28 Angel Of the Morning
How could it all go so fucking wrong in such a short time? Puck couldn't figure it out. Rachel wasn't talking to him, Santana was pissed at him and so was Sam and he didn't even know what he'd done. Rehearsals for the play were uncomfortable as hell and so were football practices with the quarterback hardly talking to him and all. He could tell Coach was worried but he had no idea what to say to her.
Finally he grabbed Lauren, who while pissed seemed more confused that the other two, "Lauren, I swear to God, I don't know what I did. I'll fix it, I will, but I gotta know how I screwed up first." He blurted the words out. "Seriously, what the fuck. One minute I'm waiting for Rachel to show up at Shelby's the next she's a no show and she ain't talkin' to me. What. The. Fuck."
"Seriously?" Lauren blinked at him, "You're not shittin' me? You really don't know." Her dark eyes narrowed at him and she shook her head, "No you really don't. Huh." She leaned against a desk and studied him thoughtfully. "So what's the last time things were good with you and Rachel."
"Talked to Rachel at school two weeks ago, I was excited because Shelby was gonna let me visit with Beth," Puck said promptly. "Rachel was happy for me, even though I know she's a little depressed about Shelby still, and she asked if it was all right with Shelby if she could visit too. If I thought she wouldn't be a distraction from daddy daughter time." He smiled remembering, his girl was so sweet, didn't want to be demanding. "And I told her if I had my way she was gonna be part of my life for the rest of it so yeah I wanted my daughter to meet her. Wanted Beth to love her just as much as I did."
"Okay, and everything was all right?" Lauren tilted her head, frowning.
"Yeah," Puck nodded. "I was gonna go by Shelby's after practice on Friday. Rachel had dance lessons then she was going to get a ride over to Shelby's afterwards, I'd probably beat her there by a bit but no big deal." He thought for a moment, "Practice was hard, and I was worn out when I got there. But Beth was sleepy too, guess she usually gets a nap and she hadn't had one."
"So what happened then," The girl wrestler asked and when Puck frowned in annoyance continued, "I'm the one listening to you Puck. I know why Rachel is upset, and the fact that I'm talking to you right now could mess up my own relationship so I'm taking a risk for you. Just answer the questions so maybe we can fix this mess."
"Right," Puck took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. "Sorry, this is just…if I'd screwed up… Fuck me I'd fix it. I'd grovel. I'd do anything. But I don't fucking know." He pushed a hand through his mohawk and thought, "So when I got there Shelby was just making conversation, asking how I was doing. And I told her about me and Rachel's date night a few nights before. We'd just gone to dinner but it was cool and I got to show off my girl at Stix you know." He looked at Lauren hopefully, "She's so fuckin' gorgeous. I like takin' her places, you know when I got cash."
"Yeah I know," Lauren smiled. "San and me like to just hang at the mall sometimes too," She folded her arms and stared into space for a second. "So what else happened?"
"Shelby was a little…" Puck shook his head, "I dunno, weird? When I was telling her about Rachel. I mean I didn't go into detail about how hot my girl is, not to her mom even if Shelby keeps saying she's not Rachel's mom, she totally is." He shrugged and sighed, "But it reminded me a little of when she first -came to McKinley and found out me an' Rache were dating, she acted a little weird then too." Puck rolled his eyes, "If LeRoy and Hiram don't have a problem with me and they know Rache and I are having sex I don't see how Shelby's got room to complain." He sighed again. "Anyway me an' Beth went and sat on the couch and I got tired and lay down, had Beth on top a my chest you know. She's so cute it's ridiculous, and she went to sleep and I went to sleep."
"You went to sleep," Lauren repeated thoughtfully, her mouth pursing in a way that might have made him want to kiss her a couple of years ago. "Nothing else?"
"Not unless you count the awesome dream I had about being home with Rachel and her kissin' me," Puck half smiled remembering the dream. "Felt almost real, could almost feel her hair tickling my cheek, but when I woke up Rachel wasn't there. Shelby was standing over me and lifting Beth off my chest saying she should go to bed. Rachel never showed up, and when I called to make sure she was all right and did she need a ride I just got voice mail." He shuddered, "Its been two weeks and she won't talk to me Lauren. She walked up to me on Monday after ignoring me the whole weekend and told me that she loved me but that she wasn't going to talk to me for a while because she was too upset. And I still don't know what I did."
His voice had risen dangerously and his hand slashed through the air so sharply that Lauren jumped and Puck sighed again, a little embarrassed, "Sorry. I don't mean to get worked up but… I could stand it if I fucked up Lauren. I really could. I could apologize. I could totally promise to never do it again. But nobody will tell me."
"And right now I can't tell you still," Lauren held up a hand when Puck felt words boiling up in his throat to protest, forestalling him. "I'm going to talk to Rachel. You're going to go and hit the gym, get a work out in because I know you Puckerman and somebody's face is going to get broken if you go around in this mood much longer. So let me find out exactly what happened from her perspective all right?"
"Yeah," Puck nodded gloomily. "Lauren." He sat on the edge of the teacher's desk, "If you think she can stand hearing it…tell her I love her. That… I dunno. I can't stop loving her just because she won't talk to me."
"I know," Lauren nodded. "I'll tell her."
She wasn't wearing her cute little skirts, Puck noticed a week and a half after he'd talked to Lauren. She'd started wearing jeans and putting her hair back in a braid, and wearing sweaters that covered her body up three weeks ago. He'd heard Kurt arguing with her about her lack of style, about her lack of effort and knew just how she felt. He'd taken to throwing on whatever clothes he had in the morning. The only thing he made sure he still had was Rachel's ring around his neck. That was about the only thing that still gave him hope, she still wore his class ring on her finger. She was keeping her promise to never take it off so that was something but damn, he was ready to beat the next person who looked at him cross eyed.
It was probably best that Jacob Ben Israel had been arrested, charged and was currently incarcerated awaiting trial because the way Puck was feeling these days he would have beat the crap out of the kid just for breathing. Funny thing was Jacob could have been released on bond but his parents had decided that he should stay in Juvie until his trial date. Apparently they were worried Puck might do something to him. So Jacob's parents weren't as stupid as he was. Unfortunately their wisdom mean Puck had absolutely nothing to distract himself or to vent his anger on. Football was fine but since he wasn't on defense he didn't get to hit anybody really. Studying was never easy at the best of times and this was not the best of times so he felt like every class was a test of willpower he was passing by the skin of his teeth.
And then Mr. Schuester decided to get cute just in time for sectionals. Not content to screw around with the set lists and argue with Coaches Sylvester and Beiste, Schuester assigned country songs, telling them to find songs that emphasized a particular mood.
Puck rolled his eyes and looked at Rachel just in time to see her do the same thing, he couldn't help flashing her a smile and felt his heart legit stop in his chest when she grinned back. And then her eyes clouded and she looked away and he really wondered if it was possible for your heart just flat out crack down the middle.
Looking at Lauren for help he saw that she was just shaking her head and holding up her hand, telling him to back off. Puck sighed and slouched down in his seat waiting until everyone had left before he stood and grabbed his bag and his guitar. Artie was waiting for him outside the door, "Hey man," Puck greeted him quietly.
"Drive me home, we're studying together today. Your last test wasn't good," Artie told him flatly. "I'm not going to let you tank your chances at NYU because you and Rachel are fighting."
"Not fighting," Puck shook his head but obligingly turned along with Artie towards the parking lot. "She just...shut me down man."
"And you have no idea what you did?" Artie asked curiously, "That's sorta weird man, if you screwed up Rachel would be the first one to tell you normally."
"Yeah, that's kinda why I'm freakin' out dude," He pushed a hand through his mohawk. "I didn't fight with her. I didn't do anything. The last time she talked to me it was a normal conversation."
"That's just..." Artie didn't seem to know what to make of that.
"Yeah," Puck nodded glumly. "I don't know how much more of this I can take before I climb the tree outside her room and break in just so she'll at least scream at me."
"Interesting ice breaker," Artie quipped.
Puck shrugged diffidently and opened the door to his truck, easily lifting Artie up into the cab, folding his chair and placing it in the bed. "I'll take screamin' if it means she'll talk to me again," He muttered as he shut the door.
He hadn't been planning on yelling at her really. She'd been in the auditorium and he'd been passing, all right he'd been stalking her a little bit hoping maybe he'd at least get to hear her sing, and she'd begun to sing all right... Puck really hadn't thought he could get that pissed off about a stupid song but something about her voice, and that choked quality that meant she was legit trying not to really cry when she sang, combined with the lyrics of a song he barely recognized as being from the eighties.
"There'll be no string to bind your hands
Not if my love can't bind your heart
And there's no need to take a stand
For it was I who choose to start
I see no need to take me home
I'm old enough to face the dawn
Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Just touch my cheek before you leave me baby
Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Then slowly turn away from me..."
She'd played the piano a little bit more and Puck had walked into the auditorium and sat down in the front row. Typically Rachel hadn't even noticed she'd been so wrapped up on the music. She always sang as if she meant every word but this time... this time she sang as if she couldn't bear to not sing. As if the lyrics and melody were her only way to express the pain inside her, the loss.
And he was even angrier because he hadn't done anything wrong but she was leaving him, just leaving him.
"Maybe the sun's light will be dim
And it won't matter anyhow
If morning's echo says we've sinned
Well it was what I wanted now
And if we're victims of the night
I won't be blinded by the light
Oh my baby
Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby
Just call me angel of the morning
I won't beg you to stay with me
Through the rain or the tears
Through the night or the years...
Baby baby baby
Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Just touch my cheek before you leave me
Oh my baby
Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby
Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Just touch my cheek before you leave me
Oh my baby
Just call me angel of the morning, angel..."
The piano died abruptly and Puck knew she'd seen him even before he opened his eyes and met her gaze. "So is that it then," He asked trying to keep his voice level and not raw as if he'd been dealing with an emotional shitstorm since she'd stopped talking to him. "You're just going to leave me without even telling me how I fucked up? You know I love you. You promised me that this wasn't... fucking temporary Rachel. But you're leavin' me anyway."
"I never left you," Rachel wasn't trying to be dramatic but she stood up so fast she nearly knocked over her piano bench. "You're leaving me. Everybody always leaves me Noah. I thought you'd be different. You did it once but I thought I could trust you to not do it again."
Puck breathed deeply through his nose and blew it out roughly from between his clenched teeth, "I have never left you Rachel. Remember? Sophomore year you dumped me. Flat." He reminded her heatedly, "And you are just walking away from me now. You won't even tell me what I did. You're just cutting me out of your life."
"I'm not talking about this," Rachel's voice was shaking. "It was hard enough for me two years ago, for you to tell me we were never friends. You just walked away from me then. And as much as that hurt, this..." She shuddered and gulped in a breath and he'd never wanted so much to hold her in his life.
"Two years ago I made a choice," Puck ground the words out. "I could let you break up with me, walk away, and you'd have a chance at a decent life. You were in love with Finn and there was no way I was ever going to be good enough for you or that you'd even look at me." He shook his head, "So I lied. I told you we were never friends because that way you wouldn't get caught up in the shitstorm of Quinn's lies and my screw-ups."
"So you made the choice for me then," Rachel's voice was well and truly pissed. "Why? It wasn't as if you had so many people on your side."
"Because you were better than alla that crap," Puck knew his voice had gone flat and cool. He was doing that thing again that his mom hated because it was usually a precursor to him drinking himself blind. "And I wasn't going to make your life any worse, if you'd stuck with me… you mighta ended up stuck here in this crap town. I want you to get out of Lima just as much as I want to get out myself."
"And now?" Rachel glared at him, "How is what you're doing now better? You promised me Noah. You promised me that you loved me. You promised that you wouldn't lie to me. That I was your girl."
"I'm not the one walking away this time," Puck shouted finally, the budding detachment going belly up as his temper got the better of him. "I haven't done anything wrong. Last words you spoke to me were that you'd meet me at Shelby's. Next thing I know you're not talking to me and I don't have a fucking clue why. Why? What the fuck did I do?" He saw the tears trickling down her cheeks and knew she wasn't going to talk to him anymore now. She hated crying at school, she'd be pissed at him that he got so far under her skin that she'd cried now.
"How can you even ask me that?" Rachel sobbed, "After what you did? After what I saw you do... you're asking me like you don't even know?" She turned and ran backstage and seconds later he heard the door slam to the back hallway.
"Yeah," Puck sat down on the piano bench and sighed. "Yeah 'cause I got a damn clue."
Author's Note: So a shorter one folks as I try to figure out just where in the name of the dear and fluffy lord my muse went. I know where I want this to go...and Shelby is not innocent in all this...our villains are more subtle this time.
But I wanted to give you guys something, and this at least hints at what's to come. So please be patient and I'll do my best. I promise I won't quit writing the story, but it looks like I'm going to have to hunt down my muse and hogtie it so it'll be slow going. Sisyphus comes to mind.
I did finish my Dragon Age story though so I'll have some more time. I hope. But thanks for the patience.
