CPOV
Today was Monday, my first day of school. Slowly I crawled out of bed to start getting ready.
Izzy seemed really happy when I saw her the other day. We walked around the park and talked for hours about pointless things. She was telling me about the talent show and all other school events I was missing out on.
I haven't talked to Jace since the fight. He didn't show up when Izzy and I were hanging out and he hasn't texted or called me. He hasn't changed one bit at all and I was an idiot for thinking that he could possibly change.
I slipped on a pair of skinny jeans, black top, my jacket, and converse, and then headed into the bathroom to brush my hair and teeth.
I threw my hair up into a ponytail, grabbed my bag, and headed downstairs.
Jonathon hasn't talked to me since that night he came home drunk. He hasn't come home drunk again either.
I was kind of surprised when he was waiting for me by the front door.
"Good morning Clary." He smiled at me, but it still didn't reach his eyes.
I gave him a small smile which I'm sure turned out to look more like a grimace, "Good morning Jonathon." I responded.
"Are you ready for school?" He asked politely.
I just nodded stopping a few feet in front of him.
He opened the door, "Well come on let's go then."
He waited for me to be out the door before walking out himself. He walked over to his car and got in. I followed.
We drove over to the school in silence.
Once we arrived Jonathon spoke up, "I'll pick you up after school, Clary, okay?"
I turned my head towards him, "Where do you want me to wait for you to pick me up?" I asked him.
"Just right here."
"Okay, thank you, bye Jonathon." I said as I opened the door.
"Bye Clary."
As soon as the door was closed he drove off.
Taking my time I walked to the office to get my schedule.
- 1st period, History; Mr. Higgins
- 2nd period, Study Hall; Mrs. Sexton
- 3rd period, Math; Mr. Brown
- 4th period, Science; Mrs. Colebee
- 5th period, Lunch
- 6th period, English; Mr. Garroway
- 7th period, P.E.; Coach Pitt
- 8th period; Music; Mrs. Golden
Great, now I just have to go and find my classes.
Slowly I began walking down the halls trying to find my History class. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and ran straight into someone.
I stumbled backwards and looked up quickly.
"Sorry about that." I mumbled looking up at the girl I just ran into.
Damn my shortness!
She had blonde hair that was dyed black at the tips. Her eyes were blue with little flecks of yellow scattered around her pupil. She had a normal height for girls and was slender.
She was wearing a band tee, dark skinny jeans, and a leather jacket.
I was about to start walking back to my class when she spoke up, "Hey, my name's Sage. You the new kid?"
"My name's Clary." I muttered quietly.
"Do you need help trying to find your way to class?" She asked politely. Sage was staring at me expectantly.
"Yes, that'd be nice." I told her.
"Alright, let me see your class schedule then." Without waiting for me to respond she grabbed it out of my hands and began looking at it.
"We have a few classes together. I have first, fourth, fifth, sixth, and eighth period with you." She glanced up at me.
I just stared back at her blankly. Why was she even bothering to help me?
"Well are you coming or not?" She sounded impatient with her hands on her hips.
Sage was now a few feet in front of me. I quickly caught up to her muttering an apology.
This was so weird from my old school.
"Well seeing as you're the new kid you'll probably have quite a few kids talking to you. The popular kids like to scope out the new kids to decide whether or not they should allow you to 'join' their groups. You can always do what I do which is ignore them because they're all a bunch of bitches, but hey, whatever you want to do it's your reputation."
She glanced over at me as we walked down the hallway.
"I'm not a popular kid. I like to hang by myself and the pops will probably tell you that I'm the bitch. It doesn't matter because you're a person and you can make your own damn opinions on all of us. Anyways, you have your pops, then there are the normal nerds, and those of us who don't really fit into a category of either popular or nerd are just unpopular. Pretty much all the kids in sports are popular. They have their own different levels and shit too though. They're backstabbing bitches they are." Sage continued rambling on about how the pops are all bitches and I just tuned her out.
I was trying to remember the way to first period.
"Well here we are; our first class of hell." Sage said offhandedly.
"You think school is hell?" I asked looking at her casually.
She glanced back at me before walking into the doorway, "Who doesn't? Nobody likes school it's not that surprising."
"Do I just sit anywhere?" I asked looking around the classroom as kids started to walk in.
They didn't have desks in this classroom; instead they had two chairs at a table. There were a few tables in the room and I guess the tables made it easier for partnering up the students; you could just work with your fellow classmate that was sitting beside you.
"You can either sit by me or one of the grade A sluts. There's only three empty sits, so it's up to you."
Every time Sage talked her tone always held a note that said she didn't care. It was kind of confusing. Does she want me to sit with her or not?
Shrugging I sat down beside her pulling my jacket sleeves down and waiting for the teacher to come in.
All of the classes had pretty much been the same up until lunch. I walked in, found a seat, the teacher introduced me, and I got some assignments. I'd had a few kids try and talk to me, but I'm not really a friend's person. Sage seemed alright though.
In all honesty I was just waiting for the rumors to start flying around school and the bullies to start picking on me.
I saw Sage sitting by herself at one of the tables and walked over to sit across from her.
She was eating a sandwich and some chips.
As I sat down across from her Sage looked up at me, "You want some chips?" She asked offering me her bag.
I shook my head. I've been eating more since I got my weight loss pills, but I still refuse to eat in front of people.
She shrugged her shoulders at me, "Whatever."
I just sat there looking around the cafeteria as Sage ate. I didn't really have anything to say to her, so I don't know why I bothered coming over to sit with her; maybe because it was better to sit with someone than completely by yourself.
I was used to Izzy talking constantly throughout lunch so this silence was a little weird at first; however, I slowly got used to it as lunch moved on.
Sage had just finished her lunch when some girl came up to us and sat down next to me.
She was really tan and had bleach blonde hair, her eyes were brown.
"You're the new girl?" She asked in a high pitch voice.
I just nodded my head at her.
"Is it true that your parents killed themselves so they wouldn't have to deal with you anymore?" Ah, here it is the rumors that were bound to be flying around about me at one point or another.
"No they didn't kill themselves. I don't know where you heard that, but it's a lie." I said coolly.
"Did your dad? I heard your mom left you and then-"
"Amanda, would you shut the fuck up and leave? You're polluting my air with your nasty diseases." Sage cut in. She glared at the girl, Amanda, who was sitting next to me.
"Wow Sage, just the bitch you always are I see." Amanda gave Sage an overly sweet smile.
"Wow Amada, just the slut you always are I see." Sage looked pointedly at Amanda's outfit. Her shirt seemed to be too small for her and she was wearing really short shorts. Her chest was popping out of her top.
"Well, new girl, you can hang out with whoever you want but I don't see why you'd hang out with that." She spat vehemently.
Amanda got up and stormed off to sit at another table.
I looked over at Sage who flipped Amanda off as she turned around.
I have a feeling that I'm going to like Sage.
"She's a hoe, don't bother with her." Sage said nonchalantly turning her gaze back to me.
I just nodded my head at Sage as the bell rang signaling our next class period.
My next class I had with Sage and it was English.
She showed me the way to class and I sat next to her again ignoring everyone else as they walked into class. I noticed Amanda walking in with a boy who was tall and had dark hair. His eyes were brown and he was pretty pale.
One observation about a lot of these kids is that most of them are tan.
I'm not tan, that boy's not tan, and Skylar's not tan. I haven't seen a lot of pale people.
I was brought out of my musings of tans when the teacher, Mr. Garroway, walked into the classroom.
"Okay class, today we have a new student; Clarissa Fray will you please come up here?" Mr. Garroway had a soft but firm voice that carried well in the classroom.
I got out of my seat casually and walked to the front of the room.
Mr. Garroways eyes widened a little when he saw me, but he said nothing.
"Well, class, this is Clarissa Fray."
"I prefer Clary." I told him quietly.
"Clary Fray." He corrected himself, "You may now go back to your seat Miss Fray." He said nodding back towards my seat.
I walked a little faster to get back to my seat than I did when I walked to the front of the room.
I sat down next to Sage and class carried on.
Eventually the bell rang to dismiss us. As I was walking out with Sage Mr. Garroway called me back in.
"Yes Mr. Garroway?" I asked tentatively.
"How are you doing Clary?" He asked.
I looked at him in confusion, "What are you talking about?" I asked him.
"Well I heard about your parents, I can't imagine that being easy. Is all going well with you?" He rephrased his question.
"Yes…" I trailed off unsure why Mr. Garroway was asking me about my parents.
"Good. I like to make sure all of my students are doing well." He told me.
I just nodded my head at him, not sure what to say. After a few moments of silence I said, "May I go to my next class now?"
"Of course, have a good day Miss Fray." He said nodding his head.
I gave him a tight smile before turning around and rushing out of the classroom trying to make it to my next class before I was late.
I wasn't late.
The rest of my classes flew by pretty fast and before I knew it I was waiting outside for Jonathon to come pick me up after school.
He drove up not to long after I was out there. I'd say I was standing out there for about a minute before he pulled up.
As I was getting into the car Jonathon smiled at me.
"How was the first day of school?" He asked pulling out of the parking lot as I buckled my seatbelt.
"It was fine. It was school so there's not really anything to say." I told him.
He looked like he wanted to say something else but decided against it.
We ended up riding back home in silence just like we did this morning. As we were nearing the house he spoke up again though, "Do you want to order pizza for dinner?" He asked glancing at me.
"Sure that'd be nice." I said smiling at him.
"Cool, you go ahead and order it and I'll be home later. There's some money on the table to buy it with." Jonathon said.
I got out of the car and walked up to the front door as Jonathon drove away.
I wonder where he goes when he isn't home because he disappears a lot.
Turning around I walked inside and picked up the phone. There were a few numbers on a notepad beside the phone and one of them was for a pizza place. I dialed the number ordered a large pepperoni pizza and walked into the living room to wait.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see if Izzy had texted me. She hadn't.
I wonder what kids over there were saying about me. It had to be way worse than what people were saying about me here.
What if the kids here were right? What if Valentine did kill himself to get away from me? I already know that he hated me. Jocelyn hated me that was a well-known fact. If she hadn't hated me she wouldn't have left me with Valentine. Simon died because I was a terrible friend.
Jace hates me. Isabelle… I don't know how she feels about me, but if I died it probably wouldn't even make that big of a difference to her.
Maybe I would just be better off dead. Nobody needs me. Nobody wants me.
I'm a waste of space. Even my new school has theories about what happened to my parents. Who's to say that they're not right? Who's to say that I'm not the reason why people close to me died?
It wouldn't make a difference whether I live or not. I may as well just go and die.
Tears started running down my face as my chest constricted. I'm a giant fuckup. I can't ever do anything right. I mess up everything. I messed up my friendship with Jace, I messed up Simon's life, I made Jocelyn leave and ruined my parents' marriage, and I'm probably ruining Jonathon's life right now too.
Nobody needs me. I'm a waste of space. I'm taking up air that I don't need.
Nobody would miss me when I'm gone. I probably wouldn't even have a funeral because no one would care that I'm dead.
I'm a waste of space.
I'm worthless.
I bet kids back at school are probably saying that I need to kill myself and they're right. I do need to kill myself. All I do is mess things up.
Just then my phone went off signaling that I had a text. It was from Jace.
When I opened it I made up my mind.
Clary, you're a pathetic child. The world would be so much better without you. -J
I put my phone down.
The world would be better without me so why not do it a favor?
Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I fully intended to, but my brother was leaving to go to another state and I felt sick and slept after he left. Sorry about that.
Well, I hope you like this chapter I'm kinda eh about it. Not really that proud.
