Author Note: If you're reading this, I was able to update from my phone! Greetings from Chicago.
A pretty easy title to guess this week! Congrats to KDMCAM, Gianni26, pengirl25, MIRosebud, anitabonita2413, Ballachicki, Azlady2003, LSU15, Capricorn75, Scattycow, foreverpeetaslove, sherylb, shaz308, astonmartin823 and Ninkita,who all earned themselves a teaser by guessing this chapter's title (or at least one of his other #1 songs) by George Michael.
Thanks to moosals and edwardisaputz for pre-reading! Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.
Chapter 27 – One More Try
I open my eyes to my sunny bedroom, stretch, then turn over, shocked to see Edward lying in bed beside me, his head propped up on his hand. He smiles at me, then reaches out to gently touch my face.
"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," he says.
"So last night wasn't a dream? You're really real?"
"I'm real," he assures me. "Did you sleep well?"
"I did." I feel more rested than I have in weeks. It's probably due to his presence, but I'm not going to tell him that. "How long have you been awake?"
"A while," he shrugs. "You were making the cutest little noises in your sleep," he adds with a grin, and I can feel my face flame in mortification. "I left drugs on the nightstand."
Crawling out of bed, I quickly down the two pills, then head into the bathroom to take care of business. When I come back out to grab some clothes, I find a mostly naked Edward standing up and stretching.
"Um, I'm gonna take a quick shower," I tell him as I dig around in my closet. "I didn't wash my hair last night."
"Can I shower with you?" he asks, and I whip my head around to stare at him. "No touching, I promise."
I can see the outline of his morning wood through his boxer briefs. No good can come from showering with him. "I'll be quick," I tell him, closing and locking the door behind me.
As I shower, my now-sober mind races with questions for Edward, details he left out of his speech and things we still need to discuss. I don't want to bombard him, but…
Once I'm dressed, I carry my blow dryer into the bedroom with me so I can dry my hair while Edward showers.
"When did you last eat?" he asks when he comes back out in yesterday's clothes.
"Late afternoon yesterday," I shrug.
"Want to go to that café you like for a late breakfast?"
"Sure," I agree, and we walk down the street in silence as I try to process everything that's happened in the past 24 hours. Edward is really back in my life, and in therapy — trying to become a new and improved version of the man I was well on the way to falling in love with two months ago.
After placing our orders, I take a sip of my coffee, then bite my lip as I look at Edward. He agreed that we can talk more, so I hope he won't mind starting now.
"Can I ask you about something you said last night?" I begin cautiously, and he nods. "You mentioned that your grandfather rejected you. What about your grandmother? I mean, surely she wouldn't…"
"She died about a year before I got to Chicago."
"Oh," I frown. "I'm sorry. No aunts or uncles either?"
He shakes his head. "My dad was an only child. He was the family's great hope to marry someone of equal status and continue their legacy," he explains bitterly.
"So your grandfather had no other heirs? What happened to his fortune then?"
Edward shrugs. "I've never asked about it, but I assume if he left me anything, his lawyer would've contacted me. He remarried about 10 years ago, so his new wife probably got it all."
"Did you ever make another attempt to find your mom's family? With Google and all of the resources available online today, I'm sure you could."
"No," he sighs. "I guess… I was afraid they'd reject me, too. Unless she had siblings, there's a good chance I won't find anyone alive. Mom was 26 when she had me, so her parents are probably in their 80s."
"You could at least look for them?" I really want Edward to know what it's like to be a part of a loving family. It could only help him to heal.
"Maybe," he allows.
"Do you know much about your parents?"
"Not a lot. When I turned 18, I got a box with some of their personal effects; it's in a closet at home. I have a picture from their wedding," he says softly. "I look like my dad, except with my mom's coloring. I'll show it to you the next time you come over, OK?"
"I'd like that," I reply with a smile, happy that he's willing to let me in to this part of his life.
After we've eaten, we walk back to my apartment, hand in hand, then Edward leads me to the couch. "Can you do the talking for a while?" he asks, making himself comfortable. "I want to know about you."
Smiling, I begin telling him about growing up in a town with less than 4,000 people, with a cop for a father. I tell him about my perfect, beautiful older brother and sister, and how Dad freaked out and was extra strict with me after Jasper and Alice announced they were expecting shortly after Jasper's high school graduation — Alice still had a year of school left. I tell him about all five of my nieces and nephews and how much I adore them.
Edward listens intently and asks questions, even allowing me to show him photos on my phone this time. I realize now that part of the reason he never seemed interested in even hearing about my family before was because he didn't have his own family, and not just because he didn't want to get closer to me.
"Do you ever keep in touch with any of your former foster parents?" I ask curiously. "Or any foster siblings?"
"No," he shakes his head. "I was friendly enough with some of my foster brothers when I was younger, but with us all moving around so much, there was really no way to keep in touch."
"I guess back then it wasn't like today where you can just swap emails or Facebook accounts."
"Yeah," he nods, then gets a gleam in his eye. "You know, I lost my virginity to one of my foster sisters when I was 14," he grins. "She was 16 and — well, she'd been around, I guess. She taught me a lot."
"I can imagine," I reply dryly, rolling my eyes.
"Hey, you owe her a debt of gratitude, you know," he winks.
I decide to ignore his insinuations; it's too soon to talk about sex with him. "You said last night that some of your foster homes were not so good. Does that mean you were… abused?" I ask cautiously.
Edward looks over at me and for a moment he looks so vulnerable. He swallows thickly, then nods. "There was physical abuse in a couple of homes," he admits. "More often it was just being treated like a second-class citizen as compared to any biological children. Like if there wasn't enough money to feed all of us, guess who went hungry?"
"I'm sorry you went through that," I tell him softly, reaching out to squeeze his hand.
"It definitely sucked at the time, but it was a long time ago, Bella. I don't like thinking about it now. Anyway, I started working as soon as I turned 16, so I could have my own money, though I used to hide it in a sock so no one could steal it."
"What kind of jobs did you have?"
"Where do teenagers work?" he shrugs. "I was at Burger King for a while — a few different fast food places, actually. And I worked a couple of summers at this place called the Infield. You could play miniature golf, ride go-karts or bumper boats. They also had batting cages and an arcade. It was a pretty popular hangout for teenagers on dates."
"Sounds like a lot of fun," I agree. "I just worked behind the counter at a store that sold a lot of camping and outdoors equipment. My dad loves to fish and took us camping a lot in the Olympic National Forest, so I wasn't totally clueless about what I was selling."
"I can't picture you camping," he says with a grin.
"Wait until you meet my sister. You really won't be able to picture her camping." And then I stop short — we haven't talked yet about Edward coming to Forks. I clear my throat nervously. "Would you come to Forks with me the next time I visit? It'll probably be for Easter, at the end of next month."
"I will," he agrees quietly. "I said I'd do whatever it is that boyfriends do, and I meant it. That includes meeting your family."
I'm still not sure about discussing sex with him, but given his comment… I need to bring this up. I can't be afraid of the topic, not anymore.
"Edward?" I begin in a whisper and his brow furrows as he stares back at me. "Boyfriends don't usually have sex with other women. I don't think I can live with an open relationship."
His eyes widen as he stares back at me, but he doesn't speak.
"If you can't live without variety, then…" I trail off, shaking my head. "I don't want to call it an ultimatum, but I guess it is. I won't spend my time wondering where my boyfriend is or who else he's sleeping with."
Edward runs his hand through his hair, then sighs. "I've never had a monogamous relationship," he finally says. "I discovered at the age of 14 that I liked sex. And I quickly figured out that every new girl I was with had something different to offer. In college there may have been one or two girls that I was with more often than others, but it was never with any kind of emotional connection."
"Are you saying you can't do it?" I whisper, holding my breath.
"I'm saying that I've been this way for a long time. I don't really think that my… promiscuity is tied to my issues with emotions. My therapist, Dr. Jenks, isn't so sure about that. Maybe I'll feel differently eventually, I don't know. So, I guess… I'm saying I'll try. I won't sleep with other women behind your back. I won't make you worry about where I am and who I'm with.
"But… I mean, we've had threesomes. You've participated too. Is that something you'd be OK with?"
"You mean can you have sex with other women if I'm there too?" I gasp.
He nods. "And it goes both ways. You can bring in another man if you want."
I'm quiet as I think about what he's asking for. It's been a long time since I was with Edward and Tanya together. I never minded her presence back then, but I think at that point, I looked at my relationship with Edward much more casually. That was before we started "dating," for all intents and purposes. That was before my feelings for him grew. Things are different now, and I can't imagine not feeling jealous watching him with someone else.
"I don't know, Edward," I tell him honestly. "I'm not sure I could handle that now. My… feelings for you have changed in the last eight months."
"I understand," he says quietly. "So that's a no?"
"It's… not a definitive no, I guess? I mean… I don't think I could deal, but I guess if there was a potential third party, I'd decide then?" Really, I can't see myself ever being OK with it, but I've learned to never say never.
"So we agree to table this discussion until it's not just hypothetical?" he grins.
"Are you OK with that?"
"I'll try to be whatever you need, Bella," he answers quickly. "I want you in my life."
"But if you can't do it, if you need to be with other women, you'll tell me?" I ask hesitantly.
"I won't cheat," he says firmly.
"I guess that's all I can ask for. I'm not trying to change who you are, if it's truly a part of you. I just know that there may be limits to what I can accept."
Giving me a small smile, he crooks his finger until I scoot closer to him, letting him wrap one arm around me. I look up at him and he smiles wider. "I've missed these big brown eyes."
"Really?" I deadpan.
"I have," he insists. "Have I missed feeling your body underneath mine? Most definitely. I've missed everything about you. Enough to finally spur me into finding a therapist to help me get better."
Reaching out his hand, he tucks my hair behind my ear, then caresses my cheek gently. "I've always thought you were beautiful," he whispers. "Always. From the first time I saw you, I had to have you."
"The first time I saw you, I thought you were the hottest guy I'd ever met," I admit, feeling myself blush. "But you were taken. You were Tanya's boyfriend, and she's so much prettier than me. I thought it was just a pointless crush — you'd never want me."
"Don't put yourself down like that," he says sternly. "Don't compare yourself to other women. You're all uniquely beautiful in your own way."
"I guess you're not the only one with issues. I've compared myself unfavorably to my older sister for years." It was tough following in Rose's footsteps, though I love her dearly; I know it's not her fault she got the good genes.
"You shouldn't. You're you, and you're the one I want. Can I have you?" he whispers, brushing his lips against mine.
"I'm not ready for sex," I blurt out. "I'm sorry."
Edward shakes his head. "Don't be. I know I hurt you. I know I need to earn your trust back."
"You can still kiss me though."
Grinning, he sucks at my bottom lip, releasing it slowly. When he leans in again, I open for him, letting my tongue touch his. Bringing his hand up to my face, he deepens the kiss, and I let him. I've missed his amazing lips so much.
I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling myself closer to him as our make-out session heats up. It would be so easy to give in to what we both want, but I know I need to keep my wits about me. I'm just not ready to have sex with him again. Our relationship up until this point has been primarily based on sex, and I don't want to go back to that. I want it to be real this time.
At some point, I end up flat on my back on my couch, with Edward above me. I can feel his erection digging into my hip, but I keep my hands above his waist and don't acknowledge it. He's touching my breasts over my clothes, but to his credit, he doesn't even try to take my sweater off.
"God, I've missed this," he moans and I can only hum in agreement as he claims my lips again, letting his tongue explore my mouth. "I just want to bury myself inside you," he whispers.
"No, Edward," I protest.
"I know," he groans, pulling back a little. "We'll go at your pace."
"Thank you."
"I might have blue balls though," he complains, reaching down to adjust himself in his jeans.
"You poor thing," I tease, giggling.
"Don't laugh, Isabella. I know you're wet for me. I can smell it."
"You can't!" I gasp.
Laughing, he reaches his hand down, tracing the seam of my leggings and making me nearly jump out of my skin. "No, but I can feel it."
"You know I want this, I just… I don't want us to be all about sex."
"I know," he replies, brushing my hair back. "I might get in trouble with my therapist, too."
When he leans in for another kiss, I accept, but it's less heated now, more gentle and sweet. And then I hear my phone ding from its place on the coffee table.
"Go away," Edward mumbles, kissing me again.
When my phone dings for a second time, I push at his shoulder until he sits up. Grabbing my phone off the table, he hands it to me and I quickly unlock it.
Seth and I will be there soon to take you to dinner.
You have 15 minutes.
A/N: Dun dun dun… Reviewers for the last chapter were already worrying about Jake's reaction!
So a few more answers from Edward. And sober Bella realized she'd better be clear with him that she doesn't think she could handle an open relationship. They've reached a tentative agreement, but time will tell if Edward can stick to it.
Next chapter's title: A #2 hit by a Southern rock band, which was their only Top 40 single.
If there are no flight issues, I should be home by around 8pm tonight and able to get through most review replies. If there are flight issues, at least I can amuse myself by trying to reply on my phone.
