Adam
When I woke up I felt a warm body next to me, breathing evenly. I didn't even have to guess or look to know that it was Chuck; I felt right again. My heart wasn't in pain and every part of me that was touching him tingled with life. For a moment all I wanted to do was pull him close and hold him until I fell back asleep. Then I remembered the previous day and I scrambled away from him as fast as I could. My heart was still yearning for me to hold him, but my mind remembered the loneliness and the dependence. I remembered how I'd almost let myself become a drunken loser again. My heart wanted to hold him, but my mind knew that I couldn't let this- not that I necessarily knew what this was, because I was sure that I could not live without him- continue. I settled for curling up into a ball on the top corner of the bed, watching him sleep. Call me a stalker, but I'd missed him too much to lose sight of him now.
It didn't take him long to wake up. Shortly after I'd moved away from him he had started tossing and turning in his sleep. As it got more frantic- as well as more apparent that he was having a nightmare- I reached out and shook his shoulder. Even with the quick contact I wanted nothing more than to be next to him once more, complete, and I quickly took my hand back. Where was that pesky hurt when I needed it?
He started awake, eyes landing on me. The fear faded away and he reached out for me, but I cringed away automatically. I saw the flash of hurt in his eyes and felt guilty for putting it there as he pulled his hand back. "Adam?"
I didn't know what to say. The silence stretched out, pretty much painful, with me curled in a little ball of misery and him fidgeting awkwardly. "I'm sorry," he finally offered.
Every single molecule of me wanted to forgive him. Hell, every single molecule of me had. But that little self-preservation instinct had kicked in and I just couldn't give up. I could accept his apology and live happily ever after, because somewhere deep down I knew that if I did it wouldn't be happily ever after for forever. It would be happily ever after… until he decided that he had somewhere he needed to be. Without me.
"I can't do this right now," I muttered, moving to crawl off the bed, but he caught my arm.
"Wait, Adam, please?" Of course I couldn't not. I shrugged off his arm and sat back, waiting as he'd asked. The only problem was his lack of knowledge as to what to say.
I gave up on keeping the silence. "Where were you?"
"Looking for God."
"You're God," I pointed out, "sort of."
He smiled at the very little bit of progress we were making here. "Sort of, but not completely. I'm like… an almost-God. There's still the real one out there. I had to go see him."
"Why?" Damn, I sounded like a whiney thirteen year old.
"It was sorta like a vision, but more of a call. He wanted to see me." I waited for more. "It was about the powers and Bobby and Jesse."
I admit, I perked up at that last part. "What did you find out?"
He smiled a bit. "He's collecting souls for his 'new army' of angels, but Bobby and Jesse didn't want to be part of it. He sent their souls back here and I revived them. They're fine. All normal."
That was relieving. Was it just me or did the atmosphere in the house feel lighter? "That's amazing. How's Crowley?"
Chuck's brow furrowed. "I… don't know. I didn't see him; I was really tired after and I just wanted to come rest up here with you. Why?"
"He was going a little… kill everyone left because life's worthless anyways… ish, yesterday."
There was a bit of a silence again- my brain was replaying my previous day and he seemed to be waiting for me to break the silence. "What were you dreaming?" I asked.
"Um…" He bit his lip. "I don't really want to talk about it."
It shouldn't have bothered me, really, but… it kinda did. I couldn't stay mad at him, couldn't even stay hurt as long as he was with me, and yet he couldn't tell me his nightmare?
"Fine." I almost winced at how clipped and cold my voice could sound. Was I that pissed? "I need coffee, anyways."
I scrambled away, ignoring my ears so that I couldn't really hear if he decided to call after me. I had just opened the door when he caught hold of my arm, spinning me back around. My mental control broke and I could hear him again, "Please, please, wait!" Before I could really do anything he had pushed against me, the door slamming shut behind my back, and was kissing me fervently.
I gave myself amazing kudos for keeping hold of my control. My body felt like it was on fire everywhere; he was pushed completely against me and his hands were doing maddening things to the skin under my shirt. I wanted nothing more than to pull him close and make love to him until I forget everything else in the world, but I held myself back. I couldn't stop him from doing anything to me, nor could I help kissing him back, but other than that I remained still and refused to respond further.
When he eventually pulled away he looked up at me worriedly. "I love you," he said carefully, as if he was willing me to believe him. That wasn't the problem, though.
"I know," I said. "Why didn't you take me with you?"
He bit his lip. "I didn't… I just…"
"What? You took Becky. Why couldn't I have gone? If you wanted a break from me, you could have said." Well, okay, that wasn't true, but I was angry and word vomit was pouring out.
His eyes had gone wide and before I knew it he was kissing me again. "I didn't- don't!" he said between kisses that I could not help but respond to. Honestly, I didn't even want to anymore. I just wanted him, wanted yesterday to not exist, and wanted this to last forever. He leaned his forehead on mine. "I just wanted to keep you safe. They needed you here."
"We all needed you here."
"I'm so sorry. I knew that I had to go, Adam, it was important. No one likes Becky; she wasn't missed, right?" I shook my head. "Exactly, but you would have been. They needed family when magic and faith failed. You're in it, but I'm just a convenience."
I pulled his mouth to mine, taking initiative this time. "You're not just a convenience to me. You know that."
He nodded. "Then you'll have to trust me. I hated leaving you. I got back as soon as I could. Sometimes we just… have to make sacrifices."
Honestly, who could ever refuse such adorable puppy eyes? "Okay. But please, next time don't knock me out and sneak off?"
"Promise," he agreed. I kissed him again, not planning to stop any time soon. If everything was well downstairs, they could miss us for a little longer…
