AN: Thanks to Jimmy Rustled Bird for the notes and the help with this pronoun vs proper noun hell that happens whenever two people of the same gender have a convo.

Chapter 28: That Light is Loaned (Luke)

But inasmuch as that light is loaned,
and, insofar as we've borrowed bones,
must every debt now be repaid
in star-spotted, sickle-winged night raids,
while we sing to the garden, and we sing to the stars,
and we sing in the meantime,
wherever you are?

-Anecdotes, Joanna Newsom


He hasn't forgotten what it felt like to find the burnt out husks of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru lying the sand. Left for the scavengers like so much garbage.

It was only a day ago...two at most…

So much has happened since then, it feels like the passing of a lifetime. But the pain is still fresh.

Whenever there is quiet and calm and a moment to rest, he closes his eyes and he sees them. He sees their bodies and what pains him is that, that is what sticks. Not the years he spent under their roof. The hours spent on the moisture farm, listening to Aunt Beru singing to pass the time. She had a beautiful voice. The times Uncle Owen spent teaching him about anything made from durasteel and bolts. Everything he knows, they taught him, but he can't seem to summon an image of Aunt Beru's smile, or remember Uncle Owen's embrace.

All he can see is their bodies.

It's not something he talked to Ben about...it's not like there's been much time…

But having Ben there made it easier. Truly he hardly knew him for that long, but there was a bond still. Biggs always said he trusted too easily, but Ben knew his father. That meant something to the boy, who had been hanging onto the few meager scraps of information Uncle Owen had given him over the years. And Ben had been his friend. Ben was there when he died.

It meant something.

And there was a kindness in the way he taught.

Uncle Owen was a decent man, but he was not the best teacher. When Luke didn't understand something he would often get frustrated and abandon a point completely. Only the next day would they be able to return to a lesson with cooler heads.

Ben was different...steady. There was no judgment when Luke did something wrong (and it felt like he was doing something wrong constantly ).

He only knew the man for maybe two days, but Ben was the one piece of home he had been able to take with him and now Ben is gone .

He has no idea why Ben didn't fight back, he saw him pull the lightsaber to his chest...like he was bracing for it. And the red of Darth Vader's saber passed straight through and he was gone.

Just a pile of empty robes on the ground and Luke didn't understand.

The only thing he knows for certain was that he knew very little at all.


He saw enough of what happened in the hangar...not all of it, but enough. It was so chaotic he was just trying not to get shot, but one moment they are all together, and the next he looks over to see Jyn and Cassian on the ground with Bodhi cradling a bloody arm to his chest and Han standing over all of them with Chewie.

And then Ben...he doesn't remember much beyond a furious helplessness that made him want to just keep shooting. He wanted to kill every trooper in that room and that scares him. It was Bodhi beside him with that piercing fearful look that disrupted his thoughts enough to regain his senses. It was Bodhi gently tugging at Luke's hand.

He kept firing, because it might help them not get hit again, but he relented and let Bodhi pull him inside the ship.

Now he is sitting at one of those tables, resting his elbows on the shiny plasteel, and trying to wrap his mind around yet another piece of his life being ripped apart. In one corner of the room, Jyn and Cassian are hunched together with Cassian laid out on the floor and Jyn sitting beside him looking very shaken. In the other corner, Bodhi is half asleep with that arm curled to his chest and R2 is beeping worried sounds at him. He sees all of this, but he can't make the leap to what should be done about it.

Alarms from the cockpit are blaring throughout the ship, but he can't bring himself to care about that right now.

And then Leia is in front of him with a med kit in hand.

"Luke...listen, I'm really sorry about Ben," she says and her expression is tight.

"I just can't believe he's gone," he murmurs and she nods her head.

"Listen, I am sorry for your loss, but right now I need you to fix him up," she points to Bodhi, "Before he bleeds out so I can check on what's happening to the ship right now."

As if to prove their point the Falcon shudders with the sounds of blaster fire.

And Luke looks again at Bodhi with a drop in his stomach. What was he thinking just sitting here this whole time?

He nods at Leia and she leaves the kit and goes over to Bodhi.

Luke can't hear what she's saying to him as she helps leverage him to his feet. The man is easily taller than her by a foot, and all awkward gangly limbs, but somehow Leia is able to get him up and moving.

R2 follows close behind, still bleeping concern in binary, Bodhi lets his good hand rest on R2's domed top and pats them twice. Luke has no idea why the droid has taken such a shine to the man, but it makes him smile a little as Bodhi melts into the seat beside him.

Leia gives him a final pointed look before she goes running for the cockpit leaving the two of them. Up close Bodhi's arm is ugly to look at. He has to swallow bile at the sight of it

"Ah...um..." Luke says, not sure where to begin with the man beside him. Luke can tell that the man is only a few years older than him although he doesn't know how much. His dark eyes are glued on some corner of the ship's hall looking both distant and alarmed.

"I need to...um...your arm..." Luke fumbles his way toward asking about it and that wide-eyed gaze flicks to him. It feels like being caught in a spotlight, but Bodhi slowly uncurls his arm from his chest. Holding it on the table between them he stares at Luke...or possibly through him. His dark-eyed gaze feels like an X-ray.

Luke looks away first, to the task at hand. The arm in question is already dripping on the table and he remembers what little Aunt Beru taught him of first aid.

Aunt Beru was rarely severe, but once he cut himself on accident….he was young and trying his hand at mods for an older droid. He was using a small knife to pry apart some rusty gears when his hand slipped. It hurt, but he waited until he finished what he was doing before he went to Aunt Beru.

When she saw all the blood her face lit up in alarm. When he had whined and asked,

"What's the big deal it's not like I broke a bone or something," she grabbed him by the arm and glared at him with those normally warm eyes that turned to flint.

"Blood loss can be the biggest danger in any injury. Broken bones can hurt like hell, but waiting to fix a broken bone won't cost you like..." she trailed off and let go of his arm.

She mentioned once that she used to be a nurse during the clone wars...she almost never spoke of it. It took him years to realize he had scared her that day...or maybe reminded her of something she didn't want to remember.

In the present he sees the blood dripping off Bodhi's arm and he recalls her words. Swallowing back nausea he digs through the kit and sighs in relief when he finds a small gray packet of coag powder. Bodhi's staring at the wall again, pale and shaking.

"This will sting a bit," he murmurs and Bodhi turns to stare at him again. A rough noise escapes his lips sounding almost like a laugh.

"I already g-got shot, h-how bad c-could it b-be?" he asks and Luke shrugs a little as he tears open the packet.

"I don't know...I haven't been shot," he replies before pouring the powder onto the pulpiest part of Bodhi's forearm. Beside him the man inhales like a hiss and Luke turns his arm over to shake more powder onto the other side.

"What the h-hell is that –?" Bodhi says a word he doesn't know, but based on the tone he can guess what it means.

"Sorry, it's supposed to help stop the bleeding...there's nothing in this kit that can help me make a brace for your arm though..." he looks away from Bodhi and at the kit.

"All I can do is bandage it..." he says and Bodhi shrugs looking back at Jyn and Cassian.

"I'll b-be fine," he says and Luke wants to ask him something, but he's not sure what. It's strange to feel so familiar with the man and to know almost nothing about him.

He pulls out two large bacta patches from the kit. He opens one and presses onto the outside of Bodhi's arm. The bacta gel on the patch presses to the injury like glue, but it can be peeled off within a matter of hours should anyone wish it. He places the other on the inner arm to create something like a band of bacta patches around the ruined part of Bodhi's arm.

After that he grabs the roll of gauze and begins wrapping Bodhi's arm. He's not sure how much bandage is needed, but they have nothing to brace the broken bone so it seems right to try and wrap it rigidly if he can with just the bandages.

He scoots a little closer so he can get a good angle with Bodhi's arm to try and wrap the bandage snugly. It's strange being this close to him.

He's very aware of Bodhi's breath ghosting over his shoulder as the man watches him work. It's not an unpleasant feeling, simply a new one. He says nothing and keeps wrapping until there's a decent enough casing around Bodhi's arm.

He sits back in his chair.

"Good as new," he says quietly and Bodhi looks at him with confusion in his large dark eyes. Luke blushes a little and fumbles to say, "Oh it's just something my Aunt Beru used to say..." he trails off, but Bodhi nods like that makes perfect sense even though his arm is far from fixed.

"My mum used to s-say that too," Bodhi says almost too soft to hear.

"Oh, is she back home? Where is home by the way?" It feels right to ask such things and the look on Bodhi's face makes him immediately regret it.

"Jedha. You know where that is?" he asks and Luke shakes his head feeling like he's missed something again. "They used the D-Death Star on it like w-with Alderaan."

Luke winces and Bodhi keeps talking. "Except they were just t-testing it so they only destroyed m-my city and not the whole m-moon. Pretty sure the rest of the moon's not l-livable anymore though. Just a d-dead rock in space now...Is your Aunt back on Tatooine?" The question at the end startles him with the sudden change in tracks.

"No. No, she was murdered along with my uncle...maybe three days ago," he says and neither of them speak after that. They are still sitting clustered together on the bench and they both stare at Bodhi's arm where it rests between them.

The quiet rests a little heavy on them both. Luke breaks it first.

"That was really brave what you did to try and save them," he says nodding at the man's arm and Bodhi sighs.

"It was s-stupid, I'm not really much of a f-fighter and I just p-panicked when I saw them out there..." they both look over at Jyn and Cassian. She's helping him get his armor off, but her hands are shaking badly. It looks like it's making the process much harder than it should be.

"We're all l-lucky Han was nearby or we'd be d-dead now," Bodhi adds still watching the other two and his words startle Luke.

"You don't really think…?" Luke trails off and Bodhi turns to look at him.

"I do," he says and for once he doesn't twitch and there is no uncertainty in his gaze. He stares at Luke for a long moment before his arm twitches and he looks away with a sigh, turning to stare morosely at nothing. Neither of them speak for a time. It's Luke who eventually breaks the silence again.

"I'm sorry about your mom," he says quietly and Bodhi looks at him and then away, his lips tremble only a little as he replies.

"I had a sister too...It didn't even occur to me to worry about them until I was safely out of the city."

It sounds like a confession and Luke doesn't know what to say to that so he just nods. Bodhi takes a deep breath and glances at him again,"And I'm s-sorry about your aunt and uncle."

Luke nods and tries to summon up any feelings about it, but that piece of him still feels numb. Devoid of anything at all, just hollow and empty.

He looks over at Bodhi's arm again, the bad one still resting on the table between them and Luke feels the strange urge to try and hold his hand.

"For what it's worth I still think what you did was really brave," Luke tells him, still staring at the bandaged arm.

"It really wasn't. I'm just a dumb cargo pilot," Bodhi replies as he carefully pulls the bad arm off the table to cradle it in his lap. Luke glances at him with the surprise evident enough in his expression for the man to chuckle sardonically.

"Yeah, I g-guess it hasn't come up...I was an Imperial c-cargo pilot. I l-left because I thought I needed to do s-something. Instead I got my ass captured and I got swept up in…" he trails off, but he's watching Jyn and Cassian again. When he looks back at Luke the smile is gone.

"I barely d-did anything at all. They're t-the brave ones, I'm j-just tagging along," he says and Luke stares at him speechless. He swallows hard and stares at the bandaged arm and the swelling and bruising that are just visible at the edges of his makeshift cast.

"You saved their lives...I saw enough to know that for sure and...that seems pretty brave to me..." Luke says before glancing at him sidelong allowing himself a hint of a smile,

"Even if you really should have used a blaster or something."

And Bodhi smiles too, a small glint of one that just lifts the edges of his mouth.

"I didn't have a blaster," he murmurs looking almost sheepish.

"Than I really don't know what you were expecting yourself to do," Luke replies with a chuckle and Bodhi's smile grows.

Another silence falls, but this time it feels easier. Bodhi leans back with a gusty sigh and closes his eyes.

"I'm not s-sure I can fall asleep even t-though I should and I'm w-wrecked," he mutters.

"My aunt used to tell me to just close my eyes and even if I couldn't sleep that was more resting than just sitting and staring at the wall with my eyes open," Luke says and that Bodhi smiles again, his eyes staying closed.

"My m-mum said almost the s-same thing," he murmurs and Luke looks up at him in surprise and thought. He doesn't say anything for a minute before replying,

"I think your mom and my aunt would have liked each other a lot," he says and Bodhi's smile grows, but his eyes remain closed.

"I think so too," he mumbles and then he goes quiet.

About 10 minutes pass and Bodhi starts to list sideways until his head lands on Luke's shoulder. Luke stiffens a little at the contact, craning his head to try and see Bodhi's face.

"Bodhi, " he whispers and gets no reply. The pilot is dead asleep and so Luke settles himself, preparing to sit very still for the foreseeable future. At some point while they were talking those alarms from the cockpit stopped. Now there is only silence.

Leia comes in and sees the two of them.

She stares for an instant before nodding at him and going over to pick up the med kit. There's a seriousness in her expression that doesn't reach her eyes which sparkle in amusement. He's not sure what's funny, but he nods back. He can see her looking them both over as she comes to stand before them.

'Good job,' she mouths before picking up the med kit and turning away to talk to Cassian. Luke can't make out the content of their hushed tones over the hum of the Falcon's engine. After a short time she stands and graces them both with a final decisive nod before she heads back towards the cockpit.

He glances over to see Cassian staring at him now. Jyn has curled up against him and fallen asleep as well. From where he sits they look comfortable together. But, he cannot decipher Cassian's gaze and an instant later the man looks away with a sigh. He seems to resettle himself and lean into Jyn, closing his eyes.

Even R2 has powered down, still sitting on the other end of the bench by Bodhi's side.

Making sure to not disturb the pilot, he too leans back and closes his eyes. He's sure there are no good dreams waiting for him, not after these last few days. Still, with Bodhi warm beside him, maybe he'll have a good dream for a change.

He closes his eyes and lets his exhaustion carry him to sleep.

AN: I genuinely liked this a lot. Also even R2 loves Bodhi and follows him around like a worried puppy. I followed my truth and it led me here to where EVERYBODY LOVES THIS GOOD SWEET BOY...and Luke is like...what is this feeling so sudden and new? Yes that's a Wicked reference but the answer is not loathing deal with it.
Is anybody surprised I could only write from Luke's POV after some sads happen? I'm not surprised. But I really did like this conversation and EVERYBODY *clap emoji* GETS *clap emoji* A *clap emoji* NAP. That said I'm not giving you three chapters that all end in naps that would be boring.
Next up is Leia and what she's been up to for this whole bit, that chapter should come out sometime this week and then there might be a break because I'm going on vacation for a week? IT'S PASSOVER AND I'M GONNA BE BUSY EATIN' THAT MATZAH (which fun fact tastes like paper I do not understand goys who buy that shit and say they love matzah. Try eating that shit for a week straight in place of all breads and things and tell me you like Matzah I DARE YOU) um...anyway...I got into the weeds a bit here...y'all are great hope you liked the chapter.