A/N: Soooooo…I'm pretty sure you're all gonna come after me for this. You gotta admit this would eventually come even if you didn't want it to, but bear with me here. Many thanks to those who've reviewed, followed, and faved! You're all great motivation! ;)


Chapter 28: Trouble in Paradise

The moment Rose came out of her shower she had full intentions of talking to the Doctor as he entered his brooding state once again. But as she arrived in the console room, it appeared he wasn't in the mood to talk. He pulled the lever and they landed somewhere. Martha had came out of her room after chatting with her mother on her phone, and even sshe noticed the discomfort.

The mineral lakes of Korhaan were a beautiful, if not impossible, sight to see. Not only was the ice a mixture of colors containing purple, magenta, and green that matched the patterns of the sky and the moons, but it looked nothing like ice at all. In fact it shone and glimmered like soft, moving waves of an actual unfrozen lake.

Stepping to the edge the girls crouched down and placed a hand gently to the surface, amazed at the texture. It may have looked like water flowing but it was all solid. Grabbing the specific skates needed to be worn, the group slowly made their way onto the lake. Martha struggled a little and Rose nearly slipped, but the Doctor was behind them and offered his arms for them to hold themselves up with. Pretty soon, both girls became familiar with the surface and let go of him, beginning to glide smoothly.

The entire trip Rose noted how the Doctor continued to distance himself from her. From the moment they arrived, he barely even glanced over to her. The only time they held hands was when she almost fell on the ice at first contact and he kept her up. Because her wrists were still still slightly bruised she bit back on a hiss of pain, but she was sure he heard it the way her breath hitched. Now he wouldn't even touch her, all because he hurt her when he was possessed by the sun in the Torajji system. But it wasn't his fault, though.

She couldn't stand this space left between them. She was going to confront him about this once they got back to the TARDIS.

"It's amazing how the ice remains that way even in the summer," Martha commented as she sat on the jump seat. She hadn't gone skating since she was a little girl, and when compared to the experience she just had, those lakes seemed to be easier to glide on.

"Not really," the Doctor interjected, sending the TARDIS into the vortex. "Like I said, it's basically winter all year long. They have six seasons, and each is just relatively colder than the previous in the cycle. What you consider winter on Earth is their summer."

"Right." Martha said as she looked over at Rose.

She was standing on the opposite side of the console and biting her thumbnail. It wasn't hard to miss the uneasiness again. She also noticed how the Doctor shifted around them. He seemed to be putting space between themmainly between himself and Roseand barely even looked at her.

These two have yet to even talk about the incident on that ship. After she had left to make a call for her mother over the phone, she assumed that they would have a chance to talk. But seeing the way they were acting, no conversation was made. That was her cue to give them their privacy.

Taking out her phone she flipped it up. "Oh, wow. Mum's been blasting my voicemail," she lied.

The Doctor turned and arched an eyebrow at her. "Really? We didn't hear it ring all this time," he pointed out.

"Yeah, I lowered the volume so that it wouldn't disrupt us on our trip." Please be a good enough excuse.

"That's odd, it's supposed to alert you regardless. It doesn't just go silent, the sensors were enhanced."

She simply shrugged. "Well, whatever I did, I made it silent. Besides, I still was alerted, it just wasn't that loud."

The Doctor nodded. "Alright then. At least it's working properly."

Martha stood from the jump seat. "I better call her back, see what all the fuss about. I'll see ya in a little bit." Both he and Rose nodded before she turned to leave them alone. Hopefully they can settle whatever tension they have.

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The moment their friend walked out of the room Rose couldn't help but feel awkward in this atmosphere. She knew that Martha had lied about her phone. Hers was exactly the same, and those sensors didn't just become silent. It was just an excuse to leave. Now Rose was left alone with the Doctor, who was still avoiding her to say the least, and could easily see how uncomfortable he was becoming. She couldn't stand this oddness in behavior all of a sudden, it needed to be discussed whether or not he wanted to.

He surprised her when he spoke up with his usual chipper tone, though still kept his eyes down. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, I guess," she answered flatly, though he didn't seem to notice. But she figured he actually did and waved it off.

"Can't go wrong with skating." He clapped his hands together before returning them to the console. "Right. Where to now? Oh! Since it was mentioned, what d'you say we head to New Yorkthe actual city, and not near Hooverville"

"Doctor," Rose cut in.

"How about we see the King's panned performance at the Ed Sullivan Show? Didn't get to see it last time"

"Doctor, cut the crap and tell me what's bothering you," she said firmly, cutting straight to the topic.

She saw his hands still before he shifted himself to the side, almost as if he was hiding behind the time rotor. "Rose, I'm fine" he started quietly.

"Don't." Rose moved around the console to see his face which was still hung low. "Don't even try it," she said with seriousness. "You think I don't know your brooding state by now? You might as well have taped a sign on your back saying so. You've been avoiding me all day. You won't even look at me." She took a deep breath and calmed her voice down a bit. "What's wrong? You can tell me."

The Doctor's mind was racing but not as fast as the rapid beating of his hearts. He needed to release this ache that's been bothering him for…quite a while now, but after recent events he's worried of even bringing anything up. For one thing he was actually thankful that he hadn't initiated the bond with her the other night because not only would she have to suffer with the broken and battering past he wished was obliterated from his mind, but she would've felt every ounce of pain he felt when the sun took control of his body. Felt it multiply when he had hurt her with his own hands.

Rose moved around the console towards him and he shook inside. She was always determined to help him and fix him, and she was usually brilliant at it, but even she couldn't heal him for what he had done.

"Doctor, whatever's bothering you, you can just tell me," she said softly.

He turned his head away and closed his eyes. The scene, while somewhat foggy, burned into his mind. He threw her up against the wall, bounded her wrists with his hands, held them over her head and squeezed so tight. He fear radiated off of her more than the heat from the rising temperatures and overwhelmed him, and he couldn't stop himself. He went too far.

Maybe he was diving in too deep with this woman, and it was only a matter of time until she was drowning along with himfar more than she already was. She didn't deserve that or any of this. She deserved something more, something betterthings that he couldn't give her to make her happy.

A hand came to rest on his cheek in an attempt to turn him to face her, but he just couldn't do it. Instead he turned his body away with his back to her, easily feeling her gaze burning into him from behind.

Rose stared at him feeling a mixture of confusion, anger, and hurt. It was like he wanted nothing to do with her. "Doctor, what's your deal? You went from snogging me senseless and holding onto me for dear life not that long ago, and now you won't even look at me. What's wrong?"

His hands made their way into his pockets while his head was bowed. "Are you happy, Rose?" he asked quietly.

Her brows furrowed. "What? Why would you ask that? Of course I'm happy. I'm concerned and a little confused at the moment, but I'm fine. I'm…happy."

"You may be now, but it won't last for much longer," he said with a hollow voice.

"What are you talking about?"

How could he say this simply? That was the problem, there was no way to make this simple. "I'm sorry, I just…I can't do this," he admitted out loud.

"Can't do what?"

Swallowing hard he took a deep breath. "I went too far."

"With what? Just tell me," she urged. "Is it because of my wrists? Doctor, I told you I'm fine, they're healing fast, it's nothing-"

"That's the whole point," he said with a louder voice. "I hurt you! You can't brush that off like it's nothing, Rose. I physically hurt you with my own hands! How can you disregard the fact that I almost killed you?"

"That wasn't your fault!" Rose told him. "You didn't do that, it was a bleedin' sun taking over your body!"

"But it was still by my doing."

"So that's why you've been avoiding me? 'Cause you gave me bruises and almost killed me when you were possessed and blame yourself for it?"

He paused. "No…partly."

Rose blinked a few times. "What d'you mean?" He shook his head and stayed silent. Oh, no he wasn't. He was definitely not letting this go. She needed answers.

Stepping forward she put a hand on his shoulder and spun him around to face her fully. He seemed shocked by her sudden movement, but she didn't care. "Tell me what the hell is the matter with you, Doctor. I mean it, just tell me. Why are you suddenly distancing yourself from me?"

"I think it's pretty self-explanatory."

"Maybe it is, but I wanna hear it come from you," she challenged. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on with you, and you know very well that I'm here to stay forever, so you can't keep bottling everything up inside."

"That's just it," he replied.

"What is?"

"You're gonna live forever, and you wanna spend it with me."

She arched a curious brow at him. "So, what, you're ashamed by that? Of me?"

The Doctor shook his head before scrubbing a hand down his face. "No, Rose"

"Then what!?" she shouted. "You sound like you don't even want this anymore." Her breath hitched, fearing that was what he was trying to say. "You are, aren't you? Are you saying…we're done?"

He took in a shuddering breath and spoke calmly. "All's I'm saying is that…we can't keep doing this anymore."

"You're basically saying that you don't wanna be with me anymore," she accused tersely before laughing bitterly. "All of a sudden after this whole entire time. Having spent so much time together, after finally admitting our feelings for each other, after comforting you and being there for you in your emotional traumatic mindset, you're still trying to push me away! You bloody"

"Don't you see what your life's become because of me?" He shot back. "You've lost so much since the very first day you met meyour friends, your family, every single person you've encountered. You'll never see any of them again because I came into your life! I'm ruining it every day that goes by, and it could only get worse than that."

"How the hell are you ruining my life? This is the life I chose!"

He thrust his arms out. "Exactly! My life! I've taken you away from things you could want one day, things that I could never be able to give youthe chance of a normal life with a human."

"Woah, don't even go there," she warned, cutting him off with a raised hand. "I told you before, Doctor. Those things were never a concern for me before I met you, why would they be after? Don't turn this around onto me. We were given the greatest gift from the universethe chance to be together forever, to be by each other's sides, and you ask me if I'm happy? How can I not be happy when the one thing we've always wanted now exists?"

"Because it could only turn into a curse," he answered sadly.

Rose laughed again and slapped her thighs. "Here we go again. You still have that notion that living a long life only ends up in loneliness. Why can't you understand that I'm never gonna leave you? What'll it take to prove it to you? Should I tattoo it on my forehead for you to see every day?"

He made a frustrated sound as he turned around and thrust his hand into his hair before turning back to face her. "You see why I don't get close to people? Eh? This is why!

"Oh, I see it very clearly. You're afraid of things getting too domestic!" she said hotly.

"That has nothing to do with it!"

Not backing down from him, she stood right up to him. "What about the trip to Noel, then? Huh? Is that relevant?"

"Rose"

"You planned that trip for one reason, Doctor. You told me straight that we were gonna cherish every second of time together. Why? Was that all out of pity 'cause the Beast said I was gonna die?"

The Doctor shook his head immediately as his eyes widened. "What!? No! That's not"

"Then what? If you supposedly regretted coming into my life, then why would you admit your feelings for me knowing full well I promised to never leave you? What, were you looking for pity?"

His brows shot up to his hairline. "Of course not! I'm not looking for anyone's pity, and I'm certainly not doing anything out of it for you. I was tired of losing everything, sick and tired of losing everyone around me, and I still am." Pausing to inhale a shaky breath he continued. "For so many years the universe has kept me under a black cloud, finding new ways to ruin my life and drive me mad. And then when I met you, none of that mattered to me. For once I thought the universe was being somewhat kind to me and gave me the angel I've long since needed in my life though never deserved. But just like always, whenever someone comes into contact with me, the slightest encounter, everything around that person falls apart. Because of me! And then I have to live on with the guilt and constant reminder of being the cause of that person's misery."

Rose shook her head. "I'm not miserable. I've never been happier in my life."

The Doctor took another deep breath. "You see? The one thing that could preserve your promise is a curse. Now you'll have to live on and watch everyone around you wither and die. All because you're with me. And now you're destined for the same fate."

"First of all, that wasn't just my promise. You made the promise with me," she corrected. "That day back on Noel gave us the extra push we were looking for to finally admit it to each other after two long years. You've been alone for so long, but you're not any more. You've got me."

He studied her with an unreadable expression. "You could've done better. You could've just found someone human who could give you everything that I couldn't."

"I told you I don't want any of that. None of that matters to me, and you give me things no one else ever could."

He snorted in derision. "Sure, just go with the old mad man in a box."

"You keep on degrading yourself, just stop it." She told him before adding quietly, "I love you, Doctor."

"Don't say that," he spoke with barely a whisper with a shake of his head and closed his eyes.

"You know I mean it," she said firmly. "No matter what, that's never gonna change."

Letting out a deep breath, the Doctor scrubbed a hand down his face before stiffening, his jaw clenched tight to show his dimples. "That may be true, but as time goes on you'll realize how much you could have had if you hadn't met me," he said in another low whisper. "The longer you're here you'll see exactly why I'm such a curse myself and you'll grow to resent it."

Rose backed away from him and sighed in frustration. "Oh, my God…you're so thick! Stop trying to push me away! I made the decision to stay here myself. You think I don't know that I've lost everything? I think about it all the time, but I know I'd be more of a wreck if I had lost you!" She went right back over to him and poked him in the chest. "After you tried to send me away into the parallel world with my mum, I chose to go back to you. I chose you! It may have cost me from seeing Mum ever again, and it'll always upset me, but I'd be worse if I couldn't reach you ever again."

"And look at what happened!" He shouted. "I gave you a way out to be safe! I was looking out for you just as I always do, and you have to always defy me and come back. You could've had a better life there with your family and friendseven your baby brother or sister. You don't even know your sibling's gender. You can never go back!"

"I never wanted to!" she yelled back, feeling tears burning in the backs of her eyes. "We had just accepted our new relationship, and there was no way in hell I was gonna leave. I never planned to. God, how can you…" Rose paused for a moment to study him as he breathed heavily. "Oh, God. You never thought I'd actually stay with you, did you?"

His eyes narrowed. "What?"

"Even right before Noel, you didn't believe I'd stay with you. Then you planned to take us there in hopes that we could start something new, and like you always do, you claimed you knew it'd work. But deep down, you still didn't believe I'd stay."

"I did believe," he stressed seriously.

"What about now, Doctor? Do you still believe?" she challenged.

The Doctor opened his mouth to respond but just growled in frustration and turned away from her to thrust a hand in his hair, tugging furiously.

Rose laughed bitterly again as her tears began to mist her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "There it is. You're scared," she said. "You're terrified of our future…and you wanna run away. Just run away from everything."

"Of course I do!" he shouted as he whipped around. "All my life I've spent running away and never looking back"

"So, what, you just wanna dump me on the side, then?"

"No," he said sincerely without hesitation. "I'd never do that to you, you know that. I swore."

"But you wanna strip me of myno, ourhappiness because it's eating away at you," she concluded before shaking her head. "Oh, you…you stupid, selfish git!"

His eyes widened at her words. "Selfish!? How am I selfish? I admit that it was selfish of me to sacrifice to Daleks when I knew I was almost breaking our promise of being together, but I was trying to keep my other promise to keep you safe. As daft and ridiculous as my plans are, you're always my number one concern. I regenerated for you, for Rassilon's sake! I'm always looking out for you to make sure you're out of harm's way, that you make it out alive, safe and sound. And right now I'm doing what's best for us"

"Oh, please, don't give me that rubbish!" Rose spat. "You contradict yourself. You just can't face the fact that someone loves you for who you are."

He leaned closer to her as a shadow crossed his face, his ancient eyes churning. "You don't fully know what kind of man I am," he said in a low voice. "What you see on the outside doesn't do justice for what's inside."

"Well, if you were to just let me in a little more, I could," Rose told him.

He visibly swallowed hard. "It's not that simple," he said quietly.

"Why? Afraid of what I'll see?" He took a deep breath through his nose. She knew the reason, and yet she still pushed it further. "Oh, I get it. You've been afraid for a while. Even after all this time you've always doubted medoubted us. The more close we become, the more you panic. Just like the other night. You were scared at how far we were gonna go, and you backed away."

"That's not"

"No, that's just it. You're a bloody coward."

"That's right, I am a coward!" he screamed, stepping closer. "I've been like that all of my lives, but underneath everything are the things I fear the most, things that I never wanna face again," he tried to calm his voice down. "I would never wanna dump any and all of that onto you 'cause it's just unbearable for another person. I love you too much to"

"Shut up," Rose said in a low, angry voice. "Don't you dare use that as an excuse for pushing me away." He opened his mouth to speak again, but she cut him off with a louder voice. "No! You've said enough, now it's my turn. You just can't accept the fact of someone getting too close to you and knowing everything that defines you, and you're terrified because of it. Just when things are going good, you panic and run away from everything 'cause you can't handle it. The almighty Doctor, last of the Time Lordsa man who can strike fear into the hearts of so many enemies, the man who's always running away, and he can't deal with something that could actually help him along and stop being broken. I'm sick and tired of dealing with your demons when you don't have the courage to face them yourself."

The Doctor stared at her wide eyed, her words hitting him hard. Everything she was saying was true, things he admitted to himself. It was almost as if she had read his mind, and each word pained him a little, especially hearing them coming from her; the one who always heals his wounds, the one who trudges along with him in the darkness and lit up his surroundingsexcept now she was done with trying to fix him at the moment.

Searching her eyes, he swallowed hard, knowing full well the gravity of his words were weighing down on him. "Fine," he said calmly.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "What?"

He shifted on his feet until he was standing straighter and looked down at her hard. "If you're tired, then just stop trying and walk away."

"That's it?" He just stood still and stared hard at her. Letting out a short breath through her nose, she held her hands up in a surrender. "Fine. You wanna live like a broken mess, fine." She turned and started to walk away down the corridor until she came to a stop then faced him again. "Go 'head, run away like the coward you are and slam into a brick wall, 'cause I'm done being strung along by an old, selfish bastard."

With that she ripped the ring off of her finger and threw it at him, hitting him square in the face before it fell to the grating. Glaring at her as she stomped away, he growled angrily as he picked it up and looked over his engravings then placed it in his pocket.

Gripping the edge of the console, the Doctor closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, releasing ragged breaths through his nose. Letting out another growl he grabbed the mallet on the side and started pounding it against the console repeatedly until throwing it hard on the other side of the room, connecting with the wall with a loud thud.

The TARDIS made an attempt at nudging his mind cautiously, but he glared up at the ceiling, sending Her away as well.

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Martha sat in the media room catching up with the Harry Potter series by herself. This has been the occurrence as of lately for the last two weeks.

It's been tense and solemn in the TARDIS ever since the heated argument between the Doctor and Rose. Everything that enlivened the place up had ultimately silenced, and whenever something did come up, it only turned into another row over small, stupid, things then escalated into greater personal issues. She first noticed the change when she came out of her room after giving them some privacy to talk out what was bothering them, and it turned out instead of settling their problems by kissing and making up as they usual did, it only escalated into something worse.

When she first saw Rose, she was in the galley drinking some tea with a hardened expression. That was one sign. Then when she found the Doctor, he was pacing around the corridors before entering a roomthe simulation room, as she had been informed oflooking exactly the same and was muttering words in another language. She assumed it was of his home language so the TARDIS couldn't translate it for any of them to understand. Feeling torn that her friends, the dynamic duo, were now avoiding each other as much as possible, and the calmness of the ship had diminished.

Though not entirely as if one of them ended up in the same room as herself, the other would stumble in eventually and just stare at the one already in the room before turning and leaving. But if they both were in the same place, for instance the galley for dinner and whatnot, they didn't initiate any conversation, and when they did it would end up in either a bitter exchange of words or just another row, prompting everyone to leave in an unpleasant mood. Over the last few days, however, she noticed how much more solemn they had become, almost like they both regretted whatever was said yet they still kept their distance.

Martha noticed that the special ring that the Doctor given Rose when they pretended to be a married couple at Royal Hope hospital was absent from her finger. She wasn't too sure if the Doctor had kept his own ring on after the hospital, but even if he did, he'd probably taken his off as well. One morning she noticed Rose coming out of a different room. Not surprisingly they were no longer sleeping in the same bedroom. Whenever they all went out to a different place or planet, they wouldn't even hold hands.

It reminded her of her own parents always bickering and fighting over the smallest things. Even then she was caught in the middle of every squabble just as she was now with the Doctor and Rose. The TARDIS was affected by their terms as well. Her humming sounded sad and Her lights were dimmer than usual. What used to be a ship full of cheerfulness and joy had made a one hundred an eighty degree turn to change into one of depression and all around uncomfortable.

This wasn't the right way to live, especially when it came to those two.

At times she would pat the TARDIS wall or strut to try to communicate with Her. Though She still sounded glum Martha could sense the ship's determination to get them to settle their issues. Martha was no stranger to being a mediator, but every chance she tried to talk to either of them, the other would enter and any and all conversation was chucked away as a staredown or row would commence.

But as they were both of her friends she was going to talk to both of them in private with every opportunity that she had.


I know, I know, you're probably cursing me for this angst and wanna slap the Doctor and myself, but I promise it will get better.