Author's Note: Hello, anyone still out there? Oh bugger, I've probably lost all my readers now. Boohoo. We'll I've decided to revive this story. Just so you know, everyone, I have written quite a few chapters of this story, but never really got the chance (or the mood) to type it out and post it online. I'm not very technology-savvy, you see. Paper and pen are my friends.
So have I lost all my readers? I hope not, but I'm sure a number have abandoned all hope of this story continuing. I'll be honest, It will for a few chapters, but I'm just not sure where it'll go from there. But at least ive got the next few chapters outlined out eh? Plus with the Harry Potter craze back, I'm pretty into thinking about this fic-cy right here :-
And If I have lost y'all, then I'd just better go and find new ones, now shouldn't I?
I'm sure most, though, are busy poring over The Deathly Hollows. So shall i. :)
CHAPTER 28
"My Darling Draco,
I hope all is well with you. I'm sending you this owl with the latest news regarding my condition—actually, I'm writing to tell you the truth about it all.
There is something that I believe you should know, as it has been something that I've been thinking of.
Im sure you're aware that although many months have passed, I steel feel great grief at the loss of your father. I imagined that his death would be liberating for me, as that would be my only escape from him.
The first few months, I admit, has been quite lonely, but I thought that it was because of the house being too quiet. I thought it was just initial adjustments to loneliness. But as the days go by I feel even more terrible, which I could not understand.
Even the letters you have sent me, my dear son, does not seem to strike the euphoric feeling I once had whenever my eyes run over your perfect handwriting. Thus, I am convinced that your father did keep his promise of our eternal togetherness.
Only one thing can explain my extreme emotional suffering, making me weaker and weaker—a maritulous.
Just thought you deserved to know.
I will always love you,
Mother"
It had been a week since Hermione had sex with Ron for the first time. Well, it had been a week since she had sex for the first time. Period. She could well remember that night with Ron, the night she lost her virginity.
After a few moments of heated kisses, Hermione had to admit she craved for more. There was a spark that had ignited in her, that lustful passion that she initially lacked had appeared by her own longing for it. She felt her breath become ragged as she felt such a pleasurable yet torturing sensation of a sweaty body rubbing against her own, her tongue battling another's before her mouth was released as a trail of kisses led down from her collarbone.
Hermione was aware that she was one of the few who had lost their virginity at this age--- most had started being sexually active years ago. However, it was nothing she was particularly ashamed of. She knew she would know when the time was right. She had always thought that if she didn't lose her virginity with her husband-to-be, it would be with either Ron or Harry, her two best friends. It sounded sick initially, but then it only made sense, as these were the two guys who knew her best. Losing her virginity to either of them wouldn't make them think any less of her. She wouldn't have to be afraid of not being good in bed or anything like that. Neither of the two would judge her. They would care for her, comfort her, not make her feel like an idiot in this department because she hadn't the experience in it.
So in a way, Hermione was thankful that her first time was with Ron. She wouldn't have to worry about pretending to be someone she wasn't. Either way, she knew she didn't have to be worried about being looked at differently.
Then why in the world were things awkward between them?
Hermione shook her head. "It was only the first time. Things are always awkward during the first time," she reassured herself. It won't be too weird the next time.
Deep inside, however, Hermione's heart raced nervously at the thought of the next time.
And It wasn't long before the next time came.
Though things were still a bit awkward, it wasn't as uncomfortable as it had been a couple of weeks ago. Slowly, she had once again found herself laughing and blushing at Ron's jokes, and felt her heart fluttering and smiling whenever his arms were around her waist.
And yes, it wasn't long before Hermione soon found herself naked in bed with Ron. She was determined to make herself feel better about it and prove to herself that it would get better.
It began with a light and playful peck on the lips, and turned into deep, heavy kisses. She felt his lips and tongue sucking her chin, her neck, and she tilted her head back in sensation as her legs wrapped around his waist and she gave off a breathy moan from her throat.
She brought her mouth to his once again as they kissed heavily, and her fingers began to loosen his red and gold tie. Ron's hands fumbled across the buttons of her blouse until he was finally able to slip it off her shoulders, exposing her sheer maroon bra against her creamy skin.
Hermione let Ron take control. She looked him in the eye and just watched him the whole time, as he moved himself closer towards her body, moonshine brightening his flamed hair against his dimmed face in the night's shadows.
Draco had been quiet for several weeks now. Mostly, he just kept to himself, and anyone who really paid attention to him was given either a blank stare or an arrogant cold shoulder.
Mostly, he had spent quite a time in the library, his head piled and brushing against several thick and ancient books, taking in a swig of heavy liquor when no one was looking.
When the library closed one evening, he shut a book angrily and cursed under his breath, as he knew it was once again time to go.
He was pale and there were a few lines around his eyes, indicating either stress or lack of sleep. For the first time for anyone to actually see, Draco Malfoy finally had a few flaws across his perfect face, and no one could tell why --- Not even Blaise could get through the devil.
Hermione couldn't sleep.
She was thinking about what had just happened, what she felt, and why. She tried as best as she could to enjoy making love and get into it as much as Ron did, but found herself unable to during the act itself.
She always thought that sex was an intimate act between two people, an act of love and passion. But she didn't feel like that at all. It felt empty. It felt wrong.
Hermione turned her back to Ron who lay sleeping beside her, she couldn't help but cry silently to herself, careful not to make a sound. When she peeked and saw that Ron was finally in deep slumber, she crept out of bed, put on a robe, and walked out of her room. She glanced at the clock, and sighed. It was 3:40 in the morning.
She walked down the staircase into the lavish common room, and made her way towards the warm, burning fireplace.
Her heart was still heavy and her eyes were still a bit moist as she walked towards the glowing flame. Why is this so hard… Why doesn't this feel right…? She stood there for a while when she suddenly noticed a shrouded figure sulking in the corner of the couch, by the shadows.
"Malfoy." She said in a soft gasp, her heartbeat quickening.
He didn't even turn to look at her. Hermione gathered herself, ready to be prissy and arrogant if needed. But Draco didn't say anything, and she eyed him curiously and suspiciously.
"What are you doing here?" she said, trying to sound a bit snotty, as she sniffled a bit.
Malfoy continued to look blankly at the fire, but brought his lips together and shook his head.
Hermione looked at him, his face sallow and his eyes quite sunken in sets of shadows on his face. He was leaning forward, his elbows pressed against his knees, supporting his weight. In his palm, a grimy piece of parchment peeked out from his grip.
"What is that in your hand?" she blinked.
Still, he kept quiet and kept staring into the fire.
"Malfoy,…. are you …allright?"
"Nothing…" he said, in a dazed whisper.
"What?"
"It's nothing."
Draco finally broke his gaze and looked up at her, standing there, her arms folded to close her night robe. She was looking at him with her big brown eyes, her eyebrows furrowed in curiosity.
"Why are you here?" he asked, reaching over to the glass of liquor on the table, and then bringing it to his lips for a long sip.
It was Hermione's turn to turn her head and stare at the fire.
"I—I… couldn't sleep…" her throat tightened.
Draco raised an eyebrow to look at her, and the brought his head back, tilting it in a half side nod, no longer looking at her.
"you got company up there…" the words came out of his mouth, not quite a statement, but not quite a question either.
Hermione turned her head away and fidgeted even more. She turned back to look at him, and saw that he wasn't looking at her. For the first time in a long time, she felt safe to be alone in a room with Draco Malfoy.
Hermione sighed.
"Ron." She whispered, and sat down on the couch, about a foot away from Draco.
There was a pause, as Draco took in another long sip.
"and you're not happy…" he said, once again in that strange in-between voice.
"I don't know… not quite…" she said quietly, almost in a whisper.
Draco looked at Hermione at the corner of his eye. She, in turn, looked back at him with a sad and tired expression.
Their gazes locked for a minute, and then Draco looked back ahead at the fire, as Hermione's gaze studied the material of the couch.
"Life sucks." Draco growled in a low, monotone sigh, and pushed his glass closer to Hermione, without looking at her, while she eyedhim, wondering why he was offering her a drink.
"Ron, I … I just…. I can't…"
It had been a week and a half before Hermione was finally able to gather up everything she had in herself to say those two words: I can't.
"Hermione… I've been in love with you for so long… you… you make things spin... my heart leaps when I see you… smiling… laughing… crying… Please…Please don't tell me you can't…" he closed his eyes and put his hands on her face, closing the gap between their foreheads.
Hermione felt her a drop crawling slowly down her cheek and to her low, sunken heart; she was crying. As much as she knew that she just didn't feel the same way, it hurt her so much knowing that she was hurting Ron.
He gently put his lips against hers. It was soft and sweet; just like their first kiss at this very same place. The moon was once again shining on them as they were alone together in the peaceful serenity of the astronomy tower. It was here where they first came together, and it would be here where they would part. The kiss seemed almost the same, except during the first time, it was full of hope. Now, it was soft, sweet, and sad.
And then Hermione drew away, biting her lip tearfully. Ron pleaded with his eyes but Hermione shook her head "no".
Author's Note: So I'm not really expecting much reviews here. I've just revived this story, and plus book 7's out now, so im pretty sure ya'll are actually busy.
Still though, It'd be nice to get feedback, lemme know if you have some. Oh, and for those angry that it took me so long to update, may I ask that you just please be happy that I did? I mean… okay, I want to apologize. But I reckon, heck, I shouldn't have to, since this is, after all, from my own wee little imagination, and it's my story.
I do swear on JK Rowling's life that it will not take me a year or two to post the next chapter. And yes, as tired as you are with the lack of D/Hr action, I just have to say that patience is a virtue.
Anybody out there have any thoughts? questions? Curious about the maritulous? Happy/sad that hermione told Ron she cant? Can anyone relate to their own personal experience at all? Think this chap's too long? Too short? Want more? Had enough? In as much as possible, I'd like to cater to YOU! So…. Reeeeviiiewwww :o)
