There were bright lights, not the kind you see in Heaven he was sure, but then again, maybe he wasn't sure because he'd never died, never gone to Heaven and was sure that at least until now, he'd never been close enough to even consider the possibility.

He was pretty sure that they didn't have florescent bulbs there though because well, God was an infinite powerful being...and well, why would someone that created Heaven and Earth with their bare hands...'Did they say bare hands in the bible? Does God have hands? Does he need hands?' these thoughts invaded his mind and they were welcomed. At least for the time being, while all these questions were going through his head like a marquise sign on a Broadway show...he wasn't thinking about the pain in his leg or the fact that with each wheezing breath, his ability to suck air was greatly decreasing.

He was back to the florescent bulbs again. The colors that could be deciphered when one looked at them through squinted eyes at first made him think of a rainbow but then, he thought about butterflies, all the pretty colors they came in, how they flashed their wings while seeking out a mate, how they slowly opened and closed, open and closed...'breath in, breath out., breath in, breath out' he tried to get his mind back on the butterflies, it hurt less.

He started with the periodic tables., they always kept his mind calm in situations beyond his control, when he was dealing with Conrad Ecklie, when he was trying to keep his cool during an interview with a pedophile or a wife beater...he hated wife beaters, they made him think of families torn apart, they made him think of children left behind...they made him think of 'Sara' ... 'breath in, breath out...wheeeeeeze., breath in, breath out...wheeze.." 'don't go there Gil you don't want to go there Gil!'

He heard talking, yelling, screaming and felt someone touch his leg. The pain was indescribable. It wasn't as bad as the pain in his chest 'breath in...wheeeeze...breath out...wheeezee...pause, swallow...more pain!" Someone lifted his arm slightly and it had been his first instinct to hiss in pain, but he found he wasn't able to, he couldn't make noise but heard it...he heard wheezing and wondered if the person touching him was asthmatic until he listened again and realized the wheezing noise was coming each time he tried to take a breath...'breath in...breath out...getting harder.....'

He knew without a doubt then that the searing, burning pain in his chest had to have been the bullet he'd heard discharging from Julio's weapon. 'Dying...breath in...dying slowly...breath in, breath...breath, in.. out...wheeze...pain...breath in, breath out...pain...wheezing...pain..." if he could slow the breathing, he could slow the wheezing, if he could control the wheezing, he could control the pain...

He thought of Jim, he'd been shot...he survived, did he struggle to breath? Did he wheeze between breaths? Did he know he was close to dying? Did he talk to God? Did he think about those he loved, those he tried to love, those that he should have loved? Did he think about those he might leave behind? Did it bother him that he almost didn't get to say goodbye? Did he think about...his thoughts returned to Sara. Sara leaving him...Sara...what would she do? She'd been kidnapped, buried alive, left for dead. Did she struggle to breath? Did the weight of the car make her feel like her lungs were about to explode? 'breath in...gasp...wheeze...gasp...breath in, breath out...gasp...gasp..." His Sara, he loved her...

Did he tell her before she left? He hadn't before he'd disappeared on his sabbatical, but he was sure, well he hoped he was sure, he was almost sure that he'd told her over and over and showed her that he loved her more than life itself...but she left him., said it wasn't him, it wasn't about him...it was not about them but she left...she didn't say goodbye, didn't say she'd miss him...he said that, he told her he'd miss her...

She never called, she left, didn't say goodbye, didn't tell him she'd miss him and didn't call...he didn't know where she was. Did she get where she was going? Did she know where she needed to go? Did she find the answers she thought she needed to find? Was she happy? 'Breath...so hard...gasp...pain...pain...pain...burning...sucking noises, wheezing...coming from him...he...he couldn't...could...not...breath...I can't dooooo thisssssssss anymore...'

He felt someone shaking him, someone yelling at him not to die...was it Sara? Jim..he'd be pissed off if he died, especially since it was Grissom that made him go through surgery, made him survive even if he didn't want to...

Catherine? She'd be upset, happy that eventually she got his office but probably pissed because she'd wind up with Grave instead of Days which she really wanted...

Warrick? He hadn't seen him in a few days but he knew...because Gil Grissom knew what love felt like...looked like...he knew that Warrick was harboring feelings for Catherine and that she was feeling something too...

Nick? He hoped it wasn't Nick, he wasn't sure that Nicky could handle watching him die...he had almost watched Nick die...it had nearly killed him, especially when he read Nick's lips and saw him praying he never disappointed Grissom.. "You never did...Nicky...you never did!" he whispered the words he once uttered while watching his friend, his co-worker, his subordinate...Sara...'Breath ...in...out...in...in...oh God...I can't breath in...out...blow out...empty your lungs, empty your lungs...breath in..try to fill your empty lungs...breath...dammit...breath Grissom....'

He thought of Greg Sanders, he was proud of him, he was happy that Greg hadn't been dissuaded by the decrease in pay from being a Lab Rat to becoming a CSI., it meant the job was more important to him then monetary gain. He was secretly thrilled with the way Sara...'don't think of Sara, you have to survive, you have to see if she comes back, you have to wait...you promised you would wait...no matter how long it took...time...hours, minutes...how long have I been down? How long have I been laying here on the floor? How much blood have I lost?'

Why was he asking so many questions of himself? Was this normal? Was this what they meant when they claimed 'Your life flashes before your eyes!" He pictured his life before., solitary, alone...empty...no love...no one to come home to...now he had...well, he used to have Sara...beautiful, glorious, lovely Sara...but he had a boxer., a big sable colored boxer named Bruno...not the same, warm body...but not Sara... 'I need Sara...get Sar...a...please..." he wheezed out to the person leaning beside him...

"Who's Sara? Grissom?" the young man read his name tag on his vest. "Who's Sara? How do I call her? Do you have a cellphone?" he patted down Gil's pockets and located the phone in his pants "Sara, what's Sara's last name...?" he spoke next to Gil's ear...his voice full of panic as he scrolled through the screen with Grissom's phone book on it.

"Si...Sid...Sidle...Saraaaa Sidle" he wheezed out with ever struggling breaths.

He located the name, pressed the button and held the phone to his ear. When the voice on the other end of the line came on, it was filled with panic, tears and something else that TZ wasn't able to put his finger on...

"Grissom? Gil...Gilbert Grissom is that you? What the hell is going on...?" she was screaming into the phone...

"Is this Sara?" TZ whispered. "Sara Sidle?" he waited as the person on the other end of the phone took in that he apparently wasn't who she wanted to speak to.

"Who is this? Where is Gil Grissom? Why do you have his phone? Is he there? Is he okay?" the questions wouldn't stop.

"He's not doing too well, he's been asking for you...hang on...talk to him, I'll put the phone by his ear..." he did as he said he would, put the phone volume up, put the phone next to the Criminalist's ear and yelled "Talk to him...now!"

"Grissom...Gil...Gilbert can you hear me...? Please, you're scaring me...I'm coming...I'm on my way home...hang on Honey...hold on...I'm coming Gil...I'm coming., I'm so sorry I left, I'm sorry I didn't call you...I'm sorry for so many things...Please Baby...you promised you would wait for me...please hang on...I'm coming...I'm almost home..." but she heard only his wheezing, struggling labored breathing and then...nothing!