Remember

I do not own / am not associated with the NBC show The Black Donnelly's in

any way.

(Unfortunately...)

It was almost two weeks later and Tommy hadn't been able to leave Sarah's bed. He had been lying here ever since they left the hospital and for some reason his body wouldn't let him get up. Thankfully his brothers had convinced him to go home and clean himself up after before he went there. He had half expected Sarah's father to walk in at any point but he never came, not even once.

So he just lay there, looking around at the things in her room, holding on to her sweater that he had bought for her for the street carnival earlier that year. It was unusually cold he remembered, and she hadn't brought a jacket with her. He inhaled the scent of her into him, aching to have just some little bit of her back. But it was no use. He knew she was gone, so why couldn't he let her go?

With melancholy song Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap playing softly over the clock radio, he got up out of the bed, walking over to the closet and opening it up. He passed his hand over each of her shirts and pants, remembering what she looked like in each and every one of them, how her favourite jeans hugged her body perfectly and how overly upset she became when they ripped at the knee.

Noticing a shoebox on top of the shelf, he pulled it down taking it over to the bed. Sitting down he opened it up to reveal a collection of trinkets and souvenirs of their relationship together. On the top was the receipt from their first date at the Firecracker. It actually surprised him that whoever was working actually gave her a receipt in the first place, making him smile.

Setting that aside he reached in and pulled out the necklace he had given her from that same day at the carnival. It was plastic and gaudy but she had been so happy when he had presented it to her after knocking down all the standing pins. She as so proud of him and he missed her even more for that. She had always let him know how she felt about him, how proud she was of him and how happy he made her.

Amongst the other objects in the box, buried at bottom was a piece of paper that had been folded in half. Pulling it out and opening it up, his heart jumped at the sight of his own face looking up at him. It was a pencil crayon sketch of him sitting and sketching at her drafting table. When they had first met, he would often join her in her room to paint or sketch or draw. She insisted he make some time for it as she knew how much he had loved to in school and how much he missed it. It made him happy that she looked out for him when he had neglected his own thoughts and desires. And she would never again be there to remind him to think about himself for a change.

Just as he felt himself begin to break down he heard the front door open, startling him. Sitting up on the bed he waited in silence until her father, Bryan appeared at the bedroom door.

"Mr. Sheehan, I'm sorry. Lemmie explain, I just..." Tommy stood up immediately facing him.

"I'm sorry, I had a key and I just wanted to.."

"Be close to her I know," he answered quietly shaking his head. "I know, that's why I'm here meself. Sit down son," he motioned for him to sit. Tommy sat down shocked and surprised that he wasn't trying to kill him.

"Mr. Sheehan?"

"It's Bryan boy, Bryan." He shook his head, still not having looked at hime since he walked in the door.

"Bryan," Tommy nodded. As he reached for Sarah's sweater again he noticed that Bryan was holding what must have been a piece of Sarah's baby clothes. A small green t-shirt with the word 'Ireland' printed in white on the front.

"She got this the first time the three of us all went to Ireland together to visit my folks. It was her first time, she was just a wee girl," he sat down on the chair over by the drafting table, staring intensely at the shirt in his hands. "She was so small, looked just like her mother," he sighed.

"Bryan," Tommy gripped the sweater in his hands tightly, "I'm sorry sir, I really am. I'm so sorry," he let a tear escape, burning it's way down his face.

"So am I son," he sniffled, so am I."

"Sir you have nothing to be sorry for, Sarah loved you and she knew how much you loved her, there was no mistaking that. You raised a beautiful, intelligent and independent woman."

"I'm not sorry about that Tommy, not al all. I raised my Babby right," he inhaled deeply shaking his head. "What I'm sorry about," he finally looked up at him, "is that I had raised her to be independent but tried to hold her back."

"What? How? You let her live on her own, helped to pay for her tuition, helped her to earn everything she had..." Tommy looked around the room at all of her things.

"She loved you Tommy, she loved you and she wanted to be with you and I just said no."

"Mr. Sheehan," Tommy tried to empathize.

"It's Bryan damn it, and it's true. I wanted her to have nothing to do with you, nothing at all. And it wasn't because I didn't trust you or your family, it was simply because of your heritage, the fact that you were Black Irish and I know that's not right."

"It's okay Bryan, really, I..."

"Damn it boy, would you just let me finish without interrupting me once? Please!" He snapped, although Tommy knew he was just trying to be honest and open up to him. Tommy nodded pulling the sweater up to his chest.

"I shouldn't have put you off just because of who your great grandparents were. She loved you heart and soul and that should have been enough me, should have just tried to accept you both instead of letting gossip fill up my head," he choked back tears which made Tommy feel both sad and uncomfortable at the 180° turn around in his behavior. "Now the closest thing I have to her," he looked up at him, "The closest thing I have to her is you."

His sad, hard eyes looked at him and Tommy could see the longing in them. "She begged me to accept you, and in my own ignorance, I couldn't get past my own hatred. Now my hatred is my shame and regret. I could have made her happy, I could have accepted you as she asked me to and I know it would have sent her over the moon," he looked back down at the shirt in his hands. "But I didn't." He shook his head, the emotions breaking him down to tears. "But I'll be damned if I won't do it now." He wiped his tears and took a deep breath, standing up and walking over to Tommy who stood up to face him.

"Boy," he began to cry, "I am so very sorry for treating you the way I did. It was own ignorance and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he sobbed into the shirt in his hands. Feeling for him and being able to relate, Tommy placed a friendly hand on his shoulder. Unexpectedly, Bryan rose to his feet and hugged Tommy, crying into his shoulder, apologizing over and over again and calling her name.

Tommy could think of nothing else to do other than hold the man tightly, patting his back. He knew how much it must have taken to say what he did and he knew that it was what Sarah had wanted more than anything, for them to accept each other.

And as he cried, Tommy thought to himself, 'this is what Sarah meant, this is what she was trying to say.'" Sarah had said that Tommy was lucky to have his mother and his three brothers. All Bryan had had was Sarah, and now she was gone and he really was alone. The closest living thing Bryan now had to the only family he had left in the world was Tommy.

Bryan pulled away from him sniffing, placing one hand on Tommy's shoulder.

"Thank you son," he nodded, "for loving my Babby the way you did and in spite of me. She loved you very much."

"I love her very much sir," Tommy bowed his head, looking at her sweater on the bed.

"Uh," Bryan looked down at his jacket pulling something out of his pocket. "She was always thinking ahead, a little to much if you ask me."

"Sorry?"

"Sarah had actually made a will not too long ago, maybe a couple of months back."

"Sarah made a will?" Tommy shook his head surprised. He didn't even have a will and he something was much more likely to happen to him.

"Yes she did, and she wanted me to give these to you." Bryan handed him a large, brown envelope and a set of keys."

"What's this?"

"I'm not sure what's in the envelope but those arethe keys to the apartment, she wants you to have it." Bryan nodded still wiping his face of tears.

"Me? Stay here? In her apartment?"

"Do what you will with it son, she's left the lease in your name."

"Thank you sir."

"For the last time boy..."

"Bryan, thank you Bryan."

"Son," Bryan headed for the door. "I hope one day you'll learn to forgive me."

Tommy turned to face him holding onto the keychain and envelope. Taking a deep breath he looked up at Bryan, now standing in the front doorway. "I knew how you felt, but I never blamed you Bryan, not once."

Bryan smiled sadly in the doorway, "You're a good lad Tommy Donnelly. I'll be seeing you and your family at the restaurant then?"

"Of course." Tommy nodded back. Bryan forced one last smile before closing the door behind him.


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