I own three kids who are enjoying their last week of summer vacation (thank the Lord!) but I don't own Twilight and there is no infringement intended.
Hooray for these stubborn kids finally getting everything out in the open. I think it's time to work on moving on.
Chapter 28
The blinding lights of the power being restored pulled me from my blissful sleep. I carefully extricated myself from Edward's arms and set to work turning off the lights before they also woke him from his own peaceful slumber. The clock on my phone told me it was just after one in the morning and I cursed to myself as I remembered that I needed to be up and at work in three hours. I quickly finished resetting the clocks around my home and then focused my attention back on Edward.
His head was resting against the back of the couch, his neck at an odd angle that would surely bring him discomfort come morning. I set the pillow on the edge of the couch and carefully eased his head down on to it. With a little nudge, he brought his legs up onto the couch and I untied his shoes and slipped them from his feet. I covered his body with the thick blanket I'd brought out earlier, tucking it under his chin and then I found myself stuck. His beautiful face rested peacefully against the pillow and I sunk to my knees on to the floor next to him. There a bit of stubble visible on his jaw and I couldn't resist from running my hand gingerly along his cheek. In his sleep he moaned and leaned into my touch, causing my hand to quickly pull away, afraid of waking him.
Before I could second guess myself, I rose from the floor and hurried down the hall to my bedroom. I tried to calm my racing heart as I readied for bed but it was all for naught. For those three hours, I stared at the ceiling of my room. I replayed every word, each touch, and every last interaction Edward and I had ever shared from the moment I fell off that stool in Newton's Sporting Goods, until moments earlier when I stroked his cheek before going to bed. I just needed to make sense of it all. I needed to know how it had all gone so horribly wrong. How two people could get so far from the one thing they both claimed to want the most?
My eyes were still open and my heart and mind were still racing when my alarm went off. I peeked in on Edward who was still sleeping peacefully, before showering and getting ready for work. Just before heading out the door, I pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and the ibuprofen from the cupboard and left them on the coffee table along with a note.
Edward
I had to work early but I'll be back in a few hours. Please make yourself at home.
-Bella
Considering how deep asleep he appeared to be, I expected my note might go unread for a while but felt I should leave it all the same. It was only Thursday and I assumed Edward would need to go to work but probably not at four in the morning. Thursday was Ben's day off and my day to work the extra early shift to cover for him. I'd grown accustomed to the early hours and they never bothered me before. With Charlie gone on Thursday mornings it was always easy to hop out of bed and head to work. At least until today, when all I wanted was to curl up next to this gorgeous man on my couch and fall back asleep next to him.
It was only my sense of responsibility and pride in my business that pushed my butt out the door and down the steps to the bakery. Once inside I brewed a large pot of coffee, put on some high energy music to keep me awake and threw myself into mixing batters and kneading dough. Two hours flew by and I didn't even notice when Angela arrived to start her shift.
"Earth to Bella!" she cried over the roar of the music as she helped herself to a cup of coffee.
I used my elbow to lower the volume, my hands coated in flour and bits of French bread dough. "Hey, Ang, is it six already?"
She nodded and sipped at her coffee, her eyes watching me as I shaped out the loaves and placed the sheet pans into the proofer to rise. She didn't say another word until the last pan hit the rack.
"Ok, I'm stumped, what's up with you?"
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"There is something different about you today but I can't put my finger on it. Help a girl out."
I laughed as I scrubbed my hands in the hand sink. "I didn't sleep last night. Are you picking up on my exhaustion?"
"Nope," she replied quickly, "I've seen you tired. This isn't tired. You're, I dunno, you seem lighter today."
"Lighter? Are you implying I was fatter yesterday? Harsh, Ang, I did just give birth you know."
Angela shook her head and sighed loudly. "Sheesh, you think I'm a bitch like that? No, I'm talking emotionally. You look like a weight has been lifted from you or, like, you're freer or something."
"Are you high? Do I need to start drug testing?"
"Bella!" she whined. "Quit deflecting and answer the question. What is up with you?"
I needed an out. I wasn't ready to explain the situation to her and I'd reached a good place to take a break, so I bailed. "Nothing. Look, everything you need is good to go. I've got to run home for a sec and check on something."
Unfortunately, Angela was too damn perceptive for her own good. Her eyes narrowed and I could almost see the wheels turning in her head. "What? You never run home this early in the day and I know it's not Charlie because it's Thursday. So what is it Bella? Something or someone?"
Damn it! "None of your business. I'll be back in a minute." I declared and hurried for the door.
"Oh please God, tell me it's the hot guy with the flowers from last week," she called after me. I scowled and ducked out the door as Angela dissolved into fits of laughter.
Despite my fatigue, I bounded up the steps and opened the door as quietly as I could manage. Edward was exactly as I'd left him, deep asleep on the couch, his face buried against the pillow. I felt horrible for even thinking of waking him but I also didn't want him to be late for work.
"Edward?" I called quietly, kneeling on the floor next to him just as I had the night before.
He didn't so much as stir and so once again, I found my hand drifting to his cheek, stroking it lightly as I called his name again.
"Bella?" he breathed, his eyes flying open in surprise and then immediately slamming shut at the brightness of the sun streaming in through the windows. "Ow. I guess the power is back on."
"It is," I said with a laugh, "but that's the sun, not the lights."
That got his attention. He sat up with a start, his eyes still bleary and his hair a wild tangled mess. It was oddly adorable.
"Shit!" he cried. "I'm sorry Bella. Did I pass out on you?"
"Not on me," I teased. "We weren't that drunk. You did fall asleep when I went to get you a blanket though."
He looked from the pillow to the blanket and then noticed his shoes on the floor by the couch and his eyes grew wide. "Oh God! Did you have to put me to bed?"
"I didn't have to," I answered with a smile. "I could have left you sitting there with your shoes on and your head at a weird angle but that wouldn't have been very nice. So I helped you out a bit."
"Fuck, I'm sorry. I feel like an ass."
"Why? I was the one who basically held you captive. Anyways you'd have done the same if it was me. Actually, I think you did put me to bed just a month or two ago."
"That's different."
"It's really not. Anyways, I only woke you up to see if you needed to go to work today."
He rubbed at his eyes furiously and moaned. "Shit. Work. I'm not keeping you am I?"
I looked down at my flour covered clothing and laughed. "Nope, I've already been."
"What time is it?"
"It's a little after six. If you don't have to be anywhere yet, you're welcome to go back to sleep for a bit. I just wanted to check."
"No," he said with a shake of his head. "I have a meeting at nine and I need to go over some things with my mother before that. I better get going so I can shower and shave or I'll never hear the end of it from her. Thanks for waking me up."
I assured him it was really no trouble and stepped away as Edward pulled on his shoes and continued to apologize profusely. He rose from the couch and tossed his jacket over his arm as he stepped towards me. The both of us stood there for a few seconds in awkward silence, unsure of what to do or say.
"Uh, thank you for coming to check on me last night," I said quietly, breaking the silence as I stared down at my flour dusted tennis shoes.
"Thank you for letting me crash on your couch."
"Sure, no problem."
We fell into another strained silence as the tension between grew thicker and thicker. What was the protocol for saying goodbye to an ex who platonically spent the night? Do we hug? Shake hands? Friendly wave?
"Bella?" Edward said quietly, pulling my attention back to him. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, sure, I guess," I replied hesitantly, afraid he want to talk more about what was said last night and it was way too early in the morning to get into anything serious.
"Did you really agree to a date this Saturday or did I dream that?" His face was strained with the worry that he'd imagined the whole thing and I saw him brace himself for my wrath.
"I did."
"I'm so sor…. wait, what?" He gaped at me, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
"I said, I would. This Saturday. After my daughter's birthday party."
A wide smile crept across his face as his emerald eyes sparkled. "Wow, alright then. I guess I better get going and I'll call or email you about Saturday?"
I nodded and walked him to the door, still trying to figure out how to say goodbye. Edward answered that question for me, leaning forward and pressing his lips to my cheek softly. "Thank you, Bella," he whispered into my ear. "For giving us another chance."
"Don't you hurt me again, Edward Cullen." I breathed, my voice cracking with emotion, terrified that I was making either the best or worst decision of my life.
"Oh, my Bella," he sighed sadly, resting his forehead against mine. My heart stopped and my breathing stilled. His close presence was causing my head to swim and I needed to fight to keep from becoming a puddle at his feet. I hated that he still had this effect on me. One touch and I was nothing more than naive teenage girl again. I needed to regain control.
"Don't get ahead of yourself," I retorted, pulling away slowly, grasping to regain control of the situation. "I agreed to a date only, just to try and move on from the past, nothing more. I'm not yours, yet."
He stepped back, his eyes full of sadness as they sought out my own. "You're right and it's more than I could have hoped for. Now, I better get out of here or else I'll have to go to my meeting like this," he said, motioning to his disheveled appearance. "So, Saturday?"
"Saturday," I confirmed and then he was gone, leaving me alone in a suddenly too quiet apartment.
I took a moment to steady my nerves, my cheek still on fire from the memory of his kiss, and then headed back to work. The bakery was open now and Angela was too busy with customers to notice my flustered state as I quickly ducked into the back and hurried back to work. I again lost myself in mixing, kneading and frosting until I finished up around noon. Emily arrived as I was cleaning up and after giving her a list of things I needed her to do, I gathered my things and headed out for the day, avoiding Angela and her endless questions about the 'hot guy with the flowers'.
I headed home and changed my clothes but I still had a few hours before Charlie got out of school and I couldn't just sit around at home until then. Instead, I hopped into my car and drove across the city to a large gated community where Felix, the security guard on duty, recognized me right away and waved as I passed through the large gate.
By the time I navigated my car through the tree lined, windy road and parked my car in the enormous driveway, Rosalie was standing in the doorway, Henry cradled in her arms.
"This is a surprise," she said as I made my way up the front steps and leaned in to kiss little Henry on his sweet smelling forehead. "I barely believed Felix when he said you were on your way up."
"I don't know what I'm doing, Rose!" I cried.
She eyed me carefully and then shook her head. "So, you saw him again."
"Saw who again?" A booming voice called from the stairs. I turned and saw Emmett making his way towards us.
"Edward," Rose and I said in unison. Emmett looked confused for a second, racking his memory until he realized who we were talking about.
"Wait. The reunion guy?" he asked. I nodded and his face contorted into a look of pure malice. "That motherfucker."
"Don't you have a football game you should be at or something?" I snapped, irrationally angry with him for speaking about Edward that way.
"We usually play on Sunday, Bella, not weekday mornings," he retorted.
"Bella," Rose interrupted, "why don't you go get Emmett caught up on what I already know while I go put this little guy down and then you can tell us both the rest of the story."
"Fine," I huffed. "I guess a male opinion wouldn't hurt."
I followed Emmett into the living room, plopping myself into the corner of their enormous sectional as Emmett perched across from me on the ottoman. I watched his face mutate from anger to confusion and back to anger as I told him of Edward's visits to the bakery, the hospital and my home just after Henry's birth. Needless to say, Emmett was not thrilled with him using my 'vulnerable' state to 'weasel' back into my life and he certainly wasn't thrilled with me when I defended him for it.
I was just to the part where my need for closure drove me to call and inquire about his marital state when Rose entered, more than eager to hear the rest of the story. Both sat quietly as I went over the more recent email exchanges, visits and conversations. Rose practically had smoke blowing from her ears by the time I admitted to making him spend the night. Emmett, however, was much more subdued by then, his anger giving way to a more quiet contemplation and he said nothing, lost in his own thoughts as Rose began berating me for letting him 'mess with my head'.
"Bella, how can someone as smart as you be so completely blind to what he's doing? He's just telling you exactly what you want to hear so he can get you where he wants you."
"I don't think so, Rose. You weren't there. You didn't hear him. I don't think he meant what he said that night after graduation. He didn't even remember saying it and seemed pretty mad at himself for it when I filled him in. I broke his heart when I married Jake and he couldn't go through with marrying that woman because she wasn't me. That's something to think about, isn't is? It's been misunderstanding after misunderstanding because we didn't just talk to each other."
"Says him."
"Says me!" I insisted. "Rose, I know you don't trust him but I believe him."
"So do I," Emmett said calmly, and both Rose and I turned to gape at him.
"What!" Rose screeched. "After everything he's done to her, you're just going to buy that bullshit story? He's just buttering her up and when she gives in and sleeps with him, he'll just bail again."
"I don't think so, Rosie," he replied softly. "If he was just after sex, I don't think he'd put in this much effort. It's been almost two months and he hasn't even tried to kiss her yet. Right?" he asked, turning to me for confirmation.
"He kissed my cheek this morning," I admitted, "but that was it."
"See?" he said, turning back to Rosalie. "If this was just about sex, he'd have tried to get at least some action or moved on by now. You say he's a pretty good looking guy, right?" Rose reluctantly nodded. "Well, if he just wanted to get laid he'd hit the bar, not spend weeks emailing, apologizing and groveling for forgiveness. It's just too much damn work unless the girl is actually worth it. Not to mention the fact that little B just had a baby, so she's out of the game anyways."
"Hey!" I protested. "I resent that."
"Not forever," he added quickly. "I'm just saying, aren't you on the bench for a bit?"
"Yeah, well it was your son who put me on the bench! But I'll have you know that I've been cleared to play. Not that it's any of your business."
My cheeks burned as I realized I was discussing my ability to have sex with my best friend's husband but Emmett just burst into laughter.
"Well alright, little B! You go get you some."
"Oh hell no you don't!" Rose cried. "Don't you dare sleep with him. Bella, he's just going to hurt you again. Don't you know that?"
"I don't know that, Ro. What if he's telling me the truth? What if he really wants to work this out? I'll never know if I don't give it a shot."
"Fuck, B! What do you expect me to say, 'go ahead and sleep with him'? I can't do that. I can't pick you up off the floor again."
"Rosie, babe, would you rather watch her live like this?" Emmett asked.
"What does that mean?" I balked.
"Come on, little B. You're not happy and everyone knows it. You ain't been happy in a long time."
"I'm happy," I insisted.
"No you're not," Rose admitted quietly. "You say you are. You pretend that you are. You might even talk yourself into believing that you are, but you're not happy. You talk a good game but those of us who love you most know better."
I wanted to protest but I knew she was right. "Then you know why I need to do this. Why I need to at least try."
"You think he'll make you happy now? After a decade of causing you pain and heartbreak?"
"Maybe?" My voice came out as little more than a squeak.
"So you're just going to sleep with him?" Her tone was accusatory and the venom in it took me by surprise.
"No, I'm not going to just jump into bed with him. But he did ask me out on a date and I agreed."
"So then why are you here? You've made up your mind. What do you need me for? To validate your decision?"
"Rosie," Emmett warned.
"What?" she snapped. "She's standing on the edge of a cliff and she's expecting me to help her jump. I won't watch you self-destruct."
Before I could reply, the soft wail of Henry's cries came through the small baby monitor. Without a word, Rosalie rose from the couch and headed up the stairs. I didn't notice the tears running down my cheek until Emmett leaned forward and brushed them aside.
"Don't cry, little B. She's just worried about you. She still feels guilty about the reunion."
That got my attention. "What? Why?"
"She talked you into going and promised we wouldn't leave your side but we did. She thinks it's her fault you even got caught up with him that night. I don't know if she ever told you but we weren't at the bar when he approached you. I talked her into a quickie in the bathroom. You seemed to be having a good time dancing with that one guy and I convinced her you'd be fine for ten minutes. She's blamed herself ever since."
"That's ridiculous!"
"I know. If anything, it's my fault. I didn't realize the extent of the situation."
I shook my head in disbelief. "No, I was a grown woman. I didn't need either of you to babysit me. I was the one who let him kiss me, let him into my hotel room."
"Bella…"
"No, Emmett. It's in the past and I'm trying to move past it. That's what this date is about. Moving on, starting over. I just need both you and Rose to let it go as well. I don't expect you guys to understand but I'd really like your love and support."
"Of course, my little baby oven. Don't you worry about Rosie. She'll come around."
"Thanks Em,"I whispered as he pulled me into his massive arms.
"No prob, little B, but if he fucks this up again, I will kill him and dump his body in the Pacific. I won't even feel bad about it."
"Fair enough."
Rose didn't return and after reminding Emmett of Charlie's birthday party that weekend, I made my way home, praying that I hadn't damaged my relationship with my best friend irreparably.
I had just enough time to pick up the smaller version of Charlie's birthday cake from the fridge at work before it was time to pick her up for school. After our divorce, as Jake and I were working out visitation and holiday schedules, we decided that Charlie's birthday was too special to split up between the two of us. So every year, the three of us have a nice family dinner and give her our presents separate from the big party she had with her friends. When Jake married Nessie it seemed only fair that she be included. This year Charlie decided she wanted pizza, which Jake and Nessie picked up on their way over, making my job much easier this year.
Dinner went well, and Charlie ended up spoiled rotten. Both Jake and I went overboard and I worried about where we would put all her new stuff, especially since I knew Rosalie and Emmett would also spoil her at her party this weekend. Even if Rose was mad at me, she'd never take it out on her unofficial Goddaughter.
"So, Bella," Jake asked as Charlie played with her new toys. "You start sleeping on the couch or something?"
"What?" I asked, confused, until he motioned to the folded blanket and pillow on the couch that I'd forgotten to put away. "Oh."
"Who's sleeping on your couch, Bells? Did Rose finally get that baby, decide she didn't need Emmett anymore and kick him out?"
"No," I said slowly scrambling for an explanation. "I was just watching a movie last night and it was more comfortable."
"I thought you said your power went out last night," he said with a smirk. He knew me well enough to know when I was lying.
"Well, obviously I didn't get to watch the whole thing. Hey, I'm out of wine but do you guys want a beer or something?" I asked, changing the subject.
"Um no," Nessie said quietly, turning to Jake who suddenly had a strange look on his face. He nodded to her and they both smiled broadly.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"Hey, Charlie baby, come here. Ness and I have one more present for you."
Charlie dropped her toy and climbed into Jake's lap, her eyes lit up at the prospect of more gifts. "Where is it?"
"Well you can't have it for a few months," Nessie said with a smile. "But I'll take care of it for you until then."
A knot formed in my stomach and for a second, I thought I might throw up, a feeling that confused the hell out of me.
"Huh?" Charlie asked, looking to her dad for explanation.
"How would you like a baby brother or sister?" Jake asked and Charlie's eyes nearly popped from their sockets.
"For real?" she cried. "Like to keep? Not to give away, right?"
My heart sank as I realized the impact my surrogacy had on her. Months of letting her feel Henry kick within me only to give him away had obviously been harder on her than I thought, even though I'd made sure she knew all along that the baby in my belly didn't belong to us.
"Yes," Nessie assured her. "We get to keep this baby but they won't be here until March so we have to be patient."
"Woohoo!" Charlie cheered, throwing her arms around her dad's neck. "I hope it's a girl."
The three of them reveled in the expansion of their family as I sat quietly alone in the corner. In my mind I knew I should be happy for them. Jake was a great dad and Vanessa would be a fantastic mom but something about their announcement bothered me and the fact that it did made me feel guilty as hell.
The sound of my phone ringing gave me the opportunity to escape their happy huddle and I leapt off the couch to answer it.
"Hello my darling, is the birthday girl around?" My mom asked, the sound of her voice instantly lifting my spirits. She sounded so cheerful and carefree.
After my dad passed away, mom had been nearly inconsolable. The only reason she got out of bed and got dressed most days was because I needed her to watch Charlie and she refused to let her granddaughter see her so distraught. Especially when my little girl was also suffering through the loss of her 'poppy', as she called him. Mom worked through her grief and after some time she met a minor league baseball player named Phil who lived in Florida but was in town for a game. They corresponded through phone calls and emails for months until I finally convinced her to move to Florida to be with him. She'd been miserable and lonely without my dad but I knew he'd have wanted her to be happy and though it was hard to watch her move away, I just wanted her to be happy too.
I called Charlie over and handed her the phone as she immediately launched into a spiel about all her new presents, her new teacher and the first few days of second grade for her grandmother. I swallowed my irrational feelings about Vanessa's pregnancy and managed to make small talk about her due date and commiserate about morning sickness until Charlie handed the phone back to me.
I half listened to my mom chatter on about baseball and Florida's heat as Jake and Nessie said their good-byes to Charlie and headed home. As Charlie carried all her new treasures to her room to find them new homes, I found the courage to ask my mom the question I'd needed to ask her for weeks but had been afraid to ask.
"Mom," I interrupted, my voice wavering slightly. "How hard was it for you and dad to put everything aside and start over?"
"What? Why would you need to ask that dear?"
"I was just wondering how you managed to get over all the hurt and pain and move on from the past."
"We're not talking about me and your father are we?"
"I don't know what I'm doing, mom." I cried as fat tears formed in my eyes. I peaked in on Charlie who was busy reorganizing her bookshelf before stepping into my room and closing the door behind me. I didn't want her to see me crying and worry needlessly.
"What's the matter baby?"
Mom listened quietly as I told her about Edward's reappearance and his hopes of starting over. I'd never gone into specifics with her but she'd pieced together enough of the story over the years to understand my concerns.
"Just take it slow, Bella. Follow your heart and you'll be ok."
"That's what everyone says but I don't trust my heart, mom," I admitted tearfully.
"Maybe that's your problem sweetie."
"What if he hurts me again?"
"What if he doesn't? Listen, Bella, you just told me that most of your problems were caused by misunderstandings and a lack of talking. So talk to him. If I'd taken the time to talk to your dad all those years ago maybe I would have had more time with him. You've already spent so many years apart because of anger and fear. What good has it done you? Get out of your head before you let your fear keep you from ever being happy."
"It's just so scary, mom."
"The best things in life always are, baby."
I realized then that she had a point. I'd never been more scared than the day I found out I was pregnant and yet my daughter was the very best thing in my life. Opening my own business during a financially troubled time was scary as hell and now I couldn't imagine doing anything else.
"No risk, no reward, sweetheart."
"Thanks, mom."
"Anytime, dear. Now stop your sniffling and go hug my girl for me. Her present should be there in time for the party this weekend so keep an eye out for it."
I promised her I would and said my goodbyes before splashing water on my face and rejoining my daughter for a good bedtime story.
So we're definitely winding down here. There are still 7 or 8 chapters and a little epi left but things are starting to come together for these two. Thanks to everyone for your continued support. It's been incredible.
