Chapter 28
Women and Feelings
The weight of so many women on his shoulders was intimidating. All either were insane or had so many problems to manage. But given their situation, there wasn't much choice. When they had arrived back at Whiterun, they noticed Chell and the others had returned. They sat by the Drunken Huntsman and talked for the moment. Not wanting hostility to go into over drive, Doug approached Chell first. The Dragonborn stuck by GLaDOS who warned the Dovahkiin that it wouldn't be long for Chell to realize who she was. In her own statement, she warred that while she may be overweight, she wasn't entirely stupid at figuring things out. The Dragonborn was bemused but remained stoic.
Doug talked with the mute about what was going on. He knew that keeping secrets would only make things worse. The girl looked over to GlaDOS who held the most snivelling smirk, much uglier and far more malicious than anything the Dragonborn could conjure. Chell glared, while the Dragonborn made comments about what a big happy family they all were now. She sighed as she went back into her house and remained there for some time.
The Dragonborn was quiet for the most part after that. She hardly went to go see Doug and was more anxious in doing her business with the Companions than she had ever been in recent weeks. GLaDOS stayed at Bannered Mare, talking in cahoots with several of the other residents. She confided in Doug, stating that she'd rather avoid the stench of drunken nords while she tried to read. In fact, she had several men hit on her and she left them devoid of speech with mere words alone. Doug couldn't have imagined what she even said to them, but they mostly avoided her after a while. Could have been because no one understood her technological babble that she'd like to use.
Chell was hardly anywhere to be seen. Wheatley said she had gone back to Riften for a bit, while he met up with Katria, surprisingly and conversed with her. Doug gave the suggestion to Wheatley to aid the Core in moralizing what she was and what she could do. Although, Wheatley probably wasn't the best one to be teaching, there really wasn't a more, try to be kind person. The High Elf had his moments of idiocy, but there was a good heart there. Besides, Rick was busy aiding out the Dragonborn in her work.
The young girl that had been brought back was being taken of by Lydia. Doug was taken aback briefly by her appearance but came to accept the fact that she was just a little girl. She didn't mind Lydia and often helped out around the Dragonborn's house. Said Dragonborn wasn't home half the time to see much. Doug summarised it as stress. He'd noticed it from earlier and wanted her to talk to him about it. It seemed as though she may be okay, then it was possible for her to do a one eighty and shut herself away again. She was a little girl herself he had to keep reminding himself. Stubborn as a dragon.
Doug had given GLaDOS what she needed as he'd moved her to the basement. He was right to be hesitant in trusting her, but there was something familiar about her. When he first saw her gaunt expression in her trashed estate. Her face. Why did it bother him so?
He'd worked her down there to protect her as well. She had explained that there were a lot of people after her that she did not elaborate and refused to mention why. Doug didn't want to push her buttons and left her to her repairs. She was obsessed in building a console for her to command. A lot of the chassis programming had transferred to her brain. Doug wondered if it could handle the load of information she had gathered over the years. Certainly a lot in a life time. She was coping well with it though. Within a day she already the schematics for a new console and completely took over Doug's lab, much to his dismay. She wanted in her way and for her own design would be more practical for her own type of work.
Though she did invite him to help her on her projects whilst on doing his own. This didn't make any sense. They saved her and now she was making the demands for her own work place. Doug should have known better. It took it in his stride and went about it casually. He wished he could speak to the Dragonborn about it, but as she was busy, he went to speak with Wheatley instead.
It reminded him that Wheatley's original purpose was to be that individual to have a nice chat with, to whinge and complain about absolutely everything. He'd been so concerned for the Dragonborns wellbeing that well, he forgot everyone elses. He wasn't selfish...it was just...
It would be good to have a man to m- err, elf talk. He went upstairs into Wheatley's room, whom was having a chat with Katria as usual. But he seemed to have her in lap as he had his hand stuck behind her for what ever reason.
"Wheatley..." Doug spoke.
It scared the hell out of the ex-core that he dropped Katria on the floor, who whined in pain. Wheatley on the other hand freaked out and ended up becoming defensive.
"L-look, she wanted to know a couple of things in regards to her uh programming. Very complicated stuff as a core, very complicate and I-"
Doug rose his hand as he gave a stern look to to Wheatley.
"Hey, I don't wanna know what you're doing as long as you're not going to do it for long."
Wheatley rubbed his head and adorned a nervous smile.
"No I won't do it anymore. You see? I'll attach her to her management rail aaaanndd...there. Good as new."
Katria didn't have anything broken from where Doug was standing. She pushed out her plates several times and swirled around, adjusting herself. It was clear she still needed more experience as a core. He didn't want her breaking down the house or worse.
"I think I'll go check up on what she's doing." Katria noted. She rolled up the rail and ended up going out of the room, reminding Wheatley of what he used to be.
"Sometimes I miss that." He commented. "The safety of the management rail. Took you anywhere you needed to go. Most of the time."
Doug sighed. It was fascinating to him how the transformations of robots in flesh and flesh in robots correlated. New worlds were formed in front of their eyes, making them realise that their old powers will never work again. With Katria a core, he wondered if this kind of procedure had been done before.
Nonetheless he smiled.
"Did you want to have a drink at the Mare?" He asked.
Wheatley shrugged. "Sure, I'll have a pint."
They had the usuals at the Bannered Mare whilst they shared mead together. Their discussions often developed into a subject so stupid, or their time back at Aperture. They always end up with Aperture somehow.
But Doug was adamant that for what they have now they have new memories to reminisce. While not being confined to technological restraints they have new skills to master. Wheatley had considered becoming a student of Winterhold, while Doug advised him against it for obvious reasons. Though he did happen to mention his desire to by a farm for what ever reason, help him earn his keep.
Wheatley was one of those people, while not entirely bright and selfless, there was some kind of positive attitude going on there, however usually for reasons of self-worth. Ever since the Wheatley Laboratories incident he'd been baring the guilt of the ages. Almost killed someone who never wanted to be there and it took the Ex-core a while in space to collect his thoughts about his crimes.
He'd talk about Chell some more. Chell this, Chell that. His entire purpose originally was to be someone to talk to, until they dumbed him down. His luck went from normal, to worse. He seemed geninue in wanting to help Chell but every time he'd tried he'd stuffed up. He hated being called a moron but in depth and deep down inside he really hated himself. Doug knew that feeling.
"You really think a farm is going to solve all your problems?" Doug insinuated.
Wheatley sipped his mead.
"No not really but it would be really lovely. I have to have some use don't I? Have some kind of career and have money come through for the obvious living expenses. You and Chell already are employees. You have your own business and Chell has the Thieves Guild. I've been doing nothing since I arrived here and now especially that I'm in this body, I've just sat around the house either reading or- mostly reading and all that."
Doug brushed his fringe out of his face. "Start with something small. A farm would be too big for you to handle. How about you start doing the housework?"
At least Doug had hoped this would be the least harmful thing Wheatley could ever do.
"Housework, housework, uhh...brilliant. Sure. Why not?" He stated proudly.
He placed his mug on the bench and wiped the mead off his face.
"You know what? I'll start now. I will clean the floors so hard, that you'll see your reflection! You'll see."
Doug felt Wheatley's confidence in those words. For obvious reasons, Doug did not feel confident in that. Cleaning floors. Simple enough. Nothing could possibly go wrong. He hoped. Katria would keep an eye on him for sure. Doug would check up every so often. Katria had her limits.
Once they returned back to Gildekin, Doug went downstairs to work with GLaDOS. She was working on bits and pieces that Doug never bothered to ask about. He went on his merry way with his projects and that was that. The animosity the two had for one another was immense. Even for someone like GLaDOS, it wasn't hard to feel sorry for her. Doug once again felt the brace of responsibility.
She had no problem not interacting with anyone else. She hated them much as she hated the state she was in. You gave her science to do and she would be fine, but then came the risk of becoming more dangerous that was conflicting. She'd worn her long hair into a long plait for practicality and wore a white dress with the faint hint of a sickening yellow. Maybe not as sickening but it was near there as she wore leather gloves and worked delicately over some kind of unknown device.
She would taunt, tease and make erroneous statements like the Dragonborn had fleas. She'd make comments about their ''relationship".
"You sought solace in the embrace of a dog? The master is chained to the canine like a feline. You seem to fear her more than you adore her." She commented dryly.
Living in the same house was becoming complicated. He felt his manhood threatened with the amount of women he had to negotiate with. But he wasn't going to be chauvinistic about it. GLaDOS was incredibly smart and her abilities were really valuable. But by going by the Dragonborn's sense, she wouldn't be classified as a 'friend.' A tolerable asset at best. It was like the old days of Aperture. He tolerated Caroline as long as he could do his work.
But GLaDOS wasn't with the inhibited moral restraints that Caroline once displayed. As with physical properties, she had to dissect the more personal side of her subjects. Who should be her colleagues.
She tried breaking down the barriers of his psyche, criticizing him and analyzing him for his aforementioned relationship to the Dragonborn. It was like she was no longer aware why she never really judged Doug in the first place. Given the general warp of her psyche, Doug shouldn't have been surprised.
"Your hormones skyrocket around her. Your heart palpitates faster and your pupils dilate. You seem to be more in heat than she is. I'm surprised you can restrain yourself this much. Though humanity is known for it's stronger will and education of fabricated moralities."
Though GLaDOS seemed to have forgotten her own humanity. The morality core that was attached was supposed to replace the guilt that was forgotten. It was more of a chemicalisation process that is released once the mentality of the one realizes they had done something wrong. GLaDOS could be seen as a sociopath, although he knew that a long time ago.
He couldn't doubt she was practical either. She'd become human and the only disdain she showed was that she would now become old and die like the rest. Unless she found the secret to immortality, then she'd keep that to herself.
"Genuine sexual attraction. I recommend against it. It would probably be best-"
Those words flipped a switch. To which, Doug slammed the table, much to GLaDOS' surprise. He gritted his teeth and waived his fist in the air.
"My feelings have nothing to do with you. You can't cut and watch over people in their general moments!" He roared
GlaDOS smirked. She'd hit quite a sensitive nerve...and was enjoying it.
"Obvious major sexual repression. If you decide to initiate intercourse with the Homo draconian lycanthrope, I suggest extreme caution. I wouldn't want to be held responsible for any third degree burns or deep cuts."
Doug blushed at the notion, but didn't make him any less angry. The audacity of it all!
"You should know me better than that."
GLaDOS nodded. "Of course I do. You're Douglas Rattmann. Paranoid Schizophrenic with an unhealthy attachment to cubes and females with anger management problems. A paranoid schizophrenic does not bode well with cubes and females with anger management problems."
Doug rubbed his forehead. "Then perhaps this paranoid schizophrenic should deal with the female with anger management problems who is right in front of me!"
GLaDOS feigned being hurt by his words.
"Who ever said I was angry? Betrayal is painful but it can be subtly dealt with positive thinking, now that I have the excuse to be rid of someone."
Doug rose an eyebrow.
"What kind of log- forget I said anything." He begun to ask, but realized the folly of his question.
She'd always been like that. A kind of logic that cannot be explained in simple words or sentences. A type of logic that can be ridiculed but sometimes not reasoned with because the person who believed in it never made any sense at all. Although it did make a little bit of sense.
"The way humans can work together astounds me. There was never a substantial of evidence that suggested that when cooperating that no such hostility stood between them. There had to be the pressure, the competition to see who was better besides the fact that the pair had cooperate to get past it all. Such results were conclusive that despite the hatred between the pair that they could succeed. Success that was only built on one pair. I needed more results so I ended up destroying most of the data."
Doug rolled his eyes.
"Yeah dead test subjects don't do much do they?"
Again, point proven. The ability to push away the matters on another's demise in their own faults was astonishing. There had to be reasons and insane logics to put forward. Half the time it was really hard to believe. She was always known for, enhancing the truth.
"But the opportunity for data has come up again. I have multiple studies with different backgrounds. With my new lease of life (note the sarcasm) this brings up the value of science."
Okay so that made Doug confused even further.
"What's fascinating by studying how people work together?" He wondered.
GLaDOS smiled devilishly.
"It's a good study when you find two subjects that dissimilar uprisings yet somehow they work together better than twins. Twins are not as interesting unless you wanted something that generated twin powered operations. Otherwise, the impact of different moral stances and how cultures clash is perhaps the best data of all."
He still wasn't following. He was busy trying to weld two things together so much as he was half-listening.
"Yeah..okay then. You do that if that makes you happy. As long as nobody gets hurt."
GLaDOS chuckled. "Oh it has never been my intention to get people hurt. If only they had stopped to think they would have died sooner without the pain. Struggling makes it worse and more painful. It also does not look good on important records."
Doug took a deep breath. It would be a while until he could used to the creepiness again.
"You know while I've been working on cooperative testing I've also been testing something else. More...astonishing that the regular human would never be able to comprehend."
Something silly and pointless, he wagered.
"What, Neurotoxin that gets into your head faster?" He questioned sarcastically.
While delighted by the thought, it wasn't what she was thinking.
"I would like nothing more than for that to be invented but no. You see you would have previously known me as Caroline. Caroline the individual, the conscience that I was originally created."
Doug gulped and bit his lip as he became anxious. Some memories flooded back of such suspicions as his paranoia built up from within. This was making him worse.
"As within the confines of my own fragility, I need to be called Caroline. The Genetic Life and Disc Operating System is the device to which I maintain my power. I am no longer her if I have no control. And without control I do not have impulsive command to test."
Doug spun around. No impulsive command?
"How? I mean, if you don't have that command anymore, why do you still continue with it?" He wondered, quite perplexed at this revelation.
Gla- Caroline shrugged and folded her arms.
"Testing is all I know. I am simply left overs. What ever the Daedric Artifact had transformed me into was from my perspective bits and pieces from both Caroline and GLaDOS. Which is strange since the chassis should not have had a trace of my DNA. At least, I had the nanomachines clean my body every so often to ensure that I would function with a sterile frame."
Doug's eyes darted back and forth as he tried to think. He began to doubt there was a scientific reason for this. But knowing Gla- err Caroline, she would be compulsive to state there was in fact, some evidence to validate her appearance so to speak, was identical to that of her original human form. She wouldn't stand for the excuse of it being. ''just magic."
"I don't know a lot about the artifacts. My only guess is the magic of the staff just knew. Or...if you want to be a little more specific it could have gone into your intelligence programming? Just winging it really. Those artifacts are indeed a pain to study according to most scholars."
He noticed Caroline become disinterested in the conversation and for the moment there, actually became a little melancholic. Doug, being the concerned being he was, definitely knew something was wrong.
"I can understand how power can be taken away from you. You made a lot of people miserable. Tormented me, Chell, Wheatley and the Dragonborn but you were compelled through your coding."
Doug hid a bit of truth. There was a bit of anguish let in there from a possible uploading in the system. Ever since the Hacker Sphere let out emails when Caroline disappeared from the facility about her being killed in a science experiment, even though the Hacker Sphere was known for being more of a trickster and a troll to the other employees, this one made him a little ill alongside being rather obviously skeptic, given the spheres previous exploits. Caroline was a hard woman to figure as a human, but as GlaDOS, she would either kill you or force you to test. Even both.
He wanted to know how much was in her programming and how much anger Caroline had within the chassis itself.
Now that she was flesh, he hoped that there would be an evolution and redemption of her character. He wouldn't expect much but to be human again. To feel, touch, taste, smell like a meatbag should be an enticing experience to her, even since he'd seen Wheatley's own mental transformation and he was taking it quite easy to his knowledge. Though, actual arms and legs both help for activities requiring them.
"You know something was lost when I became this." Caroline continued.
"I had the most important command system in the chassis. Controlling everything in the facility. Exhausting but someone has to maintain the facility. A kind of energy, or spark. Made me very unique and very important. It had allotted myself to the top of the theoretical food chain. He had taken that away from me before I became this."
Doug browed. He'd never heard of that before.
"Sort of like a Primary Intelligence network or something? Or Administration Status?" He questioned.
Caroline nodded slowly. "Yes. My Administration Programming was stolen. I felt it taken away when he shot something at me. I felt...weak. Very weak. Pathetically weak. I had no control over what was left of the facility."
Doug turned away to think.
"Then how did you do all the stuff in Arkngthamz?"
Caroline grinned. Making Doug wary.
"In the midst of the chaos of working out the old kinks of being in human flesh I discovered the world of magic. But...in that, even when I was GlaDOS I was on the verge of making my own life for science very easy."
He didn't like the sound of that. Especially from her.
Caroline lifted her finger and pointed towards the device she was working on. Upon closer inspection, it was a miniature turret made of old broken down turret scraps. It wasn't active, but it had the darkened red eye in the middle. It sat there motionless as it should. Not a movement, not a whisper.
The facial expression she was giving was darker than the one the Dragonborn would normally have when she was about to do something daring as Doug would put it. It made him worry for a moment, but at least with the Dragonborn, Doug had this connection that she would never mean for anyone, especially Doug himself, to get hurt. She never told him that, that was just his instinctual discovery .
Her long index finger swirled around in a playfulness as Doug watched Caroline's eyes dash back down to the miniature turret and within in an instant, a yellow spark shot out of her finger and swam around the turret before it absorbed itself inside the tiny replica.
Doug nearly jumped as the turret came to life. It opened up its panels and shook them about. Its usual pitch voice squealed as it announced its own activation. Doug stared at in awe as he approached it. He kneeled down beside the desk and rested his nose on it, grasping the edge with both hands. It noticed Doug and tried to fire at it. He fell back as he heard the clickety clack of the triggers. Caroline laughed.
"I'm not stupid enough to give it bullets. Yet..." She pronounced.
Doug hastily got himself off the floor as he started pacing around the room really quickly, with his hands rubbed his head in disbelief.
"You...you used magic to turn on technology?" He queried.
Caroline nodded once but slowly.
"Yes."
"You had no other sources. Besides Soul Gems?"
Caroline rolled her eyes but she smiled.
"You are quite ignorant of the fact that you were already doing it with the Soul Gems. This just a magical extension of that. You think of the Soul Gems as batteries. And you'd be quite right. But this aims to emulate the efficiency of modern day devices using a flick of magicka."
Doug stopped where he was and crossed his arms. This was either pretty smart, obvious or extremely dangerous. Caroline had already progressed her...supposed flesh to the point of being useful. How much was normally her and how much was GlaDOS was yet to be determined. He needed to remind himself more often to watch out for her actions, to see if this was going to be the beginning of a working relationship, or a type of betrayal towards the end of her primary goals. And nobody knew the wiser...observing is an exhausting task.
"I guess it's worth studying. But will this help us fight Daryn?" Doug asked.
Caroline smirked. "I will never forget my extreme hatred for that elf. Nor will the Draconian Lycanthrope. I need to watch where I stand because of the lack of my old abilities. Perhaps we need to find a way to steal that back first."
Doug nodded. "Alright. I have a feeling though that that spark of yours is going to be as hard to find as Daryn himself. He's going to have it on him but as of late and by what the Companions have been telling the Dragonborn he's actually being very elusive."
Caroline lifted her head.
"Interesting. From what I had hear prior that the Companions weren't going to search for him because he was a member of the Dark Brotherhood. Wasn't there the risk of the entire plan backfiring?"
Doug wasn't surprised at all that she even knew this type of information. He sighed however.
"They can spy but they can't act on anything. All they can do is inform their Harbinger of any where abouts. But I'm more afraid that the Dragonborn will get burned badly."
That devilish smirk rose up disturbing Doug greatly. He gulped. What now?
"You're...frightened that the obnoxious nord will..get hurt?" She queried with a risen eyebrow.
She started to get closer to Doug than what was comfortable.
He tried to find words but ended up flubbering about in absolute nonsense. Caroline's slow, elegant steps with her arms crossed and unnerving smile was tantalising.
"The Dark...the Dark Brotherhood...it's...just that..."
Caroline groaned as she grabbed Doug and forced him to sit down on a nearby chair before he fell down. She towered over him with her hands behind her back.
"Anyone moron, idiot and mute can see how much you care for that lupine reptile. Love is a fickle thing Douglas Rattmann. Your series of fluctuating emotions is hardly unseen or unheard of. Despite how stupid and risky that is, you're a weak person who want's to protect another weak person who uses a strong persona. I've watched humans for years to see how they work. Tested love and desperation in earnest times. Better times. They attach themselves to the nearest sentient and cling on to them until they are cruelly torn apart."
Doug grumbled. "Yeah I know exactly how that feels."
Caroline was amused at the former thought.
"The world is run on relationships. We coordinate on an almost symbiotic level. Some are disgusting and are not to be talked about but in all forms of communication are used just keep the world turning."
Doug lifted his head up. That was probably one of the most honest facts she'd ever stated. She was right. In order to make things work you must be willing to coordinate.
"In the first level of understanding, you must learn to work your brain with your tongue. You look stupid when you stumble. How else are you doing to get the fire howlers attention?"
Doug squinted. He was...puzzled by her sudden support of a...relationship? Wait...
He shook his head.
"Why are you doing this?" He wondered.
Caroline blinked. "Doing what exactly?"
He brushed his hair backwards the the edge of his palm.
"This..this thing! This sudden push for me to start...dating the Dragonborn?"
Caroline was enjoying the frontal perplex of Doug's incomprehension of his obvious desires for the Dragonborn. In all truth in honesty, it made for good studies. It's be a long while since she herself had any kind of physical contact. It'd been decades since she remembered being in skin, organs and bones instead of plastic, wiring and metals.
"Why not? Although in normal cases I could recommend being against like I said earlier... you would need to...hang out with her more and not stress to much about...plagiarising general appliances. A lot of people thank you for that by the way."
Doug became weary.
"Wait a minute, you're not doing this because of some kind of plan are you?"
Caroline chuckled, startling the poor man.
"You catch on quicker than I thought but no. Nothing that would jeopardized the sanctity of Skyrim and it's people. In fact in sight it would improve the livelihood and prompt in gossip for the women. Although books are nice, magazines are a nice distraction. Studies show that women become more agonizing to work with when they read gossip magazines and their more prone to believing in fad diets. Face it, you're still going to be fat at the end of the day. It's amusing to watch them try. You want to trim that very fat, submit to old fashion testing. If it doesn't kill you, it will burn it."
Doug looked away, anxious.
"Uhhh yeah..."
He hoped this moment wouldn't come. Caroline was forcing him to think about his very, well, as the Dragonborn would put it, Alliedship between himself and the proud nord. The guilt of his secret keeping was preventing him doing anything, knowing the entity of truth and illusion clouded around him. His mind went back and forth into the belief that he was actually...he couldn't..think it..the word would cut off and he couldn't complete it. He struggled to empower himself with such a belief.
"I could teach to you to utilise this new ability I've developed. I was thinking along the lines of technopathy. But I was hoping you as a scientist would generate a more probably and imaginative term for it." Caroline put forward.
"After all, you could use it to impress her. Nothing better than taking advantage of what's already there. I value efficiency after all. Don't know about her but it's standard."
Only Caroline. Only GLaDOS.
"I don't think I'd want to do it just for her. Like you said, I'm a scientist. But that's because I want to be. I'm curious as to how the world works, why it works and what could work."
Caroline agreed. To find those facts were course for adventures for themselves. As well as disproving fiction was also amusing to those frustrated and tired of it.
"I'm happy to hear that. Science is way too important to let such a thing like love to intervene. Which is why you should learn to separate work from your personal life. I know I hardly did. Oh who am I kidding? What is a social life?"
Doug browed as she laughed at her own joke. Sounded like Caroline at least so there was that.
But she was right about separating the work from what ever life he would have. He never really had one at Aperture because he couldn't. It took the livelihood from him. It didn't matter at the time. He never really had that many friends outside the facility. Hardly any relationships either.
"In all actuality, what I'm meaning to say is just go. I can handle things from here and I highly doubt science will go anywhere while you're gone." She told him.
He rubbed his neck.
"Go where?"
She smiled, turned around and went back to work.
"Because you'd want to get a suit ready in time of the Festival of the Divines."
Doug froze.
"You didn't forget about the Festival of the Divines did you? Of course I have heard the canine's associates speak of it and that in fact you were heading to the Festival of the Divines with the canine."
That never crossed his mind.
"Ah crap..."
Caroline smiled as Doug left. Without missing a beat she turned back to her work and smiled further.
"I know you're there. Your weight is making the floorboards creek. I know you've been standing there in the shadows for the past sixteen point five minutes."
With that, Caroline didn't bother looking behind her as she heard the click clack of the boots against the floor as the third party also left the room.
"Very sneaky, better keep an eye on her."
Doug's own work therapy to delay the effects of his schizophrenia were helpful to an extent. Nowadays he was focused on so many things at once that his memories were beginning to fail him. Perhaps he was paranoid after all and was working a little too hard, especially under the stress that he wasn't aware he was creating for himself.
Caroline had suggested the split lives business. But if he had nothing to focus on, what would prevent him to start thinking the unhealthy thoughts again? To see that of the darkness that wasn't there and the terror that shouldn't exist. Art? Painting? Hm...hardly a science but a perfect distraction from awful thoughts.
Some awful thoughts involving the Dragonborn.
Those such pending images were more soothing and comforting than originally imagined. He'd had to study Skyrim clothing customs to figure out what people would normally wear to such events. He'd hadn't got much of what ever he found. Just something green with gold rims. Simple enough as he wore an Amulet of Zenithar a gift from Chell earlier in the week.
He bumped into Lydia on the streets as he was going down to the general store and smiled at her ordinary yet okay image.
She'd explained to Doug that the Dragonborn was going to be a bit late to the party and gave Doug his invitation and not to wait for her. Typical warrior, put's her job before...hey...
That made the two of them scarily similar in that regard. That they would always put their work before play. They both enjoyed it. Why not? They always say pick a job that you will love for the rest of your life, or something along those lines. To swing a blade was just as hard work as making sure a right wire was in place and in some cases both could mean life of death.
But in the strain of his thoughts, to, physically pursue a concept that would be absolutely insane. He even tried to make a scientific note about it.
Hypothesis: Relationship between two inexplicably different individuals. Though far cast out there on opposite sides of the interests scale, that their attitudes would meet up in the middle. If he could disconnect himself from the work he did, would the Dragonborn be able to do the same?
But then...obstacles include guilt, being a nervous wreck, a pacifist nature up against a blood thirsty nature. How in the world would they even work?
He cursed Caroline for putting this in his mind even more. Caroline may know of the basic concepts but he needed some kind of professional to help him make up his own decisions about what he wanted. And if he could get it if he tried.
But then the guilt rises for the millionth time. He held more information about woman he cared about even knew about herself! This made it even worse. He couldn't. He just couldn't. It would be impossible.
He turned to Lydia who kept staring at him. Maybe she knew?
When he mentioned the problem of feelings to her, she admonished him for his bravery, not a lot of men usually discuss that kind of thing. Not manly enough. She definitely knew what this was about.
But she fully supported it. The Dragonborn could use some TLC. If anything, there was a little group going on between herself, Chell and even Farkas himself whenever they talked. Farkas had been in love with the Dragonborn for some time but eventually he let it go when he how she acted around him and was more than happy to support such a thing. Wheatley was in the game as well. He would put in his own two bits then ravel about his own stuff.
There were a few more people who felt this way too. The Jarl to name a few. It had been developing for a while this secret little support group that neither Doug or the Dragonborn knew about. It was blind to them but obvious to everyone else.
And Lydia lead the group as the primary supporter. The Dragonborn was none the wiser.
Doug's questions revolved around how he should go about it, but then he couldn't. Then he was was going to tell her. Then he became confused again.
"Come with me..." Lydia interfered as she grabbed Doug's hand and took him somewhere secluded...
She took him to empty guard post at the edge of the wall surrounding Whiterun. It was quiet and hardly anyone walked down the nearby thoroughfare. She had to get to the bottom of who got him down this train of thought.
"You know Gla- I mean, Caroline who lives with me now?" Doug reminded.
Lydia nodded. "Yeah...my Thane often uses derogatory words concerning her but yes I am aware."
Doug should have known better but it was to be expected.
"Yeah she twisted my leg here. But..you know full well why I can't pursue such a thing."
Lydia leaned against the wall.
"There could be a variety of reasons against and for. Depends if the pros outweigh the cons. Personally, where you come from, how to do you get to know women?"
Doug bit his lip as he sat on the ground in shadow, very nervous about this talk.
"Ask them out. Date them. If it goes okay, you go in a relationship. If that ends up really well, then you get married. If that ends up sucking, you divorce."
Lydia scratched her chin. "That sounds like a very lengthy process."
Doug nodded in agreement. "Tell me about it. Caroline got me down the trail and now I can't stop thinking about it and I want to stop thinking about it so I can focus on my work."
The housecarl chuckled. This was very amusing yet cute as well. There had to be a way around this. People were counting on her for harmless gossip after all.
"I dunno what else Caroline has been pointing in that head of yours but if anything the Dragonborn needs a man. She appreciates you whether she says it or not."
Doug peered downwards. Their heartfelt conversation the other night was an indicator of that if anything else. The raw, emotive state of a confused woman who was normally very tough was a sight to behold. He had to admit it allowed him to see the side of her no one else really saw. Made him glad to be exclusive to it.
"So tell me...what is holding you back? Honor? Worried about getting something chopped off?" She joked.
The scientist sighed. It would place an extra burden on somebody else with the knowledge that he has. He was hesitant. Lydia may be her housecarl but even then. Did she really want to know?
"I'd have to ask to be wary of what I'm about to tell you. It might...change your view slightly on your Thane."
Lydia smiled warmly.
"If it's about her diet it's fine. I know. I can't report what I can't see. I smell it though and normally elves have that distinct smell...which reminds me...I surprised she hasn't eaten Whea-"
"It's not that..." Doug interrupted. Lydia wasn't taking him seriously or else she'd know the Dragonborn had an established alliedship Wheatley and was more fond of the elf than she'd let on. It didn't help that he had a mentality of a child. Adopted son relationship. Funny thought but no.
"It's about her past. More specifically about her connection to Daryn."
Lydia's face changed in an instant. It became serious and focused.
"Anything that has to do with the health and wellbeing of my Thane I have to know. I'm sworn to carry her burdens after all." Lydia explained with confidence.
Doug nodded. "Alright...well..."
He explained the story of her origins, her assassin parents and ancestors and how Daryn originally killed her for what ever reason and was the reason why her parents were dead. What was new was the revelation of a sister to which Lydia became more attuned than ever before. And frankly, quite the shocked nord.
"Wow...I never thought...this changes everything." Lydia mentioned, still stunned.
"But it explains that soft side she rarely shows to people. Mostly seen with kids but it does make sense in a strange, sort of way."
Doug nodded. "Yeah I know. That's why I don't really want to go through it such..well, pursuits as you would say until she finds out the truth on her own."
Not to mention break her entirely if they bothered to tell her the whole story. It was sad to hear, such rich history without her aware of any of it. But Doug was a great enough guy that would be worthy of her love. To the majority of Whiterun they would have to agree.
"The sister hasn't made any attempt to contact her though?" Lydia wondered.
Doug shrugged.
"I honestly don't know. She may have under another guise. But she's an assassin. She watches from the shadows so I doubt the Dr- well, Sandra would even be aware."
Lydia was conflicted. Although she was the gossip girl, such wealthy information couldn't be shared that easily. An actual name too! Under the safety she would not say a word.
The housecarl wasn't easily swayed by the excuse of burdened knowledge however.
"Doug, if you want my advice, just because you have that knowledge doesn't mean you shouldn't do anything. Maybe do something for her at the Festival of the Divines? Dance with her? Get her to notice you in a way she hasn't noticed you before."
His expression became one of irritation.
"But how would that even work? Sheesh I don't even know if I am even in love with this woman! I have feelings but they're not necessarily love then again I do know what it feels like and mother of science these ones do feel the same but at the same time they're not."
Lydia thought it was rather cute of Doug to get fumbled like that. Sandra was one lucky woman. Such a scrawny man needed to be molded. It got Lydia thinking.
"Have you tried shaving? Maybe a hair cut?" She suggested. Doug looked up at her, perplexed at why she would say such a thing. He thought no one here actually shaved at all so it wasn't really necessary for him to do so either. Besides, it was tedious. Albeit before all hell broke loose he did used to be clean shaven.
"Uhh...well. I suppose. Why would that make me more attractive? Actually yeah..."
He responded, feeling his beard. It'd grown quite a bit. He'd spent a bit of time out of showers and having the lack of razors to make himself look presentable.
Then Lydia had this really bizarre smile that was freaking Doug out.
"My Thane will be late to the Festival so we have plenty of time to get you cleaned up and looking like one handsome Doug!"
The poor man never seen Lydia this excited before. So much for being a boring character.
I keep forgetting Comedy was supposed to be half the genre. I get addicted to writing angst. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter where Doug still is conflicted in his FEEEEEELS.
