All my love to the SotTP and their unfailing support for my many descents into madness.

Thank you all so much for all the reviews. I've read every one of them, but with having to choose between responding and writing, I figured you wanted the writing. This one's a little longer than most have been- -somehow, I don't think you'll mind.

I don't own Carlisle or Edward, but they own me.

Broken by Seether and Whatever it Takes by Lifehouse were on continuous play for this chapter. Listen to them and you'll know why.


Chapter Twenty-eight

EPOV

I never heard him move, but I felt his presence behind me. Even after everything that had happened, all the lonely nights before I left and the empty ones that came after, I wanted to lean into him, to let him take some of the stress away just by being there. But I couldn't, not yet. Not until I'd gotten out everything I needed to say—once I found my voice again. Fucking tears. I slammed the flat of my hand against the rough hewn timber, needing the pain to pull my thoughts back into focus.

"The night I left, it wasn't a decision made in haste. I kept hoping for the least little sign that you still wanted me in your life, but you were oblivious to what I was going through. Walking out the door was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I knew when I did, I'd be leaving my heart behind. Once the door clicked shut, I waited, fighting the urge to walk back inside." I turned then, finally facing him. The memory of that night had knifed at me ever since, the pain piercing my very soul."I waited for you, Carlisle. I needed you to come after me, to ask me not to leave, to tell me you'd do whatever it took to fix us. For ten minutes I stood in an empty hallway—and you did nothing."

Carlisle's amber eyes brimmed with unshed tears, reflecting back the anguish I'd poured out. He lifted his hand to reach for mine, then let it drop back to his side. Stepping backward, his shoulders slumping under the full significance of everything I'd said, he sunk onto the bench behind him. He looked beaten, as broken as I'd been six months earlier. His mouth opened, but nothing came out. He swallowed reflexively, then cleared his throat to try again.

"I thought your mind was made up, that nothing I did would bring you back. I hadn't realized, until today, how much I'd been pushing you aside. It wasn't ever deliberate. Things were crazy at work. I should have left it all there, but I kept bringing the stress home with me." The words fell from his lips in a rush, like he believed he could somehow use them to bind up the broken pieces. "There's never been one moment, though, that I haven't wanted you in my life. You bring me into balance, smoothing out the rough parts while not letting me take life too seriously." The anguished pleading tore at the frayed edges of my righteous indignation, daring me to refute the gripping honesty he offered. "If I'd had even inkling that you would've still had me, I'd have torn down the doors of Hell to get to you. You have to believe me."

I should have stopped myself then, but some twisted part needed to twist the blade a little deeper.

"I'd planned Valentine's Day down to the last detail. I wanted it perfect, because you deserved perfect. Even after everything that had happened, I still believed that. A part of me still does. I'd known for months that I couldn't imagine living the rest of my life without you and I'd planned to ask you to share every minute with me. Dinner, moonlight, champagne, a ring—all chosen so I could offer you my heart forever, and you never showed up."

Spinning on my heel, I walked away, my steps unsteady while I tried to find the path through the tears I finally let go. My throat burned, already raw from talking, the wracking sobs tearing at it even more. Reaching the shelter of the trees, I collapsed onto a fallen trunk, then brushed my arm across my face. The gnarled wood shifted, Carlisle's arms encircling me, his own tears mingling with mine.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't know. I was so thoughtless." His lips brushed across my cheeks between each word, trying to kiss the tears away. "Sshh. Please, Edward." He knelt in front of me, taking both my hands in his. "Whatever it takes, whatever you need, I'll do it. I know I don't deserve another chance, but if you can find a way to forgive me, I won't let you walk out of my life again."


Well, that was a shit ton to digest. I think I need a couple shots of Jameson's. If you need me, I'll be at the bar.