Hello there again.. I am so glad i read all of your reviews aka your thoughts about the relationship of those two or how they should act towards each other.. Every thought and opinion is welcomed..
I want to say to everyone who reads my story that mistakes will be made not necessarily because i don't speak good english, although i am Greek, but because mistakes do happen.. And no i don't want a BETA in case someone suggests it.. I do believe my story is easy to read.. Maybe i am wrong.. Who knows..
Also, my ellipsis are my thing.. Something i like to use in my every day texts.. I know that is not correct but hey, i don't write a formal letter to the Ministry of whatever or plan to write a book.. So i am thankful for son-lyn's suggestions to stop using them and for the constructive criticism but i will continue using them.. Maybe not us much.. But that's my signature to FF world.. Sorry if it bothers some people..
I am sorry for all that.. Now back to answering your reviews
Itsallgood: I agree to everything you said.. But it won't be too long before we see Ashley and Spencer talking and see what their future holds..
Guest: First let me thank you for taking my side :) your review made me smile..
GoMe: I am not planning to drag this story too long so don't worry.. But even in real life not everything comes as easy.. Misunderstandings do happen, jealousy, anger and a lot of other things.. For me it would be easy to write a chapter where they break up and a chapter that they meet again and everything is perfect.. But that wouldn't be real don't you think?
OriginalRecipe: Spencer is just confused. And i don't think that Nicole would like something more than just to hang out and have "fun".. Besides she was there for a week.. So nothing serious.
gina32: Thank you very much :) They will talk very soon..
Chapter 28
Ashley's POV
Regret: is a negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviors. Regret is often expressed by the term "sorry". Is often a feeling of sadness, shame, embarrassment, depression, annoyance, or guilt, after one acts in a manner and later wishes not to have done so. Regret is distinct from guilt, which is a deeply emotional form of regret — one which may be difficult to comprehend in an objective or conceptual way..
They say "don't regret for things you have done".. In life I can say that I didn't have regrets.. I was totally following the quote.. Never regretting for anything.. Because in order for you to do something it means you really wanted to do it.. So then why regret it? But I regret only one thing.. Spencer.. Not regretting meeting her but regretting lying to her.. Regretting being scared.. Being jealous.. Afraid that she would leave me.. And I would rather leaving first than her leaving me.. I know its selfish but yet this is what I wanted to do.. Did I regret it afterwards? Of course I did.. I still do.. Especially now that after years I saw her again.. She looked amazingly beautiful.. And a girl like her would never be single.. And that hurt me more..
"What is it sugarcake?" Lucy said while holding her drink in her hands.. "You seem like you fell in the toilet and it was full of shit"
"Lucy.. Please.. Not now.." and like she knew it was one of the times I really needed my friend she understood and held my hand..
"What happened?"
"I talked to her.."
"To whom?"
"There is only one her.."
"Oh you mean Spencer.. And?"
"And it wasn't nice.. And she was here with someone.."
"When did this all happen? Where was I?"
"When we got inside I saw her from afar.."
"And?.."
"She was with someone else.."
"That doesn't mean they were together Ash.."
"The other girl was totally flirting with her.. I could read her body language.."
"Ashley.. Do you want my opinion?"
"Will I like it?"
"Probably not but I'll say it anyway.. Ash.. There has been almost five years.. People move on you know.. You did your shit and you know it.. I didn't see you waiting for her.. So if she was with someone that she might or not be with I don't think it's your business"
"That's what she told me.. But still.. It hurts me.. I still love her Luce.."
"I know you do.. And if you love her fight for her.. I don't say that if you fight for her she will accept you back but hell, you are both back.. We don't know how long she will stay.. So make your move and make it fast.."
"Thanks.. You are a treasure.."
"Yeah yeah.. Whatever.."
Lucy was right.. I had no right to interfere in her life and I wasn't planning to.. I just wanted her to know I was sorry for my past behavior.. As Lucy said I had to try.. And that I would do.. Tomorrow morning I would go by her house..
When I went at bed that night the only thing I could think of was Spencer and that brunette girl.. Where they kissing? Or even worse.. What if they were having sex? Needless to say that I didn't sleep at all and when next morning came I looked more like a zombie than a human being.. I took a shower, got dressed and got down to have breakfast with everyone..
"Ashley, you seem.. I don't know how to say it.. Overly dressed for this town maybe?" Lucy and Catherine laughed at my dad's comment..
"She is on a mission Mr Davies"
"Oh really now? What kind of a mission Ashley?" Catherine turned and asked me..
"You are stupid.. Just so you know.." I turned to Lucy looking at her with my evil eyes.. Well, not evil evil.. You know what I mean..
"She will try to make Spencer love her again.."
"Oh.. Oh that is indeed a hard mission Ash.." my dad said " But I love Spencer and I would really love to see you two back together.. I always believed that she was your other half.. She put you down to earth.."
"I am done.. I am going out.. If you want something just text me.. Bye my crazy family.."
When I stepped inside the car I thought "It is now or never Ashley.. You must do that or you might lose her forever.. If you haven't already lost her.."
I drove the familiar road to her house.. It didn't change at all.. I remembered the few times I spent my time there.. Not very welcoming.. But here I was once again.. There was a car outside and I hoped she was inside.. I got out the car and walked the steps to her door.. It was now or never.. I knocked the door and waited till someone opened it.. My heart was beating fast and I thought that if it didn't stop it would break.. Just get it together Ashley.. And then the door opened and I saw Spencer's dad.. Mr Carlin..
"Ashley.. Oh my God.. What are you doing here?" he said and gave me a big hug.. That I didn't expect..
"Hello, Mr Carlin.."
"Come inside.. So Ashley.. Where have you been? How many years haven't I see you.."
"I would say just about five.."
"Your father told me you were in California, that you studied art and I will repeat his words 'you are an exceptional artist'..
"Yes.. All that I guess.."
"And what are you doing here?"
"I ehm.. I.. You see.. I.."
"I mean in town.." he said making it easier for me…
"Came back to see my family.. I don't come very often.."
"So does Spencer.. She actually haven't been back since she left.. I feel I don't see her anymore.. But now she is here as well.. Isn't that a coincidence? You are here.. She is here.."
"Ehm, Mr Carlin.. I want you to know that…" and before I continue I saw her standing there looking at us.. Her father must thought I saw a ghost from the way I was looking right behind his back..
"Oh Spencer.. Ashley is here.."
"What are you doing here?" I got up like I was electrified..
"I.. Ehm.. Spencer I just wanted to talk.." she laughed and started walking up and down.. But never coming closer to where we were.. Instead she was standing where I saw her when she walked downstairs..
"You just wanted to talk? That's funny.. So then talk Ashley.."
"I think I should leave you girls alone.. Besides I have to go to work.. Ashley it was nice seeing you.. Hope I see you again before you leave.." and just like that he left me alone with my biggest fear, my biggest regret but yet my only true love..
Spencer's POV
I couldn't believe that she was here.. It was another thing seeing her in public places but seeing her inside my home was more terrifying.. Here I couldn't hide.. Here it was only me and her..
"Spencer, can we please talk?"
"Then talk.. I am so curious to know what you want to say.."
"Can we please sit down?"
"No.. Whatever you want to say just say it.."
"Ok.. If it is what you want then.." her voice was more huskier than when she was 17.. Her body was more grown.. Her breasts were fuller.. She was beautiful then and she was even more beautiful now at her 23.
"I came here today because I wanted to tell you why I did what I did that day.."
"I don't want to listen.."
"Please, Spence.. Just listen to me.. Just this time.. And if you want me I will go and you will never see me again.." did I want that though? Now that I saw her after so many years it was hard to see her go again.. My inner thoughts were driving me insane once again..
"Go on.."
"Remember that Easter I went away with my family? Well I met Catherine's family.. And her sister was gay and married and her wife was pregnant.. I saw them how happy they were and I got scared.. I got scared of loving someone as much.. I was afraid that loving you would make me suffer at the end.. Because I didn't think you wanted to be with me.. I was afraid that one day you would wake up and understand that it was a phase between us.. And then I would go to California and you would be in Harvard.. And that scared me even more.. How would we make it? We were not together for a long time and separation would come.. You would be in college experiencing new things and I would be away thinking what if you changed your mind.. And if you did I wouldn't want to be hurt like that especially by you.. I loved you so much that it hurt me only in thought.. I don't know what it would do to me if ever that day happened.. So when I came back I was distant.. I was trying to find a way.. Either to chase away the fear and be with you completely or just leave.. But in order to do that I had to make you hate me so it could be easier.. If you hated me it wouldn't be too hurtful.. If you hated me I would be able to go.. And I left.. And I never forgot you.. I never stopped loving you.. Every girl I have been with I always saw your face.. And I understood that I was a fool, a selfish bitch, because the only thing I wanted was you but yet I let it go out for fear for the future.. But I am here now.. I am older.. And I want us to try again.. I am not expecting you to be with me.. All I am asking is for us to be civil between us, maybe try to start again from the beginning and who knows.."
"Did you finish?"
"Yes.."
"Good.." I said and walked to where she was with so much anger and slapped her.. She was surprised and held her hand on her cheek..
"You are a bitch.. All this long I thought you didn't want me.. You didn't love me.. You let me believe that I meant nothing to you.. You kissed someone else in front of me at the day of our graduation and then went away.. I haven't heard from you not once.. Although you hurt me I was still waiting the day that maybe just maybe you would come back and say you have been an idiot.."
"That's what I am doing today.."
"You are late Ashley.."
"Spencer.."
"No.. No Spencer me.. You are unbelievable Ashley.. You came into my house because you thought I was with someone else.. But what about you eh? Did you see me coming to your house after seeing you with your girlfriend?"
"Girlfriend? What are you saying?"
"Oh come on.. Please.. I am not an idiot.."
"Spencer, I don't know what the fuck you are saying.."
"Your girlfriend.. I saw you with her at our park walking and laughing.."
"Oh.. Oh my god.. You mean Lucy.."
"Whatever her name is.. Did you see me coming by your house? No.."
"You couldn't be more wrong.. Lucy is my best friend.. She is not even gay.. We studied together at UCLA and we are on a project together.." I wanted to believe her but yet I couldn't.. Not after everything.. And like she knew what I was thinking I felt her hands on mine.. And it has been so long since I felt her touch.. And it still felt the same..
"Spence.."
"Let me go.. It doesn't change anything.." before we both say anything else the door bell rang and it was at that moment I realised who it was at my door.. And Ashley was here.. The bell rang again but I was still standing at the living room..
"Won't you open the door?" and I did.. And there stood Nicole with a big smile on her face..
"Hello beautiful.. I hope I am not late.. I still have a problem with the time difference" I wish she was more late..
"Excuse me.." I felt Ashley coming from behind me and walking away without turning back.. Fuck.. Just fuck..
"Was I here on a bad moment?"
"No. Its nothing.."
Was it really? I would say it was more than nothing.. I would say it was everything.. All I was waiting for all these years happened in the last few minutes.. And the most important, Ashley didn't have a girlfriend.. Instead in my doorstep was standing someone I met last night.. Someone I kissed and meant completely nothing.. Someone that wasn't Ashley..
TBC
Reviews are always welcome
