Chapter 28
Despite Jack's temptation to listen at the bathroom door, he wisely decided to respect Ianto's privacy and stepped out onto the balcony. There was something unbecoming about feeling jealous of oneself. The night air was cool on his bare flesh and he almost regretted his decision not to bother putting anything on, he'd figured that anyone up at this hour wasn't going to be too shocked at the sight of a naked man on a balcony.
Looking out over the city, he could make out the majestic domes of churches pushing up into the night sky that was just beginning to lighten as it touched their curves. Like sentries, the elegant cypress trees were silhouetted as they stood silent vigil over the sleeping citizens as they had been doing for centuries.
The beauty of the night was spoilt as a sharp tremor rippled along Jack's spine like an electric shock and he clumsily grabbed hold of the railing to keep himself standing upright. He could no longer ignore the spasms of the vortex within him as his past was rewriting itself as a consequence of his actions. Despite his best attempts to avoid dealing with the implications of the changes being wrought to the time continuum, he realised that things were coming to a head. But he reasoned with himself that what was done was done – there was no way he could undo the damage now.
When he worked as a Time Agent it wasn't unheard of to go back in time to prevent isolated events – that's if they weren't meant to have happened in the first place – that's what the Doctor was always doing, wasn't it? But those were always discrete, one-off occasions, often instigated by outside forces interfering with the natural order. This was totally different, the proverbial butterfly had been carefully removed from danger and a domino effect had cascaded outward, with Jack caught up in the eye of the storm.
Jack then recalled, with awful clarity, the confession made by the Doctor, recorded and left for him to find – a warning of what can happen whenever a time traveller succumbs to the temptation to intercede to save a life that fate decreed had to be sacrificed. He had never seen that incarnation of the Doctor look so disgusted with his own actions, as when he admitted that he'd become arrogant enough to put in jeopardy the whole process of human space exploration. Jack could have sworn there were tears in the Time Lord's eyes as he humbly reported that the situation had been salvaged because the subject of his rescue had taken her own life when she knew what he'd done. 'A mere human had shown greater nobility than the Lord of Time', that was how the Doctor had phrased it.
Would Ianto do that if he knew the full implications? Sacrifice himself for the sake of the greater good? Jack blanched as he considered the possibility and realised with a chilling certainty that his interference with timelines had the potential to drive his lover to an even earlier grave than the one that haunted his muddled memories.
There was nothing for it, Jack had to leave this time and place sooner rather than later. The longer he stayed the more harm he could cause. It was only the fact that the Doctor had failed to turn up and read him the riot act that reassured him that any changes yet established were not devastating.
A gust of wind in the street below picked up the late night litter and tossed empty drink cans into a corner. The sudden sound startled Jack, and had him leaning over to stare up and down the street with more than a hint of paranoia. Swallowing hard against the fear that his Gallifreian conscience was on the verge of materialising, ready to chastise Jack and reset history had him nervous and agitated. Although his memories had become distorted and misshapen, like plastic held too close to the flame, his mind taunted him repeatedly with an image of Ianto dying in his arms. It was a key image, as tied to his soul as he was anchored to time; only the circumstances shifting, one moment Ianto was dressed in a suit, his young eyes brimful with pain, lying on a chequerboard floor and in the next they were curled up in bed, Ianto's eyes sliding shut peacefully as his frail hand slipped from Jack's grasp. He yearned for the latter to be the true future for Ianto, but dreaded that it was the former and that the Doctor would suddenly appear and demand that it be allowed to transpire that way.
The creaking of the balcony door and a polite cough announced Ianto's presence. Unlike Jack, he wasn't naked, he'd put on a bathrobe before venturing out into the night air.
"You OK?" Ianto's voice was huskier than normal.
"You?"
Their eyes met and instantly they both knew the answer was an emphatic 'no'.
Ianto nodded slightly, acknowledging the unspoken sentiments.
"What do we do next then?"
"I have to leave," Jack said regretfully.
"I guessed so."
"Ianto –"
"Don't. Don't say anything."
"Yeah." Jack shrugged.
"How about grabbing some clothes and taking one last stroll through the city before it wakes up?"
"Shouldn't you be sleeping along with the citizens of Rome?"
"Told you – my sleeping pattern's shot to hell." Ianto looked out over the city, but wasn't focusing on the iconic skyline. He shrugged slightly and realised that he couldn't really blame his insomnia on Jack. "To be honest it never really got back to normal after what happened in London."
"I'm sorry about what happened there … did I ever tell you that?"
Ianto just shook his head and sighed. It had been something they'd never talked about; never mind 'elephant in the room', it was more like a stegosaur in a lift.
"Damn. I really was a complete shit wasn't I?"
"No! Well maybe... sometimes… it's not that." Ianto faltered over the words. That was a conversation he'd have to have with his Jack, not this one. "Maybe enough time has passed…"
"So, you fancy a walk in the city?" Jack asked, returning the conversation to safe territory.
"Yep. You know – while it's quiet."
From their balcony the only thing they could hear were the distant engine sounds of a motor scooter weaving its way through the empty streets.
"That sounds like a plan." Jack tilted his chin up slightly, managing to appear commanding, even though he was naked.
"Clothes first." Ianto teased affectionately. "Remember the 'no getting arrested' rule?"
Ianto smiled sadly and held out his hand to Jack before leading the way back into the softly lit bedroom.
It would have been oh so easy to just slip back into the bed and make love once, or maybe twice, more before dawn, but both men silently consented to spending what were to be their last hours together strolling hand in hand through the deserted streets of the Eternal City. Somehow they knew that those memories would belong to them and them alone.
