Author's Notes: Many thanks to all for the detailed reviews and discussion! Please keep it coming! This chapter deals heavily with themes of PTSD, based on my research and even some personal experience (if on a much, much smaller scale). Also, Russian translations (for words other than the trigger words - I figure everyone knows those by now!) are at the end of the chapter.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

WAKANDA…

After another week of Bucky's treatment, they were close. Almost close enough to be ready to put the triggers to the test again. But Bucky balked when Dr. Kelile wanted to eliminate the conditioning associated with "Sputnik."

"We should leave that one in," he insisted. "In case we've missed something, and you ever need to...stop me."

"That word's too common, especially if you're ever planning on being anywhere near public eye again," Wanda told him.

"You're not gonna need it," Steve agreed.

Bucky shot Steve a withering look. "Maybe not, but on the off-chance I am ever able to be in the public eye again, I doubt half the world's armies are going to take your words for it. Unless they know there's a failsafe, the order will still be to shoot me on sight or stick me in a box that runs current through my arm again."

Steve turned away, and Wanda managed not to snap at Bucky. That was uncalled-for! Sometimes it felt as if it wasn't enough for Bucky to punish himself; he took it further and punished everyone who cared for him, Steve above all others.

But where Bucky hid behind his shame of himself like a shield, Steve's distress could (eventually) draw him out of it. After an uncomfortable silence in front of Wanda and the doctors, Bucky softened. "Ask Stark. He's the closest to what we'll be up against if I ever get my day in court, everyone who's seen what I was capable of before. There's a reason he's watching, and it's not because he's over it. Nor reason for him to be," Bucky added grimly.

So the following day, King T'Challa arrived with Tony in tow. Tony gave Bucky a patented Stark Smirk and announced, "Sput-"

Everyone lunged forward while Bucky jerked away.

"STARK!"

"Tony, no!"

"Hey!"

"Don't!"

" - tering succotash," Tony finished, grinning snidely at T'Challa, having just barely managed to dodge the king's hand attempting to block his mouth.

Steve just let out a furious, inarticulate growl, T'Challa drew breath for what was either a lecture or a threat, but Dr. Kelile pointed at the door and roared, "OUT! I will not allow this behavior towards my patient!"

T'Challa jerked Stark back towards the door, practically - well - sputtering in anger, but Bucky stepped forward. "Wait!"

Everyone hesitated and stared at him. To Wanda's complete disgust, both Tony's sneer and her view into his thoughts said that he'd expected nothing less. You're well aware that Bucky needs your help, and you intend to have fun with it, to push as far as you possibly can for as long as you can get away with it.

"You promised!" she exploded at him.

Everyone except Tony stared at her in complete confusion – but Tony faltered. "I…" I wasn't really gonna do it! "I didn't hurt him."

"You promised," she hissed. "Do you really think you can just weasel around it by not touching him?"

His mind whirled with defensiveness – and creeping shame. Come on, she knew he wouldn't hurt Bucky, he was just fucking around, they were all making too much of it…right?

Before Tony could come up with a firm answer, T'Challa added a weight to the scale. "Remember that you're my guest, Mr. Stark," he purred in Tony's ear. "If you try anything like that again, you will be my guest no longer."

Tony's eyes darted briefly towards the king, and Wanda managed not to smirk herself as doubt darted through Stark's head. Did that mean that T'Challa would withdraw his promised assistance to Rhodey? Would T'Challa be that petty?

If you judge T'Challa by your own base measure, Tony Stark, you will have to assume that he would be, Wanda thought, still fuming. How dare he make light of this after everything they'd said to each other?

To her disappointment, rather than let the standoff go on until Stark was forced to yield, Bucky broke in. "Stark. You know what I'm asking them for, and you know why. If this works, I want to come forward and let the ICC have their day with me, however it goes." Steve failed to hold back a flinch at hearing that. The naked pain on his face was as hard to look at as it was for Wanda to feel it inside him. Now Tony's eyes darted towards Steve, partly with resentment, but this time also with a sympathy that he didn't want to admit to, even to himself.

All the effort, all the desperation and risk Steve Rogers had gone to, just to keep Bucky Barnes safe, and it was still possible it would all come to nothing, and the raging mobs or even a court of law might still tear his friend apart. As Steve had feared since before bringing Bucky out of cryo, Bucky was choosing to take that on.

And Tony couldn't help noticing the way Bucky avoided Steve's eyes as he went on, "I want Hydra out of my head, but we need a failsafe. In case we've missed something. We could keep that word."

Stark sighed and raised his hands at the medics, and this time, T'Challa let go, though he remained very close and poised to grab Tony again. "The words are the anchors of the conditioning. If you keep one, even a failsafe, you run the risk that the conditioning won't break down. You'd do better to implant something new." That last point, he directed at Dr. Kelile, who drew herself up (all five feet) in offense, but still looked quite intimidating. "Look, Doc, I'm not calling you Hydra. I know you don't torture people, but you couldn't have unwritten his programming without understanding how Hydra wrote it in the first place. A new failsafe might protect your patient better than any promises or even physical restraints, and if it's separate and apart from Hydra's stuff, then Hydra's stuff'll keep breaking down."

Tony Stark could be very persuasive when he was speaking in a rational manner and not acting like a complete bastard, Wanda had to admit. Dr. Kelile sighed and looked reluctantly at T'Challa, who stepped a little further from Stark. "Could this be done without injuring him?" the king asked the doctors.

There was no missing the hope in Bucky's eyes. Dr. Damaris was the one who chose to answer. "Yes. To trigger a reaction of unconsciousness is by far the simplest conditioning possible. In theory, we've known it could be done long before we saw Hydra's work on Sergeant Barnes."

"It's inhumane," Dr. Kelile muttered.

"It's really not, you know," Bucky said.

"Your judgment is clouded, James!" Dr. Kelile snapped, pointing at him. All four men actually jumped back. Steve and Tony, though, were the ones most affected, and from both of their minds, Wanda heard the echo: "Your judgment is askew, Cap!" "You've been brutalized and terrorized for so long that you have no conception of medical ethics or human decency any longer, particularly when it comes to yourself! To 'program' a human being to lose all of his agency and judgment at the sound of a word is an abomination, no matter how well-intentioned the reasons!"

Dr. Damaris stepped towards her, but spoke to Bucky. "I understand that you're frightened." Bucky looked down. "The last time you were free in the world, Zemo employed the entire United Nations in his scheme to hunt you down and bring you under his control again. There is no fate more terrifying. Now freedom feels close again, and it's natural that your fear is growing."

Bucky clutched the edge of the nearest chair and muttered, "Do you know what I did after Zemo got to me? I killed people...again. He told me to escape and meet him in Siberia, and I went after anybody that got in my way." He gestured at Steve, Tony, and T'Challa without looking at them. "Ask them how many people died. I don't even know, not really. I could've killed more. Might've killed all of them. He had to crash a fucking helicopter to stop me. 'f it happens again...I can't...please, I can't just take it on faith!"

T'Challa said quietly, "I understand. The threat Hydra poses to you, along with anyone else who has access to your triggers, is unique in the world." He looked at Dr. Kelile, whose eyes seemed to almost plead with him.

No, don't make me do this.

"Is there a way that it could be done without using Hydra's conditioning, and so that there's no danger of any stranger discovering the world by accident?"

"A sequence, like they used. Different words," said Bucky. "You'd know them. Steve and Wanda and Stark. I could live with that."

Stark opened his mouth to say, So could I, but thought better of it and said nothing. Instead, he looked at Wanda and nodded. Okay.

"I don't want to do it," said Dr. Kelile.

T'Challa sighed. "I do not think anyone in this room exactly 'wants' to do it." Bucky gave him a wry, but very tired smile.


For all Dr. Kelile was sickened by the necessity, it didn't take her long. Steve didn't like it any more than she did, but he stayed for the whole procedure. Bucky and Wanda picked out the words:

"Tablitsa." Table, in Russian.

"Swobodza." Autonomy, in Sokovian.

"Sketchbook." English.

Those three words were written down nowhere, kept solely inside their heads, three unrelated words in three different languages. After a few days of carefully working them into Bucky's mind, with no more pain or stress than any of the other procedures as far as Steve could tell, Dr. Kelile summoned King T'Challa and Tony. "We are ready to test them."

Steve told the words to Tony. "Memorize them," T'Challa ordered. "And do not use them as a joke, Stark, unless you truly want to test my good will."

Tony huffed, but to Steve's surprise, he looked from T'Challa to Wanda and said, "I won't. Relax, I won't do that."

T'Challa read the words as Bucky sat beside Steve on the bench in the bunker interrogation room. "Tablitsa…swobodza…sketchbook."

It worked. Hearing those three words in a row, Bucky slumped into Steve's arms, out like a light, but breathing easily with a steady pulse.

When he awakened twenty minutes later, Bucky smiled at Dr. Kelile and said softly, "Thank you." For a second, Steve thought the little spitfire of a medic might cry.

With that test done, Wanda searched Barnes' memory for over two hours, practically cuddling him in the process, but she didn't identify any other triggers of any kind buried in his brain. So whatever vague fears Bucky (and Tony) still harbored, it seemed Hydra had placed all their chips on ten phrases that would turn their prisoner into their master assassin, and one word that would knock him out if all else failed.


Ten days later, Tony found himself in the bunker again behind a glass wall. T'Challa was on the other side in his armor, all except the cat-hat of his. Steve was suited up, but also in black. He'd shied away from wearing the old Captain America uniform even now that the shield was back in his hands.

Dr. Damaris held the sheet in her hands with Hydra's ten trigger words, behind Steve and T'Challa and four of T'Challa's hot bodyguards.

Wanda and the rest of the Secret Avengers, even Romanoff, stood on the other side of the glass around Tony, along with the doctors monitoring Barnes' brainwaves.

Now here they were, waiting to see if Dr. Kelile and Dr. Damaris and all of Wakanda's resources were enough to cut Hydra's strings. Tony couldn't help thinking of Ultron.

Barnes was the only one on the other side of that glass not suited up. The guy was one tall statue of tension and fear. His one arm was wrapped around his stomach, his jaw clenched, his eyes avoiding everyone else's - even Rogers, who looked more openly desperate. Tony doubted he'd need Wanda's power to know what Rogers was thinking - or praying: Please let this have worked.

"When you're ready," Dr. Damaris said.

Barnes swallowed hard, then nodded, a quick, sharp jerk of his head.

"Zhelaniye...Rshavyy...Semnadtsat..." Wanda flinched next to Tony. Oh shit. He could hear people breathing harder, and on the other side of the glass, Barnes was breathing harder.

"...Rassvet...Pech'...Devyat'...Dobroserdechnyy..." Barnes squeezed his eyes shut. Jesus, the guy was fucking terrified. Closer by, Tony could smell sweat and fear. He wanted out of here. He locked his joints, pretended it was his armor, and made himself rigid. "Vozrashcheniye na rodinu...Odin..." Barnes was hyperventilating. T'Challa was shifting his weight forward, ready for...whatever came next. "Gruzovoy vagon."

A noise escaped Wanda at Tony's right - a sob. Barnes' eyes snapped open.

Oh god oh god oh fuck...

Someone else near Tony gulped. Nobody moved.

Barnes looked at Dr. Damaris, eyes intense. The sheet trembled in her hands. "Soldat?" she asked warily. "Are you...ready to comply?"

Silence. People breathed raggedly...Barnes was trembling too. Tony couldn't be sure of what might be going on now, inside of his head...

Barnes drew breath. The Dora Milaje tensed.

And Bucky Barnes smiled as he answered the doctor in a whisper: "Go to hell."

All around Tony, the tension snapped like a rubber band. People gasped, blurted out "yes!" and "thank God" and Wakandan words Tony didn't know, but on the other side of the glass, as T'Challa grinned, James Buchanan Barnes swayed on his feet and began to sob.

Steve dropped the shield and lunged, pulling his friend into his arms, but it wasn't enough to keep Barnes from sinking to his knees.

Tony had seen Barnes collapse once before, that day before all this treatment started and Barnes had nearly run Tony over while running out of the hospital. But it hadn't been like this, not shuddering himself apart with sobs that seemed to come from the marrow of his bones. It was giving Tony some kind of cognitive dissonance to see the Winter Soldier cry so hard.

Especially because, when Cap looked up at T'Challa and the medics, this was unmistakably the happiest Tony had ever seen Steve Rogers. He dashed the back of his hand across his own wet face, completely unashamed, and went back to rubbing Barnes' shoulders as he whispered to T'Challa, Kelile, and Damaris, "Thank you. Thank you."

Tony glanced around and kind of wished he hadn't. Not a dry eye in the room except me and the hot bodyguards. Well, maybe Romanoff, but even she was grinning like a proud parent, patting Wanda's shoulders and whispering her congratulations and praise. Well, yeah, fair enough, that was quite a coup Wanda had achieved, taking part in something like this. Too bad Vision wasn't here to see it.

Over Clint's shoulder, Wanda suddenly looked at Tony. He managed a thin smile. "Nice work, kid. See you all later."

He left the bunker. He was pretty sure Rogers and Barnes never even noticed.


In hindsight, the part of Bucky not completely fucking exhausted was a little embarrassed by how completely he'd broken down in front of the king of Wakanda and nearly all of the Avengers, but in the end, it just didn't matter that much.

"It's over," Steve kept whispering to him, rubbing his back.

After finally winding down, Bucky made everyone groan by asking, "Can you...do it one more time? Someone else? Just to be sure?"

But there was laughter too, and Romanoff raised a hand. "I'll give it a go."

"Best Russian pronunciation in the building," Clint agreed. "Can't hurt."

"As you wish," said T'Challa, though neither he nor Steve nor even the guards resumed the tension of the first test.

The words still scared Bucky. There was no getting around that. His insides clenched, his stomach lurched, his throat tightened with each passing one, but...different, because at the end, though she addressed him in Russian just as Karpov used to do, "Dobroye utro, Soldat. U menya yest' missiya dlya vas," he was able to answer.

"Yebat sebya," he retorted.

"Well, that was just rude!" she retorted in English and smirked as everyone started laughing in relief.

Bucky got up as the guards let Wanda into the secure room, and she nearly knocked him off his feet with a fierce hug. "Thank you," he murmured in her ear in Sokovian. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

He looked past her and switched to Wakandan, and repeated it to Dr. Kelile, Dr. Damaris, and King T'Challa, who beamed as they watched. "I never...I couldn't..." Never thought it was possible, couldn't imagine how...or even why... "Thank you."

"It is our honor," said T'Challa. "And our pleasure to see you free."

Free?

He made T'Challa, Steve, and Sam Wilson repeat the words to him again, once more. Just to be sure.

Free.

Part of him wanted to run out into the open and keep running, screaming at the sky. It's over, you fucking pieces of shit, OVER! It's undone, everything you put in me, all those years of your work, all those years of your merciless shit, it's GONE! I'm not yours anymore, I'll never be yours again, fuck you! Now I'm gonna find you all and make you fucking PAY FOR IT!

The other part of him wanted to crawl into the darkest corner of this bunker and not come out for...a long time. Cryo might no longer be an option, but some part of Bucky still wished it was. The world was still...too much. Too many people.

"Perhaps now he'll allow us to give him his left arm," one of the medics was saying over the buzzing in Bucky's ears.

Two arms again, yes...no, wait, no, too much...too risky, too fast...can't...can't…can't…

Steve and Wanda's hands tightened on him, and Dr. Damaris said, "Yes, but first let us allow him to rest. This process has been exhausting, even in success. It will keep. Would you prefer to stay in your accommodations here, or return to the palace with your friends?"

Bucky managed not to hide his face like a scared kid, but was relieved no end when Wanda answered for him. "We'll, ah, stay here a few more days, if it's not an inconvenience."

"It's not at all," T'Challa reassured her. "Come, my friends. The rest of us should return to the palace. It has been a long day."

The rest of the team got the message to give Bucky space, and said their farewells with murmurs of "congratulations" to Bucky and praise and amazement to T'Challa and the two doctors for their work. Bucky was dimly aware of Romanoff saying to Dr. Kelile what he had wanted to say but hadn't been able to articulate: "I never would've believed this was possible, and I know Hydra wouldn't either. You've defeated them on a deeper level than anyone ever has."

I should be the one saying that. Why aren't I saying that? I need to say more, I owe them more, what the hell's wrong with me?

Wanda's fingers ran through his hair, and he flinched. "I won't use my power without asking, you know that," she scolded gently.

It took him a couple of tries to get up and keep his feet under him. The Wakandans politely pretended not to notice how heavily he had to lean on Steve and Wanda just to walk, or how hard he was still shaking.

Why's this happening? It's over, why's this still happening?

"It'll pass," Wanda whispered. "Let's just get you home."

Where's home now? What do I do now?

Walking back to the house was a blur of sky and too-bright sun and trying desperately not to flinch at the sound of other voices or collapse from the weight of...of...what was left.

When they made it to his room, instead of his bed, Bucky just sank to the floor and huddled there, biting his knuckles. Steve held onto him, the source of gravity when the world was spinning of its axis, but when Wanda offered, "I can go and give you some space," Bucky's hand shot out and caught her arm. He didn't even know why, but she just said, "Okay," and sat down on his other side.

Why's this happening now? If it's over, why does it feel like this?

"It happens," she told him, combing her fingertips through his hair. "Often, when everything's over, that's when it happens. When we finally feel safe." There was dry humor in her voice. "I had to see a psychologist just to join the Avengers, so I learned this before I ever came to Wakanda. After Sokovia...for a while, it happened to me. It gets better."

It happens when we finally feel safe. Bucky looked up and met Steve's soft eyes. He couldn't see into minds like Wanda, but he knew Steve understood. Bucky could tell. Bucky let himself sink further against Steve side, and released Wanda's hand. "Thanks," he mumbled.

She patted him gently and left them alone.

"Did you ever?" he asked Steve. Like this, just…crumble? Hide?

"Mm-hm. Couple of times, actually. I don't think there's any one of us who hasn't, at least once. It's okay, Buck. I've got you." You can feel safe now. You can break now, if you want. You and me, we've both done it before. Back then. Back there. So far away, so long ago...but doesn't feel like it sometimes. You just wander, trying to figure out where you are and what the hell happened.

"There's still so much I don't remember."

Steve sighed. "I wish I could promise you'll get it back - or that you won't. But there's no way to know, if even Wanda and the doctors can't be sure."

"Dunno if I want it back or not."

"Yeah, I don't blame you, pal." Bucky shivered, and Steve pulled him tighter. "But...you remember what I told you on the helicarrier? I'm with you till the end of the line."

"Yeah. I remember...that's when I remembered, when it started to come back. And I...I..." ...couldn't. Not him, never him, what the hell am I doing - his face, did I do that? ...Steve? No, what am I doing - wait, no, Steve, can't...hold on, hold on...with you till the end of the line...my name…is…?

"I'm here. I've got you." When Bucky's eyes focused on him again, Steve went on, "I was remembering too, what you said to me before you said that, back in Brooklyn. I told you I could manage alone, after my mom died."

Bucky nodded. "I...yeah, I remember. I said...you didn't...have to."

"Right." This time, Bucky let Steve pull him up and half-drag him to bed, cover him and crawl in next to him. He remembered a smaller Steve, so tired, so weak from coughing and wheezing, nothing to burn in the stove, and the layers and layers of blankets and quilts that Bucky crawled under to be next to him and help keep him warm. "Neither do you. You made me believe that, and I never forgot it. It's gonna go both ways, all the way to the end of the line." A smaller Steve had grunted and mock-grumbled as Bucky staggered from sheer exhaustion after a long day, too tired to think about going to a dance hall, too tired to sit up at the kitchen table and eat supper, so Steve had hauled him to bed and tucked him in, practically spoon-fed him so he'd have something on his stomach and sat there, the last thing Bucky remembered as he drifted off.

"I r'member now," Bucky murmured. So damn tired and groggy he could barely form words, but this was important. "Didn't...after the river, didn't r'member that right away. Was a while, months. Couldn't...saw you 'n me in the museum and still couldn't...Steve, 'm sorry."

"Shhh. It's okay, Buck. I understand. Now it's gonna get better. Just give it time, and I'm gonna be with you. Let me look after you."

"Di'n't...happen..." Couldn't make the words work anymore, so he gave up. Didn't happen...those two years after the river, didn't happen like this...dunno why...guess I never felt safe before...

To Be Continued...

Coming Soon: Bucky Barnes is free. Natasha speaks for the fugitive Avengers before the International Criminal Court, and T'Challa shocks the world when he moves to settle a very old account!

PLEASE don't forget to review!

Dobroye utro, Soldat. U menya yest' missiya dlya vas - (Russian) "Good morning, Soldier, I have a mission for you."

Yebat sebya - (Russian) "Go fuck yourself."

Original Character Guide

Dr. Kelile: Senior physician of Wakandan medical research and hospitals, head of the medical research team treating Bucky. Age 50ish, five-foot-one.

Dr. Damaris: Psychologist/psychiatrist keeping an eye on the Avengers at T'Challa's instruction and heading the psychiatric aspects of Bucky's treatment. Mid-40s, has studied both at home and abroad.