Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Huge thank you for the reviews, it's really a great motivator :P

As for the story, still giving nothing away but I'm kind of excited to get the next few chapters out. :P

Happy reading!

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It had been odd waking up in the Cullen's guest room rather than my own bed, especially without Edward there. However, I couldn't feel unhappy at his absence because our day and night before had been a world of fun.

Alice had spent most the night altering anything she could get her nimble hands on. My wardrobe had been revamped and styled to perfection. I knew I wouldn't get much use out of it since I was still growing in more ways than one, but most of the pieces would fit me for another few months if not a year.

The spare clothes that either couldn't be altered or I didn't want changed were hanging in the depths of Alice's wardrobe waiting for me to take them back to my home and hang them back in my wardrobe. There wasn't much that had survived Alice's make over but key pieces such as my white and yellow flowered sundress had been left aside. It held too many memories of Chicago, Florida, and Texas. I couldn't face changing it in anyway. Alice had questioned my refusal a little as she adored the floral pattern around the neckline, but when I explained she left it aside. It was a little harder to explain my aversion to the violet dress I had bought on my second visit to Chicago.

It still had blood stains and dirt splattered across its surface. Alice had gasped when she saw the sight and turned to me with questions burning in her eyes. I was almost certain that she could smell the nightmarish memories embedded in the fabrics fibres. However, when she saw my face she gently placed the dress aside and tried to inject some humour and light fun back into the evening.

I adored her for that.

The fact she hadn't pushed me to unlock those feelings again, even though her curiosity itched for her to ask, was enough for me to value my friendship with her even more than I had before.

There was however one dress that caught her attention more than all the others, the Newalk Asylum dress. It had been bundled at the bottom of the small pile so I had overlooked it at first. I had looked at her warily when she had held the dress out in front of her to study every aspect.

Part of me had felt that maybe she might have remembered something by seeing such a prominent object from her past. It was a duplicate of the dress she would have worn herself, yet no recognition flashed in her eyes. Instead she had turned to me and asked me how I had come to own such a garment.

I sighed as I remembered our conversation.

"Sarelle, why didn't you tell us you have been in an asylum before?" Alice's voice was incredulous as she thumbed the sack dress, eyeing the printed name.

"It's not a time I enjoy reminiscing about, although it wasn't all bad." I sighed as I took the dress from her, remembering Aslo and our odd relationship, then Mary and her endless lust for life. It was such a temptation to just tell Alice of her past self but I knew such a rash actions wasn't one to be carried out on a whim. She hadn't expressed any desire to know about her past, but I promised myself that if she ever showed the desire to learn I would tell her everything I knew, even if it wasn't all good.

Alice's eyed me with suspicion and I could only guess what she was thinking, 'how many more secrets is she hiding?' I never wanted to purposefully hide things from the Cullens, they were what I now considered to be my family but surely within family's there was things that were hidden.

I didn't want them knowing the whole ugly truth of what I had experienced. I had survived long enough without people knowing every detail, not even Aslo knew and he had been the one to hold me as I suffered through the aftermath of the most recent.

The Cullens were my fresh start and I wanted it to stay that way, fresh and clean and untarnished.

"I was ten when I arrived. In a way I created my own reason for being there. I screamed about the night warden being a vampire." I chuckled darkly as I thought of mine and Aslo's first meeting. It hadn't been a conventional start to a friendship, but a friendship it became nonetheless.

"Why would you do that?" Alice asked confused and she sat cross legged on her large cream bed.

"Well, he was one. So it seemed the right thing to do at the time. I was terrified after what I had witnessed with Carlisle. My introduction to vampirism wasn't exactly a pleasant one remember." I smiled slightly at Alice as her eyes showed understanding and surprise.

"Who was he? You've never mentioned him."

"Aslo and he turned out to be a great friend. Really it was wrong of me to never have mentioned him; he doesn't deserve to be unknown after everything he's done for me." Alice's eyes became puzzled again.

"He gives me money every month, so the small fortune I have is due to his kindness. He's been alive for over five hundred years so he's got quite a large bank balance."

"What was he like? How did you become friends if you nearly revealed him to the other humans? How did you even learn to trust him if you were so scared of what he was?" Alice's questions bubbled from her mouth rapidly and I smiled at her curiosity. It was nice being able to talk to her about Aslo. In a way it felt like I was telling her about her past, even though I knew she didn't realise. I thought that maybe if I told her about Aslo now it wouldn't seem such a shock when she eventually found out his relation to her.

"Well really to answer any of those questions I have to explain that the asylum held no similarity to the normal world. Everything was distorted either by drugs or just the constant state of darkness they kept you in. Aslo broke the darkness. He stayed with me when my mind was too poisoned to function. He'd sit with the door open to break the darkness that I hated so much. I refused to talk to him properly at first, but after time, and his persistence, I grew to understand he wasn't the ruthless, feral killer that had attacked Carlisle. Believe me, he was no angel, I knew that. I noticed that every week or so his eyes would glow red before they dulled to a maroon. I knew he killed humans to survive, but in that place it didn't seemed to really register in my mind." For some peculiar reason I felt my eyes get misty at the memories of Aslo. They had seemed so bleak at the time given my living state, but now as I looked back he had done so much for me, I couldn't imagine what I would have become without him.

Images of Emily Short flashed through my mind. The way Mrs Mills had bound her to the point of causing the ropes to cut into her skin, the glassy daze of her eyes and the screams I would hear coming from her room. Aslo saved me from all these things, how could a simple 'thank you' ever suffice to show my gratitude?

"He had red eyes?" Alice gasped, clearly thinking me insane for spending hours within a small room with a traditional vampire.

"He was very careful with me, never got too close. However, last time I saw him he had fallen in love with a patient. I'd never seen him happier, or more in control of his nature. He's a great man. If I knew a way of contacting him I would have loved for you all to meet him."I grinned when I thought of Aslo meeting the Cullens. He had obviously liked Carlisle the first time he met him, he'd called him a 'visionary' in his sketch book.

"I have a picture of him, if you want to see. I think it's of us together on my second jump to the asylum." I rummaged through my belongings that were currently buried in my travel bag since Alice had made me bring everything here.

As I passed Alice the few photos I had of Aslo and myself I held my breath. Part of me hoped she would recognise him. That somewhere in her psyche there was a remnant of Mary screaming for her to remember.

I held back the photos of Alice and Aslo together. Those would be saved for another time. A time when I was certain it would be what she wanted.

Alice's eyes narrowed at the image of Aslo and I together, and I leant forward on the bed, waiting for her to look up with recognition in her eyes. Just a flicker of remembrance was all I needed.

That wasn't what was there when she looked up, instead it was alarm.

"Sarelle. Have you seen yourself in these photos? What happened to you? You're in that violet dress." She shoved the photo under my nose and I gulped against the lump that formed at the sight before me.

It was odd to finally see what Aslo and Alice had seen when I was around them in the asylum. I hadn't looked at myself that night and had soon washed and changed when I jumped to Belmore, nearly a year and a half ago.

I had never seen the battered form of myself. It was a horrid sight of tear streaked cheeks, blood marked clothes, unkempt hair and blemished skin.

It was an odd contrast placed next to the happy eyes and quiet smile of my expression.

Then again, when I looked closer, the eyes- although shining- held a ghost of fear and the smile- although present- looked almost uncomfortable.

It was clear in the picture that I was only happy on the surface, that I was hiding my true feelings even from myself.

I sighed and tossed the picture aside with the other objects, shifting off the bed to pick up plain black vest top I had gotten from Florida.

"Don't you think this would look better with a bit of accessorising?" I held it out to Alice, my voice carrying the same tone it had with Aslo when he first asked what was wrong. Light, ordinary, but forced.

"Sarelle, what are you hiding from us?"

I stared in the vanity mirror, spying Alice watching me cautiously from the bed.

All of a sudden I saw the face from the photo imprinted on my own, scratches, nail marks, and red bruises marring my creamy skin in a hideous manner.

My fingers traced over my skins surface as if I expected the bruises to still hurt. As if I thought I would still feel the nail marks embedded on my skin.

There was nothing there physically, but I knew it was all still present under the surface – emotionally.

"Alice, I love you like a sister but there are some things I just can't tell you. Not yet. Maybe not ever. It's just a flaw caused by being human." I smiled weakly and Alice's eyes softened from her worry.

"So you want this accessorised, do you? I'm thinking something sparkly." I grinned as Alice set about stitching an intricate corsage of pearls and diamantes onto the boring black top.

"Something sparkly sounds perfect. Thank you, Alice." I passed back to her side and leant my head against her hard shoulder, watching her hands work sinuously with the fabric.

"Hey, what are sister's for."Alice said, and I smiled at the simplicity of the words. There was nothing flashy or pretentious about her statement, it was just a perfect statement of affection. Exactly what I needed.

I exited the memory and came back to present time.

Today had passed quickly. I had spent most of it playing piano and reading. It was nice to indulge in some of the activities I had done before I met the Cullens. Even just helping Esme with breakfast and lunch had been a fun experience.

It was evening now, the night before Edward returns tomorrow. I had a strange feeling of anticipation racing through my veins when I thought of seeing him. It had made me jiggle on the sofa much to Alice's annoyance since she had been trying to paint my toe nails blood red. She had vowed that tonight would be a girlie night in, manicures, pedicures and other pampering experiences that I had never heard of.

Esme had created a wonderful array of snack food, ranging from popsicles, crisps, popcorn and something Alice called a virgin Cosmopolitan, which in turn was just cranberry juice, lemon juice, and a drop of lemonade.

We had listened to the latest chart on the radio and just indulged in our time without the men. Even Rosalie was there quietly in the background, although I saw her disappear after a while.

Alice and I were dancing around the living room as the music played, wearing the t-shirts we had designated as 'relax wear' from my old clothes. It was a strange kind of happiness I felt, knowing Alice had something of mine as her own now and that we shared clothes, even though they were old ones. I was having fun, but being human there were certain things that couldn't be avoided.

"Alice, dance break. Humanity's caught up with me." I grinned and bounced out the room up to the bathroom.

Alice had dropped her questions over Aslo and what had happened to me, much to my relief. I was also glad to see that she hadn't mentioned anything to Rosalie or Esme, not that I thought Rosalie would show any interest in anything related to me.

Speak of the devil...I thought as I exited the bathroom and saw Rosalie standing staring out the window out over the forest's tree tops.

The sky was darkening outside to a deep blue but the tree stops feathered into the blue, creating an intricate ebony pattern.

I glanced at Rosalie as she stared straight ahead, ignoring that I was even nearby. It was infuriating that she was still being so difficult. Everyone else in the family had made an effort and accepted me, but she was being so obnoxious and stubborn.

Perhaps now was the time to make an effort, push the barrier that we had somehow built between us. I didn't want to fight, but maybe if I took the step forward and asked her about herself then it would reduce some of the tension our acquaintance held. According to Edward she was vain and therefore 'The Life of Rosalie' was her favourite topic of conversation.

"It's a nice night, isn't it?" I started politely.

'If you say so.' Was her limited response.

"So, how did you meet Emmett?" I asked as I edged towards the window she was staring out of. I didn't look at her; it was intimidating enough talking to her without looking at her excruciating beauty.

"A bear attacked him and I brought him to be changed by Carlisle." Her voice was stiff and tense as she replied to my question. She didn't bother looking at me or even showing any interest in following the conversation. Why would she? She didn't want me here and she made it cruelly clear.

"And Carlisle changed you?" I had been curious about the means of her change, mainly because I wanted to know if she really was the 'Rose' that I had tried to save when I was just a thirteen year old girl.

"Yes, Sarelle. Carlisle changed me. In Rochester, 1933. Now stop trying to make conversation with me because I'm not interested." She flicked her hair and went to head back to the room where Esme and Alice were waiting to pamper and gossip, however they were now standing warily watching in the hallway.

"Rosalie," Esme's voice warned but Rosalie didn't seem effected by it. Meanwhile, I felt my mind whirring with the confirmation that she was truly the girl I had tried to save, tried and failed. Did that make it my fault that she was this way?

"No Esme, I'm not going to just accept her like you all have. You're all too blinded by Edward being happy that you don't understand. She will only bring trouble." Rosalie's hateful eyes turned on me, but I refused to shrink away from her glare. I wanted to understand what caused her dislike of me and if it meant enduring a fight to do so then I would. I had fought and taken pain for her, the least she owed me was an explanation even if she didn't realise what I had given her. Even if she didn't know how much hurt I had inflicted on myself to try and save her from enduring the same torment I had with Ashton. Of course, I hadn't succeeded and instead I had only added to the bank of dark memories in my mind.

"Rosalie, I don't know what I've done to offend you, in fact I have tried my best to either stay out of your way or at least be civil. Why can't you do the same?" I could feel my body reacting to the anger slowly building in me; my hands were already starting to act out the frustration I felt at our tense relationship.

Alice looked between me and Rosalie from her place beside Esme, worry on her face.

"Sarelle, just leave it. Come on let's do a facial." She smiled trying to lighten the mood but the mood had already been altered beyond repair. There was no going back now, I didn't even want to. I deserved an explanation from Rosalie whether it was something I wanted to hear or not.

"No, Alice, I'm sorry but I want to hear what she has to say." I smiled weakly in apology at Alice, while she pouted at having her plans disrupted. I hated upsetting her. She had been so excited about our sleepover and girlie night in and now I had effectively ruined it. She was my best friend and I wanted her to be happy but this was something that was unavoidable. It either happened now or when the situation had grown to be worse.

"Come on, Rosalie, for the first time in your life get off your high horse and explain yourself," I hissed as I spun to look Rosalie dead in the eye.

"You want to know why I can't smile and play happy families?" She said in a sugar sweet tone, her hand on her hip as she challenged me.

I nodded, crossing my arms in determination.

"OK, it's simple. I don't want you here, Sarelle. You could ruin everything. Firstly, are you really ignorant enough to not realise the danger you're putting yourself in? And secondly, what about the danger you're putting all of us in? Can you even comprehend that level of risk in your human mind?" Her voice held a cold sharp edge and I shook my head at her words.

"I may be human, Rosalie, but I can still understand. In fact, I know a lot more than you assume. I know that this isn't easy on you, things changing, but I'm not going anywhere voluntarily, I don't want to. So it looks like you're going to have to deal with it and stop acting like a child." Rosalie just scoffed at my words, as if they were meaningless. As if I was meaningless. I hated that she assumed I was 'just a human', just some girl that had fallen for Edward's appearance like all the others. She had no idea what I had been through. She had no idea how I felt about Edward. She didn't know that he was like my ray of sunshine keeping the nightmares away, or that he helped to heal me. I had been so broken when I first arrived in Belmore, and through the months of living alone I had just buried my bad memories deep down but with Edward I wasn't burying them, I was erasing them. He soothed my soul and there was no way I was going to leave him or run scared because of her.

"You know what, we're not that different you and me, Rosalie." I smirked at her as her eyebrows shot up in disbelief.

" Ha! Really? You think you have anything in common with me?" Her eyes narrowed in a glare and I felt my body surge with the need to wipe the look off her face.

"You lost a whole lifestyle, that whole happy ending. Well I'm exactly the same. I may never stop jumping so I will never have the chance to settle down with someone for the rest of my life. I will never be able to spend my life with someone, getting married, having kids, dying by their side. I will have none of that. At least you get Emmett and forever with him. A day is going to come when I will have to leave Edward. Can you imagine being torn from Emmett?"

Her loathing eyes faltered and I knew I had hit a soft spot. She adored Emmett with every inch of her stone body that much was clear.

"Your situation may be similar but our circumstances are very different. You have no idea the pain I have endured," she growled and her voice was deadly. I saw Alice and Esme exchanging nervous glances but then Alice's face cleared and became unfocussed. In a second her gasp sounded in the room, her eyes focussing on me.

I barely noticed her pitying look. I was too focussed on Rosalie. On the incredible beauty that seared my skin with her eyes and made my throat ache to shout and scream, anything to make her realise and understand that we had so much more in common than she thought. I knew what I had to do, and although just thinking of it made my mind numb and bile rise in my throat at the memories, I knew it was the only way forward. I took steady steps towards her, staring into her burning eyes until I was a mere metre from her fuming body.

"You weren't the only girl there that night, Rosalie. So believe me I know exactly what you have endured. In fact, I endured it twice and I survived, so stop clinging to it as a reason to set us apart, because in reality it's just another thing that joins us." As soon as the words left my lips I heard Esme, gasp and whimper against the realisation of what had happened to me. She treated me like a daughter and I could imagine the hurt she must feel that I had endured such an assault and never mentioned anything of the pain that hid deep down in my psyche.

I glanced at Alice and her eyes were filled with pain, pity and sympathy. Now she knew the story behind the violet dress, and it certainly wasn't a fairytale.

My eyes turned back to Rosalie and her face barely reformed the blank mask she usually wore. It was twisted with astonishment and I felt some kind of sick satisfaction that I had finally gotten a reaction other than disdain and anger.

I didn't care that the price I had to pay to get such a reaction was to dredge up the past memories of Ashton, Royce, and his sick minded friends.

"You... You were there?" Rosalie gasped and looked with startled eyes towards Esme and Alice, as if looking for my words to be denied and revealed as a lie or joke. I laughed but it was dark and tainted with bitterness. She really thought that I would lie about such a thing? She hated the idea of me proving her to know less than she thought so much that she would rather disbelieve what I told her, or assume that I would say such a thing just to get closer to her.

"I tried to stop them; I even threw bricks at a couple, but it wasn't enough. They were too strong, Royce and his gang of rich sycophants." My bitterness got lost in the torment of reliving the memory. I felt Esme's motherly arms wrap around my body, stemming the tremors.

I felt numb and my mind was just in a constant replay of the worst nights of my life while Alice and Esme led me into the living room, sitting me on the sofa. Alice held my hand tightly and Esme placed a comforting kiss on the top of my head as Rosalie settled her stunned body onto the sofa opposite.

"I can't remember you." Rosalie's voice was soft and I let out a shaky breath before looking up into her repentant eyes.

"I'm not surprised. You fell unconscious shortly after, but I remember it all, Rosalie.... Every excruciating detail, and I begged them to stop but...but they didn't. They forced me ...held my face and body....forcing me to watch. It was too much because it had happened before and the.... memories...God the memories.....they all merged." My voice lost its strength and became just strained whispers, battling to escape my constricted throat.

"When they were done with you they threw me down next to your body.... You looked so....so broken, all I could think to do was hold your hand and pray you would be OK, that someone would come and save you. You just looked so... helpless." The tears started to escape my eyes as I fought to bury the memories back down before they cut away too much of the barrier I had formed to keep them hidden. For my own sanity I had to hide them, for better or worse.

"I'm sorry, Rosalie. That I couldn't stop them." My body collapsed into my hands and I let out a groan of anguish and frustration. I had fought this before but now I had told someone and it seemed so much harder to bury it all when I knew that it would always be in their minds when they looked at me. Their pity for me would hide behind their irises and act like a constant reminder to me. I didn't want that, but at the same time finally having Rosalie understand and know about the history we shared made me feel like I didn't have to cope with it alone.

I felt cold arms fold around my shaking body and I whimpered slightly as I leant into the touch.

"Call me Rose." Her soft voice helped to mend the pain and stitch up the wall around the memories.

I could feel her reliving the memories in the same way I had, the only difference was that her body didn't show tears, it could only hold onto mine as we battled our demons together.

We stayed this way in silence for an immeasurable amount of time. Alice and Esme just stayed by our side, offering some comfort as we healed in our little bubble.

Eventually, our bodies calmed and I peeled away from Rose, wiping away the tear streaks on my cheeks.

"Can you forgive me for my behaviour? If I had known..." Rose said, looking between me and her hands. Our relationship still wouldn't be like mine and Alice's, or mine and Esme's, but I felt that it wouldn't be what it was before either.

"We aren't the ones who should be asking forgiveness. It should be them." I hissed.

"Don't worry, they begged for it when I paid them a visit." Rose's eyes glinted with a menacing light.

"Revenge?"

"I saved Royce for last. I wanted to have him cowering in fear like the coward he is. I got what I wanted. He was hiding inside a windowless room behind a thick steel door, guarded by armed men outside, when I finally came for him. I was overly theatrical. I wore a wedding dress I'd stolen for the occasion. He screamed when he saw me before. I relished that scream, the ice cold fear in it. He screamed a lot that night. I don't consider myself a cruel person, Sarelle, but I revelled in his torture, just as he had indulged in mine."

"I promised him revenge would come his way, but I wish I had the chance to exact my own."

"I'm sorry I judged you, Sarelle. Does Edward know?" Rose asked softly.

"No, I couldn't bear telling him. I didn't want him to look at me differently, but now, well you all know, I can't imagine it will stay quiet for long."

"He loves you, Sarelle, I may not fully understand it but it's impossible to doubt." Rose smiled sheepishly, I understood that her deep routed fears of change wouldn't change overnight, but I was glad that now we were past the wall.

"This isn't going to change anything," Esme said as she rubbed comforting patterns on my back. I couldn't say that I fully believed her but I offered her a small smile in thanks for her confidence.

"How did you cope without telling anyone?" Alice asked, her eyes watching me with sincere curiosity.

"Well, one person knew, about the first time. It happened in Texas. Jasper's comrade got too drunk and well....Anyway Jasper was my hero that night, unfortunately he wasn't there the second time around."

"I take it you haven't told Jasper about this," Alice said.

"I don't want people to know. I prefer just hiding it away, forgetting about it. I wouldn't have told Rose but, well, let's just say it came out in the heat of the moment," I gave Rose a shy smile which she returned.

"Edward would want to know." Rose persisted and I knew she was right, deep down. However, my pride wouldn't let me just reveal such a thing, not when it showed such weakness. The very thought of opening myself up in such a way was uncomfortable. It wasn't that I didn't trust and love Edward, but I didn't trust myself to be able to be strong enough again. Telling Rosalie, Alice and Esme had been hard enough and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go through it again.

"I know he would, but how could anything but negativity come from him knowing. He'll just find some way to blame himself and I can't have that happening." They couldn't deny that. The whole family knew of Edward's tendency to find self blame.

"Sarelle, we won't say anything, promise, it's your choice, sweetie." Esme's voice wiped away my worries and I sighed as the remnants of the nightmare dissipated from my mind, like storm clouds clearing to reveal blue sky.

"Thank you, Esme. I'm sorry; this probably wasn't how you saw this evening going, Alice." I smiled apologetically and Alice shrugged her shoulders.

"It's no big deal. We have forever to pamper and gossip; sometimes things just need to be let out. We can still stay up if you want."

"I think I'm just going to go to bed. Put the monsters to sleep." I ran my hand through my hair, letting go of the last ounce of tension.

I stood from the sofa and the rest followed.

Esme took me into her arms, stroking my hair like my mother used to before letting me go to be claimed by Alice's tight hug.

I moved towards the doorway but Rosalie stepped forward, offering me a small hug. It wasn't much but it was more than I had ever hoped for.

I climbed the stairs in a trance, heading towards my bedroom.

I glanced at the neatly made plush white bed and then to the open door of Edward's room.

I couldn't sleep there, but I wanted something that reminded me of him. I was so used to sleeping beside him but even if that wasn't the case, I needed him near me tonight to keep the nightmares away.

I padded into his room and picked up the used pale grey shirt that lay folded over the back of the leather couch. The cotton felt soft under my fingertips and I brought it up to my nose, inhaling the divine scent of him that clung to the fabric.

I sighed and padded back to my room, undressing down to my underwear and slipping the shirt over my body, fastening up a few buttons before climbing into bed.

Snuggling down into the pillow to sleep bathing in Edward fragrance as always.

A/N: Review?

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