Freedom Fighter

ACT 3

Chapter 27: Hope is a sad thing


I blinked as images flashed behind my lids. Tadashi sat in front of me and stared at me with drawn brows. I hate it when he acts concerned. He always does that. I narrowed my eyes and glared at him.

He frowned and inched back. "Hiro?" I touched the brace on my shoulder and winced. Attacking Charlotte Gardener was one of the worst decisions I made since I ran away. I blinked. 'Since I ran away.'

I sucked in air and pressed myself against the wall. Tadashi took another step back. 'He's afraid I'm going to attack him... am I?' I remember. Everything. Even the memories Trix stole from me.

To be honest I wish those memories are gone still. Bile rose in my throat and I heaved. A bucket was pressed into my hands as I emptied my stomach. I killed people. Not just the person from child services, but many, many, others.

Children. Hybrids. Slaves.

I heaved again. I'm a murderer. Shudders ran up and down my spine. Memories from the arena washed through my brain and burned me. Memories from after the fight. Trix. The torture. I swallowed; acid burning my throat.

The screams and the tight spaces.

"Dashi." I begged; my voice hollow in the bucket. "I'm here buddy, I'm here." My brother came up behind me and gently lowered me into his chest. He tried taking the bucket from me, but I clung tighter.

I'm far from finished with it. He's my brother. He saved me. He's not my master. My brother. I tried to kill Aunt Cass. My shoulders and broken bones burned as I forced everything I had into the bucket.

"Shh, I'm here. I'm here for you, otouto." He rubbed circles on my back and hugged me closer. I've been fighting all my life. Even after I was rescued I was still fighting. I don't even know what I'm fighting for anymore.

The only memories I have of Tadashi and Aunt Cass is that of before I was kidnapped. Before I was taken into the shadows and made into... into a monster. I don't have any memories of my parents. I don't have a childhood.

I don't have a childhood that doesn't exist of anything other than blood, gore, flames, weapons, death, screaming, burning flesh, scars, torture. Escape. I heaved again, but nothing came out.

It was counterproductive and made me hurt even more.

The smell made me nauseous so I let it go. Tadashi took it from me and put it on the floor. He wiped my face. Tears flowed and I couldn't stop them. Thunder clapped outside and made me jump. I burrowed into Tadashi's grip; turning around and hiding from the dark memories.

He wrapped his arms around me. "I've got you. Nothing is ever going to take you from me. Ever again."

"Dashi, 'm scared." He didn't reply immediately. I sniffed and shuddered. "I'm too, buddy, but we have each other. And if we have each other nothing can hurt us." The thunder rumbled and I whimpered; trying to hide.

There was nowhere else to go, but stay in my big brother's arms. I felt his hand cup the back of my head and he leaned into me, resting his head on top of mine. "I want to sing you a lullaby, but that sounds ridiculous. You're fifteen for crying out loud."

"Please." Again lightning struck and I cried. The words took me by surprise. "Baba black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir yes sir three bags full: one for the mama one for the dame and one for the little lamb that lives down the lane." He rocked back and forth while singing.

I closed my eyes and he tracked his fingers under my hat and through my hair. "Wha's a black sheep?" The fingers in my hair stopped. I frowned. Then Tadashi continued. "A black sheep is when... when you're different from everyone else."

I looked up at him; the tears in my eyes glinting off the small lamp. "Like me? I look different." Tadashi sat straight and took off my beanie. He threw it into the pile of wet clothes in the corner. His fingers gripped the bandage on my head and started unwrapping. "It's not so much how you look."

His fingers brushed my hairline and pushed away my damp locks. "It's something special- like what's inside." Tadashi placed his warm hand over my access port. "That's what makes you different." He took my hand and placed it over my chest, before wrapping his hand around mine. "It's who you really are on the inside."

I looked down at our hands. Behind the warmth and the cold I can see my access port. I took my robotic hand from his and pulled it away. I don't want him touching it. It's a declaration that I'm a monster. I don't want him to think of me as a monster.

I'm a monster- inside and out, but I don't want him to realize it.

"So," I looked up; realizing that there was a man there. My eyes went wide and I pressed myself into Tadashi. I'm pretty sure I'm hurting his ribs by pressing into him, but I need to get away. The man continued talking.

"What exactly did the chip you put into him do? Because all I saw so far was terrified and vomit. Lots and lots of vomit."

"Hey, it's okay- this is Aiden, he's my friend. I met him two years ago." I nodded and narrowed my eyes at him. Tadashi may trust him, but he's done nothing to earn my trust yet.

"Uum- well, it's supposed to be a memory card, but Hiro's problem wasn't memory. I found out- after Aunt Cass told me what happened that night when I got back from the station- that he remembers everything, it's just locked away. So the yellow card is like... a key of some sort. It detects any malware inside Hiro and terminates it."

Aiden nodded and sat on his little steel stool. "So it's like an Anti-virus detector. AVG... Norton security... Panda?" Tadashi nodded. "Yeah- when he rebooted he must have... must have accessed a pretty bad memory. Hopefully it gets better."

"Hope is a sad thing." Aiden got up and walked to the gun locker. He removed the lock and took out his tranquilizer silent ops pistol. "Where are you going?" He looked at us as he popped a magazine in the chamber.

"I'm going out. After tonight I need a drink. You two should get some sleep; especially you, Hiro. That wound's only going to heal if you rest."

He slipped out and the room was still except for the purr of computers and monitors. Tadashi stared where he was. Aiden was right. We needed sleep. We have been running on empty for two days and the dregs of exhaustion finally caught up with me- and I could see it in Tadashi.

He rubbed his eyes. I yawned, but refused to close my eyes. I stared at Aiden's work table. Hammers and screw drivers were carefully hung onto the wall. The desk was clear except for a burner phone and an extra iPhone.

"Come on Hiro, it's time to charge our batteries."

He lied down and lay his head on the pillow. I sat for a moment- still staring at the work table. It reminded me of the medical centre- where they would experiment on me- see if there was some way they could make me a better fighter.

The images and memories shot through my brain.

My breathing fastened. I swallowed and looked at Tadashi. His eyes were closed and he was already half asleep. I curled up next to him- my shoulders scraping and barking at me to stop moving. I did.

I settled down next to him and stared at the blinking monitors. As soon as there was no more movement in the room the lights went out. I jumped and the lights went back on. This is going to take some getting used to.

I don't like the dark.

Once again the lights went dead and I stared at the blinking dot of the computer. I focussed on it. Tadashi's breathing evened. He's asleep.

There's no way I'll ever be able to get a good night's sleep again. Memories of the past haunt me. And I found myself thinking...

Maybe Trix was merciful for sealing my memories...


"Sorrow is better than fear. Fear is a journey, a terrible journey. But, sorrow is at least an arriving."

-Alan Paton.

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