Chapter Twenty-Seven:
Wow diary… I think I set a new record back there for writing nonstop. I didn't realise how much I wanted to share my first conversation with Edward. So many ideals, beliefs and principals were shared between us… and it set a really firm foundation for our friendship. We continued to share so much between us during our afternoons and evenings together…
Maybe I'll write more about it later? I wanted to share something different today.
I figured I should update you on how things are going at the Yayasan Balita Sehat centre. We spent the week teaching the children about Idul Fitri. It's very similar to Eid al-Fitr and is an important celebration in the Islamic calendar. So many of the businesses around us closed for the week as this is one of the biggest holidays for the Islamic religion. I didn't realise before coming here, but Islam is the dominant religion in Indonesia. Everyone seems to get involved, as it is kind of a mix of Christmas and New Year celebrations. We made and decorated peci hats for the children to wear. A few local charities donated new clothes for the children to wear, to wish them good fortune for the new year. The kids couldn't contain their excitement throughout the week. They were such a handful – but we had so much fun together!
So far my favourite part is the feast days. During Idul Fitri, there are two days of feasting and today was our first. I can't believe how much food I ate, and I don't want to think about it because I'll just feel so guilty. Diana and Mary know how to put an amazing spread together. They both took it upon themselves to become experts in local festival dishes and spent days preparing food for everyone. It was quite cute as the kids had to be served first and I don't know who was more impressed with the amount of food displayed – them or me! Rivers didn't assist a lot in our festival preparation, but I guess he did help in his own special way; he didn't stop anyone else from making the most of this holiday. Diary, I don't need to tell you that I was the head of the decorating committee. The kids also helped me clean out all the classrooms, so we were ready to start a new semester with fresh, clean rooms.
I also was in charge of making the presents. An important custom I learnt about was uang lebaran where parents and other family members give younger children in their family colourful envelopes of money. At the centre, we didn't have any budget to spare… So I improvised! I got the okay from Rivers for the adults to make the children little vouchers for after school activities. Diana and Mary loved this idea and I think they made the most out of everybody. Their vouchers were for cooking lessons or art activities. We even did one from all the teachers which were different excursions like going to the weekend markets or to free entry tourist attractions. We let the kids know that they could invite the teacher they liked best and that they needed to go in a larger group, so everyone could enjoy their excursion treat without upsetting our rules on safety, supervision, etc. My vouchers compared to everyone else's were a little plain. I did book reading and soccer games vouchers. It seemed like those were the activities the children asked for the most, and I figured they would be received positively.
I'm glad to report diary that the kids didn't like them; they LOVED them. They straight away started planning between themselves what kind of after school and weekend activities we were going to do. We gave the envelopes out during our feast and the excitement from the children was infectious. Of course, there was one person who wasn't having a great time. Rivers asked to see me quietly and he pulled me into an empty hallway. I could see from his facial expression that he was upset about something. "Is something wrong Rivers?" I asked him. He rubbed his chin and then looked at me. He wore a gloomy look and I figured something serious had happened.
"Why didn't you tell me about the uang lebaran envelopes Jane?" he interrogated. While he didn't yell at me exactly, it almost had a similar effect. I had resigned that Rivers would now be more severe and unsmiling, but his new detached thought patterns, bad moods or accusations still caught me off guard from time to time. I knew though that I was in the right as I felt like I should tell him so.
"But I did Rivers. You gave me the go ahead for us to write the vouchers-" Rivers cut me off and scared me a little by hitting the closest wall with his hand suddenly.
"But why didn't you tell me ALL THE TEACHERS were giving one," he accused. "I'm the only adult in the centre who hasn't given anything to the children!" I could see the anger in his eyes and realised I had done the wrong thing. I had some good reasons and tried to explain them to him.
"I knew you were busy… so I figured it was easier not to mention. Besides, we all know how you give everything to the children- You didn't need to make any extra efforts just because it's a national holiday." I watched as some of the fire in his eyes died down and he took a deep breath. While some of his severity was gone, he was still very sombre in his tone with me.
"I'm the manager of this centre, aren't I? Then I should have participated in these voucher coupons as well!"
"There's still time Rivers. Idul Fitri doesn't finish till tomorrow evening, so there's heaps of time left to make some cards for the children. I'm happy to help you out if you need any extra ideas," I offered. I had enough conflict in my life and I rather find solutions than argue unnecessarily. This was the right thing to say as Rivers started to relax.
"You will?"
"Of course. To tell you the truth, the best voucher you could give to most of the boys is coming back to the soccer pitch for a game or two. They are missing you out there terribly," I said.
"I suppose a couple of games couldn't hurt anyone," he pondered aloud. I almost sense Rivers was back to his carefree, happy self again. I was so happy with this notion that I started beaming. It was ages since our manager appeared even a little cheerful. He smiled at me and reached out to hold my hand. I noted that this was something he used to do when he was being sincere, back when he was a little more open to those around him. This action made me a little apprehensive, but also glad at the same time. "Thank you Jane. You really know how to keep up morale and make genuine learning activities for the children."
"Just doing my job," I replied. 'Maybe our old Rivers has returned?' I asked myself. 'Why does this feel… unnatural all of a sudden?' Rivers kept ahold of my hand and reached out for the other one. He had never done that before. A shiver ran down my spine and I sensed something off was going to happen.
"I really appreciate it," Rivers acknowledged. He didn't finish there though. "You are by far the most dedicated of all the centre's staff. I hope you will consider staying here for many years to come." He finished his request by looking at me intently. I didn't know exactly how to respond to that so I tried to be flippant. I figured being candid with him would cause him to be less intense.
"Well, I don't have family anywhere else… Who knows what the future might bring?!" I said while shrugging my shoulders. River's grip didn't loosen and I was starting to think he was holding my hands a rather long time. Longer than was necessary for two friends anyway. He then made me more uncomfortable by stepping closer. There was still some space between us, so I didn't want to back away in case he took offence. Maybe I was shocked with how bold his actions were. His next words though surprised me even more.
"I'd like it if you stayed here… with me. Because I asked you to."
"What?" was the only thing I could say in reply. 'What is this guy talking about?' I asked myself. Thankfully I didn't have to respond as a certain little boy had come spying on us.
"MR RIVERS IS KISSING MISS JANE!" Jaya yelled at the top of his lungs. I will admit I was so thankful for Jaya coming when he did. I took his diversion as an opportunity to pull my hands away and step back. I knew Jaya had misinterpreted the situation and I should take charge.
"Jaya! Does holding hands really mean kissing?" I asked him. I walked over to the child, putting some serious distance between me and Rivers. He got the hint and decided that we should join the others again.
"Let's go back to the feast," Rivers commanded. Any sign of openness or positivity from earlier was gone. He was back to being solemn, cross Rivers. His next words confirmed that for me. "And Jaya, you aren't going to repeat anything ARE YOU?" he demanded.
"Rivers, Jaya knows nothing happened," I said on the child's behalf. 'Just because you are in a bad mood doesn't mean you can take out on Jaya,' I told myself. I didn't say it aloud, but I did tell him that he was acting scary in front of Jaya. The child, who usually appeared overly confident and cocky, had shrunken down when met with such unjustified fury. He immediately took my hand and started to blabber that he wasn't a liar and that he had seen something go on.
"Don't be silly Jaya. Come sit next to me and let's have some more rice cakes…" I said as I pulled Jaya away and back into the dining room. Jaya quickly was distracted by the food and conversation with the rest of the people of the centre. I watched as Rivers sat down at the table and we locked eyes. I looked away quickly as I saw sternness was etched again all over his face again. It looked like any breakthrough earlier had retreated as quickly as it appeared. So I didn't have to face him again today, I spent the rest of the day as far away from him as possible.
I spent the rest of the day reminiscing. I remembered how Rivers used to be, how dramatic his change was after that conference. I concluded that I didn't like him as much as I had previously. AS A FRIEND of course. He would laugh and joke around with me, and the teachers and the children. He wasn't so on edge all the time. Nowadays, you didn't know what would get you in trouble when you were talking to him, and he just seemed so… distant. I could tell he was trying to hide.. or maybe even erase parts of himself. And it wasn't working. Diary, I know that he is still in love with Rosa. He never used to yell at the children, or any of the staff… anybody even when he got to see her. She encouraged him to embrace the local customs and people – and now it seemed like he was keeping everyone at arm's length. 'But what was that in the hallway Jane?' my inner dialogue asked me. I honestly didn't know if he was flirting… or being overly friendly…
But I'll tell you one thing. The look he gave me in the hallway was nothing like the way he would look at Rosa. It was bad impression at best. But Rivers told me to not to contact Rosa and not to bring her up in front of him. I've not done that. I've tried my hardest to work around this alter-Rivers, who appears to be everything that Rivers wasn't when I first met him. I could be a friend to that Rivers. There was no way I even could tolerate what Rivers was now…
And if… IF… he was flirting, I wasn't interested at all. At least liking Edward and falling in love with him came naturally and easily by comparison. I know what being in real love feels like.
…
Diary, what if I walked away from the one guy I was supposed to be with? I don't think I could love another. Looking at how Rivers is trying to overcome his love of Rosa with work, or with apathy… Well, it's a lie. I wonder if Edward has found anyone else… Thinking of him is so bittersweet. I don't want to miss him anymore by continue to write about him, so I'll leave it there for today. I'll share our continued Idul Fitri celebrations and adventures tomorrow! Night night!
Author Message Time!
I'm home sick so I'm writing to keep the boredom at bay. This is definitely not a typical upload amount! I'll have to go back to the work place and you'll have to wait for updates a bit more. But at least I'm doing something now while I'm lying about right? :)
Remember that I really love feedback! And if anyone knows how to get rid of the flu instantly... I'd be very thankful! Hehe Xoxo
