The Love Inside

"Great ability develops and reveals itself increasingly with every new assignment."-Baltasar Gracian

Lexie walked down the hallway, took out her phone and called one of her only friends.

"Hey Casey."
"Hey are you alright?"
"Can I stay in your room tonight?"
"Umm, yeah, sure. Are you and Jeff alright?"
"Can I talk to you about it later?"
"Yeah sure."
"What's your…"
"323."

"Thanks Casey."
"Just ask for a key at the front desk."
"I will." Lexie hung up the phone and started to walk towards the parking lot. The tears began to stream down her face as she tried to walk as fast as possible. She didn't know how she was going to get the hotel and she didn't really care. She would walk there if it came down to that. The parking garage seemed so empty all of a sudden even though there were cars, trucks and even people all around her. All of a sudden, Lexie felt a hand on her shoulder and she seemed to jump a mile in the air.

"Wow, Lexie, are you alright?"
"Yeah," she said holding back her tears. "Are you going to the hotel?"
"Yeah, I'm leaving now. Would you like a ride?"
"Please." John put his arm around her shoulder and led her to his car. After opening the door for her, he took her things, put them in the trunk, got in the car and they then sped off towards the hotel.

"Are you alright man," Matt asked his younger brother who was still on the bench in his towel. "Come on buddy, put some pants on so that we can leave."
"Do you feel like getting plastered?"
"Alright Mr. I don't get drunk, what's wrong?"
"Maybe I'll tell you later. I'm not in the mood right now."
"Well unless you tell me what's going on then I'm not going out with you tonight."
"Fine, don't fucking come," Jeff yelled as he got up to get dressed. "I don't fucking need you, I don't need anyone." Jeff slammed his fist into his locker and he lowered his head as he fought back his tears.

"Little bro, what's wrong," Matt asked softly putting his hand on his shoulder.

"I'm just sick of showing exactly how I feel and people don't do or say anything back. It's getting really disappointing."
"By people do you mean Lexie and my feelings do you mean love?"
"I just don't understand how she could just walk away."
"Maybe it shocked her because you haven't been together that long and she wasn't expecting it."
"Let's hope that's what it is. I don't even know where we stand."
"Well maybe you should talk to her about it."
"I would except one, I'm naked, and two, I don't know where she is."

"Why don't I go see if Casey knows and then I'll be back? But in the mean time, would you put some clothes on."
"I guess I could try to do that for you." Jeff laughed a little bit and as he reached into his bag he realized his hand was all bloody. "Umm, Matty."
"Yeah Jeff."
"Can you get me a paper towel or something before I bleed everywhere."
"Already ahead of you," he stated as he entered the room with a wet paper towel and a first aid kit.
"You know me too well."
"Well I've dealt with you for 29 years now, I kinda have to know you well."

"So do you want to tell me why I'm bringing you to the hotel? Not that I mind or anything but I'm just kind of worried about you."
"John I really believe that you are concerned but I just don't feel like talking about it. You're my big brother and I love you for that but I don't think I want to tell you everything."
"I understand that I guess but I just want to know what your problem is because I want to know if I can do anything about it."
"Alright. Have you ever had a girlfriend say I love you and you just walk away without saying it back?"
"Umm, yeah but that's because I wasn't in love with her. Oh my God, Jeff said I love you."
"Yeah he did."
"Do you love Jeff back?"
"I love Jeff, I do but I don't know why I didn't say anything. It's just like I froze up and after a few seconds of him waiting for a response I saw sadness in his eyes and I just couldn't deal with that."
"Well why don't you go and talk to him so that maybe he knows exactly how you feel. You can't go without telling him how you feel because if you don't tell him that and you guys break away from each other you'll never know what might have been with the two of you. It just doesn't make any since to me."
"I guess it just shocked me is all and I don't know, I want to tell him but I've always been afraid to tell people exactly how I feel and I guess if I do this with Jeff that it's a huge step for me."
"But that's at least something that you can overcome."

"I guess I can overcome it but it's just hard because I don't want to lose myself."
"Just because you admit that you love Jeff doesn't mean that you're losing yourself. You're just expanding yourself to more open ideas and a better life. Just think about it babe, you'll be alright."
"Okay thanks for the ride."
"You're welcome and my room is 338 if you need someone to talk to."
"Thanks John," Lexie said while giving him a hug. "I really needed someone to talk to."
"I knew that you did but good luck with Jeff. I really hope that you get what you want because you deserve it."
"Thanks big bro. I'll see you later."
"Alright bye bunny."

"Why must everybody around me come up with a weird nick name for me. First dad starts calling me Angel and now you call me bunny. I just don't get it."
"Now offense but I don't think that anybody likes the name Lexie except for maybe your parents."
"I guess so but just keep it on the down low. I don't want Jeff getting jealous that now you have a nickname for me and he doesn't."
"Alright, just go upstairs and talk to him. It's not that hard."
"Alright alright, you're my brother not my father."
"Have a good night Bunny and I'll see you later."
"Bye Johnny Boy."
"Wow, I missed you calling me that."
"Really?"
"No, now go away."
Lexie went to the front desk and got the key for Casey's room. Casey called the hotel and had them give her the key. She grabbed her bags and headed up the stairs to hopefully empty room.

"Hey Case, are you alright?"
"Yeah I guess so but I think I hurt my back a little bit during my match."
"I'm sorry, do you want me to massage it for you?"
"Not right now but maybe later. What's up with you? Any big celebrations for you and the guys tonight after winning?"
"Umm, I really don't think so because Paul wants to spend time with his wife and Shawn is well, old, Jeff is in a bad mood and I really don't feel like going out. Unless Phil is going out by himself then I don't think that anybody is celebrating."
"Are you alright? Usually you want to go out and have fun."
"I know but I feel like spending time with you. Are we staying in our room again?"
"Actually I was wondering if you could spend the night with Jeff."
"Why?"
"Because Lexie really needs me right now and she wants to stay in my room tonight."
"Well Jeff is going over their right now to try and patch things up. Maybe we can go and get something to eat. You deserve it after all."
"Are you sure that Jeff wants to go and talk to Lexie for a good reason?"
"Of course I do. I wouldn't let him go if I knew that he was going to do something really stupid."
"You've got a point there. Alright, maybe I'll let you take me out for dinner but only if I get dessert afterwards."
"Deal."
Casey smiled as Matt turned around and walked into the locker room. Jeff was sitting on the bench in a sweater and black pants with his hair slicked back.
"So what's the deal bro," Jeff asked Matt being impacient.
"She's in Casey's room right now. I suggest you go there now and try to patch things up."
"I'm going to. What's the room number?"
"323."
"Alright I guess that I'll see you tomorrow because hopefully this goes well enough."
"We're going to be out to eat if you want to come and see us."
"Nah, if we do patch things up then we're probably just going to try to get back to being what we were."
"Are you thinking about having sex with her?"
"Matt, just shut up right now. I'm leaving now to get the woman that I love back."
"Good for you bro, good for you."

Jeff grabbed his bag and smiled as he flung it over his shoulder and walked out of the locker room.

Lexie put her bags down in Casey's room and lied down on the bed. She took out her poetry book and began to write her thoughts down, which she hadn't done in a while.

With everything else that is going on

I didn't pay as much attention as I should have

I thought that our relationship was great

But then again, I didn't really look into it

After today I felt like he was more in then me
But once I sat down and analyzed things

I realized that I'm really in love with him

It didn't take him telling me he loves me

For me to figure everything out

But it did take him saying I love you

For me to actually look inside of me

I spend too much time trying to be perfect

When all I need to do is look inside myself

And realize that I'm strong no matter what

Even if a rival comes back into my life

And flips my world upside down

Even if my boyfriend says I love you

And I just stand there with nothing to say

Even if I lose everyone close to me

And I lose everything I've ever wanted

If I get knocked down I'll get back up

Because I have strength that no one can break

I wish that I could go back to earlier

And say I love you back

But I don't want this to be the end of us

Because I just love him so much.

"Now why is that so easy to say on paper but when I look him in the face it just seems like I can't move," Lexie thought to herself. She put her poetry book down and went to take her shower. When she got out, she got dressed and laid down in the silence on a bed. As soon as she was about to fall asleep there was a knock on the door. She got out of bed wondering why Casey would be knocking on the door.

"Casey, you're such a," Lexie said as she opened the door. She stopped herself as she saw Jeff standing at her door. "Umm hi."

"Hi," he said quietly.
"Do you want to come in?"
"Yeah."

Lexie stepped aside and let Jeff in the door. She smiled at him as they both sat down on the bed. They didn't touch and Lexie became uncomfortable very fast.
"So," Lexie said trying to figure out something to say. John's voice echoed through her head. "I'm really sorry about earlier."
"No it's alright. Just forget that I ever said it."
"But I don't want to forget that you said it. I was just so afraid when you said it because I'm afraid to let people see who I really am and I'm afraid to let myself out. But no matter what I'm afraid of," Lexie took a deep breath as she looked right into Jeff's eyes. "No matter what Jeff, I love you."
Jeff looked into Lexie's eyes and smiled as he said "I love you too."

Lexie smiled and she felt so happy instead of afraid. Everything that she was feeling was finally out in the open and she didn't need to hide anything anymore.