TWENTY-EIGHT
Guthrie watched everything from where he sat perched up high in a tree. He couldn't hear the words that we were being spoken, but knew they were talking about him. He felt badly that he was upsetting people - even from this distance he could read the expressions on their faces, and he could see they were worried, but still he wouldn't come down.
Miss Prewitt had dropped him off at the house and he could hear Ford and Evan, well mostly Evan, talking. Evan keep saying that Ford didn't need to feel guilty and that it wasn't his fault. Guthrie stood just out of sight listening to his older brothers talk about what they'd heard in the small courtroom. Ford kept saying, "She was crawling on the ground, Evan! She was crawling through the mud while he tried to hit her with that wrench! She would've died!"
And the more that Guthrie listened the angrier he got. Before he'd gone to court, he'd pictured Jacobs as a giant monster - tall, muscular - like the wrestlers he'd seen on tv at his friend's house. But the reality of him in that courtroom devastated him. Sitting in the courtroom in a suit and tie, he looked like a teacher. Even sitting down, Guthrie could tell Jacobs was taller than Adam, but he didn't look like a bodybuilder. He didn't appear to be a colossus of strength. In the courthouse, he'd been overwhelmed by the vivid details of the attack - imagining Hannah fighting to stay alive. It had made him sick, and shattered his heart. He couldn't not endure thinking of her under attack like that with no one to defend her.
Later, he began to think about that last part; no one to defend her. She was alone because Adam was passed out in the mud completely useless to her. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got.
He wasn't a little kid. He had no illusions of his older brother's perfection. He'd seen Adam screw up more times than he could count. He knew Adam had ridiculous flashes of anger. But when it came to physical strength, he'd never seen Adam meet a challenge he couldn't defeat - easily. He and Brian used to joke about it - both trying to outdo each other in feats of strength.
"You can lift one of those?" Brian would say laughing. "I can carry two!"
"Oh yeah? Well, I've got four!" Adam would shout back.
But a biology teacher had taken him out, armed only with a wrench. Even thinking of it now filled Guthrie with shame and rage. How could Adam fail so badly? He couldn't look at his older brother - couldn't stand to be anywhere near him, and Hannah's bruises only made him angrier, reminding him just how weak Adam was.
***7***
The dimming of evening light found them all gathered back at the front steps. The morning's events had been exhausting enough, but the search for Guthrie had everyone tired and weary.
"I don't know." Brian said running a hand through his hair. "We've looked everywhere. Anyone in town see him?"
"No. I called Marie and she put everyone on the lookout. No one has seen him." Ford said.
"He's not in any of the usual places. Can you think of anything else, Ford?"
"No. I mean he usually goes down to the creek, or up toward the high country, but he's scared of those coyotes, so he wouldn't go there when it's getting dark. I thought maybe he was holed up in the attic or something, but he isn't." Ford shrugged.
"We should've dragged him out." Evan said with his head down. "I'm sorry, Adam. The poor kid! I never should've let him stay!"
Adam reached out and squeezed Evan's shoulder. "What's done is done. Guilt can't fix it, Evan."
"Even if you did toss him out, he would've snuck back in, Ev." Brian said and Adam nodded his agreement. "You know how he feels about Hannah."
"It isn't like him to go off and lick his wounds alone." Crane pointed out. "When he's upset he hangs nearby so we'll find him."
"He's right." Daniel said. "We should do another sweep right around here."
"But Hannah should wait inside." Ford said turning to her. "You are tired, Hannah, and someone needs to be home."
"I don't want to . . ." She began.
"No one wants to stay behind. Everyone of us wants to look but Ford's right. Someone needs to man the phone, and watch the house." Brian said sharply. "And we pick you." He folded his arms across his chest and glared at her. "You want us to take a vote? 'Cause my money's on it being six to one."
Hannah took a step closer to Brian and peered up into his face. "You don't have to be mean about it, Bri." She said shakily, and all his stern defenses fell away.
"No, I was ready for a fight . . ." He said nervously. "I figured you would . . ."
He turned to Adam who shrugged his shoulders saying, "You didn't hear me jumping in to tell her what to do."
"Fine." She said irritated. "I'll stay." She spun around leaving them standing together in the yard.
Adam sagged visibly, torn between going inside after her, and worry over his little brother.
"Well, now I feel like crap." Brian said sighing loudly. He turned to his brothers. "You know she was setting up for a fight!" They offered him no comfort and he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, stretching his sore muscles. As he tilted his head back, his face to the sky, his eyes landed on a distant tree.
"Well, shit!" He said, and his brothers all thought he was still moaning about hurting Hannah's feelings, but he punched Adam's arm and said, "He's been watching us the whole damn time!"
Adam furrowed his brow confused as Brian broke free of the circle of brothers, and crossed the yard to a tall pine in the distance. His eyes widened in shock as he saw Guthrie, about half way up.
"Guthrie James McFadden!" He bellowed as he followed Brian across the yard. "You get down here, now!" Worry shifted easily to full blown fury as he realized Guthrie had been watching their search all along.
Brian was already standing beneath the tree, his head tilted back. "Guthrie! Get down!" He said, pointing a finger at the ground for emphasis. All the brothers ran over, except Daniel who ran up the steps and pushing open the screen, called out, "Hannah! We found him!" before joining his brothers.
"No." Guthrie said angrily.
"No?" Adam repeated in surprise. "No? What do you mean no? Get down!"
"No." Guthrie's voice was angry and firm.
Adam glanced over at Brian, clearly at a loss and pretty close to losing his temper completely. Brian glanced over at Hannah who was running across the yard to join them. He was already in hot water with her, so he decided he might as well finish the job..
"Fine." He said with a hand on his hip. "You stay up there, then! But here's Hannah. You can tell her why you worried her so. You can explain to her why you've been sitting up in this tree watching her cry and fuss over you. Her expression might be hard to read, though. You are far away and she's got all those bruises."
"Brian!" She said, smacking his arm angrily.
"What?" He said to her. "It's not like you aren't already ticked at me, and Guthrie's crazy about you!" He explained. "I just want him out of the tree."
She rolled her eyes at him, and pushing him aside, stepped closer to the tree.
"Guthrie!" She said calmly. "If you don't come down out of that tree right now, you are disobeying me. It would be second time today that you've disobeyed me. You don't want me to start thinking I can't trust you. You and me have always been able to count on each other."
"Ouch." Brian said under his breath. "You fight meaner than me, Sis."
Hannah shook her head at Brian wearily. "You don't mention the bruises, Brian, you let them speak for themselves." She explained quietly. "Guilt is an art, you know."
"I bow to the master." Brian said with a mock bow.
"Guthrie?" Adam said cupping a hand to the side of his mouth "You gonna disobey her, or are you coming down? I'm too damn old to be climbing trees after you."
"You're too damn old for anything, aren't you?" Guthrie shouted back bitterly.
"Guthrie James!" Hannah said. "You are wearing down my patience." She glanced at Brian. "Today was kind of rough day for me, already."
The brothers let out a low snicker over this, and she glared at all of them. They watched as Guthrie, clearly thinking things over, slowly made his way down the tree, until he stood before them.
"What do you mean taking off like that?" Adam asked. "You saw a us looking all over for you!"
Guthrie said nothing, just glared at his oldest brother.
"I know you are upset, Guth, but it isn't like you to let everyone worry." Crane said gently. "What's going on?"
"We can't help you if you don't talk to us." Adam said, relenting in his anger. He stepped closer to Guthrie, and reached out to put a hand on his arm, but Guthrie stepped away. Adam's eyes grew big with surprise.
"Hey, Guth." Daniel said gently. "What is it?"
"I don't want to talk to anyone about anything!" He said angrily, and then turning to face Adam, "And especially not YOU!" He yelled and stormed away from them toward the house. They all watched him in stunned silence, and then all eyes turned to Adam.
"What the hell?" Adam asked. "He's never . . ."
"This day is wearing me out!" Brian groaned. "What's his problem? Why's he mad at you?"
"He got knocked out." Hannah said softly, reaching out and putting a gentle hand on Adam's arm.
"What?" Brian asked.
"He didn't protect me." She said looking up at them with sad eyes.
"Ah, hell!" Adam sighed. "He's twelve years old - nearly thirteen. He's gotta know I'm flawed by now!"
"I knew it the day I met you." Evan said, but they all turned on him glaring. He lifted his hands, palms out toward them all. "Sorry! Okay, bad timing, I get it."
"Remember that time Dad got lost." Crane said to Brian and Adam.
Brian laughed at the memory. "He tried to cover it up for the longest time. 'Member, Adam?"
Adam sighed. "Yeah." He answered softly.
"You were so disgusted with him." Brian said. "You couldn't even look at him."
"I thought he could find his way anywhere." Adam said with a sigh. "And it was worse that he tried to hide it. It made him so human and helpless."
"What happened?" Ford asked. "Did you yell at him?"
"No. I complained about it to Brian - told him I was ashamed of Dad." Adam shook his head, blushing with shame at the memory.
"What'd Dad do?" Daniel asked.
"Nothing." Adam said. "He gave me space to be ashamed of him, but later at the campfire, he told a story about the time his grandfather, crashed a jeep into a tree - and how surprised he was that his grandfather could mess up."
"He was always telling stories like that." Crane said lost in memories of his father. "I don't know how he got to be so smart. He was only thirty-nine when he died."
"He always said he got smart by listening to what his grandfather had taught him." Brian said, reaching out and squeezing Adam's shoulder. "He said stories can teach us a lot - even if the storytellers have flaws - the stories are true. Right, Junior?"
Adam said nothing, simply nodding his head at the familiar words of his father lost long ago, but teaching them even still.
"I guess I better talk to him." Adam said with a sigh. He glanced at Hannah's worried face. "I don't blame him, darlin'. I'm pissed as hell that I didn't protect you myself." He brushed a light kiss across her cheek, and headed up the stairs and into the house.
The Brotherhood stayed gathered where they were, until Brian turned to Hannah and said softly, "Go on, Sis. He'll need back up." He smiled at her surprised expression. "He always does and its about time someone else had a turn."
"I'll do my best." She answered softly. "But you're a lot to live up to, Mom." She grinned mischievously as she spoke the last word, and he shook his head at her as she walked away.
"Don't call me "mom"." He muttered even as his brothers laughed good-naturedly. None of them had dared ever call Brian mom, although they'd joked about his role in the family many times.
He turned on them, and said in mock anger, "We still got chores!" They scattered - even Evan having the sense to know that teasing Brian was too dangerous a risk.
***7***
Having no room of his own to escape to, Guthrie had headed upstairs, and flopped down on Adam and Hannah's bed. Adam could have laughed out loud. Mad as Guthrie appeared to be, he still sought comfort from his flawed older brother. He leaned against the doorway looking at his youngest brother's long legs.
"You seem to grow up without me seeing it." He said at last. "One day you were three and now you are nearly thirteen. It doesn't seem possible." He shook his head.
"I said I didn't want to talk to you." Guthrie said his face buried in his arms. He lay stretched out on his stomach across the big bed.
"Well, pardon me, son, but you are laying on my bed."
"I'm not your son." Guthrie said turning around and facing Adam.
"No. You aren't." Adam said sitting slowly on the edge of the bed. "Your Daddy was Adam, Sr. and he was a sight stronger and smarter than me. There didn't seem to be any problem he couldn't solve."
"He wouldn't let Mama get hurt!"
"No, you are right. He would have done everything in his power to keep Mama safe." Adam said.
"How could he knock you out! How? You are the strongest! You're stronger than Brian - stronger than all of us!"
"Not strong enough." Adam said with a sigh. "I know you are angry I didn't protect her, and you are right. I should have kept her safe. It's my one job. I feel really badly about it."
"If Crane hadn't come along . . ." Guthrie glared angrily at Adam. "Crane rescued her - not you!"
"He did." Adam agreed patiently. "But Crane's a lot stronger than you think."
"I can't believe it! I can't! I saw him Adam! You have to be stronger than him!"
"Maybe I am. I don't know. He surprised us, and it was raining and I was worried about her. Maybe in a fair fight it would turn out different." He moved closer to Guthrie. "But it wasn't a fair fight, Guth, and if I had been stronger - she still would've been hurt. I was under the truck. He attacked her first. She was the first one of us that he hurt."
"I can't believe it." Guthrie repeated, but softer now. "Daddy was stronger than you? He could've protected her?"
"He was strong, Guth. And he was good at taking care of people, but he wasn't a fighter - not like Brian. He was calm like Crane, and thoughtful, like you. Every one of us has limits. You know that Guthrie. Even me - especially me. I fall pretty short when you measure me by Daddy."
"But strong as he was, Guthrie" Hannah's soft, raspy voice startled the two of them and they turned to see her standing in the doorway. "He wasn't able to protect your Mama, either, was he? Adam told me that he was holding onto her hand - that even when the worst came, he was doing his best to make sure she was okay, but there are some things even the strongest men can't fix - even they can't stop."
Guthrie said nothing just watched her, his eyes filling with tears.
"And why aren't you angry with me?" She asked him. "I can fight as good as any, but I didn't stop him from getting hit, did I? I just stood there while they wrestled. It took me forever to step in and do something, and even when I did, I messed it up."
"Han - nah." Guthrie moaned. "Don't turn this into another women's rights lecture. This is serious."
"Women's rights aren't serious?" She raised an eyebrow at him and then crossing into the room sat on the bed beside Adam, across from Guthrie who moved to sit all the way up. "I appreciate how upset you are, Guthrie. But you know, I gotta stick up for Adam. You know I'm loyal to him, first of all, and you are being unfair."
"I just thought . . ."
She stretched out her hand and lifted his chin to meet her eyes. "You thought nothing could take him down, but lots of things can. Everyone can be hurt; even Adam."
Guthrie held her gaze, considering. "Aren't you mad at him? Not even a little bit?"
Hannah rose and turned away from them both. "Oh, I am worn out from you boys! Ford's carrying a mountain of guilt and you've got all this anger!" She rubbed her face with her hands. "You were seventeen?" She turned to Adam. "How did you do it? How?"
He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "No other options."
"I am angry, Guthrie." She said but stepping near them again, reached for Adam's hand. "I'm mad as hell that he's brought this kind of disruption into our lives. But he did, Guthrie. Jacobs. No one else. I'm not mad at anyone else! Just him. I'm mad he could make me feel so weak. I'm mad he could hurt Adam, and Crane. And I'm furious that his choices have upset you and Ford, and Evan, and Daniel and Brian. You know how I feel about people messing with my brothers!"
"I thought monsters were big and scary." Guthrie said softly.
"No. Sometimes they are ordinary looking men." Hannah smiled sadly at Guthrie.
"Or women." Guthrie added with a grin. "Equality." He shook a finger at her.
"Oh, Lord! I'm not anywhere near ready for you finding out what kind of monsters women can be!"
Adam laughed out loud, but sobering he turned to Guthrie. "I am sorry, Guth. You can't know how sorry I am for letting her down; for letting you down. I would've done anything to make it play out differently, you have to know that."
"I do." Guthrie sighed. "I just don't like thinking that there's someone out there who could hurt you; that could hurt us."
"Me, either." Adam agreed.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you." Guthrie said at last. "I just want everyone safe. I didn't know." He said meeting his older brother's eyes. "I didn't know how scary it is to think that the people you care about can be hurt. I don't like it."
"Neither do I." Adam answered huskily, and he pulled Guthrie into his arms. "I swear, Guth, I would fight to my last breath to keep her and all of you safe."
"I know." Guthrie whispered into Adam's ear. "You are just like Daddy."
