Rebellious Pride
In spite of him granting me the knowledge of his name, I remain uneasy for the next days, uncertain of my success. While it was quite significant of him to do so, it doesn't mean he is entirely convinced. Regardless of how precious the names are to Qunari, there's a decisive difference between friendship and readiness to abandon, betray, all that you lived for your entire life.
Trying to distract myself from my anxiety, I spend time on musings on the names and their significance. I went by four, already, and I can see myself taking up more in the future, although the one I am most connected to is the one that describes me most. The one that was chosen for me by others.
I feel peculiar kinship with the Qunari in this regard. They go nameless during the first years of their lives, only to assume them once their individualities and preferences are formed.
The system refers to them by numbers assigned at birth, and functions they perform – and that brings a whole new meaning to objectification of thinking beings. I am appalled by this, each time it is brought to my attention, this attempt to kill the individuality at an early stage.
Which is, instinctively, rejected and fought by the young Qunari. It makes me think that in reality, the best agents of the Qun are the ones who go against its teachings the most.
While posing indifference, I can feel my nerves tingling, as I await the Arishok's decision. I had played all of my cards, and now, it remains to be seen whether it was enough.
The day when we are supposed to reach Kont-aar arrives, and with it, an answer. I see the body of the Ben'Hassrath recruiter with his throat cut in the morning, as well as four others, similarly dead, and I know I've won. And as I look at them being unceremoniously being dumped in the water, I can't help the victorious smile as the green water swallows them.
Arishok… Valotaar doesn't say a word, but he doesn't need to. He is a man of action, more than words, and they speak loudly for him. There was a reason why I was shown the bodies, there was a reason why the man is dead. I'm surprised that his second is not, in fact, but it seems that he is of more flexible mind and nature.
Truth to be told, I am a bit shocked there are only five bodies. Though I shouldn't be – the Qunari around me were those personally chosen by Valotaar to accompany him on his… mission? More like exile, in practice. And if he chose them, then there must have been a reason for it.
Whether they completely agree with him is another matter, but their loyalty is strong enough that they will follow him. I think that my attempts at being friendly hadn't worsened the issue, but I do not delude myself in thinking they had any significance. No, these people had chosen to serve their leader, in life or death, a devotion that is much more understandable than the vague notions of the system.
But this is not the end of the surprises for the day. We dock in the late afternoon, but not in Kont-aar, as I expected, but in Seere, which is quite a distance away from our theoretical destination. I wasn't even aware that the course had changed, nor how did he guess I was to go to Seere either way. There's quite a large Wings' dispatch settled here, specifically tasked with observing Kont-aar, and all the people who leave and go there. The information we get is quite useful, as most of new Qunari which are to settle on the continent go through orientation training here. Once they're identified, it is only a matter of following up on them, and their actions.
My astonishments for the day are not over, however, as he summons Isabela up, and looking at me meaningfully, takes her chains off. As the shackles fall from her hands, she looks at me, a bit lost, and as flabbergasted by the situation as myself.
With a tentative smile in her direction, and a wave of hand to Arishok, I tell her to follow me, and lead her to the Wings' hideout.
Here, it is a large port tavern with quite impressive, and useful, underground cave complex accessible from the basement. It used to belong to smugglers who kept their goods down there, hidden from port authorities. We managed to get a hold on this little gem, and made them more suitable for our purposes.
This time, I am not surprised to see Esme here. Typically, either she or Ebareth stay here, oftentimes, together, responsible for watching over the spying operations here. However, since the man has responsibilities over all of our watch over the Qunari, there are times when he is forced to travel, and currently, it's one of those times. Unsurprising, considering how I had pushed for more and more information, during my time in Kirkwall.
'Quicksilver' She smirks at the sight of me, and performs the damned bow. Isabela behind me draws a sharp breath. 'I hear you made both Valeria and my lover livid with your decisions. Apparently, they questioned both your judgement and sanity, venomously. The messenger that came with the letters was apparently quite glad to be gone, as they were both spitting mad – and not even Tasha could calm them down.'
She is far too pleased with the situation, so something else must have happened. I tilt my head, and wonder out loud,
'I doubt Ryanth was pleased with the situation.'
Couldn't be Riv, that's for sure. The man keeps away from such power plays and
Esme rolls her eyes after my observation.
'Astute as always' she mutters to herself, before rising the volume of her voice, 'He was not, and apparently, told them off, in no uncertain words saying that whatever your decision was, it is not their place to challenge it. Especially since there's nothing they can do about it, anymore.'
'Hmm.' I nod distractedly, taking the couch, and motioning Isabela to join me. She does so a bit nervously, and Esme casts a measuring glance in her direction, before looking back at me. Not the first time, nor last, when I brought back strays, after all.
'Unusually harsh, for Ryanth' There's a note of inquiry in my voice.
'That's because Tasha is pregnant.' Smiles Esme. 'And apparently, their childish behaviour was wearing her down. Ryanth wasn't feeling tolerant.'
'Understandable.' I smile back widely, happy for the two of them. 'But, where are my manners. Esme, this is Isabela. Sha has run afoul of one Castillon, and needs a safe place to stay and work. I'll leave it for you to arrange something to suit her, later on.'
The females nod to one another in greeting, as my mind considers the issue more thoroughly.
'What do we know of the merchant? He is local lording, I presume?'
Esme blinks a few times, clearly thrown by my sudden change of topic, but replies,
'Well, yes, as much as any Antivan can be a lord. And quite rich too. He has numerous businesses here and in Antiva, though ever since his abstruse fallout with the Crows, he has decided to reside here. However, due to the connections he has with Antivan Crown, no contract on his head had been placed.' She goes to the bookshelf, and after a quick perusal, brings back a few reports on the man we have.
'Thus far, you mean.' I mutter to myself distractedly, glancing at the papers she showed me. Closer scrutiny reveals that while there are other ways to deal with him, personally, I prefer the more permanent option.
'Well, if the Crows are not taking care of the issue, I think we ought to relieve the world of this slaver scum's presence on our own. I do not think Master Mattern will mind our interference too much.'
I can feel disbelief emanating from Isabela at my casual command, but my fellow Wing is not overly surprised.
'Consider it done.' Esme shrugs indifferently, and I decide I'll leave it up to her, if she is so certain of herself. I am not very familiar with Rivain and local situation, while she has been here for years.
We spend the afternoon looking through the reports, and discussing the latest news she got from the Qunari compound. Isabela is, of course, absent, I have sent her away to attend to herself properly and get some rest. Obliviously, I had no intentions of letting her in on the more sensitive stuff we are dealing with.
In the evening, I ready myself to return, and Esme looks up at me, bewildered.
'And where are you off to?' She tries, and fails, to inject a note of respect into the question; it comes off more incredulous than anything.
'Why, back to the ship, of course.' I hide a delighted smirk at her utterly flabbergasted expression.
'Whyever would you do that, Quicksilver?' She visibly struggles to maintain her calm. I've got to give her proper recognition for the attempt, but I know her far too well, and she is so not fooling me.
'Because, in spite of the lack of faith you all exhibited in regards to my mission, I had succeeded.' My tone drops a few degrees, and finally, I allow myself to express some of the frustration I've felt with them. 'And now I have a ship-full of Qunari who had decided to abandon the Qun, and have to do decide what to do with them. Later.'
'You've actually managed to steal the Arishok.' Her voice is full of amazement, and I still by the door.
'That I did.' I flash her a victorious smile, and exit the caverns, returning to the common room of the tavern. The Wing by the counter bows slightly in my direction in acknowledgement, but I walk out straight into the night air. The air is chilly, and an evening breeze unpleasant on my skin, so I jog back, to make my blood run faster. I could use magic to shield myself from the cold, adding some warmth to the aura, but it would be a waste of mana. Especially since I can deal with the issue more conventionally.
I know the Arishok awaits me, so I let myself in his quarters, lightly knocking on a doorframe to get his attention. He has his hands clasped on his back, and looks at the map of Thedas, spread on the wall – part decoration, part practically. I come to stand next to him, and ask,
'Why did you let her go?'
He looks at me sideways, sardonically rising his eyebrow.
'Don't tell me you weren't planning on doing so yourself.'
Suddenly, I am overwhelmed by tenderness, which I had not expected, in regards to him. It was only fascination, thus far, but now, it is so much more.
How well he knows me, after mere three months! To not only discern my intentions, anticipate my wishes, but also, to perceive I would hate having to ask for it. Even if it is a small matter, now that he has made a much more profound decision, I am touched by his thoughtfulness.
And that's when I decide, to the void with reason. And void take fate. None of these had ever been kind to me, nor worked out for me. So what if it can fall apart, at any time. I, or he, can very well die, tomorrow, as consequence of our actions.
He is far too tall for me, so I pull him down to me by the strapping of armour on his chest into a heated kiss. In spite of the surprise, he responds eagerly, and all thoughts and doubts flee my mind.
The position soon becomes uncomfortable, and with irritated grunt, he picks me up easily, and sets on a high table, where he continues with fervent kisses. But at the same time, he is careful, so very careful with me, as if I could fall apart under his hands, with a wrong move. When we take a moment to catch our breaths, I chuckle lightly,
'I'm not going to break.' I smile softly, looking up at him.
It is very awkward, at first. In spite of my reassurances, he is just as delicate as before, afraid of crushing me, or hurting me in any way. And I have almost forgotten, how it is to have a lover by my side. So we stumble, and we laugh off our mistakes, and teach one another of our bodies, surprisingly gently, in spite of the original heat raging between us. His stalwart discipline makes him a very patient and attentive partner, and I've had long practice in keeping my desires on a leash, so I can play along.
I wake up sprawled on his muscled chest, and observe at his calm, sleeping face, amazed that we got here. Really, this was decidedly not what I expected, setting out for Kirkwall all these months ago.
We have our night of peace, but come morning, reality comes knocking back, and the course of action has to be decided. After a late breakfast, I ask the question which has been playing in my mind for a while already.
'Honestly, how ready are your people for the war?'
'Very.' Valotaar replies quietly, and I draw a rapid breath, suddenly fearful. 'We are only waiting for a Templar-Mage war to begin, before we begin our offence on Tevinter.'
'What do you mean by that?' I ask, alarmed by the peculiar tone with which he spoke.
'If the remainder of Thedas is engaged, there will be no support for the 'Vints to draw on. Even if they have vast connections. A blind man could see the tensions running high.' Valotaar swallows, before diverting his gaze away from me, and admitting, 'But I cannot say we didn't add oil to the fire.'
'You mean Qun's agents have been stirring up the mages?' I confirm dubiously, all the while trying to recall the reports I've had from Ebareth. While he had mentioned an increase in activity, there was nothing that would suggest such large-scaled operation.
He hesitates, before answering,
'Correct.'
And I realize looking at his uneasiness that this conversation is a very first act of offensive betrayal on his part of the Qun. Is it any wonder Valotaar feels disturbed? While it's not like it was spoken out loud between us, it was quite clear from the start, that this is what I intended. To use him as a weapon against his country of birth. And he knew it, as well as myself.
I run my hand comfortingly over his, before interlacing our fingers, expressing my gratitude. He glances down, before lifting my hand and brushing the back of it with his lips, softly.
'The Vints have no chance, if the war were to begin right now.' I acknowledge morosely, sighing. 'If you were to point the weakness which could prevent the war from happening, what would it be?'
Valotaar stays quiet for a few moments, clearly weighing his words.
'Most would say it's Seheron, where our offence focuses right now.' He replies finally.
'But…' I prompt him on.
'But it's a diversion from our true weakness, which has always been the fleet.' Valotaar looks at me with composure.
'You mean that the whole war on Seheron has been merely a diversion?' I am not quite as calm as he is about the matter. Even without accurate information, I can easily see that the resources engaged in this operation must have been immense. Why, the Vints have been convinced for years of it being crucial to the Qunari. I was convinced of it, myself. I feel a sour taste in my mouth, at this unwelcome realization.
'It worked, didn't it?' He shrugs with a bit of condescension, and I fight off the urge to groan.
'Currently, there are many modernizations going, and new ships being built, in the large shipyard on Par Vollen. Destroy the shipyard, as well as some of these vessels, and we… they are set back for years.'
'It would give Thedas time to put itself together, after the inevitable Templar-Mage war. Time to sort everything out, and react.' I mutter to myself, countless scenarios running through my head.
For the dinner, we invite the one remaining Ben'Hassrath to join our discussions. Arissar, for that's how he introduces himself, has a lot of valuable insight to offer. I look at Valotaar at some point, and ask,
'Couldn't you simply stop the offence from happening? You are the army leader, aren't you?'
'It's not that simple.' Arishok looks at me, but it's his second who elaborates.
'If he even suggested anything along the lines, he would be replaced. Swiftly.'
I darken, the easy solution thrown out the window. I could hope, but of course, it could never be quite so simple.
'I'll be replaced either way' notes Valotaar matter-of-factly, and I look at him in inquiry. 'I've let the Thief go, and I was supposed to come back both with her, and the Tome. Considering how long it took me to accomplish this, the Tamassran will not be forgiving.'
An idea flashes in my head, but I keep it to myself, deciding to think it through before sharing. We call it a night, and I spend the time until morning sleeplessly, mulling over the issue. Come the first rays of sun, I am more or less decided how to proceed.
'I'll take Isabela's place and go with you to Par Vollen.' I announce after the breakfast, and Arishok chokes on the brew he was drinking, while Arissar looks at me sharply.
'That's… not a very good plan.' The Ben'Hassrath looks as if he has a much sharper word at the tip of his tongue, but clearly, tries to be diplomatic, and not call me stupid right in my face.
'Do you even know what the re-education planned for the Thief on our return entails?'
'I can hazard a guess' I reply evenly, not swayed from the notion.
'They will break you, thoroughly.' Says Arishok quietly, with an ominous ring to his voice. 'They will break you, and then dangle Qun as a solution to all your troubles, a way of saving yourself.'
I knew there was a reason I detested subjecting Isabela to that, and am suddenly more glad than ever before she will be spared this… merciful enlightenment of the Qun.
'They can't break me.' I state with certainty.
Arissar shakes his head, disagreeing.
'No one is unyielding.'
'True.' I admit easily, garnering surprised looks from the two horned males in the room. 'If you know how to get to them, that is. There has to be a leverage, and…' I look through the window, finishing, 'they do not have one over me.'
'They can't kill me, because that would mean admitting defeat, and I can endure pain easily enough. I have been tortured before.' I have a permanent injury to show for it. I have gotten so used to the constant pain overworking my leg brings, there are days I forget about it completely, but now, my hand instinctively goes to the mangled thigh.
'Not to mention, I actually have to pretend I am, indeed, breaking. This will make them lay off, step by step.' I smile with bitter cynicism.
Arissar shakes his head, obviously thinking I am out of my mind, and way over my head. Valotaar, however, understands me better, and asks,
'Are you certain?'
'Yes.'
'Then we'll do it.' He says with apparent regret, clearly reluctant to allow me to do so. But he respects me enough to trust my judgement, and details of the plan are honed out during the remainder of the day.
Not all soldiers will accompany us on the journey. Arishok doesn't hide our purpose from them, and some do not want to involve themselves in a strike against their former comrades. I lead those who decide against it to the Wings hideout, where Esme seems slightly overwhelmed with the amount of new tasks I saddled her with. When she hears of my plans of sailing to Par Vollen – even though I keep most of the details, like the fact I am going as a prisoner, to myself – she does not waste words in telling me I'm insane.
I just smile, because I do not disagree with her, not entirely. But I am far more afraid of the success of Qunari invasion, than I am of losing my life. Not that I intend for it to be lost, and we are having few contingency plans set up, in case I am forced to leave the island fast.
But this way, Valotaar will be able to retain his position for a while longer; hopefully, long enough for us to succeed. Therefore, my presence is necessary.
I do not doubt I'll be able to impersonate Isabela; I interrogate her thoroughly on the theft of the Tome itself this evening, to make sure I have the details right. They have no description of her aside from Arissar's reports, which he has been modifying in the last few hours, to suit the story. Other than that, I am sure I can play thief quite successfully; my talents do not lie far away from hers, after all.
We set sail the very next day, with an official explanation of a storm having delayed us. Arissar orders one mast to be hacked down before we enter Kont-aar's line of sight, as well as breaking of a few other things, to give more credit to the story. The manpower losses are also chalked up to it, and no one asks more questions; the port guards muttering unflattering words about the fragility of the pirate boats. True, the excuse would not have worked quite as well if we had travelled on dreadnought, as these are capable of easily weathering most storms.
The escort on the Kont-aar gathers faster than expected, and we can cross ocean with a degree of safety. Arishok insists on travelling aboard the same ship, after its been repaired, back to Par Vollen, pointing out that in case of an encounter, a priority for us would be to run, and not engage. Especially considering the valuable cargo on board. And the Qunari vessels have much to speak for them, but swiftness is not one of those things.
With some reluctance, the commander of Kont-aar relents.
Valotaar had no reason for this decision aside from selfishness, even if his arguments seem logical. It gives us a few more weeks to enjoy each other, before the axe falls, and we make the best of it. One day, when I am lying on the deck, enjoying the warmth of sun, he comes up to me and draws me onto his lap. His underlings smile slightly at the sight of such lack of restraint on the part of their leader, but otherwise, do not comment. I am glad that the other escort ships are too far apart to see what's exactly happening on board, or such think would not be possible. And I would have to be confined in the hull.
'It's a wonder your people call you by your birth name at all.' Arishok says, and I lift my head to meet his eyes with a question written on my face.
'Considering how much you value it, and how much importance you place in it, I cannot imagine anyone calling you anything but Pride, in recognition of it.'
'You are not the first one to note it.' I smile, suddenly once again appreciative of his astuteness. 'I was, in fact, called Pride, by some.'
'Hmm.' He buries his nose in my silvery hair, and I snuggle more closely, enjoying his presence. I didn't even realize I missed this kind of closeness. It is a pleasant thing, having a lover, and even if I can't say I love him, not really, I definitely care for him.
Unfortunately, our reverie doesn't last long.
The shores of Par Vollen appear on the distance, after three weeks of voyage. I look from the ship at the sharp cliffs, and steel myself. Arissar comes up, and chains my hands behind my back, looking at me significantly.
'You can still back out, you know.' Ben'Hassrath murmurs to me. 'It will be much harder once we get there.'
I observe the land in the distance, replying nonchalantly,
'I've never done that in my entire life. Once I made the decision, I would always follow through with it.' I glance at him. 'Regardless of the consequences it meant for me. This time, it will be no different.'
Then again, never before had I walked straight into tortures with my head held high.
Creators, give me strength.
