Chapter 28. On love: A Reason To Fight
The morning was soft and golden when Otabek woke up. Sunlight fell through the shutter he hadn't bothered to close when the had woken up and switched off the light tonight. He hadn't wanted to wake Yuri up. Yuri, who laid beside him now, his long lashes casting an ivory shadow on his cheeks. The dust sparkled in the air, levitating like golden glitter, dancing, the only indicator for the flow of time that was viscid like honey and just as sweet. The young man's scent caressed Otabek's nose tip and lips and heart, his relaxed features kept him calm. The Kazakh smiled, didn't even notice. He didn't feel hot or cold or hungry or tired, all he felt was bliss, pure bliss, not more not less, but that bliss contained so much more, feelings like hope and glee and love and love and even more love. He didn't dare to move, just looked at Yuri, his sweet Yuratchka, with this calmly beating heart and whitegold-spun hair and shining skin, so peaceful, so peaceful. The lashes fluttered like wind on autumn grass and gave way to the tourmalines, green, blue, mottled, shimmering, "Good morning", so beautiful.
"Good morning", he replied, finally realizing his smile and it felt natural, for the first time in his life maybe.
Yuri smiled back at him, then yawned. Just like a cat would do, stretched just like a cat would do and cuddled closer like only he did, bonywhitewarm.
Still smiling Otabek hugged him tightly, breathed kisses on the golden hair, one after the other, closing his eyes in awe, opened them again to watch the dust dancing. His fairy was dozing off a little and he enjoyed it, reminding himself that it was the last time for who-knew-how-long, but the thought didn't hurt or scare him. He didn't worry about the future, not now. The only thing he could do was enjoy this moment. It looked a lot like Yuri felt the same way.
After some more minutes Yuri yawned once again and looked up at him, sleepy and content. "I'll miss that", he said. His wiry physique stretched up to place a kiss on Otabek's lips.
"I will miss you too", he replied, kissed Yuri back just for a moment.
Wit glittered over the younger skater's face. "That's not what I said."
"I know. But that is what you meant."
Blushing Yuri kissed him, slowly, sweetly. "I love you", he whispered, just to press his lips on the black-haired's again.
They got up and had breakfast – baursaki, like on the first day, so long ago, just a few days ago – and Yuri poured milk in his tea. He smiled differently now, not pained or insecure, just so full of love.
"Let me take you to the airport at least", Otabek asked.
Yuri nodded for an answer. Victor had booked the tickets for the three of them earlier this morning and sent Yuri the file with his so the young man went to print it out with Otabek's devices and then proceeded to pack while Otabek tidied up the kitchen. When he was almost finished with the dishes he noticed Yuri dragging his mid-size suitcase to the corridor and quietly go over to the living room to check if there was some of his stuff left. After a moment he walked back to his luggage and Otabek heard him pulling the zipper.
With a sigh, stretching his back, the Russian Fairy came to the kitchen. "Need help?", he offered and picked up his mug, still half-full of cooled down tea, that Otabek had left on the table.
The Kazakh turned his head towards him. Yuri leaned with his hip against the counter, his fingers wrapped around the green mug, the ring glimmering a little. His blonde hair hung in thick, wavy strands around his relaxed face.
"Almost done", he replied, smiling lightly. "You look very beautiful."
One eyebrow rose. "Huh?" Looking down his slender body in black skinny jeans and a red hooded sweatshirt Yuri shrugged. "I look normal. I guess", he murmured.
Otabek hummed. "You are tall", he explained. "It suits you." That was only one of the many details that made his heart ache for Yuri, but he'd not go into detail now.
A blush appeared on Yuri's nosetip. "Thanks."
Finished with the dishes Otabek hung the towel on the hook. "If you are ready we could leave for the airport and have cake at the café before Victor and Yuuri arrive", he suggested, making his boyfriend nod and chug the rest of his tea. He made his way over to him and put the mug in the sink. "Let me just clean that-", he began, but stopped, when Otabek grabbed his shoulder.
The Kazakh pulled him close and pressed his lips onto Yuri's in a sudden kiss. He shoved Yuri against the counter, slid one leg between the Russian's, grabbed two handful of golden hair, deepened the kiss until Yuri let their tongues entwine by parting his soft lips. Long, desperate fingers tugged on Otabek's shirt. Moaning lowly into the kiss Yuri pulled Otabek closer until their bodies were pressed against each other. The heat that rushed through his veins blinded him so that he closed his eyes, felt how his heart beat, not fast but heavy, felt how Yuri's hand slid up to his spine, felt his breath and warmth. He hoped that Yuri felt just as good, put everything in this passionate kiss, the last kiss for a long time.
They couldn't kiss at the airport, not in Kazakhstan, not in public. Realization had hit Otabek very sudden but he was glad that it had come to mind in time, that he was able to seize this chance before they were outside and could do nothing but maybe hug if they were bold. And after realizing he had not even been capable of articulating his thought, he had acted in the heat of the moment and he hoped that Yuri understood. The way he returned the kiss made him think so.
Unexpectedly Yuri pulled on Otabek's shirt, freed himself from the kiss. Their lips were still very, very close and Otabek, opening his eyes, looked down on the blush on Yuri's face. "We need to stop", Yuri whispered. "If you keep kissing me like that I'll take you to the bedroom and then I'll miss the plane."
Otabek moaned and pulled him close, his hands on Yuri's hips, burying his face in the crook of the Russian's neck. "I know what you mean", he mumbled against the soft skin, teased it with the tip of his nose, right underneath Yuri's earlobe. He was getting aroused as well, Yuri was just too sexy pressed against him like that. "I just wanted to properly kiss you good-bye, you know."
"I know", Yuri murmured, then caressed his gape with his fingertips. "It's not a good-bye kiss though", he added. "Just a see-you-soon kiss."
Straightening himself Otabek smiled and looked at Yuri. After a moment he nodded. "That is right." Leaning forward he placed another kiss on Yuri's lips, this time gentle, then said: "See you soon, Yuri."
With a bright smile Yuri replied: "See you soon, Otabek."
They took the bus to the airport. After some time Yuri had taken Otabek's hand, between their legs at the edge of the seats, hiding it under the animal print scarf he had unwound from his neck.
"I hope the old men aren't too annoying on the plane", he sighed, referring to Victor and Yuuri. "I bet it's hard to see them flirting and stuff when I have to leave my 'zolotse' behind here."
Otabek nodded, tightening his grip on Yuri's hand a little. He liked how the blonde had called him his 'gold'. All those years when he had only dreamed about how it would be to have the Russian Fairy notice him seemed very far away now.
"We will talk on the phone a lot", he predicted.
It made Yuri snort. "We'll be on video call every fucking second we are free, I hope you saw that much coming!" Grinning he tilted his head to make his bangs fall to the side. "Phone… Honestly, sometimes you sound like Grampa..."
Watching the green eyes sparkling Otabek shrugged. "I am fine with that", he answered without specifying what he meant. He was actually fine with both, sounding like Yuri's grandfather and being on video call whenever possible. "That is our stop." He gestured towards the door.
Being the gentleman his mother had raised him to be Otabek carried his boyfriend's luggage while Yuri tagged along, fiddling with his papers. They checked in the suitcase leaving Yuri with his backpack and got provided with the information that the boarding would start in half an hour.
"I'll just text Victor that we're here already", Yuri explained and did so while on the escalator to the second floor where they found a table at the small café there. "He says they just arrived and are on their way to the check in. Thank you", Yuri said when Otabek came from the counter with a Frozen Walnut Brownie Cappuccino with extra cream for Yuri and a cup of black tea for Otabek, his treat. "And that they wait downstairs for the boarding to begin, because they want to give us private time..." He mimicked quotation marks with index and middle finger and made a face. "Sounds like Piggy spilled the beans." He pulled his beverage closer and began eating the clotted cream with the small spoon that came with the drink. "I hope Vitya shuts the hell up, even such a kinda short flight is too long when you need to listen to him babbling about his lovey-dovey ideas anyway, I don't want to even imagine how horrible it will be now that he knows about someone else's relationship." He pursed his lips and looked at Otabek on the other side of the table. "Uh, 'relationship'. That sounds cool."
Otabek let the word sink in. He tried out different phrases in his head ("I have a relationship with Yuri Plisetsky.", "We have a relationship based on mutual respect and support." and "Hello, Mother, I just called to let you know that I am now in a relationship with the boy I was fanboying over since I was thirteen, say hello to Father, thanks, bye.") and it sounded really serious and good, so he nodded wordlessly and sipped on his tea.
"Maybe I'll just pretend I sleep", Yuri continued.
"Let me know when you land", Otabek requested, making Yuri nod. "And how it goes with Yakov and Lilia. If you need me, do not hesitate to contact me, I can be in St. Petersburg in half a day." Again Yuri nodded, but it wasn't enough for Otabek. "Honestly, Yuri, if you need me, I will come. Please keep that in mind."
Hiding his blush behind the cappuccino glass the blonde nodded once more. "Thanks."
"Are you nervous?", Otabek asked after a moment of hesitating. "About talking to Yakov and Lilia?"
A shrug followed. "Not that much actually. I think that Victor is right, they can help me. I probably should have talked to them a long time ago. That would have saved me a lot of pain." Putting the glass down he sat back, fiddling with his ring. "I guess they will be shocked at first, or disappointed or angry, but they are my coaches, they won't push me away. I'm kinda confident that everything will turn out just fine, even if it might be a pain in the ass to get there. But I can fight. And I will, and it's gonna be alright."
Otabek nodded. "You've become very strong, Yuratchka."
"That sounds like something Grampa would say as well", the blonde commented smiling.
"He would be very proud of you."
Yuri picked up his cappuccino. "Not yet", he corrected him. "But soon." He sipped on his drink with an absentminded smile, Otabek watching him wordlessly.
Some minutes after they had both finished their beverages another message from Victor came in. "Boarding started early", Yuri, who had lingered in the seat like he wanted to become one with the padding, repeated the content of the message. "They went in already."
"Shall we go downstairs then?", the Kazakh offered, finished his tea and stood, but Yuri remained in his seat.
He looked up at him and hunched his shoulders. "I'm not ready yet." His voice was a mere whisper, hard to hear with the voices and café sounds in the background. The green eyes drifted to the white traces the cream had left in the now empty glass. "I don't think I'll ever be ready." Yuri chuckled lowly. From outside the café the boarding announcement for flight KC-916 to St. Petersburg could be heard. Sighing the blonde got up as well.
Otabek took the tray with their containers back to the counter receiving a surprised smile from the barrista girl preparing a coffee there, then they made their way to the gate.
The lobby wasn't really crowded, obviously the plane would be half empty considering how few people dropped in at the luggage check. The streamers leading to the security personnel's counters and screening boxes were red like Yuri's sweater and the tip of his nose when the blonde came to a halt. They stood a moment in awkward silence, neither of them (especially not Otabek) sure of what to say. A group of five elderly women dressed in different states of cheetah print walked by, eying them with compassionate looks. Then Otabek heard one of them address Yuri with "Ah, young love can not be stopped by distance, Dear, you'll come to understand when you are an old lady like me", obviously mistaking Yuri for a girl and it broke the tension between them and they both chuckled.
"Yeah, thanks, ma'am", the blonde said and the granny smiled, not even noticing Yuri's low voice, before the group trotted away towards the gate. Yuri looked back at Otabek when they were gone, then made a quick step and threw himself around Otabek's neck. "I already know she's right", he whispered. It was obvious from his voice that he was about to cry, but Otabek was the last to judge him, he felt the same.
"Keep me in your heart until we are reunited again", Otabek said, holding the boy as close as two guys were allowed to, feeling Yuri's wild nod.
"I won't stop thinking of you for a second, I promise." He sniffed, then added: "Thank you, Otabek. For everything." He distanced himself from the Kazakh and smiled, crying. "I'll write you when I'm home."
Otabek nodded. He wanted to kiss him and it looked like Yuri wanted it too, but they couldn't, so they looked at each other, Yuri biting his lip, Otabek grinding his teeth.
With a start Yuri turned to eventually head over to the gate, when Otabek grabbed him by the bony wrist, making him stop and turn around towards him only one step away. "Wait", he said. The gleam in Yuri's eyes became hopeful, and Otabek knew why. Yuri wanted him to kiss him. His tourmaline eyes shimmered from tears, his hair shone like white gold. And Otabek really wanted to do it, wanted to pull him back into his arms, press his lips on Yuri's soft pink mouth, hold the skinny body close, show him how much he loved him, he really wanted to do it, but he couldn't, he just couldn't. There was something he could do though. Something just as unmistakable.
"There is one thing I need to do", he said. He took Yuri's right hand in his both and looked down on it, then with shaking hands slid the ring from Yuri's slender finger.
"What-", Yuri gasped, but fell silent, when Otabek carefully took his left hand. His eyes widened.
The Kazakh's heart stopped beating when he put the ring on Yuri's left annular finger. He stared at the white gold around the porcelain skin, then slowly looked up to Yuri's eyes. They were overflowing with tears, wetting the fair skin of the Russian Fairy's cheeks. "Take care of yourself", he said, letting go of Yuri's hand.
"Okay." The blonde's voice broke, making the word only half a word. Another smile showed on his face. "See you soon, Otabek."
"See you soon, Yuri." He smiled.
He still smiled when Yuri went over towards the luggage check, turning around two times to wave at him and he waved back. He still smiled when Yuri was out of sight. He sat down in a seat next to the huge window from where you could see the planes taking off and noticed that his heart had started beating again some time ago. He was still smiling.
He received a text from Victor, who asked what he had done to the real Yuri, because this smiling, sobbing, beaming mess was certainly not him, along with an obviously secretly taken photo of the blonde lolling in the seat next to the plane window, holding his left hand close to his chest with an adorably honest smile while gazing out of the window, and Otabek felt that he was still smiling as well.
Yuri wrote him a short time afterwards. Gotta turn the phone off.i'll text you later. Take care :*
Otabek answered: I'm awaiting an incoming video call tonight. Fly safe. O.
The plane took off and Otabek watched it disappear in the blue sky, then got on the bus home.
It was a strange feeling to come back to his empty apartment. It was quiet and he didn't know what to do at first, so he went from room to room taking in the silence. Yuri's presence was still noticeable. Also he had left traces: a pair of tiger striped socks that had fallen under the bed. The toothbrush with the violet handle Otabek had provided him with. The green mug in the sink. A long, golden hair on the back rest of the sofa.
Otabek prepared tea, then sat on the sofa with it. The flight to St. Petersburg took six hours, then the two Russians and one Japanese had to claim their luggage, check out and take the train over to the city center. It would take until late night before he'd hear of Yuri.
After staring at his record shelf for the length of two cups of black tea Otabek noticed the gap. His vinyls were in strict order, so he could guess what was missing. He got up and looked for the thin cardboard cover of Smetana's My Country, but it couldn't be found anywhere. Only after even peeking behind the shelf and under the record player (how would a vinyl end up under the record player? He had no idea, but wanted to make sure it hadn't somehow happened) he remembered how Yuri had tiptoed to the living room earlier and returned to the corridor to close his suitcase. Laughing out lowly Otabek sat back on the sofa and admired the narrow gap between Libuše's Judgement and Venkovanka – The Country Woman. He sent Yuri a Smetana...? and laid down on the sofa, staring out of the window.
There wasn't a single cloud in the sky. He wondered if Yuri had seen the Balqash lake. He wondered if he really pretended to have fallen asleep to avoid Victor's questioning. It was likely that Yuuri kept the silver-haired under control. So maybe Yuri was thinking of him now. Remembering some little things from the past week. The dino park for example. Or the Tram Café. The ferris wheel. The nightmare and how he had held Otabek close. How he had rested his head on Otabek's lap and fallen asleep there. How he had traced the lines of his tattoo with his fingers in the locker room of the rink. How he had danced around the table when making piroshki. How Otabek had held him close the morning after the night out. How Otabek had kissed him the first time. How they had touched, how they had laughed, how they had cried. How they loved each other. How everything had finally worked out, somehow, and how everything would somehow be alright in the end.
"A Reason To Fight", he whispered the theme of his skating programs in the silence of his living room.
Otabek Altin, 19, from Almaty, Kazakhstan, had never been good with people to begin with. But on this peacefully quiet day in spring, lying on his sofa in his small but cozy apartment, he realized that there was only one person in the world he really wanted to be good with - and that he already was. He smiled.
The end.
So, that was it. I really hoped you liked my story. I enjoyed writing it a lot, although it was really hard bring everything to an end, and actually when I wrote that last paragraph I cried. It's like a child moving out (not that I have one lol) Then again I have been really looking foward to the scene with the ring and to reveal Otabek's theme (which turned out to be a little cheesy, but that is what Otabek is now after all) after months of imagining how to write it ^^'
I read over the whole story and corrected some minor spelling and wording mistakes and I'll update the whole fanfiction on the weekend, so if you have time and are in the mood, please read the revised version as well (I removed a lot of contractions in Otabek's lines already, he sounds super stoic and geeky now, I love it ^^)
Thank you all for your support, for hits and kudos and especially all your wonderful comments. I have many ideas for upcoming stories in this fandom (check out my tumblr at for the abyss of my fangirl soul), maybe we'll see each other again there!
Thank you all so much!
