Chapter 26: Bad Ideas
"Huh," Arien said. "He said that?"
"In front of everybody!" Elena slammed down the glass. "That's sexual harassment!"
Well, Arien knew exactly why he said what he did, but she wasn't about to share it with Elena. She was well aware that the relationship she had with him would only last as long as it would, no promises. And that was fine with her. Well, not fine, but what was she going to do? He had women in his past, far more than she with men, but she couldn't change that. She was also aware of what Reno thought of himself, and of the others in the sector. None of them were complimentary. They were murderers, kidnappers, the very kind most people avoided at all costs. Tseng had problems, Reno was a scoundrel, and Rude had a bad habit of going after the wrong women. They were no one's dreamboats.
The night was deepening, and the bar was getting busier, but people seemed to sense that a member of the Investigation Sector was sitting in the corner booth; no one approached them except the bar staff. The low buzz of dozen conversations blended into a steady hum, accentuated by the clinks of glasses and occasional laughter. Elena looked at her, who was sitting, staring into the green liquid in the glass. She looked a little sideways sometimes, a melancholy expression on her face. Maybe it was the eyelashes; they were so long and dark.
Elena probably didn't belong, Arien thought as she swished the drink inside her glass. Dreamers who could face the sun didn't belong in the shadows. Maybe she had smiled like that, once, but being an Intellience operative didn't allow for sunshines to last very long. Even Siva had her share of darkness that Ivy didn't have.
But she wasn't the one to talk, was she? If she asked Reno, he'd just say, "and you think you don't have any? Think again, baby."
"Well, what he said… isn't just trash talk," Arien interrupted Elena's rant. "It does have an ounce of truth."
"And he's… wait, what?"
Arien called a waiter, and asked for another glass. She then turned forward and said, "Elena, think about it. We aren't… exactly normal. We're murderers and kidnappers for the most part. Is that kind of a person someone you'd bring home to your parents?" Arien's father probably wouldn't like it. Despite he himself being a retired spy, he could be really old-fashioned and thick-headed about his daughters. She could almost see his reaction if she'd brought Reno back to Wutai. With his irregular haircut, irregular hair colour, and his blatant refusal to conform to codes, Reno wasn't exactly any parent's ideal boyfriend for the daughter. Tseng would be a better choice, but then it was clear he had problems. Rude had a tendency to be attracted to people behind enemy lines.
No. It was Reno's kindness to say what he said to Elena. But he probably could have phrased it a little more sensibly. She herself had no idea how her relationship would turn out, but 9 out of 10 she guessed in a heartbreak. But too late now. She (and he) probably should have thought it through before hopping into bed, but forethought was never Reno's forte. Live the moment was his credo, and Arien had not been in her usual state of mind; running through a mob and getting shot at really frayed the nerves, even though it was nothing new to her.
Elena, however, had no idea. All she could remember was Reno's eyes as he had snapped that this had never been his dream; asura's eyes, the Wutaians called them, filled with aggression and intent to kill. Eyes like knives, predatory and piercing, Reno's expression for an instant had shown her the true face of the Turks, and Elena had no doubt that Arien had the same face, and Rude, and Tseng.
Elena was unsure; could she become one of them? But surely they hadn't all started as killers? She asked Arien if the Turks had began as killers. Arien, whose eyes were oddly filled with ennui, looked down and then at her.
"We all start as killers, Elena," she said coolly. "You're either born a killer or you aren't. And if you are, it's just the matter of acting on it or not. Haven't you ever wanted to kill somebody, or felt compelled to? Self-defence, hatred, whatever?"
Elena nodded.
"Then you have the instincts, you're just controlling it. Call it fight instead of flight, if you will. But to answer your question… you didn't spar hoping the opponent would come out unscathed, did you? You meant to hurt. If worse comes to worst, the opponent might die, and accidents do happen, but you meant to hurt them anyway." She shrugged. "We don't kill needlessly, that's barbarism. But if need arises…" Elena saw the metallic flash of the Glock as she moved her body and her jacket fell away. "If it means their lives or mine, Elena, I'll do my damned best to stay alive. Dead people aren't good to anyone."
"I'm home," she said to the dark room. She had not expected him to be back - she still had a nagging doubt that Reno would sleep with just about anything or anyone that would wear a skirt - but it was still a little upsetting to live with someone and then return to a dark, empty cold room at the end of the day. Especially when it was an ungodly hour of 1 AM.
What she would have liked to say, was, yes, she did care. That she was terrified of being left behind. That she wanted to be with him. But unwilling - or perhaps scared - of being viewed as clingy and prohibiting, she merely let things slide, standing and watching, while Reno flitted off and did whatever he wanted. And it was likely she'd mention nothing of the dark room, the cold bed. Reno really had the upper hand by not caring. He was right. 'Popping the cherry' with the men of the Investigation Sector was the dumbest thing she'd ever done.
She was trying to flip on the light when she heard footsteps from the doorway. She froze, remembering the recent ransack, but then the light was switched on and there was Reno, wearing nothing but underwear. His eyes looked sleepy but his expression softened when he saw her.
"Hey," he murmured.
"Hi."
He walked over and embraced her, burying his face into her shoulder. Taken unawares, she could not move as he hugged her over coat.
"Have you been sleeping?" She asked when he let her go, shrugged her coat off and opened the wardrobe, reaching for a hanger.
"Yeah." He ruffled his hair, running his fingers through. Arien wondered if Reno was ever going to move back to his own apartment. For the past few weeks he seemed to have forgotten that once upon a time, he had actually lived by himself. He came home to her place as naturally as he had always lived there, he naturally occupied her bed as if he belonged there, went out for groceries with her on Saturdays as if he had always done it. Things like shaving cream had magically appeared in her bathroom, she had found an ashtray innocuously sitting on the bedside table one evening, there was his uniform in her bedroom dresser. She had no idea when this great migration had happened. There was his jacket in the wardrobe beside the front door as well, his shoes on the rack. And now to come of it, wasn't she doing his laundry?
"Um, Reno?"
He was yawning, stretching his arms upward. "Hm, yeah?"
"Erm…" she wasn't entirely sure how to phrase this question. "When are you leaving?" sounded as if she was just waiting for him to get out. "Are you leaving?" would make her sound exasperated. "Are you going to tell the HR?"
"About what?"
"Well, if you're going to live here, you'll have to tell the change of address."
"Oh. Done that already." He touched her neck as she put her coat away. She looked behind, saw his face, incredulous. He couldn't even remember to turn in the weapon acquisition form on time but he remembered to tell them the change of address? Wait a minute, that wasn't the point, when did they decide that he'd move in? She certainly didn't remember saying anything. "What?"
"N, nothing." She considered it for a moment, and decided that this was bound to happen anyway. "What about your place?"
"Half the stuff's ruined. They really did a good job of trashing the place. But now that you reminded me, maybe I should bring the rest of my stuff here."
Hang on just a second, why was he acting as if this was done and sealed?
"Where were you anyway?" Reno was asking. She finished putting her coat away.
"Went out for drinks with Elena. She said that you told her not to lose virginity with men from our sector?" She raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"It's a fuckin' bad idea."
"And what about me?"
"What about?"
Arien rolled her eyes. "Hello, we did just that, remember? Well, I did. I'm pretty sure you lost yours in a back of a bar or something when you were twelve."
"It wasn't in the back of a bar, and I was sixteen. But yeah, that's why."
"You've practically moved in, you sleep in my bed, there's your hair dye in my bathroom, and you're telling me you think I was a bad idea?" She was starting to feel offended. "Thanks, Reno. I'm going to bed."
"Why are you mad?"
Arien was making her way to the bedroom, but whirled, facing Reno who was following her. "Why wouldn't I be?" she demanded. "You might not think much of it, but that was a pretty big decision for me! And then you say, 'on a second thought, that was a bad idea, never mind'? So what was I, some trial run?" She slammed the door open, and yanked on her tie. "Thanks. And then you move into my place! So what, I'm a good sex and a hot meal? Because if you're looking for that, you're sadly mistaken!"
"Stop giving too much credit to yourself. You ain't that good." Reno had meant that as a proof of his claim that he wasn't in this relationship for the sex, but apparently it was the wrong thing to say, for Arien's eyes narrowed dangerously.
"What, you're that deprived?" She snapped. "She's not good, but I'm dying for sex so I'll just settle for whatever?"
"Hey! For your info, I'm not desperate for ladies, ya know! I'm not some loser who'll just snag the first one that comes by!"
That was also wrong to say, apparently, for Arien's face turned livid, and her gaze had turned into a glare that probably could have killed. Lesser men would have scrambled for cover. But Reno, being Reno, did not. He had not noticed the warning signs.
"Shut. Up!" Arien shouted, forgetting that it was past midnight and her neighbours would be asleep. "So what, I'm the last resort? And you pitied on me? Thought you'd do a favour, did you? Well, I'll have you know that what you did wasn't any favour! And if you weren't so darn reckless and foolish, we wouldn't be having this conversation, you pinhead."
Reno scratched his head, then looked at the ceiling. Arien whipped her tie off, threw her jacket onto the bed a little harder than warranted, then began undoing her buttons. They were silent for a few moments, and then Reno sat next to her.
"The reason I told that to 'Laney," Reno said, "was because it's a lesson I learned."
"I figured," said his bedmate sarcastically. "Thanks."
Reno gave a dirty look. "Why do I get the feeling you aren't getting what I mean?" He complained. "Look, I'd never slept with my coworker, okay? Veld warned against it, and I thought it was kind of crap, but now I see the point. It's a fuckin' dumb idea. And I did it anyway. And well, I can't change it now."
"You really need to elaborate. Right now, all I'm hearing is 'she was a good sport, now how the hell do I get out'."
"Well, we don't always get out of stuff alive. And what we did - hell, what I did - really messes up priorities." He looked ahead, not looking at her. "Now, if there was a situation where I had to save either you or Rufus, I might hesitate. And that can get him killed. Or you. Hell, me. Can't afford that, Arie. I need to be able to save Rufus every time."
"That's the reason?" Arien asked, a little surprised.
"Yeah. It's a shitty idea. But hell, it's not like anyone forced anything." He stopped, then looked at her. "'Laney doesn't belong, Arie. She's too much of a dreamer. She's too…"
"Positive?"
"Yeah, that. But that's the reason I told 'Laney."
Arien cocked her head slightly and looked at him. "Sorry. I misunderstood."
"Yeah. Thanks. You thought I was an asshole."
Arien got defencive. "Think about it, Reno. Everything I heard about you screamed womaniser. I've heard stories about how you left underwear in some girl's flat and then you were in another girl's flat the next night. Or how you screwed some reception girl in the bathroom on 22nd floor. Actually, that's mostly what I heard. It was either 'Reno went postal' or 'Reno screwed this girl'. Does that sound like the kind of man a virgin wants to go to bed with?"
"It's not like I planned it! It just sorta happened! Remember?" He had really gotten out of control that night. Actually, she drove him crazy. He had wondered, many times, where his control went with her, and he still could not figure it out; it was as if his control just got up and left when he was with her. That wasn't a planned seduction, or if it was, he had failed. Seducers weren't supposed to fall for the seduced.
"That, I do," came the reply. "And I guess… if I wasn't attracted to you, I wouldn't have been that wary, which means you wouldn't have asked for the kiss, which means we wouldn't have…" she stopped. "Okay, maybe it's partly my fault." She slid her hips forward and undid her belt, unbuttoned her slacks, and was just about to stand up to take them off when Reno pushed her down.
"Er, what are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?"
"I thought you were sleepy."
"I was." Reno pulled her trousers down with one hand. "You woke me up."
"Go back to sleep."
"Can't. I'm wide awake now." He pulled up the tank top she was wearing with an evil grin. "Time to take responsibility." He stopped yanking on the stretchy fabric. "Hey, question."
"Hmm?" Arien's face had a slight smile on it, telling him that despite all her remarks, she wasn't actually angry at him… and that she was actually very receptive to his advances. He could tell from the way she glanced at him. Her voice had lost its edge, replaced by the breathy sweetness that she never used outside their privacy. She always showed a completely different face in the bedroom, shedding the hard, "I'm a capable officer" mask into something that was definitely kittenish. Somehow, the fact that no one else knew this side of her drove him insane with desire. The more he saw of it, the more he wanted to see it.
"You thought I'd just fuck you and ditch," he said. She nodded. "So why did you sleep with me anyway?"
She shrugged. Her smile took on a mischievous cast. "I was just as stupid," she said. "And I guess I'm still stupid."
It was Reno's turn to grin. He looked into her eyes with a promise, his lips curved. "You bitch," he said. "You're so gonna pay."
