Heart It Races by Dr. Dog

Awkward - EP Version by San Cisco


Vrrt.

"So, she has pink hair…and camo pants…" Ymir frowned, staring at me.

"Yeah," I replied, smiling a little at the ridiculous statement.

"Man, that kid is on some good weed," she snorted, rolling her eyes and glancing back at the book, Going Bovine.

"Well…that's the point, I think, is to wonder whether his perspective can be trusted—he's often high and it's been established that he has Mad Cow Disease—"

"What?! He has Mad Cow Disease?!"

I stared at her, surprised she blurted that out.

"Yeah…?"

Oh.

"Ymir…did you even read the assignment?" My smile returned as she rolled her eyes, again, and snorted for another.

Vrrrt.

"No… not really. I've had other things to do." She went back to balancing a pen on her finger, swirling it around skillfully. She must've dinked off a lot if she was that good at it.

"Like what—picking your nose?" I grimaced when she looked at me, finger deep in her nose.

"Probably." Her voice was nasally as she produced a fleck. She caught me staring before smirking, bringing her fingers back to flick it.

"YMIR!"

Ymir burst into laughter as she went and wiped it under my night stand.

"YMIR! Gross!" I gasped in disbelief and she was still shaking with laughter. I grabbed a pillow and threw it at her stupid face, snuffing out her laugh for only a second.

"Oh, please! Everyone does it!" Ymir responded, throwing the pillow back.

"Gross! Not in front of me!"

"Oh, please, you can't say you don't do it, too," she smirked, crawling over close to me, staring at my nose, "or do you not?"

"Ymir, that's gross."

"Hm. Want me to do it for you?"

"What!?"

"Pick your nose. I can show you the ropes—" I smacked her face with the pillow and pretended to suffocate her as she laughed more.

"Ymir! God, you're so—so—gross!"

"Hahahaha," Ymir pulled away, grinning and flopping down next to me, glancing over my copy of the book.

"Yeah, yeah, but you're smiling so you must like it."

It was true that I was smiling, but it was so disgusting! I just… It was hard to be mad at her for long. She made it hard to hold a grudge against her.

"Anyways," I playfully glared at her, earning a cocky smile, "you really should read the book…I think you'd like it."

"Why? It's been so boring…"

"There's fire giants in it."

"My people!" Ymir gasped as I giggled at her response.

Vrrrt.

"You're such a dork."

"Hey, a very gross dork."

"Dork."

"Yeah, but fire giants? How? Why?" Ymir got up to only snatch her book and resumed laying by me.

"Well, they're considered the enemies… but I didn't get too far into it and I think you should read and figure it out yourself."

"Ugh… maybe. It sounds kind of cool, I guess." Ymir opened the book.

"I forgot where I left off, though." She sighed, flipping through the pages, skimming and trying to find it.

"There's even a Gnome who believes he's Thor. He seems like someone you'd like."

"A gnome who's a Norse God? Sign me the fuck up."

"What a dork," I said under my breath as she grinned up at me and went back to reading.

That's how it had been for the past week—she'd come over to my house after school and we'd read. Some days she wouldn't and I wouldn't receive any message from her, but other days like this she'd stay till late and then text me until I fell asleep.

It was really nice. It made me feel a lot less lonely knowing someone was always there to talk to, but I really wanted to know what she was doing the days she failed to talk to me. I never had the courage to ask, though, afraid that she'd be distant or dislike me.

It was only ten minutes later did she sigh and groan, throwing the book off to the side and sprawling out, purposefully flopping her limp arm against mine.

"I'm hungry," she drawled pitifully.

"Oh." I glanced at the clock.

It was only about five. A bit too early for dinner.

"Did you want me to ask for Pixis to bring us a snack?" I asked and she nodded, grabbing one of my pillows and covering her face with it.

Was she upset or being dramatic?

I picked up my phone and sent him a message.

Vrrt.

I glanced at her phone that was off on the desk as it vibrated, moving ever so slightly.

"Ymir, your phone is going off."

"Yeah, I know."

I worried my bottom lip.

"Um…aren't you going to answer it?" I asked, wondering why she was ignoring whoever it was.

"Nah. If it's important then they'd call."

I suppose that made sense but there was no reason to not respond.

My own phone vibrated in my hand as Pixis agreed to bring in a light snack.

"It should be done here soon," I told her, placing my bookmark and sitting it down.

Vrrrt!

This time it was mine.

Ymir watched with a frown as I opened my cellphone to see Reiner had texted me. I smiled and closed it for now.

"So, what did he want?" Ymir grumbled.

"Nothing. Just checking on me." I laid back, staring at the ceiling, closing my eyes, and enjoying this time with Ymir. It was everything that I had dreamed of as a kid—laughing and joking and without an ounce of worry.

"Hn." Ymir clicked and sat up, springing off the bed. I sat back up to watch her check her phone, sifting through the texts.

I wanted to ask who it was but I didn't want to be nosy.

Maybe it was Ilse?

"How's Ilse?" I asked. I hadn't spoken to her since spring.

"Hm, Ilse—Oh, she's doing good. She tore her ACL in softball during districts in the spring. But she's doing good." Ymir's voice was distant as she texted away to whoever it was.

"ACL?" I asked, hoping she'd direct her attention back to me.

"Something about the knee." She mumbled and stopped. She stood there for a while before sighing and sending whatever it was.

It made me feel a little bad if Ymir replied to whoever and I didn't to Reiner. He had asked if he could come over for dinner…

"I'm going to head out and hit the town." Ymir shrugged, stuffing her phone away, and gathering her things that laid scattered about the place.

"Huh?" It came out of nowhere.

Did I do something to make her upset?

"It's getting late," well, that was a lie that we both knew.

"What about the snacks?" I stood up, walking out my room with her, down the house, and to the foyer's door.

"Eh… I'll be fine." She didn't say anything at all that indicated why she was leaving so early. It made me worry.

"…won't you stay?" I asked, stopping at the threshold with her. She stopped, hands stuffed into her coat's pockets and she looked down at me.

Her golden eyes were here but I could tell they were busy somewhere far off. She shifted her weight from one foot to the next, looking down at our feet, and then out the open door.

"Nah… you have Reiner coming over soon, right?"

She read my message.

"…Well…" She must've saw I didn't respond, too.

"Don't keep your boyfriend waiting, alright?" She sighed, stepping outside and towards her car in the driveway, leaving me full with unsaid words.

It didn't matter if she was here with me. I could hang out with Reiner any day but I didn't get to always hang out with her.

"We'll talk later," she waved me off lazily when she got to her car and I felt my throat tighten as I grabbed my thigh, digging my fingers into it, wondering what I did wrong.

You probably pissed her off.

You know she hates Reiner yet—

Nobody wants to hang out with your useless—

Nobody likes you.

"Bye, Ymir. Drive safely." I waved as she gave me a lazy smile, hopping into her car, and driving off.

I returned to my room, grabbing my cellphone and replying to Reiner.

Yeah, come over.

.

.

.
Vzttt!

.

.

.

Be there soon : )

-x-x-x-

"Did you and Ymir have a good time?" He asked, laying on the couch. I was sitting by his head as he looked up at me.

"Yeah. She really is a dork," I smiled, remembering her jokes and silliness.

"Hah. That's hard to believe… All she ever does is glare at me." He snorted but didn't venture on further.

"She's nice and funny and smart when she wants to be." I defended her and he didn't say more to that.

It was quiet for a while before he rolled over onto his stomach, huffing from being so full.

"How was your day?"

"Fine."

"That's good. Do anything fun?"

"Not really."

"Oh. Me and Bert hanged out. We built some models together."

"That's good."

He smiled, shutting his eyes.

It was quiet again.

"How was Ymir today?" He asked.

"Oh, she had a pretty good day. She said that she might be joining the volleyball team or try out for basketball. Though, she was telling me she was really looking forward to softball, but I don't think she realizes she needs to get good grades to participate…oh! And her sister, Ilse, she tore her ACL… Poor Ilse. I remember her being so small. It's a little crazy to think she got hurt…" I told him, laughing after realizing something.

"She used to be smaller than me but she's about as tall as Ymir now."

Reiner shook his head.

"Seems like an interesting life…" He sat up and laughed a little before nervously looking at the floor.

"Hey…Historia?"

I glanced over at him, feeling like he was about to ask something strange.

"Yeah?"

"Um…is it…alright…if I could…ah, ha-ha, nevermind, nevermind." He was so embarrassed as he scratched the back of his neck, bashfully chuckling.

"What is it?" Curiosity was a terrible thing.

"I just… was going to ask if…um, I could… hug you…or maybe hold you…?"

It was strange to be asked that. In fact, I was completely caught off guard. Usually, people just did it without asking, but here he was…being polite and awkward…

I sat there, uncertain as to what I should do.

Did I want that?

Something in my stomach was throbbing.

Something in my heart was aching.

My bones felt like they were missing contact—they were missing the touch and feeling of someone caring.

"I-I…I think that's okay…" I couldn't help the redness that got to my ears as he grinned, reaching over and lightly pulling me close to him. He kept one arm around my shoulders as he leaned against me.

"This feels nice…does it feel nice for you?" He asked.

Reiner was so gentle and kind. He was such a good guy who always asked if I was okay with something. He listened and he tried his best to follow through. He remembered things I didn't like—pickles, mustard—and knew everything I loved by heart—strawberries, whip cream, and shortcake.

To anyone else, he was the perfect guy. Even I had to agree that he was what most girls would love.

Being in his arms felt safe.

It felt like something I could rely on.

It made me feel less lonely.

But it didn't feel nice.

It didn't feel like the thing I needed.

Those aches were still there but much less.

Was this liking someone? Feeling all these strange emotions at once and not certain what to do with them?

It sounded like it was from what Hannah and Mina spoke about.

Maybe it was but it didn't feel quite like it, but I wasn't used to this, too.

"If you're uncomfortable," he spoke up, "we can stop."

I realized how tense I was.

Should I ask him to stop holding me?

It wasn't bad.

It wasn't good.

There was just nothing.

I looked up at him and I saw the redness of his face, the glow in his eyes, but I also saw the willingness to listen.

I could just see how much he cared. It made me feel nervous and scared almost.

"No. This is fine," I told him and sealed it with a smile that made him grin stupidly.

"That…that makes me…this makes me very happy," he hid his face behind one of his large hands.

Seeing him so happy made it worth it.

He was a good person and deserved good things.

Plus, like I said, I didn't feel bad towards it.

It wasn't hurting anyone.

-x-x-x-

"So, why're you here with me?" Hitch asked, frowning. Her voice was naturally sarcastic.

Just like her resting bitch face.

I rolled my eyes.

"I felt like having a milkshake than some fancy lobster dinner." I snorted as she scoffed at me, sipping from the second straw of our shared milkshake.

"Is that really it?"

"What? Do you think anything could beat a milkshake? I was born and raised on commodity food. That rich stuff is too weird for me." I said once more and she sighed.

"Okay, okay, spare me the lecture."

And so we stayed in the diner, eating our burgers and fries and drinking till the last drop of the milkshake.

We stepped outside, standing near my car and Hitch lit a cigarette, puffing away as she looked out where the sun was beginning its descent.

"You're really fucking hopeless." She whispered.

I don't think she meant for me to hear.

But she probably did.

"And you're a basic for wanting me."


A/N:

Can you love a person who you haven't seen in years, or are you in love with their memory?

What is love, anyways? Is it the person who'll go to any lengths to show their feelings, thinking night and day of their love, or is it the person who'll let things play out, hoping that their love will get the best this world has to offer even if it's without them?

Who said it was love anyways?

What is it, really, anyways?