Disclaimer: Still don't own Bones and yes I am still ranting yada yada… (You know the rest. ;-)

Chapter 28 Foreign – I am Powerless

Saturday Morning

It was 4am and he was just getting in from his meeting. It was a good thing he had seen himself in that window and called Hank. It was also a good thing Hank understood what had happened and knew where he could find a meeting at that time of the morning. It was also a good thing Jenny was a loving supportive wife and knew Hank had been Booth's sponsor in the past.

He thought about what he had said when he had stood "My name is Seeley and I am powerless over gambling my life has become unmanageable again. It has been 1 hour since I last gambled. Before that it had been six years." He had thought he would never have to add anything like that last sentence. He had thought he had it all under control. How wrong he had been.

As he was stripping off his clothes and sliding into bed he thought of how foreign his life had become in less than twelve hours. How foreign it had been to eat with Bones and be uncomfortable. How foreign it had been to call her Bones. How foreign it had been to relapse.

Yeah that had been a hard one. One he was having a hard time with. What an ass hole he had been. To get drunk just enough to allow himself to lose control and gamble. What if he hadn't called Hank, what if he had just kept on? Stop it Seeley, he told himself. What had Hank said about relapse? Oh yeah it was sometimes a part of recovery. Well it was a part of recovery he could do without Thank. You. Very. Much. He was full of so much self loathing right now… Feel, Deal and the Heal, yeah feel it, deal with it and then heal from it. He could do that. Sure just for today he had to be willing to get rid of the life he had planned and wanted with her and find the life that was waiting for him. That life that was foreign to him, just for today one day at a time.

He had thought of what he had told her about moving forward but knew in his heart he never would. He would now spend the rest of his life as her partner without the possibility of anything more. He would sit by and watch as she dated other men just as she had in the past. Men who didn't deserve her, and he would pick up the pieces just as he had in the past, he would be her partner, her best friend. Always the best man never the groom.

For the first time since he was a young boy he turned on his side and crushed his pillow to his chest and let the hot tears flow unchecked. Men weren't supposed to cry, but a future without Bones in it was foreign to him.

B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B&B

Poor Booth I tried to show how his gambling might be an issue because he wanted to feel like a winner again after Sweets tied his taking a chance with her to him being a gambler. It was probably the most unprofessional and underhanded things I have ever seen someone in his position do. How could Sweets encourage Booth with something he was addicted to (gambling on her taking a chance) knowing he would take the bait and if he lost it could trigger problems with his addiction? Every time you think the Baby Duck is beginning to grow up he goes and does something so stupid and unprofessional.

Nyre

Next - Sorrow