Disclaimer: Not her, not paid, not even very good. Everything you recognize belongs to JKR.
At the risk of being redundant, Sempra gets all the credit for correcting my punctuation, grammar and capitalization issues.
Her Gifts
Chapter 28
That evening, as Hermione was preparing herself for bed, she remembered visiting her late grandfather in the hospice he eventually died in. A thought popped into her head, and she wrapped her robe around her, cinching it closed before walking back into Snape's room.
She spied a vase on the chest of drawers and Transfigured it into a crude plastic urinal she remembered from her visits to her grandfather's deathbed. Pulling back the sheets and raising the bottom of his nightshirt, she used her wand to maneuver the urinal into place. She retrieved a bowl of warm water from the bathroom and dipped his hand into it. Snape immediately urinated into the plastic bottle.
Draco, who had soundlessly entered the room, clapped his appreciation. "Brilliant, Granger. No wonder you were known as the know-it-all." He smirked at her flustered appearance, holding a container full of urine.
"Ha, ha. Very funny," Hermione retorted, emptying the urinal into the toilet and flushing it. "I couldn't bear the thought of him lying all night in wet bed sheets. I'd leave it in place, but I'm afraid he might get sores from it. Hopefully, he'll be all right until morning, now."
"Goodnight, Hermione," Draco said, wandering off to bed.
"Goodnight, Draco."
The next morning, Hermione hurried to Snape's room to check that he was indeed still dry. The sight that met her eyes forced her to a stop just inside the door. Snape's sheet was tented. Unsure of what to do, she called out for Draco, certain she was going to be teased mercilessly again.
Draco hurried into the room, took one look and burst out laughing. "Well, at least you know his equipment is in order," he guffawed.
"I already knew that. What am I supposed to do with that?" she asked, pointing at the problem.
Draco snickered. "If it were me, I'd rather like it if you'd wank me off." Seeing Hermione wasn't amused, he offered, "It'll subside on its own, or if you prefer, you could flick your finger against it and it'll go down quicker."
"Doesn't that hurt?" she questioned.
"Not especially. It's not exactly pleasant, though, either. It's what a Mediwizard would do if confronted with one, if the wizard in question didn't do it himself beforehand." Draco was getting uncomfortable discussing male bodily functions, but it was the least he could do for Hermione's distress.
"How do men put up with it?" Hermione mumbled, not really looking for an answer. During their banter, the tent had receded somewhat, so Hermione grabbed the urinal and, not thinking, used her hand to place Severus's penis inside. His erection came back full force, wedged inside the urinal. Even if he could urinate, the bottle was now upside down. Provided she could remove it, the urine would just run out all over him. "Great," she grumbled, "now what?" She pulled the sheet up for modesty.
Draco was in stitches, gripping his sides in raucous laughter at her expense. The image of the tent, now exceedingly large due to the plastic bottle stuck on Snape's penis, was not something Draco was ever going to forget.
"He better never hear about this," she hissed. "He'll be humiliated, and he'll blame me." Hermione stood helplessly beside the bed, glaring at Draco.
Calming down and chuckling only a little, Draco walked over to the bed and flicked his finger against Snape's erection through the sheet, which then quickly subsided. "Never tell anyone about that, either, Granger," he warned.
Hermione inclined her head. "Thank you, Draco." Pulling the sheet back down, Hermione situated the urinal between Snape's legs, ensuring the bottle was right side up. She collected her bowl of warm water and dipped Snape's hand into it. Draco watched, fascinated, as the urinal filled.
"How did you know to do that?" he asked.
"Summer camp when I was ten. It was a prank the kids would play on each other. If you dipped someone's hand into warm water while they were asleep, half the time they would piss themselves. The response depended on whether they had anything in their bladder or not." Hermione emptied the urinal, then modified the opening a little larger to prevent a recurrence of the previous problem.
"Muggles sure have strange ways of treating each other," Draco mused.
"And that's somehow different than jinxing each other?" Hermione countered.
"Point taken," he acknowledged. He watched Hermione as she fed and dosed their professor. She took inordinate care applying healing salve to the blistered skin on his genitals, legs and buttocks. Draco's eyebrows rose when he witnessed for himself the instantaneous erection at Hermione's touch. "Is that normal?" Hermione noticed the pink rising in his cheeks.
"Madam Pomfrey says not. She said a coma patient normally doesn't respond to stimulation like that," she replied. "She thought maybe it was a sign he was coming out of it on his own. She's coming today to evaluate him." She changed his nightshirt to a fresh one and combed his hair. Casting the spell to shave him, she considered his teeth. "I'll have to ask Madam Pomfrey if there is a spell to clean his teeth. He'd choke if I tried the normal way."
Hermione lifted the back of Severus's nightshirt out of the way and spelled the bedpan under him. She discreetly pulled the curtain around his bed and pulled Draco by the sleeve out of the room.
"How will you know when he's...you know...done his business?" Draco asked.
"I will ask Batin to check on him in about ten minutes. I figure there should be something I don't have to embarrass him about. Batin will clean him up afterwards and refresh the room. Then I'll go in and reverse the bedpan spell. Viola! Dignity intact."
Draco thought his uncle would appreciate that.
