Chapter 28: I Never Thought I'd Doubt You

Mary Anne

March 3

Jeff is visiting this weekend. I asked Rebekah if we could have the room to ourselves tonight and she agreed. She didn't sound too thrilled about it, but she's having a sleepover with some of the other girls on our floor, so it shouldn't be a problem. We've only really fooled around, but I think tonight is going to be the "big night."

I was giddy about seeing Jeff. I had seen him a few times between our first date and his visit this weekend, but every time I saw him, I wanted to see more of him. I couldn't believe my good luck. Not only was Jeff a doctor, he was intelligent, funny, interesting, sweet, and super hot. I don't think I've ever wanted a guy this badly before and the only bad thing was how much Dawn seemed to disapprove of it.

I hadn't told Dad and Sharon about Jeff. I knew that they would be exactly like Dawn. They'd ask how old he was, why I was dating someone his age, what his intentions were, how was I protecting myself from about million different thing including heartbreak. Since I didn't much feel up to the Spanish Inquisition, I didn't say a word to them. Not even when Jeff dropped by the house to pick me up. He didn't have the chance to turn off the car before I was in and urging him to drive away.

I hate that Dawn doesn't like him. I hate whenever we disagree about anything, but disagreeing about Jeff was especially hard. I couldn't understand why she had to be so hard on him. She was spending tons of time with Alan Gray, her former (maybe) stalker, and she wanted me to steer clear of a perfectly normal, respectable doctor? Maybe she had eaten some overripe fruit or something, but her reasoning about why I shouldn't date Jeff was just plain stupid.

I wasn't going to let Dawn's thoughts about Jeff ruin my night. Our night. We were going to have fun and do what makes us happy. If she was too stubborn to listen to my reasons for choosing him then it was her loss. It would also make holidays really awkward if we were ever to get married.

"So, Jeff, did you know Dawn thought you were a totally bad idea?"

Like I'd told her before, she just ought to butt out and mind her own business. Now, if I could just get her voice out of my head, everything would be perfect.

28

I glanced at my watch. It was nearly six o'clock. Jeff said that he'd get to my dorm sometime between five and six. I didn't want to look as nervous as I felt, so I went into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my cheeks. I felt like I was burning up from embarrassment. I had talked about Jeff's visit with so many people so much that now that it was nearing the time that would make him officially late, no amount of logic could convince me that everyone wasn't snickering at me behind my back. I felt like some lame little high school girl going out on her first date. Ew.

I began to study myself in the mirror. The only thing worse than Jeff not showing up on time would be if he showed up and I looked like a mess.

I had made sure to add more curls and bounce to my hair that morning. I touched them up about an hour ago and they looked pretty good, despite being the end of a long, busy day of classes and struggling to get my homework done before Jeff arrived. I had even added some home kit highlights to my hair the night before and they looked surprisingly good. Usually, my hair doesn't take very well to dye jobs, but I figured I'd give it another try. I wanted to look a little different each time Jeff saw me so that our relationship wouldn't go stale for a very long time.

My face was remarkably blemish-free. I had covered all of the uneven sections with a bit of concealer to make it look smoother. Otherwise, I wasn't wearing much make-up. I had brushed some mascara on and a bit of lip gloss, but nothing else. I generally didn't wear much make-up when my skin was looking good. I prefer au natural and only use make-up when I need to distract people away from any problem areas.

My cell phone began to ring back in my room. I scrambled from the bathroom and scooped up the phone before it stopped ringing.

"Hello?" I answered, trying not to sound breathless.

"Mary Anne? Are you in your dorm?"

"Yeah, Jeff. Are you having trouble finding it?"

"Well, no, I'm inside the building, but I need you to come down and sign me in."

Damn those stupid security rules.

"I'll be right down."

We hung up and I grabbed my keys from my desk and rushed from the room. Rebekah called after me.

"I'll be gone by the time you get back up here."

"Thanks!" I shouted as I opened the door to the stairwell.

We live on the fourth floor, but, as much as possible, I like to use the stairs. I don't get as much exercise as I would like to get, so using the stairs made up for it just a tiny bit.

Before I went to the front lobby where Jeff would be, I paused for a minute to catch my breath and smooth my hair and clothes. There was no sense in looking desperate and sloppy. I was pleased with what I saw, so I went into the front lobby. My mouth automatically formed a giddy grin and I sighed. Jeff smiled.

"Ready to go upstairs?" I asked. He nodded.

"Only since I got here."

28

"Jeff, please!"

Once Jeff and I got upstairs to my room, we couldn't keep our hands off of one another. Ever since we started dating, we've had a very physical relationship. I was, for once, sick of talking all the time and never doing anything. Don't get me wrong, I still fall for sweet, gentle guys all the time, but I've gotten past the "let's just hold hands" stage in my life. Actually, I had been past that stage for longer than most people would imagine. Let's just say that one drunken night, Logan and I decided to explore the option of getting back together. In the morning, we decided that getting back together wasn't the best thing for us after all.

I had to applaud Jeff, though. After only sleeping with Logan and Pete Black (we dated sophomore year until the beginning of senior year), it was very refreshing to have a partner who didn't just worry about his own needs. Jeff was very much interested in my needs and I, obviously, didn't make any attempt to stop him.

Now, though, it was becoming harder and harder to think. Jeff had pushed me to the brink of release several times and held off just before I did. I wanted to hate him for the way he was torturing me, but it was such delicious torture that I keep my mouth closed. Figuratively, of course.

Jeff was over the top of me, his eyes closed with concentration. I was panting and trying to get out a coherent bit of speech but could only get out little gasps and single words. Jeff peeked down at me and smiled. I could tell by the tension in his body that he was nearly finished himself. I leaned up and pressed my lips to his ear.

"Jeff," I gasped. "Now."

My urging effectively finished both of us. Jeff fell down next to me, panting from his exertion. I reached out to stroke his hair.

"You're amazing," I said once I had caught my breath. "Are you aware of how amazing you are?"

"I have a vague idea," he said with a grin.

I rolled over and planted a chaste little kiss on his lips. "Well, you should be proud of yourself."

He smiled at me and studied my face. "You look cute when you're all red and sweaty."

I laughed then rolled over to my side of the bed so that I could sit up. "Sweet pillow talk."

"Hey, it's the pillow talk or the sex. I can't be good at both."

"Yeah, that's true. I prefer the sex."

A faint beeping sound was coming from the pile of Jeff's clothes. We both looked at it before Jeff groaned.

"I'm on call tonight, Mary Anne. They suckered me into it again." He got to his feet and went over to his clothes. I admired the view while he started to get dressed. "Are you going to hate me for leaving so soon?"

"Nah, you're saving lives. That's a good enough excuse for me," I told him. He laughed.

"No, I'm just making sure they don't die on me. I'm not down there actually saving lives like they do in the ER."

"It's still kind of sexy," I said. Jeff turned around, still buttoning his shirt. He leaned his legs against the bed and leaned down to kiss me. "I wish you weren't so sexy. Maybe that's why they want you. A little man candy for the nurses tonight?"

"You're too sweet," he murmured against my mouth. "But, I really do need to get out of here."

I climbed off my bed and began to get dressed. "Well, I need to sign you out," I said when he gave me a funny look. "You don't want to get arrested or anything."

Jeff helped me shrug on my coat. "Thanks for being my escort."

"Filthy boy," I laughed as we left the room.

Our goodbyes were short, sweet, and simple. Jeff had to run once his pager went off the second time. I hoped that he wouldn't drive too fast to get over to the hospital.

28

Rebekah had come back to the room after I wandered over to tell her that Jeff had an emergency to attend to at the hospital. The other girls started giggling. Word had spread about my dating an actual doctor and everyone found it funny. I suppose I did, too, but I never showed it around anyone else.

My roommate was laying on her bed, watching a movie on her laptop. It was nearly 10:30, so I assumed that she was winding down for the night. Normally, Bekah isn't the kind of girl who stays in on Friday and Saturday nights. She doesn't party, but she's always finding something fun to do with her friends. Sometimes I even go with them since Bekah and I got along fairly well. It had only been since she knew that Jeff would be visiting our dorm that she seemed cold and unfriendly.

She glanced over at my bed. I was sitting on it, thinking about what to do with the rest of my evening now that Jeff had left early. Bekah pointed to the floor.

"What's that?"

"What?" I asked as I leaned down to look at the floor. I gasped. "Oh, God! That's Jeff's hospital ID badge! He needs that to get in and out of the ICU."

"Does he know yet?"

I shook my head. "He probably went home to change into some scrubs first." I groaned. "I should drive to his apartment before he leaves. I can probably get there before then if I leave right now."

"I'll leave the light on," she offered. I shook my head.

"Thanks, but I'll just spend the night at home if I'm driving out there this time of night." Bekah shrugged.

"OK, have a good night," she said in a bored voice.

I scooped the badge into my purse, slid some boots on, and raced down the stairs in record time. I waved at the RAs manning the check-in desk and left the dorm as fast as I could walk.

28

I parked just outside of Jeff's building. The doorman recognized me, so I waved back at my car.

"I'm only stopping to drop off his badge," I called as I began to climb the stairs.

"Just make sure you're back down here in five minutes, otherwise it'll get towed," he called back. I rolled my eyes. I hated this apartment building. It was a little more upscale than any apartments I had seen (with the exception of Stacey's father's), but the people were pretty much all jerks. I wished Jeff would just hurry up and move already.

By the time I got to the third floor, I was out of breath. I leaned down to hold my knees as I took deep, calming breathes. After a couple minutes, I felt good enough to approach his door. He had given me a key to use whenever I wanted to come over, so instead of knocking, I put the key into the keyhole and turned the handle. It felt so adult, entering a man's apartment with the key he had given you.

"Jeff?" I called. The lights were still on, so I assumed he was in the bedroom or bathroom. "Jeff, you left your ID at the dorm."

I looked around his somewhat messy living room. It was no wonder he forgot his ID. It looked like he could lose anything in this mess.

"Mary Anne?" he called. "That you?"

"Duh, how many dorms have you been to tonight?" I laughed.

There was a lot of scuffling in the back bedroom and I began to approach it. I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard voices speaking to one another. I shook my head. Jeff had probably just turned on the TV while he was changing. He was addicted to the weather channel which I didn't really understand. My hand rested on the doorknob a moment before I pushed the door open. My mouth fell open and I immediately wished I hadn't opened the door.

A petite redhead was sitting on the edge of the bed, her body covered by a sheet she had clearly hastily wrapped around herself. Jeff was struggling to get into his pants and froze as soon as my eyes met his.

"What the hell is this?" I asked in a whisper. Jeff seemed to come back to life and jerked his pants up all the way and fastened the button.

"Mary Anne, this isn't-"

"It is!" I screamed suddenly. I felt a red hot blaze of fury run through me. "You lying bastard!" The girl stood up quickly, her eyes nervous. "Oh, by the way, he just finished sleeping with me."

The girl looked at Jeff then back at me. "I know."

I wanted to run out of the room from the humiliation those two words struck into me. "How?"

"I paged him."

I would've flown at her, except that Jeff grabbed my wrists and managed to drag me back into the living room. I struggled against him, but since I wasn't very tall or strong, it didn't matter. Finally, I jerked myself away from him.

"How could you do this to me?" I asked. "I thought you cared about me."

"I do," he insisted. "Jacqueline is just… well… we just have sex with each other."

"Oh, my God," I groaned, covering my eyes.

"Look, she was upset when she paged me because she's been having problems with her boyfriend. I wanted to be there for her."

"You mean you wanted to be in her," I said with as much venom in my voice as I could muster. Jeff winced.

"I didn't tell you because I knew you wouldn't understand," he said, looking annoyed.

I flung his ID card in his face. "You're right, I don't! And I don't want to see you ever again!"

I heard Jacqueline mutter something awful as I stormed out the door. I slammed it as hard as I could before flying down the stairwell. The doorman stared at me as I broke into a run as soon as I got to the bottom and ran to my car. I fumbled my keys into the ignition and set off towards my parents' house.

28

"Why did he do it?" I asked Sharon, who was rubbing my back comfortingly. I could fell tears seeping from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

"I don't know, honey," she said softly.

"I mean, I really thought we had something together, you know?" I wiped at my face hard to stop the tears. "I thought I meant something to him."

I looked to Sharon for help and realized that there wasn't much she could do for me. After all, this was the first time she was even hearing of Jeff, so how could she know anything about him? I felt like an idiot.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "You should go back to bed."

"Mary Anne… I want to help you."

"No," I said a little more forcefully. "I need to deal with this on my own. This is my problem and I'm sorry I dragged you into it."

"You're right," she said. I widened my eyes in surprise. "But, you shouldn't deal with this alone. Not tonight."

"I'm not going to do anything," I murmured, feeling my resistance against her crumbling just as fast as I had put it up.

"Oh, I know that." She smiled at me and moved her hand up to stroke my hair. "You know, we could go get some pancakes."

I laughed. "Where?"

"There's a Denny's in town. Dawn and I go there sometimes when she visits."

"I didn't know that."

Sharon stood up and helped me to my feet. "Well, that's because it was a mother-daughter kind of secret." She must've seen the embarrassment and jealousy in my face. "And, you know, you're my daughter, too. So, why don't we head out and see if we can't get some pancakes while we try to figure this thing out?"

I smiled. "That sounds good."

Sharon suddenly wrapped her arms around me. "I do love just as much as if you were my own child," she whispered. My lip trembled and I had to fight back a fresh wave of tears. "I should've told you years ago."

When she pulled back I smiled weakly. "Thanks, Sharon."

"You're welcome, Mary Anne."

With that, we got dressed, got into the car, and drove off in search of pancakes to numb the pain of Jeff's infidelity.