Author's Note: I hope everyone likes this, I was going to take it in a slightly different direction, but I listened to the first song in the chapter the other day, and I knew I needed to work it in.


Tommy followed Jude into the apartment, noting that she seemed nervous.

"Um, I'm just going to clean up the bedroom real quick, I'll be back in a few." Jude mumbled, heading down the hall.

Tommy walked around the living room, sensing something was off. It occurred to him that while the room was nice, it was impersonal, it held nothing that screamed Jude. It was weird, being in the place she had left him for, and he knew it made her uncomfortable as well.

"One night," Jude said to her self, as she threw clothes in the closet, "One night, and Tommy and I can leave this in the past."

She hastily made the bed and picked up shoes that were strewn across the floor.

Jude met Tommy in the living room, feeling more awkward then she thought she would.

"I think we're both pretty tired," Tommy began "Why don't I shower and we can get some sleep?"

Jude nodded gratefully and showed him to the master bathroom, smiling as he checked his hair status in the mirror. She waited until she had heard the water running for a few minutes and hurried down the hall.

Tommy stepped out of the bathroom 20 minutes later to find the bedroom empty. He poked his head into the kitchen and living room, but there was no sign of Jude. He made his way down the hall, hearing Jude singing faintly.

He quietly opened the door at the end, which he had first assumed was a guest bedroom. He looked up to find Jude sitting at a keyboard, back towards the door, in a makeshift studio. Her guitars stood along the wall to his right and there were half written songs strewn across the floor. It was the only room in the entire place that actually looked like Jude's home.

The song Jude was singing hit him like a sucker punch, it was the loneliest song he'd ever head her write. Stepping into the room undetected, he knelt down and realized that underneath all her pages of scrawled lyrics were pictures of him and her. He picked up the closest one, a shot that Sadie had taken in the early morning hours of recording Jude's third album, at G-Major. They had passed out sometime around 5 am on one of the studio couches, Jude laying across Tommy, his arms holding her close, and his fingers tangled in her hair. Tommy had never seen it. He looked up at Jude, and the song nearly broke his heart all over again.

They Weren't There*

You breathed infinity into my world
And time was lost up in a cloud and in a whirl.
We dug a hole in the cool grey earth and lay there for the night.
Then you said, "wait for me we'll fly the wind,
We'll grow old and you'll be stronger without him" but oh,
Now my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,
But I was alive and now I've drowned.
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song
So they can tell me I was wrong...

But they weren't there beneath your stare,
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare of
Any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand
And led through fields of naked land
Where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...
So I couldn't say "no".

You sighed and I was lost in you, weeks could've past for all I knew.
You were there blanket of the over-world and so I couldn't say,
I wouldn't say "no". But they all said, "you're too young to even know,
Just don't let it grow and you'll be stronger without him"
But oh, now, my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,
But I was alive and now I've drowned.
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song
So they can tell me I was wrong...

But they weren't there beneath your stare,
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare
Of any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields
Of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...

But they weren't there beneath your stare,
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare
Of any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields
Of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...
So I couldn't say "no".

Tommy could hear Jude's voice shake at the end and he knew that she was trying not to cry. He stood and walked over to her as she put her head in her hands. He touched the back of her head, and she turned quickly, and looked up at him, eyes watering and lips shaky. He pulled her up off the bench, and took her in his arms so tightly, had Jude not been relieved she would've been worried about her lack of air.

"What're the tears for, big eyes?" He said quietly pulling back to look at her again.

She shook her head, not sure where to begin.

"It's so awful for me to be here Tommy, in this place, knowing that every night I spent here was a night I was without you, a night I was hurting you. And I know its weird for you to be here too. I just wanted to leave and never come back."

Tommy sighed and thought for a moment. She was right, it was weird for him to be there, but it felt like it was something they both needed to do, to confront, to continue on.

"I know it's hard for you be here babes, and its hard for me too, but I have an idea. Let's take tonight, say everything we need to say about this past 4 months, everything that happened, and when we leave tomorrow, all that pain and regret will be left in this space. And I promise, we'll never come back. Can we do that?"

Jude nodded and sunk to the floor needing to sit down. Tommy sat next to her, and picked up another photo, smiling to himself. The photo was of them, the first paparazzi shot, by the lake when they were working on their first song together.

"I love this picture of us. Where'd you get the print of it?"

"Someone from the tabloid sent it to G-Major for me, not long after I moved, and Sadie forwarded it to me. I guess for comfort, or inspiration, or to remind me of what I'd done."

"It's the moment I fell in love with you."

Jude looked up at Tommy, wide eyed, and he looked at her, but he was seeing the past.

She was so frustrating, pushing all his buttons, but he couldn't get his mind off of her. The way she looked at him, the way she laughed, the way she bit her lip when she was trying to figure out a piece of a song on her guitar. He was drawn to her, it was like a guiding force, and he when he put his arms around her to fix the chord, he felt at home.

"Why did you leave me the way you did, Jude?" The words fell out of Tommy's mouth before he realized he was even saying them.

"I was so scared. Scared of the way you made me feel, the thought of losing you somehow in the future, the uncertainty of it all. I was terrified of everything Megan made me realize – that I still loved you, that I would always love you; that I could lose you. I did the only thing I could think of, I ran away. When you came the day I left, the look on your face, I cried the entire flight here Tommy. I cried for weeks. I cried myself to sleep every night until I went back to Toronto, from the guilt and the pain, and the realization that losing you was the only thing scarier than wanting you and loving you as much as I do."

Jude took a deep breath, watching Tommy's face closely. He took a few deep breaths, and Jude understood he was trying not to cry himself.

"I need you to hear something Jude."

He left and went into the living room and grabbed a CD out of his bag, returning quickly to Jude.

"There's 17 songs on this CD, every one of them written after you left. I need you to listen. Ok?"

Jude nodded her head, and Tommy placed the CD in the stereo, grabbing pillows for each of them. He lay back on the floor, pulling her to his side, and closed his eyes as the first song started.

Torn to Shreds**

I don't wanna fall in love
But it's been taken outta my hands
And right now I realize
I don't wanna say goodbye

I miss you more than words can say
They never turn out right, but here goes anyway

Everyday I miss your touch
Never thought it would mean so much
All the words I could've said got me reeling torn to shreds
Every road I go is nowhere
But I know you're out there somewhere
These voices in my head got me feeling torn to shreds

I can't help the way I feel
That something's got a hold of my heart
It hurts but I can't let go
Yeah, I just wanna let you know

I need you more than words can say
They never turn out right, but here goes anyway

Everyday I miss your touch
Never thought it would mean so much
All the words I could've said got me reeling torn to shreds
Every road I go is nowhere
But I know you're out there somewhere
These voices in my head got me feeling torn to shreds

If I ever get myself together
And it takes whatever it takes
To get myself back to you

Everyday I miss your touch
Never thought it would mean so much
All the words I could've said got me reeling torn to shreds
Every road I go is nowhere
But I know you're out there somewhere
These voices in my head got me feeling torn to shreds


*"They Weren't There" by Missy Higgins. Youtube it.

**"Torn to Shreds" by Def Leppard. Youtube as well.