Rating: M
Characters: Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Tony DiNozzo, Tim McGee, Abby Sciuto, Ducky Mallard, Jimmy Palmer, Ziva David, Leon Vance, OMC, OFC
Pairings: Gibbs/Tony
Warnings: Rape/non-con, torture, violence, trauma, angst, slash, swearing, mild Ziva bashing (She behaved horribly towards Tony at the end of season 6. I never liked her after that.)
Spoilers: Parts of the end of season 6 and the beginning of season 7
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I just like to play with them.
(Author's note: All will be explained in later chapters. But since some of you might be wondering why Tony is regressing like this, I thought I should explain a bit now as well.
Ever since Tony's mother died, he grew up without parental love and care. When he was kidnapped, something broke inside him mentally, and now that he's being cared for by Gibbs, he is craving that care. At this point in the story, it's getting harder and harder for him to fight this.
I hope this explanation makes sense.. :)
Also, this is my first time writing about this particular subject. While I did my fair share of research, I'm sure this isn't perfect. Please try and be forgiving of any unintentional errors in presentation.)
NCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS
As Tony blinked, slowly coming into awareness, he found himself in Jethro's lap, seated at the head of the bed. His head rested on Jethro's shoulder, while his knees rested at either side of Jethro's waist. Jethro sang softly to Tony, rubbing soothing circles on his back. It was nice. Tony felt safe, loved and grounded.
The only problem was, he had no recollection of how he got there.
"Jethro..." Tony moaned sleepily.
"Hey, sweetheart," Jethro greeted affectionately, kissing the top of Tony's head. "Feeling better?"
"Yeah, I..." Tony snuggled into Jethro's chest, breathing in his scent. He knew that he should sit up, and get off of Jethro's lap. But he just felt too content and comfortable where he was. "What happened? Did I...?"
Tony felt a burning in the pit of his stomach, as realization slowly hit him.
"I regressed, didn't I?" At that, he sat up abruptly. "Oh God...I didn't mean - "
"Shhh...it's okay."
Jethro pulled Tony close, so that they were once again positioned as they had been before. Every instinct in Tony told him he should be fighting this. But he just couldn't. Jethro's touch had an instantly calming effect on him, and he wasn't going to deny himself this comfort. Tony felt his breathing even out, and his muscles relax completely. Against all protest from his "adult mind", his "baby body" seemed to be winning the battle.
"I don't mind," Jethro continued, as he resumed rubbing Tony's back. "I like taking care of you."
Tony's heart warmed at Jethro's words, and he felt himself practically melt into the older man's embrace.
"How long...?"
"About an hour. You fell asleep while I was changing you." Jethro chuckled fondly in recollection. "When I tried to move you under the covers, you started whining and reaching for me."
Tony closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose, trying to ignore the humiliation he felt at his own loss of control. He needed to understand what was happening to him. He needed to know what Jethro saw.
"And that's when...this happened?" Tony asked, referring to their current position and hoping Jethro understood. Held like this, Tony could feel his adult mind slipping.
"Yeah. You settled pretty down pretty quick once I had you in my lap."
Jethro said the words with such a caring, gentle tone. Like a loving parent. It was nice, but felt oddly surreal.
"You're really okay with me being...like this?" Tony had a hard time believing that his take-no-shit former boss, who was more likely to give head slaps than hugs, would be so tolerant of Tony's regression.
The hand which had been rubbing Tony's back stilled for a moment, before wandering up to the back of Tony's neck and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"You need to understand something, Tony. Whether you're a baby or an adult, I love you, and will always put you first."
At these words, all Tony could do was cry. Tears of gratitude. Tears of disbelief that anyone could love him so unconditionally. He wasn't used to receiving that kind of love. Not since his mother died. Having been deprived of love for so many years, Jethro's words seemed almost unreal.
"I...I don't understand," Tony said hoarsely, willing his body to sit up and look at Jethro. "Why me?"
Holding Tony's face between his hands, Jethro gave him a sad smile. "Because for the first time in years, I'm thinking about someone other than myself. Because after years of you having my six, I finally see just how special you are."
Tony shook his head in disbelief. "I don't -"
"Come here." Jethro pulled Tony back into his arms, holding him close.
"Never forget that you are loved," Jethro whispered, his breath warming Tony's neck. "No matter how 'young' or 'old' you are, you'll always have a home with me."
That's when the dam broke. Quiet sobs turned to loud wails as relief washed over Tony. Wrapped in the security of Jethro's love, Tony didn't feel the need to pretend anymore.
Without realizing it was even happening, Tony let go. His body relaxed against Jethro, and his mind drifted, so that his only thought was the love he felt for the man who held him.
And if he softly babbled "dada", he never even noticed.
NCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS
"Jethro, do I like coffee?" Tony asked, looking up from the piano at the older man who stood, coffee cup in hand, watching him play.
"If you wanna call it that," Jethro snorted.
"What do you mean?" Tony took his hands off the keyboard, giving Jethro a perplexed look.
"What you call 'coffee', I call 'dessert'," Jethro smirked, taking a sip. "I can make a cup for you tomorrow morning if you want."
"Yeah!" Tony answered with a big grin. "I'd like that."
"Okay." Jethro had to smile at Tony's enthusiasm. "I've been keeping a carton of hazelnut creamer in the fridge for you, just in case."
Stepping forward, Jethro put a gentle hand on Tony's shoulder. "Let's get you settled in the living room. Rachel will be here any minute now."
Tony nodded, standing. "Do you think she can fix me?"
"I think she can help you," Jethro said confidently, leading Tony to the couch. "Not so sure you need to be fixed."
Tony gave Jethro an incredulous look as he sat. "Are you serious?"
"Let's just see what Rachel has to say", Jethro said sadly, as both men turned towards the sound of Rachel's car pulling into the driveway.
"Be right back," Jethro promised, kissing Tony on the forehead.
Tony smiled, watching as Jethro went to let Rachel in. He could remember a time when Jethro kept the door unlocked at all times. Now, it stayed locked. Because Jethro wanted Tony to feel safe.
Tony sighed happily, watching Jethro greet Rachel and thinking how lucky he was to be in the older man's care.
"Hey, Tony," Rachel greeted, setting down a large gift bag and taking a seat in the easy chair next to the couch. "How are you feeling today?"
Tony shrugged. "Fine. I think. Don't know..." he laughed uncomfortably. "What's in the bag?"
"Oh, we'll get to that later," Rachel answered with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Jethro told me a bit about what's been going on since I last saw you. But I want to hear it from you. Is there anything you'd like to share with me."
Feeling his face turn red, Tony averted Rachel's gaze, watching, instead, as Jethro took a seat next to him on the couch. Reaching over, he clung to the older man's arm as if it were a security blanket.
"Go on," Jethro said, carding his fingers through Tony's hair. "Let Rachel help you."
Tony turned his head, burying his face in the crook of Jethro's arm. "Sometimes I act like a baby," Tony finally said, voice soft and muffled.
"Tony..." Jethro's tone was firm, but loving, as he gently tapped Tony's cheek, coaxing him to look up. "I want you to look at Rachel when you talk to her. And speak clearly."
Tony nodded, slightly embarrassed. But also, oddly, loving the firm guidance.
"I act like a baby sometimes," Tony told Rachel again, voice clear, but timid. Looking up at Rachel through half lidded eyes, Tony knew he was barely masking his shame.
"I don't mean to," he continued, gripping Jethro's arm a little more tightly." And I know I'm not supposed to..."
"Hey...I told you, I don't mind," Jethro reminded Tony. "I enjoy taking care of you - big or little."
"I know, and I'm glad." Tony smiled up at Jethro. "But I'm a grown up. I remember I'm a grown up. And grown ups aren't supposed to act like babies. It's not normal." Tony seemed to grow more agitated with every word, his voice building to a near whine by the time he was finished.
" 'Normal' is different for everyone, sweetheart," Jethro pointed out, wrapping an arm around Tony and holding him close.
With his head leaning against Jethro's shoulder, Tony could instantly feel himself begin to calm.
"Jethro's right," Rachel agreed, smiling at the sight of the two men. "And for some, regression is a good way to deal with traumatic events. Or...as I suspect is also the case for you, feelings of loss and abandonment. Feelings that go back to your childhood?"
Tony shook his head. "I don't wanna...don't..."
"That's okay," Rachel said, reaching over and placing a hand on Tony's knee. "We don't need to talk about that today."
At those words, Tony seemed to settle, bringing his knees up to his chest, and positioning himself so that he was nearly in Jethro's lap.
"But I do think that you could benefit from letting go, and giving in to your regressions. In a case like yours, some non sexual age play might be beneficial."
Tony startled, sitting upright just a bit. He was embarrassed by the suggestion. But, at the same time, a part of him found it appealing.
Confused and uncertain, Tony turned to the one person he trusted to decide for him.
"Jethro?" Tony watched the older man for his reaction, certain that he would dismiss the idea of age play without a second thought.
To Tony's surprise, Jethro smiled, nodding towards Rachel. "I think it's a good idea. Rachel and I have talked about it, and we think this could really help you."
"But...isn't it a little...weird?" Tony asked, leaning back onto Jethro's body.
"Nah." Jethro shook he's head. "You seem happy during your regressions, and a lot calmer once you come out of them."
Rachel nodded in agreement. "Imagine how much you would benefit if you stopped fighting these regressions, and welcomed them instead. I think it could bring some needed balance to your life."
"So, whatta ya say?" Gibbs asked, running a loving hand up and down Tony's arm.
Making a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a nervous laugh, Tony looked from Jethro to Rachel with a teary eyed smile.
"I actually feel relieved," he confessed. "To have you tell me that it's all right to feel this way...that I'm not a freak...and now you're letting me...Thank you!"
Once again, Tony's words were failing him. He hoped that Rachel and Jethro could understand.
"Glad we could help," Rachel said, picking up the gift bag. "Now...back to what's in here. I got you a few things, to ease you into your little head space. Hopefully, it will help make the time more enjoyable for you."
"What's in there?" Tony asked, sitting up.
"A couple of onesies, some pajamas...You can try those on later," Rachel answered, rummaging through the bag. "For now, I'd like you to get back on Jethro's lap. Relax, and let him cradle you."
Tony obeyed without question, thinking how surprising it was that he wasn't more embarrassed to be acting so young around Rachel. But it seemed that lately, Tony was becoming more baby than adult.
Once Tony was comfortably settled in Jethro's arms, Rachel stood, carrying a large, baby blue blanket with bright red fire trucks on it.
"There. Doesn't that feel nice?" she asked, placing the blanket over Tony and tucking it snugly around his body.
Tony could only moan contentedly. His mind was already beginning to slip, thumb drifting into his mouth.
"No, baby boy," Jethro said softly, gently lowering Tony's thumb away from his mouth with one hand, while taking something from Rachel with the other.
"Isn't this better?" Jethro asked, holding a blue pacifier up in front up Tony. It was larger than the ones Tony had seen for babies, clearly made for an adult mouth.
Without giving it a thought, Tony opened his mouth, rooting for the object until Jethro popped it in. Sucking happily, Tony's felt his eyes become heavy with sleep.
"That's it, Tony," Rachel cooed. "Let go, and allow yourself to sink into your little head space. Don't even think about it. Trust, and let Jethro take care of all your needs."
It only took a moment for Tony to regress completely. His world became the arms that held him; voices around him little more than faint echoes to his ears.
Tony had surrendered control to his little side without a fight, and he wasn't ready to grow up any time soon.
