The Love Inside
"Great ability develops and reveals itself increasingly with every new assignment."-Baltasar Gracian
Lexie walked down the hallway, took out her phone and called one of her only friends.
"Hey
Casey."
"Hey are you alright?"
"Can I stay in your room
tonight?"
"Umm, yeah, sure. Are you and Jeff alright?"
"Can
I talk to you about it later?"
"Yeah sure."
"What's
your…"
"323."
"Thanks
Casey."
"Just ask for a key at the front desk."
"I
will." Lexie hung up the phone and started to walk towards the
parking lot. The tears began to stream down her face as she tried to
walk as fast as possible. She didn't know how she was going to get
the hotel and she didn't really care. She would walk there if it
came down to that. The parking garage seemed so empty all of a sudden
even though there were cars, trucks and even people all around her.
All of a sudden, Lexie felt a hand on her shoulder and she seemed to
jump a mile in the air.
"Wow,
Lexie, are you alright?"
"Yeah," she said holding back her
tears. "Are you going to the hotel?"
"Yeah, I'm leaving
now. Would you like a ride?"
"Please." John put his arm
around her shoulder and led her to his car. After opening the door
for her, he took her things, put them in the trunk, got in the car
and they then sped off towards the hotel.
"Are
you alright man," Matt asked his younger brother who was still on
the bench in his towel. "Come on buddy, put some pants on so that
we can leave."
"Do you feel like getting plastered?"
"Alright
Mr. I don't get drunk, what's wrong?"
"Maybe I'll tell
you later. I'm not in the mood right now."
"Well unless you
tell me what's going on then I'm not going out with you
tonight."
"Fine, don't fucking come," Jeff yelled as he
got up to get dressed. "I don't fucking need you, I don't need
anyone." Jeff slammed his fist into his locker and he lowered his
head as he fought back his tears.
"Little bro, what's wrong," Matt asked softly putting his hand on his shoulder.
"I'm
just sick of showing exactly how I feel and people don't do or say
anything back. It's getting really disappointing."
"By
people do you mean Lexie and my feelings do you mean love?"
"I
just don't understand how she could just walk away."
"Maybe
it shocked her because you haven't been together that long and she
wasn't expecting it."
"Let's hope that's what it is. I
don't even know where we stand."
"Well maybe you should talk
to her about it."
"I would except one, I'm naked, and two, I
don't know where she is."
"Why
don't I go see if Casey knows and then I'll be back? But in the
mean time, would you put some clothes on."
"I guess I could
try to do that for you." Jeff laughed a little bit and as he
reached into his bag he realized his hand was all bloody. "Umm,
Matty."
"Yeah Jeff."
"Can you get me a paper towel or
something before I bleed everywhere."
"Already ahead of you,"
he stated as he entered the room with a wet paper towel and a first
aid kit.
"You know me too well."
"Well I've dealt with
you for 29 years now, I kinda have to know you well."
"So
do you want to tell me why I'm bringing you to the hotel? Not that
I mind or anything but I'm just kind of worried about you."
"John
I really believe that you are concerned but I just don't feel like
talking about it. You're my big brother and I love you for that but
I don't think I want to tell you everything."
"I understand
that I guess but I just want to know what your problem is because I
want to know if I can do anything about it."
"Alright. Have
you ever had a girlfriend say I love you and you just walk away
without saying it back?"
"Umm, yeah but that's because I
wasn't in love with her. Oh my God, Jeff said I love you."
"Yeah
he did."
"Do you love Jeff back?"
"I love Jeff, I do
but I don't know why I didn't say anything. It's just like I
froze up and after a few seconds of him waiting for a response I saw
sadness in his eyes and I just couldn't deal with that."
"Well
why don't you go and talk to him so that maybe he knows exactly how
you feel. You can't go without telling him how you feel because if
you don't tell him that and you guys break away from each other
you'll never know what might have been with the two of you. It just
doesn't make any since to me."
"I guess it just shocked me
is all and I don't know, I want to tell him but I've always been
afraid to tell people exactly how I feel and I guess if I do this
with Jeff that it's a huge step for me."
"But that's at
least something that you can overcome."
"I
guess I can overcome it but it's just hard because I don't want
to lose myself."
"Just because you admit that you love Jeff
doesn't mean that you're losing yourself. You're just expanding
yourself to more open ideas and a better life. Just think about it
babe, you'll be alright."
"Okay thanks for the
ride."
"You're welcome and my room is 338 if you need
someone to talk to."
"Thanks John," Lexie said while giving
him a hug. "I really needed someone to talk to."
"I knew
that you did but good luck with Jeff. I really hope that you get what
you want because you deserve it."
"Thanks big bro. I'll see
you later."
"Alright bye bunny."
"Why
must everybody around me come up with a weird nick name for me. First
dad starts calling me Angel and now you call me bunny. I just don't
get it."
"Now offense but I don't think that anybody likes
the name Lexie except for maybe your parents."
"I guess so but
just keep it on the down low. I don't want Jeff getting jealous
that now you have a nickname for me and he doesn't."
"Alright,
just go upstairs and talk to him. It's not that hard."
"Alright
alright, you're my brother not my father."
"Have a good
night Bunny and I'll see you later."
"Bye Johnny Boy."
"Wow,
I missed you calling me that."
"Really?"
"No, now go
away."
Lexie went to the front desk and got the key for Casey's
room. Casey called the hotel and had them give her the key. She
grabbed her bags and headed up the stairs to hopefully empty room.
"Hey
Case, are you alright?"
"Yeah I guess so but I think I hurt my
back a little bit during my match."
"I'm sorry, do you want
me to massage it for you?"
"Not right now but maybe later.
What's up with you? Any big celebrations for you and the guys
tonight after winning?"
"Umm, I really don't think so
because Paul wants to spend time with his wife and Shawn is well,
old, Jeff is in a bad mood and I really don't feel like going out.
Unless Phil is going out by himself then I don't think that anybody
is celebrating."
"Are you alright? Usually you want to go out
and have fun."
"I know but I feel like spending time with you.
Are we staying in our room again?"
"Actually I was wondering
if you could spend the night with Jeff."
"Why?"
"Because
Lexie really needs me right now and she wants to stay in my room
tonight."
"Well Jeff is going over their right now to try and
patch things up. Maybe we can go and get something to eat. You
deserve it after all."
"Are you sure that Jeff wants to go and
talk to Lexie for a good reason?"
"Of course I do. I wouldn't
let him go if I knew that he was going to do something really
stupid."
"You've got a point there. Alright, maybe I'll
let you take me out for dinner but only if I get dessert
afterwards."
"Deal."
Casey smiled as Matt turned around
and walked into the locker room. Jeff was sitting on the bench in a
sweater and black pants with his hair slicked back.
"So what's
the deal bro," Jeff asked Matt being impacient.
"She's in
Casey's room right now. I suggest you go there now and try to patch
things up."
"I'm going to. What's the room
number?"
"323."
"Alright I guess that I'll see you
tomorrow because hopefully this goes well enough."
"We're
going to be out to eat if you want to come and see us."
"Nah,
if we do patch things up then we're probably just going to try to
get back to being what we were."
"Are you thinking about
having sex with her?"
"Matt, just shut up right now. I'm
leaving now to get the woman that I love back."
"Good for you
bro, good for you."
Jeff grabbed his bag and smiled as he flung it over his shoulder and walked out of the locker room.
Lexie put her bags down in Casey's room and lied down on the bed. She took out her poetry book and began to write her thoughts down, which she hadn't done in a while.
With everything else that is going on
I didn't pay as much attention as I should have
I thought that our relationship was great
But then again, I didn't really look into it
After
today I felt like he was more in then me
But once I sat down and
analyzed things
I realized that I'm really in love with him
It didn't take him telling me he loves me
For me to figure everything out
But it did take him saying I love you
For me to actually look inside of me
I spend too much time trying to be perfect
When all I need to do is look inside myself
And realize that I'm strong no matter what
Even if a rival comes back into my life
And flips my world upside down
Even if my boyfriend says I love you
And I just stand there with nothing to say
Even if I lose everyone close to me
And I lose everything I've ever wanted
If I get knocked down I'll get back up
Because I have strength that no one can break
I wish that I could go back to earlier
And say I love you back
But I don't want this to be the end of us
Because I just love him so much.
"Now why is that so easy to say on paper but when I look him in the face it just seems like I can't move," Lexie thought to herself. She put her poetry book down and went to take her shower. When she got out, she got dressed and laid down in the silence on a bed. As soon as she was about to fall asleep there was a knock on the door. She got out of bed wondering why Casey would be knocking on the door.
"Casey, you're such a," Lexie said as she opened the door. She stopped herself as she saw Jeff standing at her door. "Umm hi."
"Hi,"
he said quietly.
"Do you want to come in?"
"Yeah."
Lexie
stepped aside and let Jeff in the door. She smiled at him as they
both sat down on the bed. They didn't touch and Lexie became
uncomfortable very fast.
"So," Lexie said trying to figure
out something to say. John's voice echoed through her head. "I'm
really sorry about earlier."
"No it's alright. Just forget
that I ever said it."
"But I don't want to forget that you
said it. I was just so afraid when you said it because I'm afraid
to let people see who I really am and I'm afraid to let myself out.
But no matter what I'm afraid of," Lexie took a deep breath as
she looked right into Jeff's eyes. "No matter what Jeff, I love
you."
Jeff looked into Lexie's eyes and smiled as he said "I
love you too."
Lexie smiled and she felt so happy instead of afraid. Everything that she was feeling was finally out in the open and she didn't need to hide anything anymore.
