Chapter 28

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Harry frantically searched the forest, hoping to spot any sign of Draco. He jumped as a scream echoed through the trees.

"Arrrrrggggggggghhhhhhh!"

Harry ran as fast as he could towards the noise, his heart thumping fast. He finally reached a clearing, and stopped abruptly. Draco was crouched in a tree, wincing as Grawp attempted to feed him bird eggs and shook the tree so violently that Draco had to cling on for life. Harry would have found the sight funny had he not been so concerned. Hagrid was trying to restrain Grawp, whilst still dressed in his tutu.

"No Grawpy! Stop tha'! Let Malfoy go!"

"Hagrid!" shouted Harry, running towards Grawp.

"POTTY!" shouted Grawp, pulling out some lipstick and applying it to the whole of his face. He moved towards Harry, pouting and batting his gigantic

eyelashes.

"Potter!" shouted Malfoy. "Get me down!"

Harry panicked as Grawp came bounding towards him, arms outstretched. Before he knew what was happening, Harry was scooped up and placed on Grawp's shoulder.

"Grawp get rid of nasty ferret!" said Grawp, poking Malfoy so hard that he nearly fell out of the tree.

"Get off me you filth!" spat Malfoy. "Wait until my father hears about this! I'll make sure you and your stupid oaf brother get kicked out for good. You – arrrrggggggggghhhhhhh!"

Before Malfoy could utter another word, Grawp's huge hand came flying towards him and knocked him out of the tree. Luckily, his ferret costume prevented any injury to his body, but his head had no protection as he'd taken the head of his costume off back at the school. He went head first into a nearby tree and slumped down.

"Malfoy!" shouted Harry.

"Oh dear!" said Hagrid. "Bad Grawpy! I'd better take him to the hospital wing!"

He moved towards the now unconscious Draco and scooped him up.

"Better get Madam Pomfrey to fix 'im up," said Hagrid, and he began to walk off, leaving Harry with the horrible realisation that he had no way of escaping from Grawp.

"Grawp want dance with Potty!" said Grawp, moving his huge face towards Harry and blowing him a kiss.

Harry sighed, wondering if this night would ever end…

"Wormdick!" bellowed Moley. "Where's my hot water bottle?"

"H – here's it is master!" squeaked Wormdick, poking his hand through the opening in Moley's tent. Moley snatched it.

"Luuuucccciiiiuuuussss!" bellowed Moley. There was a sigh, and Lucius Malfoy's head poked through. Moley wrinkled his nose as the smell of bleach filled his tent.

"Yes, my lord? What is it? I'm in the middle of bleaching my hair."

"Bwing me a packet of pwawn cocktail cwisps," said Moley. "And my Michael Jackson CD."

"Yes, lord," said Lucius.

Meanwhile, the rest of Moley's mole eaters were pretty pissed, as they all had to share a tent.

"I'm not sharing with Wormdick!" squealed Bellatrix. "You think I want to listen to him shagging an inflatable elf all night?"

"I'm not sharing with McNair!" shouted Rodolphus. "His axe scares me!"

"I'm not sharing with Lucius!" squeaked wormdick. "I can't stand the smell of his bleach!"

"SILENCE!" bellowed Moley. "Get into your tents and shut the hell up. I wish to eat my cwisps in peace without listening to you idiots arguing!"

The mole eaters fell silent, sulking as a crinkling of a packet and then a crunching sound emitted from Moley's tent. Five minutes later, the sounds of 'Thriller' and 'Heal The World' filled the campsite, followed by 'Billy Jean'. The Mole Eaters looked on in silence at the silhouette of Moley grabbing his crotch and doing his best Michael Jackson dance.

All was bleak in Hogwarts Great Hall the next morning. Everyone was too hungover to speak. Dumbledore waltzed in. Clearly he was hung over, as he hadn't even bothered to dress. He was still naked from the night before, which meant that McGonnagol still hadn't given him his underpants back. Snape arrived, throwing Filch a filthy look as he passed him. He was definitely hung over – he hadn't even bothered to put his hair in pigtails today.

"Ron," said Hermione leaning over to talk to Ron, who looked half dead. "I'm worried about Harry. He hasn't been seen all night."

"So?" said Ron, shoving six spoonfuls of cornflakes into his mouth at once.

"Do you think he's alright?"

"I don't care. He went off to find Malfoy didn't he? I've always said he had a thing for Malfoy."

"No one's seen Malfoy either," said Hermione, biting her lip.

"They're probably stuck together somewhere, having a good old sha – "

"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" said Hermione.

"Why not? It's obvious isn't it? Come on, Hermione. The evidence is there! The way he went on about Malyfoy's buttocks in Snape's class and when that gloop turned into Malfoy! The two of them have been at it behind our backs! Malfoy for god's sake!"

"Oh shut up, Ron!" snapped Hermione. "You're just jealous because Harry likes another human being and not some ugly stick insect like Trelawney!"

"Well at least she hasn't got big hairy testicles!" shouted Ron.

"I DO NOT HAVE TESTICLES!" shouted Hermione, standing up now.

"YES YOU DO!" shouted Ron. "You even look like a bloke!"

Someone from the Slytherin table whistled. Hermione slapped Ron.

"You ginger bastard!" she shouted. "Better to have hairy balls then horrible ginger pubes!"

"At least my pubes don't look like a bird's nest!" shouted Ron.

Someone at the teacher's table clapped. It was Dumbledore, who had conjured up a box of popcorn and was passing it around.

"Pease no!" groaned Harry. "No Grawp, not again! Please!"

Harry sighed for the millionth time as Grawp, attempted to do the tango with him. They'd been dancing all night, and Harry was knackered. Where the hell had Hagrid got to?

Finally, Grawp allowed Harry to climb down. As soon as he reached the floor, Harry ran as fast he could.

"Potty come back!" shouted Grawp. "Grawp wanted to feed Potty some bird eggs! Grawp loves Potty!"

Grawp began to cry, causing several trees to collapse.

Harry reached the school, panting. He rushed into the entrance hall, but was stopped by Snape.

"Running in the entrance hall, Potter? That's 100 points from Gryffindor. Had I not been hungover, it would have been 200. So you should be grateful."

"Where's Malfoy?" said Harry, ignoring Snape's comments about the points.

"That's not really your concern, Potter. Or perhaps it is. Tell me, what exactly is going on between you and Mr. Malfoy?"

"None of your business," snarled Harry.

"Oh I think it is," said Snape, smirking. "Mr. Malfoy is in my house. Therefore it is my business."

"Where is he?" said Harry, resisting the urge to reach forward and yank Snape's huge nose off his face.

"Maybe I won't be so generous. 500 points from Gryffindor for being nosy," said Snape.

Harry walked away.

"Arsehole," he muttered.

"I heard that," called Snape. "100 points from Gryffindor for insulting me!"

Harry sighed, and headed towards the hospital wing. When he reached it, he hurried inside, expecting to see Malfoy curled up on one of the beds. But he only saw Madam Pomfrey bustling about.

"Where's Malfoy?" Harry asked, as she noticed him enter.

"Mr. Malfoy left over an hour ago," she said. "Now if you would kindly leave. I'm extremely busy."

Harry left, relieved that Malfoy was ok.

Hermione stormed away from the Great Hall, seething with anger at Ron's comments. She stopped abruptly as she heard a noise. She scowled as she noticed Malfoy step out from behind a statue. He was smirking.

"Scared, Granger?" he said.

Hermione laughed.

"As if," she said. "Where's Harry?"

Malfoy shrugged. "I'm not bothered about that. I just want revenge. You made me look like a right idiot last night, you little mudshit. Thanks to you, my own house will probably ignore me."

"Don't forget, Malfoy, that one of your own house actually humiliated you as well. Parkinson was the one who told everyone about your cuddly ferret, not me. So go get revenge on her instead."

"You ruined my reputation," said Malfoy. "You made it look like I kiss mudbloods. Everyone will ignore me. You're going to pay."

He stepped towards her. Hermione pulled out her wand.

"Come near me and I'll hex your furry ferret balls off," she spat.

"Oh yeah, you just reminded me," said Malfoy. "Testicles. I'll make sure everyone knows about your hairy balls, Granger!"

He reached into his robes and pulled out his wand.

"Expelliarmus" he yelled, disarming Hermione. Hermione froze. Draco smirked, and pointed his wand at her, muttering a spell just as Harry rounded the corner…

A/N: There goes another shitty chapter.