pieces of her life all over again. We've been here before."

"This is different, El. This is totally and completely different than when she came home from California. That was rape, this is…."

"Pain is pain though, right?" shrugged Elliot and Olivia had nothing to reply. It floored her, momentarily, and she just stared at him speechless.

"Sorry, I'm sorry that was…."

"Right, you're right…." she said, inhaling slowly, then holding her breath a beat before releasing it. "I guess that I'd decided in my head that this was different but she's had her trust broken. She'll lose a little piece of herself to this like she did before."

"Hey, hey come here, come on, I didn't mean to make this all heavier for you…." he winced, grabbing for her and dragging her into another deep hug. "She'll be okay, she'll be just fine. We'll walk it out; we'll hold her up till she can stand tall on her own again. We'll get her through this, she'll be fine."

"Why did you stay?"

"Huh?" he asked, pulling away and furrowing increasingly bushy grey brows. "What?"

"I'm sorry, that's ancient history. I'm resurrecting something from the past that is better left where it is."

"You mean Kathy?" he knew just exactly where her mind had wandered, what scared him was how long it had been there. "I did, remember."

"Yeah, yeah I know…." flashing a smile, dismissing the question she added quickly, "… ignore me. Forget I said anything."

"You had Evie, you had our baby. That's a mighty powerful thing. I finally realised I couldn't live another day without you."

"Because of Evie?"

"No, no, of course…." he paused, seeing the sudden stricken expression on Olivia's face. "Hey Liv, come on? Why're you doing this?"

"I just never thought about it, maybe I refused to let myself. It all worked out in the end, right? I suppose I just turned it over in my mind these last few days after Calvin did what he did."

"You mean after Calvin did what I didn't?" he asked, a little sharp, a little defensive: wounded by her words and the intensity with which she was suddenly looking at him. Looking back at her he realised he was seeing Olivia Benson for the first time in a long time.

"I didn't say…"

"You didn't have to….." clip voiced Elliot squared his jaw, nodding slowly and realising he needed to walk away from the conversation, "… it was cripplingly implied."

"El I…." she began, as he sighed and turned to leave, "… Elliot!"

"I'm late to meet Sammy at the shop."

"Elliot come back here?"

"You know what Liv? Maybe I'm done being on the back foot."

"What?" recoiling, as he turned back around to face her from the other side of the living room "What did you say?"

"What if I asked you some questions? What I resurrected ancient history and held it against you after all these years, huh?"

"I…."

"How close did you come to never telling me Evie was my child? How close did you come to living happily ever after with David Haden and our kid with me none the wiser?"

"Elliot that…"

"So I guess what I'm saying here is that either all the time since then, all the memories, the life that we've built together is big enough to outweigh past mistakes or it's not. You're not always God damn perfect yourself Olivia and I am done being punished for mistakes and decisions made a hundred years ago."


"Pass me the chips?"

"Dip?" tossing her the bag of tortilla chips Calvin then held the guacamole outstretched. "It's got nothing on the one you make by the way; you should get on that anytime I wouldn't complain. Oh and your chilli, can we have a chilli night?"

"Are you just in this for my food?"

"Nope…." crunching hard on a chip, chewing it slowly, he deliberately held her gaze.

"So can I lower the tone a second?" she asked, her boots dangling off the edge of the rooftop ledge they were sat on.

She was fairly confident that Calvin hadn't entirely gained permission for them to be on the hotel rooftop. The tell had been the way they came in through the kitchen, after someone he seemed to know had let them in, and they had ascended in a good's elevator between two giant laundry carts. He had laid out their picnic dinner with care, removing her favourite snack foods one by one from his backpack and then pouring them both a glass of tepid cola. It was perfect, and she couldn't have wished for a better first date.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Someone called me today from the medical examiner's office. I'd spoken to Melinda and Fin about how we'd know when they were releasing his body and it's now, its tomorrow. I can pick it, him, whatever, up tomorrow."

"Literally?" grimacing slightly Calvin struggled to compute what she was saying. "Like where would you put him? It's been nearly a month he's gonna be kinda…."

"Calvin!"

"What?"

"Oh, you really are that stupid huh."

"Hey…."

"Not literally, babe, what I mean is that tomorrow I can make arrangements for like, well, a funeral home or a crematorium or whatever come fetch him. I'm not gonna just head on down there and throw him over my shoulder!"

"What'd we need to do? What did he want? Do you even know? I don't."

"We?"

"Yeah, yeah us Tex. Hell if you're doing this alone. Besides he was my cousin, and he'd still be here if…." lowering his eyes Calvin wrapped his fingers around his bottle of coke and wished to mercy it was a beer.

"Don't, don't go there, just don't Cal."

"He spoke about you, you know? The last time I saw him, that night."

"Oh yeah?" she asked softly, reaching to his thigh and stroking repeatedly, soothingly. She was there; she would always be there.

"He was a bad apple, rotten to the core. I won't ever forget or forgive what he did to you or how he treated you, all the times he did. He told me you were mine, always had been."

"Always will be…." she smiled, eyes sparkling in the dusk as she shrugged her shoulders acceptingly.

"Not the way he meant. I don't own you, Tex. You're not a possession, a pawn piece in a power play. It's like even when he almost got it he still missed the fucking point. I just don't want to be anything like him. He gets buried, he gets the dignity he didn't earn or deserve in death because he saved my life and then it's done."

"Hey?" she whispered, using her hands to scoot a little further down the ledge and reaching a hand to his chin. Turning his face she stroked her fingers at his jaw and asked again for his eyes, "Guapo?"

"Yeah?" he asked, lifting his gaze and staring into her wide brown eyes. It always felt like coming home.

"Te amo, Arliss. Te amo más que nadaen el mundo…." then cracking a smile, "… well, you and Leni, you're gonna have to share first place."

"I love you too Boots and I've been thinking."

"I thought I could smell burning…" she whispered, leaning in and kissing his lips softly.

"Shut up…." he replied, under his breath, his lips finding hers again.

"I don't think we can just start totally over. I don't think we can just pretend everything that we've been through together never happened, like we just met in a bar or whatever. I don't think I want to."

"I don't want to either."

"We raised each other, Tex, we just did. You knew my Mom. You're the only other person on this planet who really knew her, and who loved her like I did. You have been there, at my side, through every good, bad, and truly fucked up moment of my life. You've seen my at my very worst and you stayed. You've seen me at my very worst and you loved me anyway."

"Ditto, mi amor…." she shrugged, remembering all the times he had dragged her from the gutter, dried her out, sat with her through withdrawal, bandaged her bruises and healed her scars.

"I don't wanna date you Texas I want…."

"Cal?" she prompted, as he drifted somewhere else for a moment.

"This is it now, for me, this is a done deal. I wanna live with you. I wanna go to sleep next to you every night and wake up with you every morning. I want it all with you. I want to love you, every single day, and protect you and help you and I don't ever wanna be apart from you again. Not ever."

"It's complicated Calvin, I want those things too, truly I do. Only we both have kids with other people. I have to figure out raising Leni with Gil, you have to figure out raising the twins with Evie. You have to figure out Evie and what the hell you're gonna do there. It's not just the two of us against the world anymore, babe."

"Yeah it is."

"No, no it…."

"Yes it is…." he repeated firmly, locking her eyes, nodding slowly. "I know there's a lot of other stuff besides. Leni and CJ and Livi, we gotta do right by them. Livia and Mr S, Sammy and Evie and Gil and Fin and Nick and everyone deserves the best we got to give in all this. But at the end of the day, Tex? It's you and me."

"I…."

"You're crying, did I do that? Fuck, I'm sorry…." fumbling, grabbing for her hands, shaking his head and searching her face as silent tears escaped down her cheeks Calvin waited breath baited.

"Don't be sorry."

"You okay?" he asked quietly, reaching a thumb to her cheek and wiping it clumsily. "Talk to me? What's in your head?"

"Just…."

"Okay seriously please can you at least…."

"I dreamed of this."

"Tex…."

"I fell in love with you before I even knew what that meant. I was a little girl, we were playmates, but it was already too late for any other guy. I wanted you so badly for so long and when it just got so it hurt too badly, too much, when you met Evie. I closed it off. That part of me. I put it in a box. You've opened the box again, Arliss. I'm crying because I don't know whether to laugh or cry or run like hell. I'm scared to death!"

"I know, I know you are and you have every right to be. Nothing, not one single fucking thing in your life has given you any reason to believe that good can win out; that you can trust and rely on anything or anyone or that people will stay. I get it, believe me, and I know that I've been a part of all that."

"I have lost….." the lump in her throat choking her, Texas rolled her eyes skyward and laughed nervously, "… so much, and been hurt so many times…."

"I know."

"And I'm fine, I am dealing with that. I can handle it, all of it. Just know this Cal? Losing you? This, us, me and you doing this, me opening that box and then it not working out? That is the one thing I couldn't handle. So don't, okay? Please, I am begging you, don't..." and then a flicker, a glimmer of hope precious and brave found her eyes and she whispered, "… unless you mean it."

"I mean it."

"Yeah?" she gulped, throwing elegance to the wind and sniffing loudly, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "I'm gross, sorry."

"Evie and I are done. I didn't do this lightly; it wasn't something that just flipped overnight. It nearly killed me fighting it for months. I tried to run from it, hide from it, but it's no good. I need you more than you will ever know Tex. I'm in, I'm all in, over my head drowning in how fucking madly I'm in love with you and I will spend the rest of my life earning back your trust."

"You never lost my trust."

"I won't ever leave you again Tex….." he vowed, and it held weight, gravity pull, and her heart clenched, "… you have my word."


"Hey can I just come to work with you?"

"Calvin you always say you're bored after ten minutes!"

"It's better than school"

"You know if you're like me then one day you're gonna look back and think that school was the most fun you ever had."

"Oh, you remember back that far?"

"Listen to you, very funny!"

"Olivia?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think that my mom's dead?"

"No! No Calvin I don't think that…." she cried, eyes widening "… honey sit down here, come here, sit down. I am looking for her every day, and your Dad too. You don't ever remember your mom mentioning his name?"

"Once she said 'David' get out or I'm calling the cops."

"Your mom told me that he left right after you were born.

"He stops by, but they always end up in a fight."

"Well, anyway, you need to go to school so you can show your parents how smart you've gotten next time you see them.

"Nice try…" pulling a large sheet of paper from his bag Calvin brandished it proudly, "… oh wait, I made this for you yesterday in art class. It's you."

"Calvin it's beautiful."

"I even signed it…"

"Calvin Benson."

"Because you rescued me."

"Livia?"

"Hey."

"I thought you were…."

"Can I come in?" she asked, biting on her lip and shifting her weight uneasily between feet. "I need to talk to you Calvin."

"Sure, sure come on in…." but as he gestured into Fin's apartment she took him quite by surprise. Throwing her arms around his neck and hugging tight.

"I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner."

"Hey, hey don't…." he said quietly, softly, her gentle giant cradling her in the security of his broad chest the way she had once comforted him, "… it's no biggie, don't worry."

"I have some things to say to you."

"Would it help if there was coffee?" he offered, twisting the corners of his mouth to a smile and taking the edge of the moment for her.

"That sounds good."

"It's kind of a mess in here. I had the trifecta of tiny insurgents in here this morning and I haven't really had chance to pick up after the carnage."

"The twins and…." smiling fondly Olivia cast her eyes across the sea of toys and then asked, "… and Leni?"

"Yeah, yeah she's the worst, she's the ring leader, she's her mother's…." hesitating, not entirely sure where anything or anyone stood anymore Calvin swallowed, "… double."

"Calvin I'm sorry, I'm sorry that you were going through such a tough time and I didn't see it. I'm sorry that you were battling with how you felt about Texas and Evie and you couldn't talk to me."

"Like you said she's your daughter."

"And she will always be but that doesn't mean that I care any less about you. I love you Calvin and I don't want anything to change between us. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me, like you have to hide anything, to protect me from any of this. Protect Evie, sure, but I want you to be completely honest with me."

"I always am, Livia."

"Texas?"

"What about her?" he asked, handing Olivia a cup of coffee and wondering where to start.

"Texas?" asked Olivia again, the steam from the mug at her lips warming her face along with the smile of pure joy and complete contentment that befell Calvin's face.

"Yeah, yeah Texas."

"I'm happy for you, both of you…." she husked, her eyes tearing lightly, "… from the bottom of my heart, sweetheart."

"There's a lot of noise. There's so much, just, so much. Everything feels up in the air, everything feels completely out of control and uncertain. Apart from her, apart from me and her."

"Yeah?"

"I don't know how we got here. I don't know why it took us so long to get here. I just know that we're here. We're here and it feels right. She's a part of me, Livia, and I'm a part of her. It's not perfect, it's so damn far from that, it's just about the least shiny or perfect thing. It's messy and it's complicated and it's fucking hard…." gulping his coffee, looking at Olivia, trusting her, he shrugged, "… but we need each other."

"Calvin you are just about the kindest, most selfless and completely straightforward person I have ever known. You find yourself in the most complicated situations but you never have been, you're uncomplicated. If you're standing there telling me you're in love with Texas, the two of you are meant to be, that you need each other. I'm listening. I'm hearing you."

"I tried to be honest, I needed to be honest…." he stumbled, "…and that hurt people."

"Yes, yes it did."

"I know that Sammy's cool, Mr S is angry and Evie…."

"Just needs some more time."

"And you?" he dared, setting his cup down on the side and waiting. It felt, just for a second, as though the world continuing to turn hung on whatever she was about to say.

"Me?"

"Can you forgive me?" he shrugged, his eyebrows furrowed deep over a suddenly little boy lost expression. He needed Texas, but he needed Olivia too and she saw just how much in that moment.

"What are you planning on doing now? Next? What's going to happen now?" clearing her throat, finishing her coffee and setting the empty mug down beside his Olivia folded her arms and looked expectantly at him.

"I…."

"Talk me through it."

"I'm giving my all to the car shop with Sammy. I'll put in all the hours it takes to get us off the ground. I'm a good mechanic and I'll work hard. I'll talk to Evie, when she's ready. I'll work around her job, her career, sharing the kids. I'll do everything in my power to give them the best possible life."

"And Texas?" pushed Olivia, her heart clenched. Remembering that freefall, that silence after the bombs went off, that breath baited moment waiting to see if the foundations would support reality. "What about the two of you?"

"We're gonna bury Johnny tomorrow. We're gonna do it together, just me and her."

"Okay…." it wasn't entirely the answer she had imagined, but in truth she had no idea what she had expected he would say.

"I'm gonna love her, Livia."

"Yeah?"

"She needs to trust that the ceiling won't cave in, and the floor won't fall through. She doesn't want much, she never has. She never dreamed of anything bigger, anything more than being safe and being loved and having a family. I'm gonna give her all those things. I'm gonna love Tex like no other fucker has ever loved her, and I'm never gonna let go."

"The answer is no, Cal."

"No?"

"I can't forgive you."

"Right, yeah, that's…." chewing his cheek, looking away, he nodded slowly.

"Because there's nothing to forgive…." whispered Olivia, deep brown eyes wide and adoring as she dipped her gaze to find his, "… not the way I see it."

"I broke your daughter's heart."

"And that is hard, and painful, and complicated and something we're all just gonna have to try to deal with. I just can't hate you for it Calvin. I can't punish you for changed feelings, for growing up, for something you had no power to control. You were honest, you did what you could, you did all you could. You didn't make Evie a fool, and you didn't make Texas an affair. That took courage, sweetheart."

"I thought I was gonna lose you…."

"Calvin?" she said, reaching her hands to his wide shoulders and giving them an affirming shake. "Never, you hear me?"

"Are you okay?" he asked suddenly, catching something behind her eyes.

"Me? Yeah, yeah I'm fine…."

"You're not fine…." he replied simply.

"I…" thrown, caught out, she floundered a moment just staring at him and moving her mouth in wordless shapes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…." then falling quiet, he motioned with his hands, "… come on, come here, let's hug it out. You taught me that."

"I did?" she laughed, tears coming hot and unrelenting the moment her face hit the familiar warmth of his t-shirt. He folded her into his arms and held on tight. He would protect her, he vowed, to the ends of the earth: the way he couldn't protect Vivian.

"Okay, so come on, who made you cry?" he was joking, but there was an undercurrent of deadly intent. "Who needs taking care of?"

"Oh God, no! I'm so embarrassed…." she flushed, pulling away and dabbing at her eyes with her fingers mortified.

"You will never even come close to realising how much you mean to me…." he said, the weight of his words taking her breath away, "…. and I'll go to bat for you every fucking time Livia you know that."

"And I love you very much for that….." calmer now, regathering her composure she smiled wryly "… just please don't hit anyone with it."

"With what?"

"The bat."

"What bat?"

"The….." laughing, inside and then out loud she fell in love with him all over again, "… never mind."

"You hungry?" he said.

"Yeah, yeah I could eat."

"Then lunch is on me…." he decided, grabbing his cell phone and keys and gesturing toward the door.