Author's note: One of the things a lot of people might be wondering is why Evil Bastard Snape is not nearly as evil or bastardy right now. Which is a fair question. But I think that it has a lot to do with the fact that this is a guy who has been shown very little actual kindness in his life. He probably suffers from what the muggles call Clinical Depression. He was routinely starved and abused in childhood and his adulthood hasn't been much better. Being cared about is not something that he is used to. It's not something that he's developed any sort of protection or mental wall against. This is totally new territory for him and I'm sure that he not only feels strongly to give himself to it, but also a deep terror from the loss of control.
There have been multiple scientific studies with primates that show that baby monkeys will prefer a soft terrycloth "mother" that does not provide food to a hard metallic "mother" that dispenses formula. Some will starve themselves, choosing comfort over food. Back in the middle ages, a king who wanted to know what the language of God locked ten babies in a tower where they were never touched or held and merely fed. All of them died. Nowadays, preemie babies are subjected to "Kangaroo Care" which keeps them close to their parents' bodies on a regular basis. Regular touch has been known to lower mortality rates almost to zero. Love and touch are some of the most powerful needs that humans require to thrive, and that's not just babies or children- all of us need it. So I'm not saying that Snape is going to turn into a happy, jolly person. But there is no way NOT to be affected by freely given kindness...and maybe even a just a hint of love.
I hope you enjoy this next chapter. I know he would.
Chapter 28: Research and Tea
Hermione awoke to a strange noise buzzing in her ear.
Is that….snoring?
She opened her eyes slightly, and her eyes went wide. She was surrounded by bookshelves.
God, the smell of paper is heavenly.
She was still lying on the transfigured couch-bed and the black cloak was still largely draped over her like a heavy blanket. But she found herself alone.
"Lily?" she asked aloud, but heard nothing except for a quiet snuffling.
This was a new development. Lily was sleeping.
But where was…Sev?
She still got a funny twinge in her stomach calling him that herself, even in her head. But the truth was, it was like he was two different people. Well, maybe three. Four? There was the Evil Professor mask, the Stoic And Summarily Disliked Order Member Mask, the Pretend But Not So Voldemort Would Notice Death Eater Mask, and while she didn't think that this was necessarily a mask, it was a puzzle- one that she resolved to solve once and for all. It was hard to reconcile this new information about him with the snide, swooping Bat of the Dungeons. And did he feel this way about her as well, or just Lily? He said he had wanted to help, but what were his real motives? Could she even trust him?
First things were first. She desperately needed to pee again, and, if possible get showered for the morning- at least she thought that it was the morning.
Now, if she could only find her knickers.
Ugh, do I really have to get up?
She rolled over with a slight groan, and something rustled against her wrist as she flung it out to her side.
She turned her head to look, even though her fingers had slid over to feel the creases of the paper. A note.
Well of course he's the kind of person who leaves notes. Much easier than talking to people.
She unfolded the page and read:
Hermione (and Lily, I suppose, as well),
I am going to do some research on potions that could have the same effects as what you described before. I shall also be looking for documents of instances in which the Anima Voti has been used when one person loses their physical form but the other does not. I am not quite sure whether there is any precedence whatsoever, but it's worth looking so we can develop a plan that won't involve you transforming in the middle of class or during a Hogsmeade trip with your friends.
I have left the door open to the chamber you were in before so that you can use the facilities to your liking. I have also ordered some food for you. Everything is under the lidded plates on the study table. Once you are satiated, you may feel free to peruse my library and see if anything looks useful for obtaining the information we need, as I am sure that regardless of whether or not I ask for your assistance, you will nevertheless endeavor to do research of your own, so I shall be glad for your help.
Please do not leave my offices until I have spoken with you.
Yours,
SS
Hermione smiled at his neat and classy handwriting. It certainly was refreshing to receive an almost friendly note, after her fear of being shouted at until she was a puddle on the floor, which was what she had been expecting, regardless of whether or not she was actually at fault.
Ron sure could use a couple pointers from Professor Snape.
She no sooner thought this before a bright blush burned across her cheeks as she thought of some of the other things that Ron could probably learn. It was a good idea that Lily still appeared to be asleep. It was nice not to be jarred in and out of her own body. She'd never taken much time to think about how important it was to have a physical body, but after being rudely pushed aside so many times these past couple of days, she savored it all the more now.
Oh well, first things were first. She walked out through the library door and just as the note had said, the little round door was open. Once she was washed up and ready, Hermione pulled back her hair as best she could with a ribbon and returned to Snape's personal library. The room seemed even bigger on second inspection, towering stacks of books teetering up into the distant ceiling like skyscrapers.
She sat at the small desk and ate quickly, noticing a small green and silver box sitting on the far corner of the table next to the desk lamp. Holding a piece of toast between her teeth, she pulled the box closer and read the small silver letters on the top.
If you wish to read up on a subject or three.
This box is sorted alphabetically,
Breathe out a keyword on the card that you need,
And your title shall be brought to you quickly with speed.
If you are unsure and do not know what's best,
You may simply ask for what we would suggest.
The card in the back is the one you will need.
Simply breathe out a query on this card to proceed.
Hermione's eyes widened. What a useful system, indeed! Scarfing down her toast and slightly choking on a stray crumb, she guzzled down some lukewarm pumpkin juice and patted a fist across her chest to stop coughing. Once she had recovered, she pulled open the box, noticing that inside were assorted pieces of golden cardstock sorted in order by the letters of the alphabet. Tabs stuck out at staggered intervals, showing each letter.
Hermione flipped through the As first, looking for Anima Voti. She found plenty of books that started with Anima, but nothing seemed to match Voti. She wasn't discouraged, after all, it would have been too easy if her search had ended there. Next, she looked under Vows and found a couple titles that seemed like they might be useful. She breathed on each card, trying a variety of words (as the rhyme had not specified what would cause the books to be delivered), but she found that the cards responded to anything from "please bring this title" to "please deliver." The most important part was the "please." With each request, she heard a click and a light whirring noise as a book pulled itself from its place in the stacks and floated down onto her desk.
Eventually, there were so many books on the table that she'd moved the empty breakfast dishes and remaining food carefully on the floor next to the desk to make room. All things considered, she was in heaven. She'd found a couple small rolls of blank parchment in a drawer, along with a spare quill, and was using them to make notes.
This was her element- the books stacked up like a fortress wall made of knowledge, the comfortable, well-worn wooden seat that seemed to almost conform against her body as she perused the pages before her. She'd draped his cloak over her shoulders, as the open door did add a bit of a draft to the room, but other than that, she felt incredibly comfortable.
In fact, the only thing that might make her more comfortable would be-
"-Tea, Granger?" the voice came from behind her and she started, turning in her chair as she held a finger to mark her spot in the book she was currently looking at ("Vow Vernacular: The Importance of Nuance in Phrasing Magic").
She couldn't help smile at the puzzled look he had on his face. It seemed so...unlike him, relaxed even. No one would believe her if she tried to tell them that Professor Snape of all people was looking at her in a goodnatured sort of way. They would pronounce her mad and not listen to another word until she'd been dragged off to the Infirmary. He quirked an eyebrow at her and smirked as though he had just read her thoughts (but maybe he did read my thoughts- he can do occlumency), but he waited patiently for her to put down her book and walk over to him.
"This way," he said evenly, and she followed him through a darkened hallway into another small alcove that held a tiny kitchen and dining area. The dining spot was more of a nook than anything- a tall table pushed up against a wall with two stools tucked under it. A teapot, sugar, small milk pitcher, spoons and cups sat on a small metal tray.
They both set about making their individual cups to their liking, and then both sipped slowly at the steaming liquid for long minutes until Hermione finally opened her eyes and looked curiously at him, wondering what she could say.
"So…." he said hesitantly. He looked so awkward that it was actually kind of adorable.
"So….?" she couldn't help but smile in earnest.
"Stop me if you've heard this one," he said mildly, "But have you heard the joke about the girl who drank something funny, and somehow found herself possessed by the childhood friend of her teacher? It's supposed to be so convoluted that even I don't know the punch line."
She burst out laughing, which was unfortunate, as she was still sipping tea. It burned in her nose and sinuses and Snape had to conjure a napkin for her to keep her from leaking tea all over the floor.
"You're….you're being humorous!" she said, once she stopped coughing.
"That is, I have heard, the main purpose of joking, is it not?" Again, that maddening eyebrow was raised. He was teasing her.
No one is going to believe this.
"I've been doing some research using your library," she said, trying not to be a spoilsport, but she was still excited about finally feeling like she was being useful, "And I don't know exactly if it involves the Anima Voti, but the last book on Vows that I was looking through suggested that most Vows only fully work when both people are alive. If one person dies of age or other natural causes, the Vow is severed completely and becomes null and void. But I was thinking that perhaps the connection between you and Lily is different somehow- and I think it has something to do with Harry and the Killing Curse."
"Continue," he said seriously, crossing his arms. It was amazing how a simple change in body posture could make someone look so menacing.
"So what I was thinking, and I'll still need to confirm it with at least one other source, is that perhaps the killing curse (which uses magic to kill) along with Lily's desire to protect her son might have created...for lack of a better word- a magical afterimage. It's not a ghost or anything like that- it's like an echo of a soul's imprint on the world," Hermione stopped and looked at Snape, wondering if he had something to add.
"That would make sense," he said slowly, after deliberating for a few moments as if deciding whether to tell her, "When...it happened, I knew. I knew where she was, despite the fact that she was supposed to be hidden, and despite the fact that we had not spoken properly in years. I was able to get to her moments after it had happened. For lack of a better word, she called me. It was almost like the Dark Mark, only not at all painful. I just wanted to...be there with her. And then I was. But it was too late."
Hermione felt a pang of sorrow for him as she watched his eyes go out of focus, remembering.
"How is...Lily?" he asked suddenly, and a small line twitched under one eye, a sign, Hermione realized, that he was concerned but was trying not to show it.
"Well, truth be told," Hermione said sheepishly, "I think she's...sleeping."
"Really?" he seemed surprised.
"Yeah, she was snoring kind of loudly when I woke up and everything."
Snape coughed into his tea in the exact sort of way that seemed suspiciously like an attempt to hide a chuckle.
"At least she doesn't have crazy snarly bed-head," Hermione said hyperbolically, "Every day, it's like an epic battle fighting against a lion's mane of frizz."
Another cough. Hermione could not believe that it was possible to choke on tea so frequently.
"Maybe that's why you're….in Gryffindor," Snape had to turn away then, making small, badly concealed gasping noises, and all she could see was the back of him shaking.
He's laughing. He's actually laughing. What is the world coming to?
Hermione Granger had to pinch herself twice to make sure she wasn't still dreaming.
And Severus Snape laughed.
And Lily Evans slept on.
