Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Geth342: Whew! This is it. The last chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed reading this as much as i've enjoyed writing it.
Credit for the idea of having Professor Langtree as the Best Man goes to Sean Mulligan. I think it was an inspired idea!
Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to every single person who's reviewed - especially ellesra, gangsta. l0ver, dancelikeyoujustdontcare, Hurricane Rachel, SnowStorm752, HiddenDepths-xand Sean Mulligan - and every single person who put me on alert and favourite. You guys rock and I don't know how to thank you all enough.
For the very last time: I hope you all enjoy.
Chapter 28: Hope
The terrible thing about the quest for truth is that you find it – Rémy de Gourmont
We tell lies when we are afraid …afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger – Tad Williams
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I guess this story ends the same way it began: with the birth of another Carew.
On 7th October 2049, Zac Carew married Tamara Rowland. The ceremony was very low-key: only close family of both participants and a few friends attended. Seifer Langtree was the Best Man. I ended up as Maid of Honour as there was no one else left to fill the role, although her cousin did offer. It might not have been spectacular but I think the last thing either of them wanted was fuss. For them, it was perfect.
On 3rd December 2049, after a difficult labour, Tamara Carew gave birth to a baby girl, weighing roughly seven pounds. She was named Hope Carew, after my earlier suggestion.
I didn't ask for her to be called Hope for any specific reason. It was probably because, when they had asked me, while Tammy was pregnant, if I would come up with a name for their daughter (they knew the baby would be a girl) Faith Weasley had been on my mind. But, when I pointed this out, Zac said it was perfect anyway because that's what the child was for him. Hope. Tamara agreed with him. I decided to apologise to my niece as soon as she was old enough to understand. Hope isn't a great name in my opinion.
Zac had a lot to hope for. We all did. Mr. Malfoy was right when he said that my brother would receive a light sentence: in light of the circumstances of his life, the time he'd already spent in Azkaban and Tammy's pregnancy, he received a two week jail sentence and three months of community service. However, once free, he still had to start his life again. My parents and I needed to rebuild ours.
Zac moved into Tammy's house. During the time of his imprisonment, my parents and I had gone over nearly every day to help make the house better for two people, and to help make it baby-proof (during this time, Tammy successfully got me to stop calling her 'Rowland', 'Professor' and 'Tamara').
He had trouble finding a job at first as no one would hire the notorious Zac Carew but, in the end, some old friends of his from Manchester hired him for their business. It wasn't the life he was used to but, slowly, he adapted.
The worst thing in those months, however, was the way that Tammy's family treated her. Her parents were shocked that she had become pregnant by my brother and then married him. Her younger brothers have both visited their niece and her but the most her parents have done is send a card. I've never met them but, if I did, I'd like to tell them how much they hurt her. Because I know what it feels like to be rejected by family.
It would be nice to say that, after the events of early August, my family suddenly got on really well with each other. Nice but wrong. Although Zac and I didn't have any more misunderstandings, talking to him still feels a bit awkward. I feel as though I'm waiting for him to turn around and tell me that everything is my fault. Tammy told me once that he's worried I'll turn around and tell him that he's messing everything up.
In addition, my parents and I have become closer but, just like always, there is a gap between us – because, even now, Zac requires more attention. His life is still in need of mending. In the eyes of my family, mine is more or less fixed.
The one good thing which came out of this scenario, however, is that my parents have allowed me to return to Hogwarts, on the condition that if one more bad thing happens to me, I'll be removed. I think Tammy must have spoken to them about it; Mum took a liking to her and I think this is the sort of thing she would advise.
The return to Hogwarts was strange for me. Everyone knew who I was and everyone knew what I had done. Some people hated me because they thought Zac was a murderer. Others averted their eyes guiltily when they saw me. Most didn't know what to do with me.
Lysana was pleased to see me and sat with me in a separate compartment to the other Slytherins: although I knew about Rune's plan, I didn't want to see him. Maybe because, despite what he had said in court, I still couldn't trust him. To trust him, I had to be sure there was no sign of a monster in him, and I had no proof.
Devyn, Sandy and Rhian became completely correct at the beginning of that school year. I was so confused about everything that I couldn't decide who to trust. Consequently, it was only Lysana whom I fully trusted.
I'm still not friends with the three of them. We smile when we see each other, we say hello and have the occasional conversation but the events of the summer changed us too much. I couldn't settle back into easy conversations with them. I couldn't be their friend again.
However, I did find a friend in Faith Weasley. She carried on sitting next to me in lessons as we've taken mostly the same subjects
(I took Potions, Charms, Herbology, Defence Against the Dark Arts and Arithmancy. I had gotten Exceeds Expectations in the last two but I needed Defence if I wanted to do Charms research and Arithmancy if I did Potions. I wasn't sure if I could still do Charms as I hadn't taken Transfiguration on but it never hurt to try.)
Faith became a friend I didn't expect – she was just as shy as I was but, she turned out to be smart and funny. We aren't as close as I am to Lysana nor her to her friends but it's still nice to have her as a friend. And it was Faith who introduced me to Terry.
Terry Everniss is a Hufflepuff boy in the year below me who, apparently, had a crush on me for months. Faith convinced him to ask me to the Halloween Ball and he did.
Our relationship was never as intense as Rune and mine had been; we just didn't click together like that and there wasn't a huge spark of 'romance' in it. However, he was nice enough: quiet, just like Faith, and smart. He wasn't as funny as Rune, but he had his own sense of humour and he had a big heart. We managed to stay together for five months and, when we split up, it was as friends. We're still friends now.
The one thing about Terry, though, was how good he was for me. He, like everyone else, had heard about Rune and was willing to take things slow. We talked a lot, from little things which annoyed us to big things which we worried about. When Rune constantly showed up, to charm me into being friends with him, Terry tried to be as polite as he could, even though he wanted nothing more than to curse the older boy.
With Terry, I learnt that it really wasn't me against the world. That there were people other than Lysana who would willingly side with me, for no other reason than their loving me or even that it might be the right thing to do.
He once told me that he was good at fixing broken things. It was not until after we stopped dating that I realised he was right; he had fixed me. Maybe it was me he had been referring to all along.
True to his word, Rune made an effort to be friends with me again. He found me in crowds, talked to me, joked with me and respected my wishes. It helped him that I was already fond of him, and despite what he said, I owed him for my brother.
It took me a long time but I did, eventually, forgive him. Maybe not to the point where we had been before, but we became friends again. Yet, at the back of mind, there was always the nagging suspicion that he might hurt me again.
Still, when Terry broke up with me, he told me that I should go after Rune again – because even though our relationship was breaking apart because we were more like friends, he said even a blind person could see the way I felt about Rune. And everyone except me knew it.
Maybe he's right. I don't know. I can't deny that I feel something for him but I can never forget what he tried to do to me. Even occasionally, in my sleep, I remember it. But at the same time, Rune has grown up a lot. I guess I'll have to see what happens.
Compared to my fifth year, my sixth year at Hogwarts wasn't exciting. No one tried to attack me. People didn't spend their time insulting me. When one more person was murdered – a woman named Tina Spangler - there was some hostility, but it was muted. When it was revealed, in early November, that the real murderer had been caught – a man named Edgar Howell, the cousin of Tom Howell – I began to fade out of existence in the minds of most students.
Zac didn't have a clue who Edgar Howell was, but Tammy did: apparently, he and her had been childhood friends, up until she was eleven and he was thirteen. She told us that Edgar had been close to his cousin. So close, it seemed, that he would commit murder and frame an innocent man, just to avenge him. It made no sense in my mind, but Zac accepted it.
In fact, the one, truly exciting part about my sixth year, was the birth of Hope.
I was allowed out of school to be with my family when Tammy gave birth. Up until that moment, I had been nervous. What if my parents took to visiting the baby rather than looking after me? What if I just didn't like the child? What if I was a bad aunt? I had no experience with these things. I had a feeling that I would be awful with children as well.
The moment I saw her, all my worries went away. She was tiny, with hardly any hair and she was perfect. She had a similar face to Tammy but Zac's nose and eyes. When she saw me, she smiled sleepily and reached out to me. It was impossible not to love her.
Dad told me later that the expression on my face when I first held Hope matched Zac's when he had first held me, all those years ago. One of complete contentment.
After she was born, I spent – and still spend - as much time as possible with her. I love to go over my brother's house, with a toy of some sort and play with her. Even when I don't know what to do – like when she cries – I still like to be with her. I like how she smiles when she sees me or my parents. I like the way she always reaches out when someone walks in her room. I like how she tries to wave at Zac or Tamara when she sees them.
Despite Zac's worries, he isn't a bad father. He isn't perfect but then, who is? When I see him with his daughter, he always seems to know what to do. It helps, of course, that he's not on the run this time.
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I guess it doesn't matter, that my life hasn't gotten back to normal. I still can't talk about my feelings well, and I'm still jumpy, as though someone might try to hurt me. People ignore me in the corridors. I find it hard to make friends. But, I have Lysana, Terry, Faith and even Rune and his friends. I can walk through Hogwarts in peace.
Maybe I have changed. I don't know if it's been for the better, or the worse. Maybe it's neither; maybe it's just been change.
Or maybe I just grew up.
I suppose what my life is now will be the new normal for me. After all, it's been over one year since Zac's trial. It's the beginning of my seventh and final year at Hogwarts. Anything could happen. Personally, I hope nothing will. Life might be more exciting with events happening everywhere, but it's safer to be dull.
However, I think this year will still be a good one. Because, for the first time, I've had a sign that I'm doing something right.
As Tammy and I were going to board the train, she kissed Hope and handed her to Zac. I kissed Hope on the forehead and we began to walk away. As soon as we did that, Hope began to cry.
"Guess she wants her mum," Zac laughed and gave her back to Tammy. Tammy held her daughter until she stopped crying and handed her over to Zac.
We turned to leave and, once more, Hope began to cry. Tammy took her again but still Hope would not stop crying.
"What does she want?" I asked, confused. She was with her mother. She wasn't hungry or sleepy. Why was she upset?
Zac looked at her: she was holding her hands out. "I think I can guess," he said softly and looked at Tammy. She smiled and nodded.
"I can't. What does she want?" I asked again.
To my surprise, Tammy held Hope out to me. I took her and she stopped crying.
"You, Holly," Tamara said quietly. "She wanted you."
FIN
The Carew Siblings' Stories: 13th October 2007 - 13th April 2009
