Tsunade hasn't stopped smirking since she answered the door.
"Who was it, Oba-san?" Sakura asks, petting Momo on the sofa.
"That was a messenger, here to inform us that we are all cordially invited to the annual New Year's Festival at the Uchiha Compound," Tsunade says with malevolent glee, "That's a first. They didn't mention you kids by name, but they said 'all members of the Senju clan,' and that's us."
"We're not actually going, are we?" Shizune asks nervously.
"When did I adopt you?" Tsunade asks, though she relents at Shizune's glare. "Of course we're going. Why wouldn't we? For them to invite us, they must have a pretty good reason. I can't wait to hear it. We'll need to get new outfits, since I imagine this'll be a grand event. The Uchiha don't understand the concept of understated."
"Fugaku-san and Mikoto-san already bought me a kimono for the festival." Sakura pipes up.
Tsunade freezes, then slowly wheels around to face her, "Did they? And why would they do that?"
"They're Sasuke and Itachi's parents." Sakura says.
"Itachi is the one who was in Suna… Sasuke is… the little brat with the scowl?" Tsunade checks, clicking her fingers, "So that's their game. Short-sighted to the last, I see. Sakura, you're gonna get all dolled up, looking as cute as possible, okay? And then you're gonna spend the evening talking to everyone but your little pals."
Sakura opens her mouth, outraged, but Tsunade winks at her.
"Just for the night. By the way, kids, I've got news. Gather round." Tsunade says, gesturing grandly, standing in the middle of the living room.
Naruto perks up, wriggling off the sofa and dashing to Tsunade's side. Tenzo and Shizune move away from the window, floating towards Tsunade. Sakura stays in her little armchair, her brow creasing in apprehension.
Kagami still hasn't come back.
It's been two weeks since the exam, two weeks since Sakura has heard her sister muttering advice and reciting shinobi rules, two weeks since she's dreamed anything at all. Sakura has found herself lost in a sea of confusing chakra, unable to parse why one person is feeling guilty when another is feeling happy. Every time she sees a stranger, she wonders if she would have dreamed about their face if Kagami was still around.
After months of reading chakra and relying on Kagami's insight, Sakura is blind. She can't read faces or body language. She doesn't know who to trust or not. Izanagi hasn't come back since that night, and she doesn't know if she's dreading or looking forward to his inevitable return. I'll come back for you, he said. What did it mean? He'd come back to see her? Or to take her?
Kagami would know.
"Sakura? Come over here." Tsunade waves, her chakra spilling out green waves of concern. Sakura flinches, tapping her fingers against the arms of her chair, then pushes up to stand.
"Alright," Tsunade says once they've all clustered sufficiently close, "I've been working to get you guys a little something ever since I arrived in Konoha. It's taken some time to get them processed through Konoha's bull – "
"Ahem." Shizune glares daggers at the side of Tsunade's head. The older woman deliberately turns a little more away, raising her hands in surrender.
"Don't get excited," Tsunade warns, continuing as if she hadn't been interrupted, "You're probably not gonna like it. But I don't care. This is important. Okay, Tenzo first."
A puff of smoke emerges in the middle of the room.
Sakura clutches Tsunade's leg, wide-eyed.
A woman emerges from the smoke, smiling with her hands on her hips. She's got long, auburn hair and sea-green eyes. Her chakra feels like a fresh breeze.
"Hello there," She says, her eyes squarely on Tenzo, who looks a little dubious, "My name is Airi. I'm your new bodyguard, if you'll have me."
Tenzo stares at her, shock reverberating through him, "Really? Why?"
"Silly question," Tsunade tuts, "You're a diamond in a village of coal, kid. You think I'm gonna let anything happen to you?"
Tenzo says nothing, but his shock dims and a tiny smile crosses his face.
"I'll protect you with my life, Tenzo-sama." Airi says solemnly, giving a deep bow.
"That's what I like to hear." Tsunade says. Shizune elbows her. "What? It's the mark of a good bodyguard. Anyway, Sakura, your bodyguard hasn't arrived yet, which doesn't really speak well for their character. But rest assured, they'll get here soon and you'll be able to go off to the park and do kid things even when Hatake is on a mission. Sound good?"
Sakura nods, even though she doesn't really know how it sounds. Takumi and Ryuu have been watching over her in Kakashi's absence, and she's pretty sure they're not getting paid for it. Other than the one meeting with Shisui, she's not been able to escape them yet. How will she evade a single person who is dedicated to watching over her?
"So, lastly, Naruto." Tsunade says, pointing at a corner of the room.
Smoke pours out of a different corner. Tsunade turns to point at it, muttering darkly under her breath.
The man that appears from the smoke has no eyebrows. He has pale blond hair styled in spikes and black jagged tattoos on his face. He's wearing a too-small shirt and a chain around his neck.
"Yo." The man says, tapping his fingers against his skull, "which one of you is my kid?"
"None," Tsunade says, bristling, "but your charge is Naruto. He's a great kid. Treat him as if he's made of priceless crystal, okay?"
The man's dark eyes swivel around the room and land on Naruto, who flinches back.
"Crystal clear, boss." The man says, grinning. His teeth are pointed and sharp. "Naruto, huh? You like fire, kid?"
Naruto brightens at once.
Shizune is sending Tsunade the fiercest death glare imaginable.
"I was told they were the best." Tsunade mumbles. She gestures at Airi, "So they were half right, at least."
"Naruto does not like fire," Shizune snaps at the bodyguard, "You're supposed to keep him safe, not endanger him further."
The man shrugs, "The safety and wellbeing of my client is my concern. Wellbeing includes happiness. If he likes fire, then I've got a few tricks he might enjoy. But he's not gonna have a second of danger in my care, sweetheart."
Shizune seethes, fists clenching at once.
Tsunade casually picks Naruto up and balances him on one hand, a trick they perform as often as possible. He stands on her palm, beaming.
"Is he in danger now?" Tsunade asks, her gaze assessing.
The bodyguard's head tilts. Finally, he grins, "Nah. You'd never drop him – you're too skilled and you care about him too much. And even if I'm wrong on that, I'd get to him before he could hit the ground."
"And if the enemy you faced was as strong as me?" Tsunade asks calmly.
"I'd grab him and go," The man says, a grim edge to his voice, "I find you only live as long as you're willing to run."
Sakura gazes up at him. There's loss at his core. She wants to talk to him, to comfort him, but without Kagami, she's not sure if she'd be welcome.
Tsunade puts Naruto down.
He bounces up to the bodyguard, "Hi! I'm Uzumaki Naruto and I'm gonna be Hokage someday after my Oba-san! Who're you?"
"Kai," The man says, stretching his neck until it cracks, "I'll be your bodyguard."
"Nuh-uh!" Naruto says, mutinous, "Shisui said he would first!"
"Shisui…" Tsunade clicks her fingers, frowning.
"Sasuke and Itachi's cousin." Sakura supplies. And my friend, she thinks.
"Well, I'm not paying this 'Shisui' to look after you, am I? Maybe he can help out later, if he's free." Tsunade says.
Naruto beams, "Okay! Hey mister, what kind of fire tricks do you know? 'cause I really like pranks, but Kaa-san and Oba-san don't like them at all."
xxxxxxxx
Tsunade buys Tenzo and Naruto yukatas, her mouth twisting in amusement at the price. Sakura watches the shopping go on, clutching her sand fox in her lap. She's already got her kimono, so she doesn't need to buy anything else.
She's named her little fox Sayaka. Maybe the fox is a boy, but she can't tell, so she hopes it's a girl. She strokes Sayaka's grainy head with her littlest finger. She hopes somehow that Gaara knows she's thinking of him.
Tenzo picks out a green yukata with silver thread, his chakra plucked towards it in longing. Naruto suffers through many measurements and adjustments, and only really kicks up a fuss when he learns that his sleeves aren't going to be floor-length once it's all done. He'd been enjoying swinging his cuffs around until then. Now he's pouting underneath mounds of fabric, Shizune holding up swatches to his face to match his colouring. Sakura can feel the muffled happiness Naruto is feeling, despite his sulky face.
Tenzo tries on his yukata and walks into view, his gait still stiff and his head tucked down. He always looks hunted when they're in public.
Tsunade sees him and smiles, "That's great. You look just like your grandfather, Naw – "
She freezes, grief choking her.
Tenzo frowns, confused.
Sakura tucks Sayaka into her pocket and stands, already prepared for the pinpricks of pain in Tsunade's aura.
"Just like my grandfather." Tsunade finishes, forcing a little smile.
Sakura hugs her leg, looking up at her pretty, pained face, "Do I look like your grandfather?" She asks, hoping to distract her.
Tsunade laughs, "Not a bit!"
"Do I?" Naruto asks, beaming from underneath piles of fabric.
Tsunade reaches over and pokes his nose, "You look like Uzumaki Naruto."
"Good! I like being me!" Naruto grins.
Tenzo's smile is faintly sympathetic when he looks at Tsunade, "I am honoured to think I might bear a resemblance to the Shodaime, Oba-san."
"Well, don't be," Tsunade snorts, "He was a goof."
Kai is standing pointedly next to Naruto, his massive arms folded. He dwarfs Naruto's little figure, towering over him.
Airi has taken a subtler approach, pretending to be a civilian shopping in the same store. She never leaves Tenzo's immediate vicinity, but somehow manages to look completely natural every time she moves to follow him.
Sakura wonders what her bodyguard will do when she meets them. Will they be bold and out in the open, glowering at passers-by like Kai? Or will they pretend not to know her, like Airi? She can't help thinking that she might not have a bodyguard at all, and Tsunade just said she did so she wouldn't feel left out.
Tsunade takes Tenzo into the back. Airi drifts after them.
Shizune is keeping a close eye on both Sakura and Naruto. Kai is staring directly at a customer who is approaching Shizune, who for the moment seems oblivious.
Sakura funnels chakra to her ears, just like Itachi showed her.
She hears the moment the man speaks to Shizune.
"You're new to the village, aren't you?" He asks.
Naruto is playing with the fabric, oblivious to the conversation his mother is having with a stranger.
Kai steps closer to Naruto.
"Yes, but I actually grew up here." Shizune replies.
"I'm sorry to bother you like this, but when I heard, I just had to warn you. They've tricked you. Forced you to take on that kid without knowing what he truly is. He's a monster." The man says quietly, his eyes grave.
Sakura covers her mouth, eyes wide. Naruto is still oblivious, thankfully, but Kai is on edge.
Shizune stares back at the man, affronted, "Excuse me?"
"It's very kind of you to adopt a kid that nobody wants, but nobody wanted him for a very good reason. He's a freak, a danger to the village, and if you don't get rid of him, sooner or later he'll hurt your other children."
Shizune's nostrils flare. She gives Kai a sharp look. He steps forward, his leg almost brushing against Naruto's back.
Shizune advances on the stranger, "Monster? Freak? He's a four-year-old boy who would never, ever do anything hurt anyone, let alone his siblings. He is the sweetest, gentlest child I have ever met. I adopted him with the full knowledge of who he is. He is Uzumaki Naruto, with all the legacies that name suggests, and he has inherited the best of both his parents. He's just a lonely boy who was abandoned by the world for something he did not choose and cannot change. If you ever say such horrible things about my son again, I will not restrain myself. Consider yourself lucky that I would never strike someone in front of my kids."
The stranger's mouth opens and closes uselessly. He looks from Shizune to Naruto to the deadly smirk on Kai's face, and he backpedals out the door.
"You shouldn't have warned him off. I was gonna put him on a spike and spin him around 'til he stopped spewing shit and starting spewing something else." Kai complains, dark eyes following the man's journey down the street.
Shizune ignores him, crouching down to check on Naruto, "Are you alright? Have you picked a fabric yet?"
"Uh-huh!" Naruto says, holding a sky-blue piece aloft, "I want this one with a ramen pattern!"
"There aren't any ramen patterns." Shizune says fondly.
"Aww…"
xxxxxxxx
There aren't that many people at the New Year's party.
Sakura had been picturing masses of dark-haired, dark-eyed people, just like Sasuke, all having fun in a very restrained way.
Instead, Tsunade leads the Senju clan directly to Sasuke's house and when they get inside, there's only about ten pairs of shoes at the door. Sakura brushes down her kimono, a little disappointed. So it's going to be closer to a grown-up dinner party than a real celebration.
Kai is glued to Naruto's side, as per usual, and Airi is mingling with the crowd near Tenzo, her auburn hair turned black for the evening.
Sakura sees Sasuke early on, sitting nicely next to his mother, looking exceptionally bored. He perks up at the sight of Sakura, but she remembers Tsunade's orders and just gives him a weak smile, following the older woman out of the room. She feels his confusion float after her.
"Senju-sama." Fugaku says, emerging from the shadows.
Sakura lets out a little eep of surprise.
Tsunade's smirk turns cockeyed and she puts a hand on Sakura's shoulder.
"Please, call me Tsunade," She says, "your invitation was a pleasant surprise."
"It is not every day a member of the Sannin returns to the village," Fugaku says, with real respect in his tone and aura, "nor is it common to see a clan revived. I thought it best to mark the occasion, and since the festival was coming up, it seemed only prudent to extend an invitation."
He turns to Sakura, his severe expression softening somewhat, "Sakura-hime. It is good to see you here tonight."
"My friends call me Sakura." She says, smiling.
Fugaku's gaze warms. He looks back at Tsunade, the lines around his mouth deepening, "Tsunade-san, would you mind if I had a private word with Sakura?"
"Yes, I would." Tsunade says pleasantly, her aura growing spikes.
"Oba-san." Sakura whines.
Tsunade considers it, tapping her chin. Airi and Kai are both busy with their charges, and Sakura guesses if Tsunade or Shizune were caught snooping in the Uchiha Manor, they'd get in big trouble. But Tsunade would never get caught.
"You can have a quick audience with our little princess, sure." Tsunade says magnanimously, patting Sakura on the back.
Fugaku takes Sakura to a small, brightly-lit room. He sits down at a wooden table, indicating Sakura sit across from him. She does so, clambering up onto the tall chair.
"You have been a puzzle from the moment we first met, Sakura." Fugaku says, his fingers forming a steeple. "I had heard of your situation, that there was talk of your parents abusing you. Mikoto spoke up in their defence, and I value my wife's opinion very highly. And yet, when we met, you did show clear signs of abuse. This concerned me. I tested you by remarking on your parents punishing you too severely. You reacted with anger on their behalf, no guilt, shame or fear – not the reaction of an abused child. So, I determined the threat was most likely not from your parents. But if not them, who? I am rarely confused, Sakura, but I must admit to being at a loss with your situation. And then Itachi suggested something so simple, it had not even occurred to me. Why not ask you? So, that is what I am doing. Are you being hurt by someone?"
Of all the times not to have Kagami with me! Sakura bites her lip, her nails digging into her palms. She should never have agreed to speak with him, but it didn't even occur to her that it might be an issue.
"I… was hurt by someone, once." Sakura says carefully. She doesn't dream, but she remembers Sasuke's blank eyes, the hand piercing through her flesh. She fails to suppress a shudder.
Fugaku felt her scar through her dress, that much was clear.
Sakura gets off her chair, slowly turning to show her back. She pulls the collar of her kimono down as far as she can manage, though the material fights her every inch of the way.
"I see." Fugaku says coldly. He stands up, facing away from her exposed scar. "And the culprit?"
"I don't know where he is." Sakura says honestly. Her Sasuke could be anywhere in the house, and Kagami's Sasuke… is dead.
Fugaku's chakra is always tightly-restrained, but Sakura still catches glimpses of fury seething deep within.
"But he is not a threat to you?"
"No." Sakura says firmly.
"You healed yourself without anyone even realising you had been hurt in the first place." Fugaku remarks softly, shaking his head.
"I didn't want anyone to know." Sakura says sadly.
"Medics are among our most valued members, Sakura. You must learn to prize your health above all else. Konoha will need you dearly, one day. Perhaps… sooner rather than later. Do you remember the favour I wanted from you, after you agreed to take on my family?"
Sakura nods. Her father thought he wanted to borrow her dolls.
"You'll never be able to keep your word if you don't look after yourself." Fugaku says, a very faint smile on his face. "So, you must work hard and stay healthy, if you want to help this family. Though, I must admit… you already have."
Sakura smiles.
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Shisui makes it home just in time for the festival. He had hurried through his mission, severely unnerved by Izanagi and the invisible threat he posed.
He sees Sakura enter the main hall with Fugaku of all people. She's wearing a pink and white kimono and her hair is curled and pinned up. Shisui knows the moment Sakura spots him, because her whole being radiates with excitement.
Shisui wrestles down another batch of self-loathing at what he is about to do.
"Good evening, Sakura." Shisui says, not allowing himself even the slightest flicker of expression. Not even when her face falls.
Itachi narrows his eyes, standing nearby.
"Shisui-kun?" Sakura says, looking up at him with big, confused eyes.
They are surrounded by Uchiha. Any one of them could be Izanagi, reporting back to the elders, or the Hokage, or even Danzo. He tried to hide their fledgling friendship at first, downplaying it to Itachi and Kakashi, but time and time again he failed. He thought he was being so clever, keeping Sakura's world-changing secret and helping this naïve four-year-old avoid a terrible fate, but what has he really done but draw even more attention to her?
And he made her a Senju. The Uchiha's natural opponent, attracting the ire of every traditionalist clansmen in the village. She went from being harmless Haruno Sakura, shy and sweet, to Senju Sakura, clan heir and political pawn. What was he thinking?
"Glad you could make it." Shisui says woodenly, shutting down the part of him that aches at her hurt expression, the wounded look in her eyes.
He brushes past her, unable to take any more, and goes looking for an empty room. He slips inside the first one he comes across, snorting a laugh when he realises he's unintentionally taken himself to the Room of Doom. The perfect place to castigate himself in private.
Then the door slides open, and a short, angry figure stands before him.
"What was that?" Itachi asks, cold fury in his voice.
"What was what?" Shisui replies, shrugging nonchalantly. What was that? That was me, saving Sakura from my own stupidity.
"You just hurt Sakura." Itachi says flatly.
"Oh, c'mon, she's just – "
"Young, kind, vulnerable and unused to turmoil?" Itachi raises his eyebrows. "How was she supposed to deal with what you just did?"
"Unused to turmoil?" Shisui repeats incredulously, unable to help himself. "She nearly died saving her father, was nearly kidnapped twice, and has seen more violence and death than a kid in peacetime should ever see!"
"If you know that, then why would you treat her so poorly? She looks up to you and, despite what you are trying to portray tonight, I know you care about her. When you came to say goodbye before we left for Suna, I thought you came for me. You didn't even look my way. You call her 'Firefly.' I'm not a fool. You're purposefully distancing yourself from her in public, which must mean you think being friendly with her will have some negative effect – presumably on the clan's relations with Konoha. Am I wrong?"
Shisui steps forward, aghast. Itachi is trying to look coolly unaffected, but colour has risen in his cheeks. He's upset.
"Itachi, I… I didn't mean to neglect you, you know you're my best friend – "
"Am I wrong?" Itachi snaps.
Shisui sighs, looking down at his feet. "You're not wrong. I… I was approached by someone. I believe they are an Uchiha, judging by the way they talked. They asked me about the Uchiha's place in Konoha, and whether or not people can change. And then… he asked me, 'why do you call her Firefly?'"
Itachi's eyes widen.
"My friendship with her hasn't gone unnoticed. This guy came to me while I was on a mission, he knew exactly where I would be and what to say to put me on guard. It must have been a warning. I can't be the reason I lose another friend, Itachi. Not Sakura to this conspiracy, or you to neglect. I'm an idiot. Just hit me next time, okay?"
"No," Itachi sniffs, tossing his head, "If I hit you every time you did something stupid, you would suffer irreparable brain damage in a matter of hours."
Shisui flicks his forehead, lightning-fast, enjoying the pout he receives, "What is it with you kids and sassing me all of a sudden, hm? And speaking of something stupid, why are you going along with Fugaku's child bride plans?"
Itachi's face goes red, "I – I am not!"
"Oh, Otou-sama, what a wonderful idea!" Shisui says dramatically. "She shall marry me on the morrow!"
"I never said any of that." Itachi glares.
"You might as well have. You're creating a monster by encouraging that man's ridiculous schemes, you know."
"Tsunade will never give her permission for any kind of match for Sakura." Itachi mumbles, his cheeks still burning red. "I know that. But as long as he is focusing on a doomed union, he cannot attend to a more likely match and I… am not ready to think of such things. But as the Clan Head, I understand that he must."
Shisui pinches Itachi's red cheek, "You are too cute. But Fugaku is wily and he'll probably start an uprising to sway Tsunade if she refuses him."
"I have a hard time seeing that woman being swayed by anything." Itachi says dryly.
Tsunade had proved to be a little unpredictable thus far. Shisui's contacts – old friends from the Academy – had told him that evidence suggested Tsunade was misanthropic, uninterested in sticking around anywhere or putting down roots. He had fully expected Sakura to convince her, but he certainly hadn't expected her to return to Konoha. Not to mention how she had immediately adopted not just Sakura, but her little friend from ROOT and Sunshine, the Kyuubi container. Shisui didn't like unpredictable people. Including himself.
"Back to the matter at hand, I think it's pointless to avoid Sakura. Your friendship is already public and withdrawing from her will do nothing but prove to this 'Izanagi' that she is a weak point." Itachi says, frustratingly reasonable.
"I can't just do nothing. If I carry on as normal and act like nothing happened, then Izanagi does something… I can't be responsible for that."
"You can't be responsible for anything." Itachi says sharply.
Shisui pauses.
"Whenever it seems as though you will have to take the blame for something, or accept a burden as your own, you run." Itachi says, his tone cooling into faint disdain.
Shisui grips the sliding door, nails digging into the wooden frame. He can't leave without proving Itachi's point. But he really, really does not want to get a lecture from his baby cousin.
"I don't think you know what you're talking about." Shisui says lightly, a warning audible in his voice.
"What happened to your friend, Shisui? The one that gave you – "
Shisui turns around, leaning against the door. His eyes spin, blood and black. "What?" He says coldly, when Itachi's mouth shuts abruptly. "What did they give me, Itachi?"
Itachi says nothing, but even just the painful sympathy in his gaze is too much to bear.
"How long am I supposed to pay for what I did?" Shisui asks, his voice steady through sheer willpower.
"Until you stop hating yourself for it," Itachi replies, his big eyes dark with knowledge a kid his age should never be burdened with, "until you forgive yourself."
Shisui laughs, loud and caustic, "I don't know if I can afford to keep paying forever."
"You made a mistake, Shisui."
"No, I made a choice. I let my personal feelings override my judgment and a good friend died because of it. I'm not going to do that again. You can make her happy, Itachi." Shisui says. He closes his eyes, dismissing his Sharingan. He remembers Sakura's weak, trembling voice saying he scares me, Shisui-kun. And Shisui, so desperate to save his only friend, pushed her towards him anyway. Told her to do it for him. And Sakura, with her big heart, did it.
Itachi will join Akatsuki, hunting kids like Sunshine, and Sasuke will kill Sakura.
In his weakest moments, he has imagined doing horrific things to prevent it all from happening. Taking little Sasuke's eyes, hunting down Akatsuki, or framing Itachi to get him locked away. Most of all, he thinks about using his own eyes to change the world.
Is he a coward for hesitating or for even considering it in the first place?
He imagines digging through Sakura's mind, looking for answers. If he asked, maybe she would give him permission - though the way she refused to look at him when he brainwashed Kabuto, and the terror she suffered when he first activated his Sharingan in her presence, just trying to make her laugh… he couldn't imagine she'd say yes.
Why are your eyes red, Shisui-kun?
She saw a crying person with red eyes. They told her to live. Was that her only dream of him?
If he dies, he'll leave Sakura all alone. He's the only one who knows the truth. He can't protect her in the open. It's too much of a risk for both of them.
"Have you considered asking Sakura what she wants?" Itachi asks. "She might agree with your plan to be careful. She would at least know that you haven't truly abandoned her."
If she knew, then all chances of subterfuge would be lost. She was terrible at keeping secrets. Her dreams had caused an investigation of abuse, and he himself had noticed her odd behaviour. If he is going to distance himself from Sakura, he can't tell her the truth.
"I'm glad you've made friends, kid." Shisui says finally, giving Itachi a small, genuine smile.
Itachi frowns, "I wish I could say the same for you. I wish your attempts to punish yourself didn't have to end your friendships."
Shisui rips open the sliding door, ignoring the startled Uchiha milling about in the hallway.
"You can't run forever, Shisui." Itachi says quietly, but his voice carries through the space and into Shisui's head, refusing to leave.
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Sakura sits in the corner, hugging her knees.
She spent a long time hiding from everyone, ducking away whenever she felt a chakra signal getting close. Every time it happened, she waited for Kagami to comment. She never did. What if she was gone for good? And Shisui stopped being her friend?
I can do this. Sakura breathes in and out, hands trembling. I can. I'm nearly five and Kagami said I'm too big to cry, so I won't. I've got to look after us both, because Kagami can't. I'm not alone, even if I can't hear her. I'm not alone. I'm…
If only she'd brought her sand fox with her. She couldn't find a way to keep it in her kimono without squashing it or getting sand all over herself, so she'd left it at home on her pillow. She always felt like Gaara was with her when she held it.
She can't stop thinking about the look on Shisui's face when he greeted her. Blank, as if looking down at a stranger. It reminded her of Sasuke's expression when he killed her. She clutches her chest, struggling to keep her breathing even. She's keeping the tears in. It feels like everything is surging up inside her, trying to burst out.
"Can you do a handstand?"
Sakura gasps, lurching away from the sudden voice that emerged from the darkness.
A man is standing next to her, leaning against the wall. Sakura's heart pounds. How long has he been standing there?
"Well, can you?" He asks again.
He's very tall. His hair looks black, but it glints blue where it catches the dim light. He's wearing it in a short, stubby ponytail. His brows are arched as if in question, his dark eyes focused on her face. Both his ears are pierced.
If Kagami was awake, she'd be frantically telling her how to kill this man.
Sakura is very tired of hearing how to hurt people.
"Yes, I can. I'm not very good at it, though. And I'm not going to do it in my kimono because it'll get creased." She answers, settling into a crouch. If she has to run, she knows how. Shisui taught her.
"That's fair. You don't mind if I do it in my kimono, right?" The man asks.
Sakura squints at him through the gloom.
"You're not wearing a kimono. That was a lie." She says severely.
He's dressed in a vest and shorts. He's got bandages around his arms and legs.
"Are you hurt?" Sakura asks worriedly, standing up.
He laughs, shaking his head, then flips over abruptly.
He's standing on one finger.
Sakura stares in awe, "Mister, you're just as tall that way up as you were before."
"Thanks for letting me know." He replies, not sounding strained at all.
"Are you a shinobi?" She asks.
He hums, switching fingers. His legs curl over and he gets back to his feet. He shakes his hand and a puff of smoke plumes out of his palm.
The smoke dissipates, and he's holding a sword.
A jolt of fear runs through Sakura.
She's all alone.
"Wanna see me stand on this?" The man asks, so lightly that her terror abates just a bit.
"You'd get the pointy bit in the floor and Fugaku-san would be upset." She replies.
"Would he?" The man asks, sounding as if he doesn't care very much at all.
The sword glows blue and starts to levitate out of his hand. He leaps up, becoming a blur, and lands perfectly on the sword's hilt, not even causing it to wobble.
"It's cool, right?" He calls. The blue light makes his face look eerie.
"Uh-huh."
"Wrong!" The man jumps down, the sword disappearing with a flick of his wrist and another puff of smoke. "Let's take a look at your mistakes, shall we? One, you ran away from your guardians and hid on your own. Two, you didn't run or scream for help the moment a strange man appeared out of nowhere. Three, you didn't even try to escape when I pulled the sword out. And four, you didn't take the opportunity to run when I was performing a handstand, or even when I was standing on the sword. If I was anyone else, what do you think would happen?"
"Oba-san would beat you up." Sakura says, irritation sparking inside her now that she understands what's going on here. He's not like Magic Mask. He's just going to lecture her now she fell for his grown-up tricks.
"Wrong again! She's not here to defend you. She can't always be around, which is why you need to learn some self-preservation. Do you know what that means?"
"It means some people are mean and will trick you into thinking they're really cool and good at handstands when really they're grumpy and mean." Sakura says sulkily.
"You said mean twice. And I am cool and good at handstands, but I also happen to be employed to keep you alive, which seems like a challenge now."
"You're my bodyguard?" Sakura says, eyes wide. "I didn't think you were real. I don't need one, thank you."
"I think recent events would beg to differ." The man replies dryly. "I'm Kitagawa. Your mother hired me to stop you from talking to strangers and getting in trouble."
Sakura stares at him in horror, "But I like getting in trouble. I'm a Monster."
"I don't doubt that. But would you like to see your fourth birthday?"
"I already have." Sakura glares. She's clearly more grown-up than an almost four-year-old, honestly.
"And wouldn't it be nice to keep on having birthdays? And not being dead?"
"Everyone dies." Sakura tells him, a touch of weariness in her voice.
He frowns at her, crouching down to meet her eyes, "Sure they do. If nobody died, nobody would get born. There'd be no kids, just endless old people, complaining about their bad backs. That doesn't sound fun, does it?"
Sakura shakes her head, a ghost of a smile crossing her face.
"Everyone dies. You, me, everyone. But don't make the mistake of dwelling on the inevitable. You know what that means? It's when you only ever think about one thing that you know is going to happen, so you miss out on all the cool stuff that might happen. Yeah, we're all gonna die. But there's a million things to do first."
Sakura wipes her face. She didn't cry, but her cheeks itch as if she did. She still feels tired and numb, but when Kitagawa extends a hand, she takes it and stands up.
"The first thing you should do," Kitagawa says, holding her hand as gingerly as a newborn baby, "is come with me to find your mother. Okay?"
"She's not my mother." Sakura sniffs, stepping a little closer to Kitagawa's leg.
"At the rebellious phase already, huh." He remarks.
Sakura wrinkles her nose at him.
"So, what do you do if a strange man approaches you?" Kitagawa asks, leading her to the door.
"Take his hand." Sakura replies.
"No! Well, take his hand and beat him to death with it. You can do that, for sure."
"You don't meet a lot of people, do you?"
Kitagawa makes a wounded sound.
xxxxxxxx
Sakura gets a letter to say she'll be attending the next semester of the Academy.
She is ecstatic, showing her Tsunade and Shizune. I did it! She thinks, but Kagami does not reply. The silence seems to echo.
Sakura rushes to Ino's house, Kitagawa ghosting her every step of the way.
Shikamaru is just leaving as she arrives. She halts, grabbing the Yamanakas' fence for support.
"Shikamaru-kun!" She pants.
"Hey, Sakura. Did you get into the Academy too?"
"Yeah! That means we'll all be in the same year! Well," She falters, thinking of Naruto and Sasuke, "not all of us, I guess."
"Doesn't matter," Shikamaru yawns, "You don't have to be assigned to a genin team straight after graduation, you can just wait a year or more until your teammates catch up. There's no guarantee you'll get the ones you want – unless it's part of a clan tradition. Then you're stuck with them for life."
"So… I can just wait a year after graduating and I can be on a team with Naruto and Sasuke?" Sakura says, hardly daring to believe it. "Really? That's amazing!"
She's so happy that she lifts him off his feet and spins him around, "You're so clever, Shikamaru-kun!"
His face is bright red when she puts him back down, "Uh… whatever. I… I've gotta go. Bye."
She waves him off, beaming, then skips down Ino's path.
She knocks on the door, pointedly ignoring Kitagawa. He's balancing on the fence using only the side of one foot, his arms outstretched like a crane.
Ino opens the door, immediately slipping out of the house and into Sakura's personal space. Her eyes are a little red.
"You got in, too, didn't you?" Ino asks, her voice strangely flat.
Sakura feels her smile wipe away, "Um. Y-yes. Just like you said – "
"Just like I said, yeah, except I didn't get in," Ino says bitterly, "There's no way we'll be on a team together now. And we won't even be in the same class…"
Sakura's chest tightens, "Oh no. Ino-chan, I'm so sorry!"
"And I heard you with Shikamaru," Ino says abruptly, pale eyes narrowing accusingly, "You were so happy that you could still be on a team with Naruto and Sasuke. I bet even though you know I'll be in the same year as them now, you still won't try to be on my team instead."
"B-but, your clans always team up – "
"You wouldn't even try to fight for me, would you?" Ino says, tears welling up in her eyes, "Why are they so special when I'm not? I was your friend first. Is it because they're boys? Do you like them more than me? We were going to go to the Academy and be amazing kunoichi together… and then we'd live in a big house and go on missions… That's what I wanted. I thought you wanted that too."
Sakura clutches her chest, struggling to breathe, "I-Ino-chan, you are my friend, you're my best friend – "
"You missed my birthday." Ino says, her voice wavering. "It was ages ago. I kept waiting for you to say sorry, it was a mistake, but you never did."
Sakura covers her mouth in shock.
"I'll miss you when you're at the Academy," Ino says, tears spilling down her cheeks, "but I guess it's not like I see you much now, anyway. Maybe neither of us will notice."
"Ino-chan!"
Ino opens her front door and slams it behind her.
Sakura feels Kagami's return like a knife slicing through her mind.
(Ino's eyes are clouded over. She used to love Sasuke just like Sakura did. And look what he did to her. Sakura touches her friend's face, wishing they had had more time, knowing they'd had all the time in the world, but had wasted it on stupid quarrels and fights over him. If she could go back – if she could just go back – she could fix everything, she was sure of it. She could have Ino back in her life. She'd never have to lose her again.)
Sakura wakes up in Kitagawa's arms, confused. Her mouth is bleeding. She's bitten completely through her lower lip.
"Ino-chan – " Sakura says urgently.
"Is an entitled little madam," Kitagawa says, "but she'll come around in the end. More importantly, I think it's time for you to go home and get that mouth looked at."
Sakura sags in his arms. They're sitting on the roof of the house across from Ino's. She can feel Kagami's grief in her gut. It feels like Sasuke just ripped Ino away from her again, but it was Sakura's own doing this time.
She wanted the comfort of her own home, with her parents fussing over her and telling everything was going to be okay, because they'd love her no matter what. She knew that was true. But to explain why she was so upset, she would have to admit she went behind their backs and applied to the Academy.
"Can we go see Shisui-kun, please?" Sakura asks, wincing with every word.
Kitagawa hums, then hops to his feet, holding her up with one arm. "Anything for you, kid."
They make it through the Uchiha Compound with minimal stares, probably because Sakura is here so often, and she's hiding her blood-stained face in Kitagawa's cloak.
Itachi answers the door with a slight smile that fades the moment he sees her face.
"Hello, Itachi," Sakura says wearily, "can I see Shisui-kun, please?"
Sadness and pity seep through his aura.
She knows his answer before he says it.
"I'm sorry, Sakura. He's not in right now. You can – "
"Sakura!" Sasuke shouts, running across the hall, sliding a little on the wooden floor.
Sakura wriggles in Kitagawa's arms, demanding to be let down, then runs straight for Sasuke. Despite everything she's dreamed about him, everything he took away from Kagami… Sasuke is still one of the people she knows will be happy to see her no matter what.
They collide in a tight hug, Sakura bursting into tears at once.
Sasuke's little arms are warm and secure.
"What happened, Sakura?" He murmurs in her ear, "The Monsters will take care of it."
Hello friends,
It's two in the morning right now and for me, time has become a mere concept.
Little baby Saku has been coping remarkably well with stress throughout the story, but everyone has a breaking point.
Kagami isn't doing so well, huh.
Tsunade briefly mistook Tenzo for Nawaki and. Pain. Sadness. Unfun.
Shisui continues to make Bad Choices for Good Reasons that benefit Absolutely No One.
Izanagi probably spent the New Year's Festival being creepy in a dark corner. Brooding. Lurking. Waiting. Reciting dramatic monologues.
Tsunade is loooooving Fugaku's paper-thin machinations.
And Fugaku is actually concerned about Sakura. If only she could adopt him for real!
Ino is four and bitterly disappointed.
Kitagawa likes balancing on swords and lecturing kids for listening to creepers… while acting like a creeper.
Shizune is going to punch all the mean people in Konoha and Tsunade will laugh. So hard.
Re: Shizune's response to the mean dude – it's actually a lot more effective to remain calm against people like that. Shouting at them might make them shut up, but shaming them might make them think.
If you think Tsunade hired the top mercenaries in the Land of Fire to be her kids' babysitters and then had to wait weeks for them to pass T&I's inspection and interrogation processes… you'd be absolutely right.
Is it only Inuzuka who can understand their dogs, or can anyone? I'm imagining Kiba having conversations with Misa and Momo and translating for Sakura.
Tsunade: What the heck? Sakura's only received twelve thinly-veiled marriage proposals so far! I've never been so insulted in my life!
Shizune: You'll never say yes to any of them, so why do you care?
Tsunade: It's the PRINCIPLE, Shizune. The PRINCIPLE.
(A fun fact about me: when I was a kid I once sat in a video shop watching Lord of the Rings on one of the display TVs, right at the moment where Gandalf was all YOOOOOU. SHALL NOT! PAAAAAAAAASS! And what I failed to notice was also right at that moment, the shop was being robbed.)
Quick poll for fun: What's your hidden talent?
For example, I can coo like a pigeon. I have caused much confusion with this particular party trick.
(Only one Good Boy appeared this chapter. The Good Girl was in the garden, fiercely poised to pounce! On a butterfly, which got away. The Good Girl has successfully defended the garden again!)
