Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, Axis Powers: Hetalia or any of their associated characters or fictional locations. I also do not own Lady Gaga.

Slash Note:

How to use

X

A Slashygami may make the Slashygami eye-trade with the owner of this note in exchange for the human to be used as the Slashygami's personal sex slave for the next twelve hours.

XI

The human who makes the Slashygami eye trade will posses the Slashygami eyes. This means that the human shall be able to see the real names of all other humans, in addition to this they will be able to see all other humans sexuality (Heterosexual, Bisexual and Homosexual) as well their fetishes next to the humans name.

XII

The sexuality of the human whose name is written in this Note has no bearing on the effect of the Note, even if they are Heterosexual they will be rendered Homosexual for the duration of the Slash Note's effects.

Hello once again, it is I, L the third, the master of deception and sole sane man in the hell that is known as this guide. A quick thought (I have a lot of these don't I, still I'm sure that all you nice, normal people balance things out you slow ones) if this is a guide then where exactly is the 'guide' part going to come? I mean, so far its basically just a recording of the daily insanity through which I must suffer for the sake of you sadistic spectator's. Still that's the reason why you read this thing anyway isn't it, I mean, it's not like you actually want any advice in how to survive high school or you would go to your friends, or maybe you really are looking for advice and came to me because you don't have any friends, in which case I feel for you as I to have no friends, only people I used to pay to carry out my plans and feed me occasionally and they abandoned me to join a spread-worshipping cult.

Anyhow you didn't come here to listen to how I was abandoned by my very well paid employees in favour of a penniless Jam-cult lead by a sex-crazed serial killer, no you came here to find out what happened today to warrant me making a new entry into this journal.

Well as I'm sure you remember, last chapter I used the power of the Slash Note to make France and Russia have brutal, prolonged, possibly and probably malicious, sex involving Russia's drainage pipe (the character's, not the countries before you give yourself a migraine trying to work out how two land masses could have sex of any sort with or without a drain-pipe). Thanks to this I had a few days of relative peace once I managed to trick Aizawa into eating some of England's scrambled eggs (I'm damn certain that one them blinked at me) and he was rushed off to hospital, however this was not to last.

As you should know the reason why I was able to get some peace was because France and Russia were otherwise occupied. France was busy undergoing anal reconstruction surgery (three more and we get a twenty percent discount!) and Russia was trying to retrieve his pipe from a very unfortunate place, however peace, as always in this fic, never lasts and when I finally returned home today the insanity started once more...

As walked into the hallway I was suddenly set upon by Aizawa in a nurses dress.

"Welcome home Near!" Shouted Aizawa. "Russia and France have been waiting for you all day!"

Well that's a sentence that would give anyone nightmares, I thought to myself. "Er, sorry but I['ve really got to go to my room right now because.... I'm bidding for something on Ebay, so I have to get to my computer right now!"

Aizawa gave me a weird look. "Mr Yagami cut off your internet access after we maxed out the download on your computer on Porn."

"...I bought a wireless connection." I lied, trying not to think about the fact that at least Aizawa had at some point been in my room without my knowledge.

"No you haven't, the only places you've been are School and the house for the past few weeks!" Replied Aizawa.

I suddenly felt an intense fear and looked at Aizawa with wide eyes. "Have you been stalking me?!"

"Um, er..." Aizawa shifted uncomfortably. "Hey look, France and Russia are waiting for us, it would be rude to keep them waiting!" And with that Aizawa grabbed my wrist and dragged me into the living room.
When my world stopped spinning I found myself in between the T.V. and the couch with a mild case of carpet-burn and with both Russia and France sitting on the couch, staring at me expectantly.

"OH GOD! PLEASE DON'T RAPE ME!" I screamed and curled up into a little ball. "KILL ME IF YOU WANT BUT DON'T DEFILE ME!"

"Now now, I'm not going to rape you," France said in a soothing tone. "My Doctors say I can't have sex for at least four more hours."

"I peeped at him with one eye. "What about 'mother Russia' over there?"

Russia smiled brightly at me. "Don't worry, my pipe says I'm not allowed to have any fun with little boy's as punishment for being stuck in there." He waved said pipe.

"... um, okay." I uncurled and felt uncomfortable as Aizawa joined them on them couch and started staring at me. "Well if you don't want to rape me then why did you want me?"
Russia smiled. "We have a school project remember, we have to choose someone important and say why we chose them- wait, pipe wants to say something." He held his pipe next his ear with a serious expression. "Oh, um, oh dear! Is that so? He looked at us again. "Pipe says we should choose Stalin because he made Russia great!"

"Hey now, Stalin's no match for my Madame De Pompadour!" Snapped France.

"We should choose Lady Gaga!" Said Aizawa.

Things went downhill from there, Russia claimed that Stalin had two votes because 'Pipe' voted for him as well. France said that inanimate objects didn't get a vote, Aizawa said that if 'Pipe' got a Vote then so did his toilet plunger which he promptly pulled out of a place which it could not have possibly have fitted. Unfortunately Russia took this as a challenge towards Pipe and he attacked Aizawa, leading to a sort of demented sword fight consisting of two really odd swords and even odder wielders.

"Ha!" Yelled Aizawa. "My Plunger easily outmatches your crude steel!"

"Pipe is going to break you and crush you and stomp you into goo!" Said Russia, looking happy.

"Oh yeah, well Plunger can make boys give birth! What can Pipe do!"
"Pipe can break stuff, like you!" Russia swung down and smashed Mr Yagami's favourite coffee mug.

"Oh yeah, take this!" Shouted Aizawa as he 'stabbed' at Russia's head. Russia, having broken Coffee mug couldn't bring 'Pipe' up in time to block it.

There was a sudden silence.

"Um... well this is awkward," noted Aizawa scratching his head.

"Mrrrphh!" Mumbled Russia through the toilet plunger now attached to his face.

Wow, that's such a cool accessory!" Gasped France. "I just have to have one!" And with that France jumped off the couch and ran out the house.

"Er... Aizawa let go of the plunger and turned to me so that Russia was behind him. "I guess.. this means I win, right?"

Russia suddenly growled and swung Pipe up with the force a thousand angry vodka-deprived peasants.

Aizawa's face fell, evidently feeling the effects of the pipe currently lodged between his legs. Mommy.." he gasped in a pitch more suited to a mouse than a man (I'm not entirely certain that can he can be counted as one after this though) and keeled over.

Russia struck a victory pose and tried to say something only to be muffled by the plunger on his face before he to joined Aizawa on the floor due to oxygen deprivation.

And that, ladies and gentlemen was how I ended up having to do the work of our entire group on my own due to the other member''s of my group being either AWOL or otherwise 'occupied' in cupboard where I shoved them so I wouldn't keep tripping over them. I'm relatively sure that I should have called an Ambulance but unfortunately I'm broke so they can rot for a while, I suppose I should have detached the Plunger from Russia but unfortunately I was unable to do due to the fact that I couldn't be stuffed.

Hey, I mean, he's a nation right? He shouldn't die from lack of air, and even if he does Fate will find some way to bring him back to torment me some more, I guarantee it.

Well, I really have to get back to work to avoid failing and being kicked out of school and being forced spend all of my time at home without the meagre protection of the public education system... with no excuse to go out and get food that doesn't glow...

The score: Near: 12 Fate: 18

16th of December

The Yagami household

Trying to complete my assignment

Nate Rivers

Author's Note: MRegent.2 here, hey people! You do realize that you can send in challenges don't you? I haven't had any in a really long time so I just thought I'd remind you. Oh and in case any of you missed the Author's Note in Chapter 26, if you're interested in Bleach (or not) go to my favourites list on my profile and have a look at 'Uninvited Guests', it's one of the best fanfic's I've ever read, on Par with Hitsugia's guide to high school (it even has a storyline!). Oh and how come hardly anyone reviews nowadays, if you don't review then I'll have no motivation to update...