I finally finished this chapter. It took me a while, as I was not sure about what to do with it.
But thanks to some constructive critique from Pance, I am back on track, and have got an especially long chapter for you guys.
Once again, thank you Pance, for your words, I have finally explained… 'his' part in this. Hope you guys like this chappie, and then next, and maybe last, chapter will be out soon.
Yes, no sequel. It would be too much, and I am slowly losing interest in this story, so I need to get on with it, finish it off well and start a new one soon!
***
Kakashi chocked on his drink, or more specifically, on air. "What!"
His heart stopped beating.
Genma laughed at his friend's face. "I guess she hadn't told you then."
"She told you?!"
"Yeah, she accidentally spat it out about… I don't know how long ago… a couple of months, maybe longer…? She was going to tell you, but then you got called for that mission, and she never got the chance, I don't think."
Kakashi felt his heart start to beat again, it's speed faster than it had ever been. He knew that under his mask, he was smiling happily, his eyes crinkled at the corners, and his eyes bright with glee. He had not been sure, and had always only hoped…
But he had spurred her away.
"Fuck, not again." His head slammed on the table as his mind processed what he had done, again. He seemed to have really bad luck with showing his emotions, and with loving other people. This was why he had hesitated in the first place about Sakura, even though she had had to be the one most treasured thing in his life, and even if he had not known it completely then.
"Again?" Genma asked, shaking his head. "No wonder she went to Kurenai and Anko for help with trying to get to know you. She went to them pretty often, for some reason, and is probably still with them now, talking about it… hey! Where are you going?"
Kakashi dropped his drink, out the door even before his shinobi friend had noticed that he was gone. He had to talk to Sakura before she did anything rash, or before she hated him. From her earlier reaction to him, he guessed that she was well on the way to strongly disliking him, if not hating him. he had caused her a lot of pain, and after the turnout of her past feelings of love, she would be in a bad mood.
And when Sakura was in a bad mood, it was like the sky was falling for him.
***
Sakura gritted her teeth, growling under her breath, glaring at the papers before her. Those small, tightly wrote neat calligraphy had her worrying, rereading them, and nervously pacing while reading them, over and over again. She never knew how much trouble a couple of pages of legal work would cause her. She paced to the end of her office, and then back to the door, before spinning on her heel, and briskly marching back to the wall, before repeating.
"You don't have to sign them, you know?"
Anko leant up against the edge of the wall, her short, lean body and posture making her look like she was only there for the entertainment, as she looked faintly amused by Sakura's dilemma. Kurenai sat in the spare chair that Sakura had in her office, watching Sakura pace as well. She spoke up then, agreeing with her unlikely friend.
"Anko-san is right." Kurenai kept her voice gentle, and soothing. She had gone home, and upon seeing no Sakura there, went out to try and find her to talk to the girl about Kakashi. She had found Sakura curled up in a tree at the training grounds, looking miserable and depressed and her face marked with drying trails of water and red eyes from crying.
After talking and hugging the girl, Kurenai had managed to convince Sakura that there was hope for her in her shinobi career. Sakura had been positive that her career as a shinobi would fail, as she would find it hard to work with Kakashi in Team Kakashi after what had happened. Hell, she thought that living in the village and having the same career as him was going to be a challenge, let alone working with him. When Kurenai suggested full time ANBU missions, Sakura had declined, on the belief that she would only become more stressed by the full time missions, and knowing Naruto, by the continuing harassment for them to be on the same ANBU team again, like Team Seven.
The option that Anko came up with: a move, or mission in an ally village.
Sakura, knowing that it was the best decision, and that the Kazekage had requested some assistance with his medical program, had wrote down a formal request to the Hokage top ask if she could go the Suna, for a long term mission in boosting and building up Suna's medical system. She had used excuse's such as, 'I feel like this will advance my skills and leadership,' and 'this opportunity will provide me with the information and knowledge to improve our own system, while also giving me a chance to prove myself and strengthen the ties between the Village Hidden in the Sand and the Leaf Village.'
She knew that if she pushed enough, Tsunade would grant her it, as a favour to her apprentice, and also to give Sakura a chance to experience things.
But she was not sure if it was what she wanted.
Cue her friends' argument.
"You could always stay here, and kick Hatake's ass until he realises that you are… well… you." Anko trailed off, while trying to use a positive descriptive word for Sakura. She then coughed, trying not to laugh at Sakura and Kurenai's disapproving expressions.
"Thanks a lot Anko-san. You really are too kind." Sakura scowled, not convinced in the slightest.
"You could stay here. Then you would be close to your friends." Kurenai's words hit a soft spot in Sakura's argument.
"Yeah, think of that blond idiot pal of yours, and those other friends of yours. How you got even more than one, I'll never know."
"Once again, thanks Anko, you really know me that well."
"Just stay." Anko was firm. "If you think that you will be happier here. But if that idiot Hatake bothers you too much, then go. Whatever works for you."
Kurenai smiled in agreement, and Sakura gave them a grateful grin. "Thank you, you guys… I might go home to my apartment now, I can grab the keys off Shizune. She'll take pity on me." Sakura planned, and then glanced out the window, to see that it was already just before sunset. The day had been long and tiring, but had gone fast now that it was over.
"Sure thing." Anko gave a mocking salute, and then grinned, planning in her head, and looking mischievous. "I think that I might visit the bar tonight… have a bit of fun… see what fresh meat is on the market…"
Sakura coughed, looking faintly pale at Anko's 'plan' for the night, and the terms that she used for the male gender.
Kurenai smiled, laughing. "I think I might join you on that. Genma and others will already be there, and hopefully Shizune might come along. I know that Ino will drag Shikamaru out there, and probably Kiba and some other younger crowd out too."
"Aww… so cute…" Anko said sarcastically, "Kurenai is going to a bar to keep an eye out on her former students…"
Kurenai just shook her head, smiling, and said goodbye to Sakura as Anko pushed off the wall and walked out of Sakura's office, with a backwards hand wave goodbye to Sakura. Kurenai paused at the door, and then turned back to have a quick word with the pink haired woman.
"Kakashi has always had problems with showing affection and love… he thinks that he is cursed, because that everyone that got close to him seems to get hurt, and dies." Kurenai explained quickly, under her breath to the younger woman. She knew that Kakashi would not be happy with her for telling someone the private information, but it was an emergency.
"So… when we were gennin, the reason that he never told us anything about himself was because he did not want us to get close to him." Sakura deduced, guessing at what Kurenai was getting at.
"Yes." Kurenai smiled. "His whole act of ignoring you and acting cold is probably just that. An act. To try and protect you from his 'curse'."
Sakura looked thoughtful, before speaking up. "Then why does he not take a chance. What is the point of pushing those close to him away, and then losing them. It does not make sense."
Kurenai gave a sad, understanding smile. "You were born in a different time remember Sakura-chan. We grew up during a time of war. We have seen horrible things, and done horrible things. We have lost so many people, Kakashi especially. It's just his way of coping with the pain, and building up a wall to protect himself from it. In a way, he is showing that he cares for you, by trying to stop you from being hurt." Her tone turned positive, and encouraging. "Think of it in that way."
Sakura nodded, and then smiled taking in what the older woman had said… but the smile faded as Kurenai had left. As much as she wanted to understand, and be able to hold on for Kakashi, she knew that she could not deal with another Sasuke case. It would hurt her too much. She did have some sense of self preservation. So she was back to where she started.
She still had no idea of what to do.
And she felt like she was running out of time to decide.
Sakura got up from her chair, and opened the door again, for her to walk out. She shut it behind her, and locked it, looking in to check that she had everything that she wanted from the desk. A few papers were lying on it, but nothing that she needed to grab. Dawdling down the hall, and procrastinating as much as possible, Sakura grimaced as she looked into Shizune's office, to see that there was a blond woman, with high heel shoes on, standing inside and bending over to talk to Shizune.
She opened the door slowly, and stood at the frame, waiting for the Hokage and her assistant to stop talking. Shizune looked up and smiled, waving for Sakura to come in further.
"Hey Sakura-chan. I didn't know that you are back to work?!"
"I'm not…" Sakura gave a small nervous smile, it fading as soon as it appeared on her face. "Um…"
"What can I do for you? Tsunade and I are just talking, but it is nothing too important, and we can get back to it in a sec, if you want?" Shizune's voice was warm, and had not a speck of annoyance in it at all.
Sakura smiled back, much more successfully than what she had been before. "That would be good. It will only take a sec."
Tsunade coughed, and then gave Sakura a strong, firm, pointed look. "Hurry it up, Sakura. You said that it would take a second, so go."
"I need the key to my apartment."
Tsunade scowled, her eyes firm and unmovable, while Shizune flinched, and gave the pink haired woman a pitiful, apologetic look.
"No."
Sakura nodded patiently, already seeing this answer when she saw Tsunade in the office with Shizune. "I need to get my stuff."
"No. Kakashi should have gotten it." Tsunade was fixed in her thoughts.
"But Lady Tsunade-" Shizune tried…
"No."
"You know Kakashi." Shizune pleaded, knowing the woman's dislike of Kakashi's attitude.
"Hm."
"He wouldn't have actually gotten it, knowing him. He would have been reading that book somewhere instead."
"Hmmm…"
"I bet that he was late in picking Sakura up anyway."
"He never turned up to be precise." Sakura corrected, her tone fuming and offended, still, by the slight.
"Get the key, and go."
Sakura smiled at the shocked Shizune, and the enraged Hokage, feeling a slight twinge of pity for the silver haired shinobi, before grinning, and thanking them, grabbing the key, and leaving. As unhappy as she was, she still found the energy to laugh at the thought of the Copy Nin's face when he found out.
"Kakashi is in sooo much trouble when he sees them…"
***
Walking down the road, not looking where she was going at all, a young pink haired woman strode calmly back to her apartment, her keys in hand, jingling in a light pattern with her steps. She held a piece of paper in her hand, that she was reading, for the sixty third time.
She still hadn't made up her mind.
'You're procrastinating…' Sakura's inner thought smugly, full against the idea of taking the mission to go away.
'So?'
'You want to stay.'
'No I don't.'
'Yes you do.'
'No I don't.'
Her inner laughed, shaking her head at her outer's stupidity. 'I am you. And trust me, I know that you want to stay.'
'I don't know…'
Sakura scrunched up the piece of paper in her hand, walking with only one thought in mind.
"How did I end up in such a position?"
She spoke out loud, glaring ahead at the trees, as she walked by the ninja academy to her apartment. She did not know how she managed to always fall for the wrong guys. It wasn't like she wanted to get hurt by them, every single time. She wasn't a masochist.
"You always fall for the wrong guy for you."
Sakura blinked, and her back straightened like a poker, as she looked to her side, and at the tall, dark haired man beside her. She shook her head at him, glaring at him.
"Not true. You were fine… the very best guy that a girl could date. You were courteous, kind, intelligent, gave me chocolates, kissed very well…"
He looked at her, his eyes sad, and his mouth turned up into a sad smile. "Thank you Sakura… but we know that we never would have worked out. We are better as good friends, and we both know that."
Sakura gave a bitter laugh. "Yeah, I was too strong minded, and stubborn for your clan."
Pale eyes regarded her, as Neji smirked at her, seeing what she wanted to say, but couldn't.
"No, trust me. You are an amazing kunoichi, and they saw that. But my uncle has seen you around with Ino-san, and Hinata, and he knows that you would have never fit in with what the clan would have wanted. You would hate to be constrained by restrictions, and have to leave behind everything that you worked for. You knew that, and I did too. We both could see that, and we both agreed to end our relationship, on a good note."
Sakura sighed. "You are right. You always are."
"Hn."
"I just wish…"
The Hyuuga smiled softly, looking out at the warm colours of the sunset, as the oranges and yellows and pinks began fading into purples and violets and deep blues. He looked like something out of a dream, or some perfect panting. Angel like, and perfect.
"I do too. But…"
"There is always a 'but' in our relationship."
"Exactly."
Sakura gave him a quick hug, and thanked him softly for his help in sorting out her mind. She healed the bruises on his face carefully, not asking where he had gotten them. It was his business, and after he had just comforted her, she did not want to be rude and nosy into his life and missions. He would tell her, in time, if he wanted her to know. He always did.
As Sakura walked away from him, her heart lighten from the talk, Neji watched, his pale eyes seeing through her appearance, and seeing how much she wanted a relationship to work out.
"He will come."
Neji thought about the fight that they had over her 'happiness', and how he had seen Kakashi flee from the bar, going straight to Sakura's apartment to find her. And how long the silver haired shinobi, who always kept others waiting and never waited for anyone, had been there sitting at her window.
"He already has committed, even if he knows it, or not."
***
Ha ha…
Now, can you guess the next chapter?
R and R…
