Still off the Key of Reason
Chapter 28: Put Your Eyes to the Sun and Say I Know
"Just…lean forward, hun." Leroy urged, gripping Rachel's chin. "Don't let it run down your throat."
Rachel groaned in disgust and tipped forward on the couch. She kept a hand on the towel over her nose and watched Quinn's bare feet shuffle in circles around the living room, James in her arms.
"Think happy thoughts!" Hiram called brightly from the breakfast bar.
"I'b mot appy." Rachel muttered to the floor.
It had happened so suddenly. One minute she was delightedly showing her fathers the pictures from the hospital, and the next she was tasting blood, tilting dizzyingly into her dad's side, and listening to her daddy's voice in the background yelling "Don't get blood on the photos!"
"Have you been drinking coffee?" Quinn accused, brow furrowed, settling James into the baby carrier.
Rachel really hadn't been drinking coffee. She'd switched to caffeinated tea, which was probably just as bad, but there was no other way to roll her out of bed at all hours of the night. She looked up and shook her head and swallowed a mouthful of blood, and then coughed and whined in revulsion
Quinn's accusatory expression faded to concern. "Oh, baby."
Rachel garbled into the towel, eyes peeking out the top.
"You know, she's always been like this." Hiram proclaimed, propping his elbows on the counter like this was an everyday occurrence. "So much life in there for such a little body. We made her breakfast in bed for her twelfth birthday and she actually passed out in her pillows."
"I dibn't." Rachel protested, leaning into Quinn when her wife settled next to her on the couch.
"Right into the blueberry waffles." Hiram laughed. "You were so excited."
"So she's-it's always been like this?" Quinn wondered. She softly plucked Rachel's hair away from the towel and tucked it behind her ear. "Where she's…sort of…"
"Excitable?" Leroy guessed, grinning at Quinn. "So incredibly enthusiastic that her body can't handle the stress?"
Rachel scoffed indelicately. She knew she got carried away sometimes. Picked up and spun right round the bend. But she wasn't an invalid.
Quinn gazed uncertainly at Leroy. "It's not-it just seems to be progressing."
"Well, you have a baby!" Hiram's voice boomed as he strolled over to lift James from his carrier. "King James! It's certainly a tumultuous time for you both."
"Diet and exercise, and Rachel will be fine." Leroy assured Quinn, more gently than his husband. Hiram cooed into James's face, tickling his little fists with an index finger.
"I'b ride here." Rachel mumbled.
Quinn squeezed her hand and leaned forward to catch her eye. "Are you dizzy, baby? Do you need ice? And where have you hidden the coffee?"
Rachel rolled her eyes. "I don' hab any."
Quinn studied her carefully, and Rachel snorted at her wife's dubious expression. Hazel eyes sparkled at the sound.
"Then I'm throwing away your caffeinated tea," Quinn drawled, scrunching up her nose at the mention of it, "because it's just coffee in disguise, and you're not getting away with it anymore."
"Are you imblying you were ledding me ged away with it?"
Hiram made some kind of amused "oooh" noise in the background and Rachel's lips twitched.
"I'm-yeah." Quinn nodded and smiled sweetly. "Yes, I was. But no more. I'll bring you tea and honey instead. And Blaine and Kurt are supposed to be-"
"Doorbell!" Leroy declared as the bell interrupted Quinn's sentence, and he vanished down the stairs to let their friends inside.
It was a three-man stampede barreling up the stairs, and Kurt was the first to charge into the living room, followed by a slightly more in-control Blaine. They both took one look at Rachel and spun away with matching grimaces.
Quinn tipped sideways and kissed her wife's cheek.
"Did Jimbo get you?" Kurt remarked, hand over his eyes. "He punched you, didn't he? Like when you broke it in high school. I can't look or I'll throw up."
Blaine hummed vaguely and smiled at Quinn and Rachel and her fathers. "We just have some news we wanted to share with you guys."
Rachel perked up immediately. She pulled the towel away from her face, ignoring Kurt's exaggerated gagging, and wiped around her nose with Quinn's help.
"Your poor nose." Quinn murmured, looking only slightly disgusted.
"Attention!" Kurt clapped his hands and Rachel sniffed sharply to test if she could breathe.
She could not, so she breathed hopelessly through her mouth. Kurt was watching her like she was a child covered in something sticky.
Quinn snapped her fingers, eyebrow raised, and Rachel laughed shortly at everybody's surprise.
"Blaine and I…" Kurt spoke slowly and deliberately, meeting Hiram and Leroy's eyes before dropping back to Rachel and Quinn. Blaine grinned and rocked on his heels. "Are adopting a child."
Rachel choked on her breath, and then devolved into a coughing fit when she couldn't catch it again, and Hiram and Leroy whooped while Quinn made sure her wife didn't asphyxiate herself.
"Wait, wait, there's more." Blaine announced loudly, pulling a picture out of his jacket pocket.
Rachel settled herself and breathed through her mouth, swallowing whatever was in her throat, and her hands clutched tightly onto Quinn's forearm.
"We've actually started the process already, and this is the boy we're trying to adopt." Blaine held the picture out proudly, and Quinn accepted it with Rachel leaning impatiently into her side. "He's six, and his name is Ralph."
Rachel gasped at exactly the same moment as Quinn, recognition dawning for both of them.
It was Simba, from the Gerrard Home, and Rachel clutched her mouth and then her nose and squealed in delight.
"He's-you're-" Quinn fumbled and tapped her fingers against the picture like she wasn't sure if it was real.
"That's wonderful!" Hiram congratulated jovially. He glanced down at the baby in his arms and rocked lightly on his heels. "Isn't that wonderful, James? That's absolutely wonderful."
Rachel was still having trouble breathing, but Quinn managed to pry her arm out of her wife's grasp to get off the couch and approach Kurt and Blaine for tearful hugs.
"That's so-it's-I'm don't-I don't-"
Kurt chuckled.
"Bear." Rachel laughed, tossing a balled up paper towel at Quinn's back.
Quinn stopped talking and glanced behind her, sniffling and flushed, and Rachel smiled. Quinn turned and hugged their friends again.
Rachel ran her fingers over the picture, vibrating with excitement. She kept a hand over her nose just to be sure, because this was just the kind of thing that would carry her away. Simba, with his dark eyes and floppy hair and speed like a little cat, would have a home.
~oooooooooooo~
In an attempt to assuage some of her co-stars' minor accusations that she had been "neglecting" them, Rachel went out with them after her show on Thursday night. She hadn't meant to stay out past midnight, but anywhere a baby wasn't crying, screaming his head off at all hours of the night, was where she wanted to be. And that place happened to be a bar, disorderly and loud and blessedly free of spit-up and diapers and bawling.
So Rachel stalked carefully up the stairs of her apartment at one in the morning, leaning against the wall and trying not to wake her dads or Quinn or the baby or the animals.
There were so many ears. She was bound to wake all of them up.
Rachel caught her toe on the last step and tumbled gracefully to the floor, slinging her bag several feet into the living room.
"Shit. Shit." She muttered, palms braced on the hardwood, wondering if the ground was actually moving beneath her. Maybe an earthquake? Maybe she'd stood up and started walking again without realizing it.
"Wow." A voice remarked, and Rachel nearly tipped back down the staircase when she realized Quinn was sitting on the couch in fuzzy pajamas and bed hair, surveying Rachel and looking unamused.
"Hey…baby." Rachel stood up straight and leaned nonchalantly against the wall. "Are you-is everything okay? Why is-why aren't you in bed?"
Quinn narrowed her eyes. "Are you seriously drunk?"
"Mmm not." Rachel answered honestly. Tipsy, buzzed, and exhausted, but not drunk. She had enough problems waking up in the morning as it was, thank you very much.
"Why were you out so late?" Quinn asked, glancing at the clock on the cable box.
Rachel pushed off the wall, which gave her so much momentum that she had to stop herself with the back of the armchair. "Mark was my ride home, and it was hard dragging him away."
Quinn watched Rachel slide heavily into the chair. "You could've gotten a cab."
Rachel sighed. "I was enjoying myself, baby."
"Well-I thought-you said you'd be home by eleven."
"I know, bear." Rachel relaxed into the chair and eyed Quinn's furrowed brow. "I'm sorry. Let's go-"
"I haven't even been to sleep yet." Quinn broke in quietly, annoyed, eyes on Rachel's bag slung halfway across the room. "He was crying for hours. And then your dad took him and did this rocking thing he used to do with you, and he only just fell asleep."
Rachel smiled sadly, blearily, because she wasn't really sure what was going on at the moment.
"He just-he just keeps spitting up, like he just abhors milk or something, and I need you here because you're the-the only one who-the one-" Quinn huffed in frustration and shook her head.
Rachel frowned in concentration. "The only one who what?" It was a confusing question, and she wasn't actually sure what she'd asked. "Wait, what?"
Rachel's interface skills just seemed to degenerate in the night.
Quinn blew out her cheeks and stared at her wife. "The only who makes me feel like I'm not absolutely incompetent at this-this having a baby…thing. Endeavor. I don't know."
Rachel watched her carefully, soaking up this new information and letting it tug at her heart.
"I just missed you." Quinn added quietly, playing with her fraying sweatshirt sleeves. "I know you're-you're just as inept as I am-"
Rachel opened her mouth to voice some kind of offense to that.
"-but I need you here. Please."
Rachel got up slowly, steadily, and took a few stilted steps around the coffee table in Quinn's direction. "Bear." She said softly, unprepared for any kind of conversation right now. "Let's go to bed, okay? We can-"
"You're sleeping on the couch." Quinn interrupted, eyes on Rachel's collar, completely serious.
There was no sparkle in her expression, no twitch in her lips, no tapping fingers to let Rachel know she was playing. Rachel's mouth dropped open in shock.
"Are you-are you serious?" She asked loudly, eyes wide, and Quinn shushed her immediately.
"Going out with your cast is great, and I'm so glad you had fun." Quinn stage-whispered, eyes still on Rachel's collar. "But you can't just trip up the stairs at one in the morning when you have a newborn and a wife who need you. And we need you in your right mind, not buzzed out of your beautiful little head."
Rachel's mouth opened and closed, words catching repeatedly in her throat. She couldn't believe she was being relegated to the couch.
Quinn was making her sleep on the couch. She wondered if she'd fallen back down the stairs and hit her head. Maybe she tumbled right into a dream.
"So…goodnight." Quinn said shortly, standing up and moving towards the hallway.
"Bear, let me see your eyes." Rachel said impulsively, noticing that Quinn's gaze had never left the collar of her jacket.
Quinn complied, briefly, and locked eyes with Rachel from the hallway. Quiet and annoyed and sad, in a tired way, where everything just builds up in the middle of the night. Molehills turn into mountains at one in the morning.
Rachel nodded slightly. "Goodnight, baby." She murmured.
And then she pried off her boots and grabbed a fleece blanket and settled into her bed for the night.
~ooooooooooo~
It only took an hour for Quinn to come back to the living room. Rachel hadn't fallen asleep, and she watched Quinn's fluffy green socks as her wife loomed over her. And then Quinn crawled carefully onto the couch, wedging herself between Rachel and the pillows and hugging Rachel like one would hug a porcupine. When Rachel didn't protest, Quinn squeezed her tightly and pressed her nose into Rachel's hair.
Rachel smiled against the fleecy blanket.
"Are you awake, little bear?" Quinn mumbled against the back of her head.
Rachel hummed. "You know I am."
An hour of complete, rare silence and darkness, and Rachel was still awake. She hadn't slept alone in seven years.
"I don't think I can sleep without you." Quinn said quietly. She extracted an arm from Rachel and pulled the blanket up to their heads, scooting right up against Rachel's back for warmth.
Blonde hair fell over Rachel's ear, and she brushed it away and smiled at Quinn's breath on her cheek. "Me neither, baby."
Quinn sighed deeply, like she'd been holding it in for an hour. "Do you think-are you alright?" she wondered hesitantly.
Rachel blinked sleepily into the darkness. "What do you mean?"
"You told me to tell you if I felt sad or odd or anything at all, and I will, and I have, but you have to do the same." Quinn tapped her fingers over Rachel's stomach.
"I'm not the one who gave birth." Rachel drawled.
"No. But-" Quinn shook her head and fidgeted, and then sat up and nudged Rachel's shoulder. "Baby, roll over. I need to see your face."
Rachel groaned exaggeratedly, so comfortable and warm. "I can't. I'm stuck."
"I'll unstick you." Quinn chuckled, pulling on Rachel's shoulder until she rolled onto her back. Rachel lifted an eyebrow and stared expectantly up into hazel eyes.
Quinn patted down her dark hair. "You know…baby blues, right?"
Rachel hummed a yes.
Quinn bit her lip. "Maybe-maybe you've got a bit of the baby blues."
"Quinn, you had the baby, the hormones-"
"I was talking with your dads." Quinn plowed on, tapping Rachel's cheeks. "They were teaching me how to make marshmallow cookies, which they said were your favorite when you were a little girl. You liked to make lots of yellow icing and turn them all into stars, and it's actually a really easy recipe, and have you ever tried those jumbo marshmallows? I gave one to Cornelius and it took him about an hour to swallow the whole-"
"Quinn, what?" Rachel snorted and tugged on Quinn's hair.
Quinn blinked. "I'm-I was-we were making…"
"Focus." Rachel whispered fondly. "You were talking with my dads."
"You-you have such a big heart," Quinn said earnestly, "and you're so empathetic and passionate and lovely, and you have a brand new baby too, so-I mean, baby blues isn't totally out of the question. It's a lot of change, for both of us."
Rachel mulled this over, twisting strands of blonde hair around her fingers.
"Baby blues." She repeated quietly.
"Are you happy?" Quinn asked cautiously, like she was scared to hear the answer.
"Of course I'm happy." Rachel replied immediately. Honestly.
Quinn searched her eyes. "Because if you're not-if you're…too stressed or over-worked or sad or angry, please tell me."
"I am so…overwhelmingly happy that it stresses me out sometimes." Rachel said slowly, and then laughed because it sounded ridiculous.
"So tonight, you really did just...have trouble getting a ride home?" Quinn wondered. "You weren't…drinking or-or anything because you needed a break from us?"
Rachel sighed. She sat up fully and draped her legs over Quinn's lap and tugged on her wife's ears so that she knew she had her full attention.
"There's nowhere I would rather be than home with you and Jimbo." She assured. "My bears."
Quinn's lips twitched.
"But I think it's-it's okay to need a break from that. From the baby." Rachel remarked. "Because it's just-I mean, it's endless sleep deprivation and crying, right? But taking a little break just makes me fall in love with James more, because all I remember is his chubby cheeks and tiny fingers and Pooh Bear ears that you put him in this morning."
Quinn nodded slowly, eyes fixed on Rachel's.
"And…a break from you isn't really fun at all." Rachel mused. She tilted her head thoughtfully. "But, I think-I think I love you more every time I see you, and I don't know how."
Quinn pressed her lips together to suppress her smile. "I'm lovable. It's understandable."
Rachel snorted and tipped backwards against the arm of the couch. "God, why are you always around? Go sleep in your own bed, big bear."
"You called me lovable." Quinn remarked, wedging herself next to Rachel again.
"You called yourself lovable. Which is-that's weird."
"No." Quinn said simply, trying to force Rachel's resistant arms to wrap around her.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there tonight." Rachel said, choosing to ignore Quinn's actions altogether. "I'll-we'll plan it better next time."
"Rachel, give me your arms." Quinn complained, forcibly prying them away from Rachel's body.
Rachel laughed and relented and wrapped Quinn in a hug.
"You smell like a bar." Quinn muttered a minute later.
"Stop complaining." Rachel breathed. "You smell like marshmallows."
Quinn smiled against Rachel's ear. "Would you like some marshmallow cookies?"
"It's two in the morning. I'd like to sleep, please."
"Your dads said they would take care of James for the rest of the night, if he cries."
Rachel opened her eyes and met Quinn's, sparkling in the dim light.
"We're not incompetent, you know." She remarked, smiling slightly. "What you said earlier? We're not inept or incompetent. We're new, and our baby is healthy and warm, and we're learning."
Quinn's smile faded until it was soft and genuine. "See. That's what you do."
"What?"
"You make everything better."
Rachel smiled. That sounded familiar.
"Cornelius was swallowing jumbo marshmallows whole today, and I took a video because I knew you'd like it."
Rachel's shoulders shook at the thought. Not of Seal, but of Quinn videotaping him on the floor of the kitchen, encouraging him to eat giant marshmallows while she waited for the cookies in the oven.
"Love you, baby." She murmured.
Quinn kissed her head. "I love you, Rachel."
There was a faint "aww" in the background. Dogs or dads or cats, Rachel was too tired to find out the source.
~ooooooooooooo~
Yoga, when not performed with giant rubber balls, turned out to be a relaxing activity. Rachel figured it was time to take it seriously, because she had a family to think about, so she bought a book and mastered most of the positions in two days.
Some were absolutely ridiculous and bound to result in some kind of spinal cord injury, so she stuck to the ones that her human limbs could actually pull off.
She was doing the "wide-legged forward bend" next to the dining table when Quinn slipped into the room, baby carrier in hand, and settled James on the floor next to the yoga mat. Rachel watched her upside down, face turning red, and Quinn grinned and sidled up right behind her and rested her hands lightly on Rachel's hips.
"I like your yoga pants, baby." Quinn complimented sweetly, flush with Rachel's backside.
Rachel snorted and wiggled around. "Let me go, bear. I'm trying to do yoga."
"You should wear them more often." Quinn remarked, smile growing with Rachel's movement.
"Quinn, my dads could walk in."
"You're the one bent over with your cute little butt pressed against my-"
"Okay." Rachel declared, straightening up and flushing and wondering how impressionable James was at four weeks old. "That's enough from you."
Quinn kept smiling.
"What are you even doing?" Rachel wondered, taking in her wife's appearance and guarding against any games Quinn was trying to start. Sweats, t-shirt, wet hair tied back. Rachel smirked. "You should wear some yoga pants, baby."
Quinn's smile faltered slightly. "I'm…Not yet, I don't think."
"You're gorgeous."
"I'm-we-I just came to-" Quinn flushed and stuttered and Rachel smiled. "James wanted to go-to join mama, so we came to do yoga with you."
Rachel hummed. "He told you that, did he?"
"He likes talking to mommy." Quinn nodded sagely.
"What else does he say?"
Quinn shrugged and crouched down to lay a small blanket next to the yoga mat. "He's not very verbose yet. He said mama needs to feed mommy more cupcakes, and you know he's-he's four weeks old, so you should probably listen to him."
Rachel's "tree pose" swayed with silent laughter.
"And I'm sure if we give him more exposure to you, he'll be talking our heads off in no time." Quinn rambled on, settling James onto the blanket, flat on his back in little dinosaur footie pajamas. "We will just never be able to shut him up if you teach him how to talk. Just on and on-"
"Hey." Rachel interrupted, biting her cheek. "Shut it, bear."
"We're ready." Quinn declared. She glanced at Rachel and tried to copy her pose, one leg lifted with her arms in the air. "James, stand up. You have to be a tree."
"Somebody thinks they're funny this morning." Rachel observed, amused, heart fluttering like it always did and reminding her why she fell in love with this fool.
"Time to stand up, Jon Bon." Quinn instructed wisely. "Use those chubby little legs."
James blinked his eyes open, brow furrowed, fists clenched under his cheeks. He stretched his legs out, and his lips twitched almost into a smile while Quinn and Rachel watched intently. And then he kicked his feet and lifted his head, and Rachel gasped and seized Quinn's arm.
"Oh my-oh my God!" she shrieked, spinning in place to find her phone or a camera or anything that could record this.
Quinn was watching James, absolutely bewildered, like he was trying to stand up simply because she'd told him to.
"He's lifting his head!" Rachel squealed, switching her iPhone to video mode and crouching down to record James's movement. "He's lifting-oh my! Good job, Jimbo! You're so-he's so-good job!"
Talented little boy.
Quinn hurried around to James's other side. "Get-do it from this angle, Rachel! So you can see-see how high he's lifting it." She smiled widely when Rachel squatted next to her. "You're so strong, little boy!"
"I'm so proud." Rachel murmured, focused on zooming in on James's face. There were actually tears in her eyes.
Quinn jabbed her in the ribs and tilted into Rachel's side to see what she was recording. "I told you he wanted to do yoga with mama. He's working those neck muscles."
Rachel snorted, absolutely delighted.
"You've zoomed in too much. All you can see is his cheek."
"I don't know-I don't-how do I do it?" Rachel asked frantically, having thoroughly lost control of herself.
Quinn pried the phone out of Rachel's hand and refocused it on James's wide-eyed expression.
"What is going on in here?" Hiram asked loudly, gliding into the room in work-out clothes and an excited expression. Leroy followed, and they raised their eyebrows at Rachel and Quinn crouched on the floor, looming over James with an iPhone in hand and tears in their eyes.
Fools. All of them.
"He lifted his head!" Rachel shrieked.
"Volume, baby." Quinn muttered, absently patting Rachel's thigh.
Leroy gasped and rushed forward, and he rested his hands on Rachel's and Quinn's heads so he could lean over to see James. "Look at him go!"
"Dad, daddy, why are you dressed like that?" Rachel asked, having caught sight of them in her peripheral vision. "Are you on a fitness kick again? If you go running out there and collapse in the street, don't come crying to me when-"
"Hush, you." Hiram chided, joining the crowd around the baby.
James wasn't lifting his head anymore, having tired himself out, and he stared at his family with wide, calm, blue-gray eyes. Quinn sat back on her heels and turned off Rachel's phone.
"That's my grandbaby." Hiram nodded proudly.
"We came to do yoga with you." Leroy informed, pulling up his leg warmers. "You're doing this for your health, and we want to show support."
Rachel was filled with warmth. She smiled and nodded and grasped her dads' hands, and then stood up and returned to her own mat. Her dads went to the other side of the table, and Quinn followed Rachel.
"This was your idea, wasn't it?" Rachel asked quietly, pulling her wife up against her.
Quinn smiled sweetly and kissed Rachel's forehead. "I like your yoga pants, little bear."
