Avoidance was a good strategy, a strategy that I would have lliked to maintain, especially if it meant not facing off with my sister who had obviously chosen Eleanor Shepherd over Callie. I hadn't even bothered to ask, there really was no need considering I had watched Arizona eat lunch with Eleanor.

I had watched as Callie had tried to hide her hurt at the site, even if she had shaken her head at Arizona's offer to sit with them, and instead sat with Mark.

Now, as I contemplate how someone can do such a thing, I fight hard to ignore my memories of Derek doing the same thing, but he didn't invite me to ever eat with them, he had just stared at me continuoulsy from across the room, and as often as he had approached me, I'd turn around and run because it just hurt too much.

I am positioned well in a conference room, busy, or am supposed to be. I'm charting, or am trying to, but I still can't turn off my head. Derek has already been into try and talk to me, but I was snappy, and I know I shouldn't have been, but these memories I have of him right now, make me want him to stay away.

I realise now that he had never apologised, either time, just found that I had supposedly forgiven his actions, and yet, I don't think I ever could, I have just been ticking on.

With that last thought I am ready to crumble. I know what Callie is going through, and it feels like its killing me more than its killing her, not that she isn't hurting, I wouldn't know.

I feel my eyes begin to water tiredly, the emotion writhing through my body as I slam my chart closed, now angry that this is affecting me as much as it is.

I am hating Arizona for what she has done, and Eleanor, for whatever part she has played.

I feel a tear slip down my cheek and move quickly to wipe it away. I don't want to be seen crying, I hate to cry. Just like I am hating Arizona and Eleanor right now. Im hating what this is, and their parts in it.

I hear the door to the conference room open and I move to open my chart again. I don't want to look up and see who has entered because I already have a feeling that its someone I really don't want to speak to.

"Are you done avoiding?" I hear Arizona ask as she clicks the conference room door closed and flicks the lock.

I still don't look up as I pretend to read over the chart that I had already signed off on.

"Fine, don't talk, but you can damn well listen." She stated, and I could hear the frustration in her voice.

"I'm not Derek, and I really don't understand how all this shit really affects you, but I do know why you are upset, but Meredith, I'm not Derek." She repeated, not exactly sure where she wanted to take her rant, and paused for a moment to just think about it.

"You are just the same." I state as I finally lift my head to look at her. "You are the same because you make people fall in love with you even though you are married. You have a wife Arizona, A wife that stops you from being with Callie, but that didn't stop you, oh no, I guess you were just looking for a bit of fun, but now I can see how it is. You used her to fill some desire you had while she was off playing doctor to the less fortunate." I say, my voice trmebling with my bottom lip and im not sure whether it is from the intense emotions that are curently consuming me, or my need to just cry.

"What you've done to Callie is completely un forgivable, not many relationships survive that, and its already obvious who you have chosen. She's the new train wreck for everybody to stop and see. You have no idea what its like to be in that position, she shut your face Ari, I don't even want to look at you." I yell, as I slam my chart closed knowing that this was going to be a big fight.

"Your just like him." I say again.

"And yet he ended up engaged to you." She says clearly as she sits her hands on her hips and tilts her head.

I close my eyes, her words echoing through my head. "It doesn't make it hurt any less." I reply as I try to rid my head of the memories. "We still have to see the ones we love with the people they have chosen, the least you could do is move hospitals to save Callie the heart ache of watching you together."

"What.... what are you talking about?" she asks and I can sense her confussion.

"You chose her and now you've broken Callie's heart." I say as I shift my focus back down on the chart in front of me.

"What... No." I hear her say quickly and I can hear the exasperation in her voice. "I didn't stay with her." She states.

"But you broke up with Callie and you ate lunch with Eleanor." I state as I try to keep the shock from my voice.

" I chose Callie." I hear her sigh, "but im not just going to pass up on my best friend either. We... El and I are trying to.. Not sort things out... but build our friendship back up... and Callie... not that its any of your business... but I'm.. We're... I'm going to do this right this time... I'm just... space and then do this right." She rambles, sounding very much like me.

"You... what?" I ask as I look up at her confused.

"I'm not Derek Mer, I'm going to be with Callie. I know my mistakes, and I know where my future is... but thanks for the assumption." She tells me and I hear her slump down in the chair as I push my chart away.

We are silent for a while, both not sure what to say to each other.

"Does he know you haven't forgiven him?" I hear her finally ask, and I let out a sigh. "No" I tell her as I look up with tears in my eyes. "He's left me twice already." I say as I look away, " can't... but, he's my future, I need him." I tell her as my eyes meet hers.

"I need him like a fish needs water." I tell her before putting my head in my hands, a sob crashing through my body.

"And he too, needs you." She whispers, and I suddenly feel her closer to me, her hand reaching over to grasp mine.

Again the silence over takes us, and I try hard not to cry even though I can't seem to stop myself. "You need to tell him how much this hurt you, otherwise you both can never completely move past this." She tells me as she moves to now encompass me. "He needs to know." She says before kissing the top of my head, moving so that she can hold me as I cry for everything that had been.

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