Severus found the next couple of months more and more difficult to deal with. Not only had he agreed on looking out for Draco, he also knew that Dumbledore's time was running out like the sand of an hour glass. By November he still hadn't found out what to do with Charlotte, and it kept him awake long after Charlotte had fallen asleep, while he was visiting her on her birthday. He simply couldn't fall asleep, knowing he would have to sever all ties he had with her within the next half year.

It didn't make it any better that she always seemed so happy to see him, and though she did some very dubious things sometimes, like walking around in Diagon Alley by herself fully aware that she could be attacked by death eaters, he couldn't bring himself to argue with her – all though that would be the best way to sever his ties with her.

But no matter how much he thought about it, the more it seemed to pain him that he had to do it. It was difficult for him not to think about talking to her, and try to persuade her to change sides, when he had done his deed for Dumbledore. But he couldn't ask her to do that – he couldn't ask her to betray her family, and least of all, he couldn't risk losing her to the dark lord. He couldn't risk losing another woman he loved to that man.

Yes, Lily still owned a great deal of his heart – nothing could ever change that, and he often found himself wondering what would had happened, if they had remained friends and he hadn't begun playing around with the dark arts.

But Charlotte owned the rest of his heart, whatever was left of it. He often wished she wouldn't have fallen in love with him, and found someone younger, more handsome, and more able to protect her than him – she deserved that, someone who could be there for her all the time, and didn't stand with the choices of making her change to the dark side, erase her memory, or send her to a parallel world.

How could he ever choose? He had gotten so used to her, so used to her loving personality; he wondered how he could ever let her go.

But he had to do it – he knew that. Otherwise, the dark lord wouldn't trust him and everything Dumbledore had worked on would fail.

How he wished she would never have fallen in love with him, how he wished he could tell her everything about Dumbledore's plans. But he couldn't.

It was almost the story of his life – that he couldn't.

Around Christmas it became less difficult to deal with luckily – Charlotte would be spending Christmas with her parents, meaning they wouldn't be able to see each other, which sort of made him slightly annoyed with everyone who was slightly cozy with each other in the hallways.

But he had to stay focused – he had to find out what to do. Not to mention keep an eye on Draco, as that seemed to be a fulltime job as well.

He wondered what a simpler life would be like – a life where he could go off, be happy with Charlotte and they could just live their life in peace.

But he had no such luck – he was a spy, a double spy to add to that. He had to stay on the path that might eventually kill him.

He also had to keep Potter at bay – he was getting nosy, and Severus was sure the only reason why he was getting oh so good at potions, was because Potter had gotten hold of his old school book – however that happened.

On Christmas day he found a gift lying at the end of his bed. He found this very suspicious as he usually didn't get gifts.

But the gift was from Charlotte, and a fleeting thought went through him – what did she think of his gift for her?

He was more interested in what she thought of the silver necklace with the bronze eagle pendant, than what she had given him.

But he opened the gift nonetheless, and found it was a silver photo frame, with a moving picture of Charlotte and him. He was standing with his arms around her waist, while she held her one of her hands over his – he could see she was holding her wand in the other hand. The charlotte in the picture would smile out at him, but then move her head up slightly, leaning back as the Severus in the picture leaned down and kissed her on the lips.

He smiled slightly at the picture – he hadn't received a better gift in years.

But it only made the guilt of him having to do something to her in the near future, bigger.

He put it away, not managing to look at it at the moment, before he strode along, cursing at some 1st years who had hung each other up in the Christmas decorations.

When the Christmas holiday was over, he was happy to see Charlotte wearing his necklace – though she scolded him for putting away the picture of them.

He told her she was being silly, and it didn't mean anything that he had put it away. But she kept asking him, if he didn't like the picture, or if there was something wrong with her – he briefly wondered if everyone woman read that much into putting away a silly picture. Well, he didn't really think it was a silly picture, it was just hard to look at it, knowing what he knew.

He eventually quieted her down by pulling her to him, and kissing her gently. He felt peaceful with her. Whenever she would drift off to sleep in his arms, it felt right.

But already by February he knew it would soon come to an end. Dumbledore's time was coming closer, and Severus would have to decide what to do with Charlotte. He knew he couldn't keep putting it off, and looking at her sleep one night, he'd made his decision.

But first he had to tend to Draco – and potter evidently.

He had been walking through the halls, when he heard a scream. He rushed toward one of the girls lavatories, where he found Potter and Draco – Draco was lying on the ground, bleeding profusely – Severus could see what spell had been used right away.

He controlled the bleeding, but sent Potter to get his potions book for him – he wanted that book destroyed.

But when Potter returned, he could tell that he had switched the books – this book was new, and not falling apart, not to mention the name "Ronill Wazlib". But Potter wouldn't admit that of course – the arrogant child.

But he had more important things to tend to – when spring came, so did the pressing matter that he had to tell Charlotte everything – and by everything, he meant everything.

So one night in June, Dumbledore approached him, telling him it was nearly time – and if he had to get anything done, it should be done before the next day.

So Severus pulled her aside before she could get him too heated up – which she easily could, damnable witch.

He sat her down on the bed, finding a pocket pensive. He poured his memories down into the watery substance and watch as they flowed through the waters.
"Severus – what – "Charlotte began, but he hushed her.

"Listen to me" He said, gently taking hold of her jaw "What I am about to show you, will change what you may think of me – it is not something that I think might change your view on me, it is something I know will change your view on me" he started. She looked at him confused.

"Severus, I don't understand, what's going on?"

"So before you go in, I want you to promise me one thing" He said, ignoring what she was saying. He wanted her to be very clear of what she was going to see.

"Severus, what is going on?" She demanded. He sighed.

"Just promise me one thing – you will understand everything afterwards" She searched his eyes for something, as he looked into her bright blue eyes. Her eyes were so filled with emotions – uncertainty, a little fright even, but also love and understanding.

She nodded once. "Okay, I'll promise you whatever you need me to promise"

"You have to promise you won't speak of what you're about to see to anyone – not your family, not your friends, not anyone – do you understand?" he took her hands, still looking into those blue eyes of hers, which were becoming glassy.

"Yes" she answered. He nodded at her, and couldn't resist giving her a small kiss, before he pulled both of them down into the pensive.

It was the first time he officially met Lily Evans – he had of course seen her before, but this scene was the first time he met her.

He saw the two girls, playing on the swings, laughing and talking and then the red haired girl jumped off the swing, and glided elegantly through the air, while the blonde girl told her off, saying she wasn't allowed to do that in public, that their mum had told her not to do it.

Severus already knew what would happen, so he turned his head, and watched as Charlotte saw the scene – Severus would come out, tell the two girls that it wasn't unnatural, that she was a witch, and that was completely natural. But petunia scorned him, and he evidently made a tree branch fall down on her. They would then storm off, Petunia in tears, while Lily was uncertain what to think.

Charlotte looked at Severus as the next scene unfolded. "Is that you?" She asked with wide eyes. He closed his eyes and nodded.

"Watch" He told her, but gave her a reassuring squeeze on her hand.

In the next scene, Severus and Lily were talking near the river – Lily wanted to know everything there was about magic, and he answered eagerly her questions, he wanted her to accept him no matter what.

The scene then changed again, and they were sitting outside, looking at each other, talking.

"Are your parents still fighting?"

The younger Severus leaned back, looking up into the sky "Yeah"

"Doesn't your dad like magic?"

"He doesn't like anything much – especially magic" Severus answered. "But we'll soon go to Hogwarts – and then I'll escape from them" he smiled brightly at the girl, sitting up again "Your letter will come soon too – I just know it"

The scene changed, and they watched as Lily told him that she'd received her letter for Hogwarts, being more excited than she had ever been – the younger Severus smiled brightly at her.

Then the scene changed again, and they were talking with Petunia – Severus had just made a snide remark that they knew she had been writing to Dumbledore, asking if he could let her into Hogwarts as well, but Dumbledore couldn't as Petunia wasn't a witch. That was also the first time Petunia called them freaks – Severus silently wondered if this was the day she started hating magic.

The next scene was the scene where Severus was watching from afar, as Lily was saying goodbye to her parents.

The older Severus had almost missed seeing the look on Charlotte's face, as she saw the younger Severus standing with his mother on the platform. She turned to him questioningly.

"Yes, that is my mother" he said to her.

"She looks so sad" Charlotte commented with a sad voice, before averting her eyes to the younger Severus who couldn't wait until he had gotten onto the train.

The scene changed, and the younger Severus was opening a compartment door. Lily was sitting in there, with a sad expression. Severus sat down across from her, looking at her with a cautious smile.

"We're on our way to Hogwarts" He said happily. But she didn't look so happy about it.

"Tuney thinks I'm a freak – she says it's your fault that I've become one" she said sadly.

"She's just jealous of you – you saw the letter"

"Which we opened without her permission" Lily retorted.

The older Severus felt a pang of guilt – perhaps, if he hadn't pushed Lily, maybe her relationship with her sister would have been better.

He hadn't been listening, but as he saw the girl smile, he knew something would soon come – something that changed his view of Hogwarts.

"I hope we'll be in Slytherin" The younger Severus grinned.

And then all hell broke loose – the four other boys who had been sitting in the compartment grinned at each other, and began to tease Severus and Lily – mostly Severus. They wished to be in Gryffindor, and Severus didn't think that was a good thing, so he made fun of the Gryffindor house, saying 'if you'd rather be brawny than brainy' and then James Potter, whom Charlotte hadn't been properly introduced to yet, but looking over at her, she stunned and her eyes were fixed on James Potter. The scene ended by Lily taking Severus by the hand, going out of the compartment.

The next scene was the scene where they were sorted. Charlotte turned to Severus, but he waved at her dismissively, and pointed to the sorting. She dropped her jaw, when Sirius Black was called up, and sorted into the Gryffindor house.

The next one of the first years they knew were Lily – the younger Severus looked at her hopefully, as she smiled down at him. But the hat sorted her into Gryffindor, and as she sat down at the Gryffindor table, disappointment filled his face – his younger face.

"Oh Severus" Charlotte breathed sadly. She turned to look at him, but he merely smiled at her – he was okay with it now, or at least he had dealt with it.

Then the next shock went over her face, when she realized who the boy from the train was – who all of them were. Remus Lupin was sorted into Gryffindor and the same with Peter Pettigrew.

Then it was James Potter, and Charlotte gasped out when she heard his name. She turned to Severus baffled.

"Is that – is he?" She asked, looking for the words.

"Yes, that is Harry Potter's father" Severus spat. She wasn't taken aback by his hatred for the boy – or man. Instead she smiled up at him, and planted a kiss on his cheek – she was a curious witch.

James Potter was sorted into Gryffindor as well, and they waited a little while until it was Severus's turn, all though they both knew he was sorted into Slytherin, it still came as quite the surprise to Charlotte, it seemed, when the younger Lucius Malfoy patted Severus on the back, welcoming him into the house of Slytherin.

The scene changed, and they were now much older – or at least five years older.

They were sitting in their owl exams – everyone was quiet and it was only scribbling on paper that was heard.

He knew Charlotte was searching for him, but her eyes caught sight of James Potter, who had just finished writing.

"That is freaky" She said in a quiet voice. She looked up at him. "It's like a spitting image of Harry – or rather Harry is a spitting image of him"

"I know" He replied darkly. She continued her search, before Severus pointed to a boy who was sitting bent over the paper, almost scraping his nose against it – his hair was greasier than it was on his older self, he was paler, skinnier – he was just out of place. Severus was glad not to be him. He looked down at Charlotte, to look for a reaction, and instead of the reaction he had thought she smiled up at him.

"You don't seem terrified of how I looked" He noted. She shrugged.

"No – every teenager either looks or feels that way. You may not remember me as one, but I was like that – just chubbier and not skinnier" She wrinkled her nose, before turning back to the scene.

The exam had ended, and they followed the younger Severus out into the grounds, where he sat down under the shadow of a tree, looking through a book.

Then the four other boys came out – the marauders.

They at first started playing around, until one of them – Sirius Black, started picking on Severus.

And soon he was hanging upside down, his robes falling over his face, and his grey knickers were showing. Everyone around him laughed, but there was nothing Severus could do – his wand had fallen to the ground.

Seeing the scene made him as angry as he had been back then. He felt Charlotte pull on his arm.

"You can't do anything – though it's horrible" She added with disgust.

Then Lily came, and tried to defend him, but he'd called her a mudblood. He shut his eyes tightly when it happened, not wanting to see Charlotte's reaction. He could hear what was going on – the hurt in Lily's voice.

The scene changed again, and they were standing outside the Gryffindor common room. Charlotte looked up at him.

"You called her a mudblood?" She asked, and he nodded, his eyes still closed. He feared she might find him repulsive by this point, but instead she rubbed her thumb over his hand in a soothing motion.

The scene that was shown before them was the scene where he tried to apologize to her, saying he didn't mean it – but lily wouldn't listen to him, and had officially ended their friendship.

The next scene was short, but a slightly older, a more recognizable Severus for Charlotte at least, was sitting on a chair in a grey kitchen, reading a paper. It was a small notice in the paper, but it made him angry. "Wedding of James Potter and Lily Evans, September 30th in the church of Godric's hollow"

The younger Severus crumbled the paper together, and set it on fire, shaking with anger.

Charlotte looked up at him – he could imagine she had already guessed why he had done that.

The scene changed, and they were standing on top of a hill, the wind was making his hair fly everywhere around him – he looked more pale, and skinny than he had when he was a teenager.

Then Dumbledore came, and everything almost became serene. Severus had come there to ask one favor – that he protected Lily, and after some persuasion, protected her family as well.

Charlotte looked up at him, a tear escaping her eye. "You loved her" She breathed out.

"Yes" he answered simply. The scene had almost frozen – he wasn't ready for them to move to another scene just yet.

"Do you still love her?" She asked him, a sob escaping her as she had tried to hold it down.

"In a way I will always love her" he said earnestly. She breathed through a sob. He took her other hand, and looked into those teary blue eyes of hers. "But not as much as I used to – because then you came into my life, and made it all go up-side down" he wiped away a tear that had escaped her eye. She breathed a shaky laugh.

He felt them being pulled out – possibly because they had stayed at the scene too long. They were sitting on his bed again; he was still holding her hand.

"Why are you showing me all this?" She asked him with a casual wave toward the pensive.

"I want you to know the truth – about me, and about everything. That is also why you cannot tell anyone. Potter will become unbearable if he knew" he smirked.

"I think it's sweet – not that she didn't choose you, or that she married your arch nemesis, but that you still love her after all these years" Charlotte said, and another tear escaped her eye. He wiped it away, and instead leaned over to her, and kissed her – telling her, that she was all he had on his mind now, without saying a word.


Disclaimer - I am not J.K Rowling- Therefore i do not own the Potterverse.

- Sorry for not updating in a while, been busy with both Real life and this new RP game on facebook i'm a part of - If you're interested it's called Unity and Magic, and has some really awesome people in it :)
- Second, i know the 6th year is rushed and kinda in Snape's point of view, but when writing this, I felt like this was the right course for my story. The chapter after this one, will be like a part 2, as you can clearly see the memories aren't over yet.
I want to thank everyone who has reviewed, faved, and put on Alert list. Words can express how happy i am that you /actually/ like my story.