A/N: Helloo! This update took a while, and I wanted to share why.

The weekend after I posted this I went to NY to tour guide a couple friends around. It was amazing, as any trip to NYC is. I wanted to tell you guys about the moment I was biking on the Brooklyn bridge because I daydream about it. It was at the end of the upward incline towards Brooklyn that I saw skyline in the horizon and I was listening to music, and the song You're Dead Wrong by Mayday Parade was playing, and the weather was perfect, and it was one of the most wonderful moments. Ugh. Amazing. The weekend after, my friend from NY came to visit me. The week after that, my right wisdom tooth got inflamed so I went to the dentist and had to get my two top ones out. I was planning to write for all three of my stories that week, but the dental issue came up and I was not okay to be writing, and well, here we are. And work and life, as usual. And that's my life these days. Welp, anywayy, that's my overshare and long ass first AN.

The response you guys had to the last chapter was AMAZING, and I just loved it so much. Heart emoji's to everyone. I'll talk about that more after you read this chapter.

The song used in this chapter is:

Goodnight Moon - Go Radio

AN & thank you's at the bottom!


Jace opened his eyes when the hotel room door clicked shut. He lifted his head up from resting on the back of the chair that he was sitting on, which was arranged in front of the vanity mirror. He could feel Magnus's hands fixing his hair while he got him ready for press that morning at a local radio station. Clary peeked into the room and Jace stood up, walking straight to her. In return, she held her arms out for a hug. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight.

The night before, when Jon finally threw up what was left in him and settled into sleep, everyone stood and sat around the room, waiting for Alec and Clary to finish cleaning up the bathroom.

They stepped out, and Clary waved a hand. "All of you, please, go to sleep." They looked at her, shocked—and slightly offended. She closed her eyes. "I love you all. Dearly. You are the most special people to me." She lifted her head. "But you have interviews tomorrow, and you all need to get some sleep. Leave me here with him. I'll be okay."

Unwillingly, everyone eventually left. Except Jace, who continued to stand by the window, staring out at the view before him. He could only see the lights below him, so he tried to focus his thoughts on other things—like how the mountains disappeared into the night, or who roamed the darkness in those mountains. Anything but the boy who was passed out on the bed right beside him.

"Jace." Clary sounded tired. "You have the earliest interview. Please go to sleep."

"I'll sleep here," Jace replied. He looked over at shoulder at Jonathan. "On the floor."

"Please, go to your room," Clary told him, her hand leading him to the door. "I'm only staying here until he wakes up, and then I'm getting Alec."

"How will you stay up?"

"Trust me. I won't be able to sleep."

Now, standing in his room, Jace let go of Clary and looked down at her. She gave him a half smile and nodded, wiping away a few tears that fell. "Alec is in there with him." She tilted her head left and looked at Magnus. "You guys ready to go?"

Magnus pursed his lips. "Almost." He pointed at the back of Jace. "He's allowing me to put makeup on him, but it doesn't mean he isn't going to procrastinate it."

Clary turned Jace around and slightly shoved him towards Magnus. "Finish up. Jordan told you 6 AM, not 6:05."

Jace plopped into the chair and sighed.

"Oh, the theatrics are back," Magnus muttered under his breath.

Jace crossed his arms and turned his head to see Clary crawl onto the bed, grab headphones on the side table, and put the earbuds in while looking for a song in her phone. She pulled the covers over her head, and Jace could hear her muffled words when she said, "Good luck on the interview, Jace. Please don't expose me again."

"She shouldn't leave this room. She should just rest and recover for the day," Magnus whispered.

"Already texted everyone about that plan."


Isabelle sat in bed, her elbows resting on her knees while her hands kept her head up, her palm pressing against her right cheek. She stared at the floor of Alec's hotel room. After Clary sent them away, the three of them didn't want to be alone, so they all stayed in Alec's room—including Magnus, who she knew was there to make sure they all didn't lose it.

For some reason, she felt some kind of peace fall over them the moment they got Jon onto that bed. Or maybe it was just her becoming numb to the whole thing. Since the day she found out they all suspected that Jon was using again, Isabelle felt they were on the brink of falling. She just didn't how hard they were going to drop. She didn't expect any of the events of the night before to happen. It may have been them reliving memories from years ago, but she didn't think that it would become as tragic as it had.

Maybe that's why she felt the peace. Because you can't fall anymore when you've hit rock bottom.

She looked over at Simon. He had his eyes glued to the ceiling. When they woke up to Clary knocking on the door, he was the one to open it, and she knew it was because he didn't sleep. She knew he was angry. She could feel it radiating off of him. It was such an unfamiliar emotion coming from him. Simon got mad, sad, upset, bitter—almost everything but angry. It showcased an emotion that surpassed any other negative one he gave off. And he was definitely angry at what happened the night before. She knew he was peeved about the way Jonathan attacked Clary, but after he attacked all of them, he was downright seething with the need to punch Jonathan in the face. Repeatedly.

He glanced at her.

"Breakfast should be coming any minute," she said, trying not to fall into a silence after he caught her staring.

He gave a nod. "Are you okay?"

She inclined her head. "Yes, Simon. I swear."

He put his hand on her back, and then pulled away after a moment.

"Are you okay?" Her voice was barely audible because she was afraid to hear the answer she already knew.

"No."

Isabelle jumped when there was a knock on her door. She crawled out of bed and opened the door, revealing the bell man pushing in a cart of their regular breakfast food. She went to her wallet to grab cash and thanked him as he left politely.

Isabelle grabbed two plates and began to put some of everything on it.

"What are you doing?" Simon asked, sitting up.

"Making plates for them."

"For them?" She looked up, surprised at his tone. "For him? You're gonna make a plate for him?"

Annoyed at his tone, she retorted, "Yeah, Simon. Even inmates need to be fed."

"I'm not gonna bring it to him." He shrugged.

She looked up at him, her glare burning through him. "Well, I'm not asking you to. Now make a plate and give it to Clarissa." She grabbed the two plates she prepared and let the door slam behind her.


Stopping a few steps from the door, Isabelle stood and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, preparing herself to see Jonathan without the constant remembrance of the night before. She flinched, remembering how he looked like he had no soul, and she forced herself to forget—even if it was for the few seconds she would have to be in there.

She took two steps and knocked. When no one answered at first, she said, loud and clear, "It's Isabelle."

Then, in seconds, the door opened and Jonathan was panting in front of her, looking distraught and immediately apologetic.

"Izzy, I'm—"

"Take these." She held out her hands with the plates and Jonathan shut his mouth, taking them from her. He turned to put them down and, when he faced her, she slapped him hard and quick. Alec gasped audibly from the shock.

She looked at her brother.

"I'm not surprised that you slapped him; I'm just surprised at how fast that was. Nice, Izzy."

She turned her attention to Jonathan, who didn't even touch his cheek. "Do that again, please. I deserve it."

She made a face. "Stop. That sounds weird."

He looked at her, shameful. "I'm so sorry, Isabelle. I'll be sorry until the day I die. You can hold it against me until the end of time."

She raised an eyebrow. "I will be holding it against you until the end of time. I mean, that's a given." Jon nodded. "Fuck you very much, Jonny. I'm glad you're not dead."

Alec groaned. "Is that it?" He threw his arms up. "The things you do for family, I swear."

"Do you?" Jon mumbled. "Still think of me as family?"

She crossed her arms. "I just said 'I'm glad you're not dead,' didn't I?"


Simon knocked on the door lightly, and looked up when Jace was on the other side.

"Hey."

"Hey. This is for Clary." He peeked into the room to see her asleep on the bed. "Well, for later."

Jace stepped aside. "Thanks."

Simon put a hand up to greet Magnus, who was cleaning up his stuff. Magnus did the same.

"I'll just leave it here." Simon placed the food on the desk and turned around to leave.

"Wait, Brooklyn," Magnus called out. Simon walked over and Jace joined their circle, his arms crossed and expression intrigued. "Do you guys have a plan for your interview later?"

Simon stared. "Plan like what?"

"Ay dios mio," Magnus whispered, sounding just as Raphael did when he said it. "Well, Clary will stay in bed, or just relax in this room. So what will you say to explain Jon's absence?"

Simon's jaw tightened at the sound of his name. "Um. Can we just say he's a major douchebag and we just don't want him to be the lead singer anymore? Who needs a lead singer, right?" He smiled a little. Magnus didn't return it.

"I think you guys have got to lie a little bit here," Magnus suggested.

Simon shook his head. "No. We don't do that. Clary says that's why we're independent. We don't lie."

"Well, for this, you may have to. Just say he's sick today and had to get his rest since you have a show tomorrow." Magnus looked to Jace, who nodded.

"It's a simple enough excuse."

"But Clary—"

"I don't think we should give any more stress on Clary right now. Tell her, of course, but you guys need to be aware of the shows in New York. I don't think you guys should risk the show at MSG. If Jon goes, he will be a mess. If you are bitter towards him in your explanation, the whole situation will be a mess." There was silence between the three, and only the deep breathing of a sleeping Clary filled the room.

Simon raised an eyebrow. "How are you so good at this?"

Magnus raised an eyebrow back. "I'm not just good at the makeup and clothes, darling. I'm the whole package."

"Clearly." Jace put his hands on their shoulders and led them towards the door. "Now get out. It's late, and I've got to write a note for Clarissa when she wakes up."

"How sweet!" Magnus cooed.

"Shut it." Jace opened the door.

"Well, someone's got a stick up their—"

Jace shut the door and went straight to the desk to grab a piece of paper.


After hearing Simon leave Jace and Clary's room with Magnus, Isabelle waited until the door closed and walked from the lobby area into the hallway.

Magnus grinned, as he always did when he spotted Isabelle or Clary. "Hey, Izzy. Simon just—"

"I hate him. Don't speak of his name." Isabelle waved her hand.

Magnus's eyes got wide as they passed each other. "I'm one more problem away from bawling my eyes out, so I'm just gonna ignore that, Princess."

Isabelle looked at the carpet, but smiled. She adored the way Magnus talked, and he was the only guy she really wanted for her brother. She stood in front of Clary's door and knocked lightly.

Jace opened it slowly, peeking his head. "Hey, Iz. What's up?"

"I'd like to stay here, if you don't mind," she whispered. He gave a nod and opened the door for her.

"Yeah, of course." Jace stepped aside. He grabbed his jacket. "I've got to go, but—"

"Don't worry. I'll take care of her."

"No, I was going to say don't read my note." Jace became shifty-eyed as Isabelle resisted the urge to laugh. "So...don't read my note."

"Right."

"I mean it, Isabelle."

"I mean it, Jace. I won't invade your privacy." Isabelle put her hands up.

Jace stared at her for a moment, then left the room.

Immediately, Isabelle went to the table to do precisely what she wasn't supposed to—she read the note.

"Huh. What a loser."

She walked away and got into bed with Clary. She looked into the blankets to make sure she was sleeping and then took an earbud to listen along. Her heart stopped as she recognized the song immediately. It was a song that Clary wrote for Jon when she and Clary were only fourteen and Jon was sixteen. He was having his usual first year problems with Camille, and he always vented to the two of them. She settled into the bed and closed her eyes.

And don't go to bed yet love, I think it's too early

And we just need a little time to ourselves

If my wall clock tells me that it's 4 in the morning I'll give it hell

Cause I've been trying way too long

To try and be the perfect song

When our hearts are heavy burdens

We shouldn't have to bear alone

Isabelle could picture clearly the way they sat in her room. For some reason, it was the one they always gathered in, ever since the Morgenstern family moved to New York. It didn't have to do with how big her room was; Alec and Max's were just the same. Clary just use to tell her that Isabelle's room felt the safest, and the lightest. It was part of the glue that held them together—just like she did. Isabelle never believed that she was the glue. If anything, she felt like Clary was, but, because they were a pair, neither one of them could see herself as being the glue.

So goodnight moon and goodnight you

When you're all that I think about

All that I dream about

How'd I ever breathe without

A goodnight kiss from goodnight you

The kind of hope they all talk about

The kind of feeling we sing about

Sit in our bedroom and read aloud

Like a passage from goodnight moon

She remembered being envious of Camille and Jonathan. They were very genuine about each other. It set the bar for what the rest of them wanted—it portrayed the connection they wanted with whoever they were to ever be with. The lesson they didn't teach anyone yet was that love was strong, but sometimes never enough to withstand time and growing up and choosing to be selfish rather than choosing love. They didn't teach them what it was to become toxic.

And sing for me softly love your song for tomorrow

And tell me my name's the one that's hidden in there somewhere

And dream for me anything

But dream it in color about when all the sun's still rising and we don't care

Cause I've been trying way too long

To try and be the perfect song

When our hearts are heavy burdens

We shouldn't have to bear alone

Isabelle opened her eyes as they began to fill with tears. Her comforting memory was ripped away from her with the flash of Jon's empty eyes. She shook her head. She didn't want that to be what she thought of. She didn't want one stupid, horrible night to replace everything they had been through together.

The good that they had gone through was way more than the bad, and she didn't want that to change.

She looked at the wall. It was why she got so annoyed with Simon. She wished that he could let it go, but she couldn't control him. Simon had every right to feel what he did—she just wished they would move on already.

And there you were

As I saw my Juliet come graceful down the stairs

It's hard to miss the way her eyes light up the room and still the air

Just feel her lips lock on to every breath I take and breath it in

Do you feel us falling? Cause I feel us falling.

But she knew that not everybody loved family as fiercely as she did.

Isabelle closed her eyes again, and, with the sound of 15-year-old Jon's voice, she began to fall into sleep.


Slowly, Jon opened his eyes. As he did the first time he woke up that day, he stared at the ceiling, wondering if his behavior the past weeks was a nightmare taking place in the dream they were living. He turned to his right to find Jace sitting there in a chair, his arms crossed. He was looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

"You were talking in your sleep."

Jon sat up, pushing against the bed to sit lean against the headboard. "What was I saying?"

"I'm an awful person. I suck, I suck, I suck," Jace mimicked in a high voice. When he didn't smile, Jon didn't either. "Here." He threw a water bottle directly at Jon's head.

Jon caught it, but wished a little that it would've just hit him. He opened it and heard the ripping of the plastic cap. He gulped some down and turned his gaze to Jace, who stared out the window.

"I thought you had an interview and performance at the radio station today." Jon broke the silence.

"I did. It's already noon." He glanced at him. "I just got back and switched places with Alec. They have that interview in half an hour."

Jon gulped. "What did they say?"

"They said you were sick." Jace shrugged. "Not too far off, really."

Jon looked down. "Yeah, I guess it isn't." He cleared his throat. "How is Clary?"

Jace's jaw tightened and, for a moment, Jon thought he was going to launch at him. "She's okay. She's Clary." Jace shrugged. "She survives. You know she glues together broken pieces faster than anyone we know."

"Or anyone. You know, in the world."

Jace ignored this. "She's made of broken pieces. It makes her stronger." He took a deep breath. "Before I came in here to take my shift to watch you, I asked Clary how she could have forgiven you so easily—so quickly. Especially after all you've done, with this not being the first time you've hurt them this way." Jon stared at him. "She said that, when you were using the first time around, that she had never felt so far from you. She said that it was as if, for the first time in your lives, you weren't attached to one another. She said that, for the first time in her life, she truly felt alone—because, if she didn't have me or you, then who was there from her past, you know? She said that you two had never fully recovered after it, and that she was okay with that because you were okay and alive. She was glad that you were finally yourself, even though it wasn't completely the same with you two." Jace turned to him. "She said that it feels the same this time around."

Jon leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. "I'm sorry I've disappointed you," he whispered.

"What?"

"I said, I'm sorry I've disappointed you." He inclined his head to make eye contact with Jace, who looked confused. "Look, when I asked Clary about you this morning, she said you missed me. As in, you missed that person we were as kids, that brother that I was to you." Jon smirked. "I always thought that we'd have a chance to get past that stage of me wanting to be apart from you two, and then us three growing up to be closer when we were teenagers." Any amusement on his face fell and Jace looked away. "We didn't get that chance," he said softly.

"I just…" Jace stared out the window. "I never thought I'd see you be that. Be him."

"Yeah, neither did I." Jon sighed. "It was probably the one thing I never wanted to become. But I became so obsessed and afraid of being him that it eventually happened. I guess that's how it goes, right? You become your fears."

Jace leaned forward a little. "Well, you know that it can change, right? That you can change." Jon glanced him. "You're your own person. You aren't made of his mistakes—we aren't made of their mistakes."

In response, Jon gave a nod, and, to Jace, it felt like a thank you. And then he smiled. "You know, when we used to see articles of you being crazy when you were younger, or interviews of you when you were starting out, I always felt like we were similar—ever since we were kids. The three of us. There's things about us that mirror each other, and I thought it was coincidence, but I realized it at some point on this tour that it's because we were this team." Reluctantly, Jace smiled a little, which made Jon grin. "I never realized how much I missed you until I saw you running to Clary."

Jace shook his head. "You're still a bastard. And Simon is still going to punch you in the face."

He rolled his eyes when Jon continued to smile wide. "Yeah, I know."


After Alec, Simon, and Isabelle finished their interview, they walked back to Alec's room with Magnus, who was assigned to supervise them in case any odd questions came up, and ordered room service. They texted Jace to get a plate for him and Jon, and they all looked over at the door when he knocked.

Magnus opened the door and promptly slammed it shut.

"Rude!" Jace complained.

"I cannot let in the one who accompanies you without permission," Magnus shouted back, and looked over his shoulder.

Simon glanced back and forth between Alec and Isabelle, who looked like they were communicating with no words needed.

Alec shrugged a little. "I mean—"

"No." Simon shook his head vigorously. "No, no, no."

"Simon—"

"NO."

"Simon!" Isabelle yelled, making all the boys in the room jump. "What? Are you not going to play in the show tomorrow because you hate Jonathan? Is that what's going to happen? Because that's a huge problem for someone who is still in the band!"

Simon didn't hesitate when he said, "Then kick him out."

Isabelle glared at him. She needed no words to convey her annoyance towards him, and no one fought her when she said, clearly, "Let them in."

Magnus opened the door slowly, and Jace pushed it open, causing Magnus to step back with a gasp.

"You are the rudest, Jace Herondale!"

"You're the rudest!" Jace pointed at him. "Who shuts the door in someone's face like that? I mean, honestly."

While Jace and Magnus bickered by the door, Alec watched Jonathan walk straight toward Simon.

"Simon," he started.

"Don't." Simon's jaw was clenched, and his fists were forming. Alec half wished that he would just punch Jon in the face to get it over with.

He groaned when Jon stepped away. "Simon, I'm sorry. About what I said to you, to Isabelle—"

"You shouldn't even say her name," Simon muttered. "Nor should you talk to you sister, because you were straight up cruel to her."

"You're right. I'm the worst."

Simon scoffed. "It's that how you got everyone to forgive you?" He side-eyed him, finally looking away from his food. "Is that why every single person has almost forgotten that you attacked us and could've died on us?" He looked around, making eye contact with every person, including Magnus and Jace, who quit bickering. "I mean, honestly. Did last night not happen in any of your minds?"

Isabelle shook her head. "We haven't forgotten. We're just choosing to—"

"Move on?" Simon asked, and shook his head. "No, this feels like ignoring to me." He turned his attention to Jonathan. "I won't forgive you for this. Not now, not ever."

Isabelle stood up. "Stop it!" She threw her hands up. "Please. Fuck." She put her face in her hands and promptly took them off, squaring her shoulders. "Look, we're surviving, Simon. What are we supposed to do? Be miserable forever? Don't you think we've lived through enough misery for a couple of fucked up kids?"

"Don't—" Simon started, but Isabelle didn't give him a moment continue.

"Are we supposed to constantly live in the aching pain we were in yesterday? Shit, Simon. We couldn't even breathe. Is that how you want to live? To remember that for longer than necessary? We aren't forgetting it. We're functioning and dealing with it. We're not saying that we're all good with Jonathan. We're just…" Isabelle sighed, as if the energy to live on that day was drained out of her. "Just function on with us. Please."

Simon looked up at her. And, for the first time, his eyes weren't angry. They were pleading with her. "Isabelle, I can't." Her shoulders fell. He turned his attention to Jonathan, and his eyes went hard again. "Last night, you weren't aiming for us to leave you alone. You were aiming to hurt us, and I want to know why."

Someone cleared their throat at the door, which promptly slammed shut after the group turned to see who it was. Clary waved the room key between her fingers. "So, I'm guessing I missed something."


A/N: While I was writing this, I was hoping that it was clear where everyone was coming from, especially Isabelle and Simon. It was just nice to write from their POV for a change.

I hope you guys liked it! The tone was definitely different from what we've had in a while but I hope no one minded that. People said that after the last chapter, it felt like there was going to be some peace and even though it's not okay yet, there is calmness in some of the characters right now.

Let me know what you guys think! Reviews & feedback, please :)


Thank you thank you thank you to every single person that reviewed, favorited, and alerted this story! Thank you for just reading along in the first place.

And again, thank you for being understanding about my sporadic updating schedules, and not getting mad at me, lol. Honestly, it means the world to me that you guys get it.

Thank you to rippingbutterflywings for being an awesome beta, and friend, and just a wonderful human being who is about to GRADUATE soon!

Shout out to rippingbutterflywings, sexymagnus, Katiebug2000x, bookobsessedpooj, Madisontheresa, cfire27, brightdarknessx, , nicci2014, Feeling Tension, pwincessbebe, firequeen8569, Guest, belgian girl x, fold my love, shannie83, rcs17, OTTBookLover, Guest, Ancient Associates, Guest, Rumzzz, Frazil-Silver, insolitasum, mynameisbubbles, AllaceRose, Rella XoXo (you are amazing), Emily1515, ShadowAngel100, obliterating the oblivion, Guest, AMY J Pond, Guest, imcrazyanditscontagious, ScorpioGirl20, Guest, Guest, Immaduckhatingpansycake, JoJo, VampiressBeauty20, Ydissbooksogood, Guest, Dramione-Fan 17, Ads S, Islandgirl4evR, and freshair!

Okay, so I said up there that I absolutely loved the reaction to the chapter but I need to reiterate it because you guys are ridiculously amazing. SIncerely. There's a huge response, and just like the Clean chapter, I will never get over the support, kind words, and just everything you guys reviewed. Thank youu! I am "running towards you, almost knocking you over from the impact" type of hugging all of you right now. Review responses will come soon.

Feeling Tension: Thank you for your review, and thank you so much for mentioning the part of personal experience! The experience isn't one I've had, not something as hurtful or scary as an almost overdose from drugs, but I'm glad I was able to tap into those emotions correctly. It was a worry of mine. It really meant a lot to me for you to add that in your review, sincerely. I wish I could've messaged you immediately after your review, but I hope this isn't too late to say that I loved your review and kind words.

Guest: Thank you for your review! I'm glad you think it gets better and better. Thank you for reading along, and your kind words, I'm happy you really liked and felt along with the chapter.

belgian girl x: Thank you for your review! Yess, Jon was definitely making a huge mistake. Thank you for your constant support!

Guest: Thank you for your review and for your kind words! It made me smile to read that you thought the story is brilliant :)

Guest: I loved reading that you were a fangirl of this story! Thank you so much for your review. I know this update took a while, and I'm sorry about the wait but I really hope you liked the chapter.

mynameisbubbles: Your review made my heart swell. Thank you SO much for leaving this story a beautiful review! I can't explain in words how much I loved your review, and it would be embarrassing if I publicly tried. The characters of this story and I appreciate and love you so much, thank you thank you for this amazing review, my dear.

Guest: Yes, please do :) Thank you for your review!

AMY J Pond: Thank you for your review! I'm glad you liked it, and trust me, I was feeling all these things too! Especially about being heartbroken about the way Jace had to hold Clary back when she was losing it. My heart hurts writing this, just remembering it.

Guest: The feeeels! The feels get me while I write these chapters, I'm happy to see you feel the same. Thank you for your review!

Guest: You and Ron Pope are in the list of my favorite people. I absolutely love him! He is amazing, and I just would fly out somewhere to see him live one day. I'm happy to see you're a fan of him too, always nice to have someone understand how great he is. Thank you for your review!

Guest: Thank you for your review! I'm with you, my dear. This chapter and the one before it were truly something to write because of the emotion going on in it. I'm glad I was able to get that across in this chapter. So happy that you love the story :)

JoJo: Thank you for your review! I feel for all of them, really. The heartbreak is definitely still there, but it's beginning to lift for a few of them. I hope you liked the chapter!

Guest: I really love that you're in love with this story :) it's definitely intense, and I'm glad you like that about it. Thank you for your review!

Freshair: Thank you so much for your review! I was happy to see that you enjoy the development of the minor characters. I feel like I can't write a full story without them having a good amount in it, just because they make so much of Clary and Jace. It's nice to see you enjoying that aspect :)