Chapter Twenty Eight
She wasn't sure what to do now. The one thing she knew for sure was that she wasn't going anywhere. If she stayed through this, if she stood her ground in the face of his anger, eventually he would know that she was staying no matter what. She didn't know why she was so upset. She had known this was going to happen and those harsh words he had thrown at her was probably just the beginning of her penance. She knew that she would have to face his wrath but she hadn't expected it to feel like this. She was hell bent on staying but she had little hope of them following through with the tentative relationship that they had started over half a year ago. They had never had a chance to evaluate the emotional aspect of that relationship because their brief time together had been so physical.
It wasn't his anger that had her lungs closing up and her chest aching. It was the hurt that fueled that anger. She saw it. It was like a physical thing wrapped around him and she was the cause of it. It made her sick to her stomach. And the awful tears wouldn't stop flowing. For him to say the things he had said to her only showed her how much pain she had caused him. Rick had told her that almost everyone but Daryl had taken rooms close to the apartment that he shared with Carl and Judith. Daryl was the one that had chosen one furthest away so she prayed silently that the door to the room next to his was an empty one. When her eyes adjusted to the darkness she saw that it was, indeed, empty.
She'd had a lot of time to think during those long months on the road and she realized that she hadn't taken advantage of that at all. She hadn't done a lot of thinking. If she had then she would have gotten here much sooner than this. Being responsible for another child was the thing that had pushed her but if she had let herself feel the loss of Daryl out there on the road she would have crawled here if she had to. Would he have forgiven her if she had came sooner? She wasn't sure.
~H~
Daryl waited a long time before he finally opened the door and was greeted by the flicker of firelight out in the middle of the yard. It was dark and overcast and growing colder, drawing him closer to the flame like a moth. From his room he couldn't do a head count but there were several people gathered there around the fire. He didn't let his eyes drift to take in the faces before he sat down.
"Here," Piper muttered, suddenly beside him.
He glanced down long enough to take the bowl from her, not even looking at the food before he dug in. Once he started chewing he paused and looked down. Even in this state he couldn't deny the fact that whatever the hell he was eating tasted like food from the God's. The sweetness nearly caused his jaws to lock up on him. He wasn't used to the taste but one thing that few people other than Merle knew about him was, before the world ended, he'd had an insatiable sweet tooth. "What the hell is this?" he asked, using his fingers to take another bite.
"Ol Luke, the goody good bastard, loaded Dick Grimes up with some stuff before he left. You must have tucked tail and ran by then though. Carol threw it together. It's the shit, right?" She asked, her own mouth full of the food. "It's peach something. You look like you're having a taste bud orgasm. Maybe that'll loosen you up."
He choked on the last bite and gave her a stern look. "Jesus, watch your damn mouth." He finally glanced around the fire. Carol was sitting between Rick and Lydon, not seeming to be paying any attention to anything but the fire. It reflected in her large eyes and he had to look away. Glenn was there too, talking to Tara and Rosita, their voices low.
"She's nice," Piper said, keeping her voice uncharacteristically low. "Even to me. Whatever you said to her earlier fucked her all up too. I can tell."
He cleared his throat. "Didn't say a damn thing that wasn't the truth. Why don't you mind your own damn business?" He asked, his voice dark.
"Because you're a big dumb ass," she answered with a shrug. "How long were you two together before she bailed?"
He glanced around again, making sure no one was paying any attention to them. Rick and Carol were talking, heads close together but her eyes were still on the flames, like Daryl wasn't there at all. He shook his head, looking back down at her. It was hard to believe that someone so damn small could have such a big personality, and be such a huge pain in his ass. He didn't answer her question. He was finished discussing his failed attempt at romance.
"Do you want her to leave?"
He looked over at her, his eyes narrowed. "If I did then I'd make her take you with her."
She grinned. "No you wouldn't. There is totally some kind of weird paternal instinct in that terribly guarded heart of yours, old man. I'm already in. You wouldn't ship me off to face this cruel world all on my own."
He growled under his breath, shaking his head. "Maybe not but I wouldn't mind trading you for a quieter version."
"So, her husband used to beat her ass, huh?" Piper asked suddenly, still keeping her voice low enough so only he could hear it.
He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, face flaming because now he knew that the little shit had stood outside the door and listened to everything. "Drop it," he said, unable to keep the menace from his voice.
"Have you ever really sat down and thought about why she would leave? You ever think that maybe she didn't feel like she deserved you?"
He snorted. "You don't know what you're talkin' about. I said drop it."
"I'm horrible at taking orders. You don't want to think about that, do you? You're just as much of a pussy as she is. Both of you running the other way. You got lucky back before she left. You both managed to pull your heads out of your asses on the same day. Then it all went to shit again. I'm getting warm, huh? I can tell because you look like you want to strangle me and if I wasn't hitting the nail right on the head then you wouldn't look like that."
"Piper!" He barked, causing everyone around them to jump and then stare at them. "Shut the fuck up!" He said, lowering his voice.
She met his angry gaze. "No." She stood up, dusting off the seat of her pants. "Hey," she said, getting the attention of everyone. "Daryl and Carol need a minute. How bout we all head on over to Dick's to hang out."
"It's Rick, Piper," Rick said, giving the girl a knowing look.
Piper shrugged. "I call'em like I see'em." At that she turned and started walking towards the apartment.
He was shocked to see the rest of them all get up as well, actually listening to the little shit. He met Rick's eyes, shaking his head slightly. Rick gave him a sympathetic smile and shrugged. When he looked across the fire Carol was sitting there, her knees pulled up to her chest. The boy was with her, looking at her worriedly before his eyes slid over to meet Daryl's. The look wasn't a friendly one. He leaned in and said something but Daryl couldn't hear him. She turned and smiled slightly, muttering something and then the kid got up and walked away.
She didn't meet his gaze. It was like he still wasn't there at all and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. It was what he wanted, right? He wasn't sure what to do now, which confused him further. He should have gotten up and walked back to his room, or relieved someone from watch, but he didn't. He sat there and he waited. She was the one that finally made a move.
She stood up quickly. "Don't be to hard on her. She really does mean well," she said quietly, still not looking at him, and then hurried around the fire, walking swiftly towards his room. He frowned and watched her but it wasn't his door she disappeared behind. It was the one next to his. He hadn't realized that she had moved into that one. He assumed she would choose one closer to the others. Or at least one as far away from him as she could get.
She was right. The kid meant well but this was to much. Everything was getting more and more messed up the more the kid tried to help. He replayed Carol's words from earlier over and over in his mind. At this point it didn't really matter how they made him feel. She had given him an explanation. She had given him excuses. The one thing that she hadn't said was that she was sorry for what she did. Would it have mattered at all? He doubted it. She had said that leaving had been a mistake but if that had been true then why had it taken her so damn long to get here?
He stood up and stretched, his eyes involuntarily moving to the window of her room. There was a soft light behind the curtains. Before he realized what he was doing he had taken several steps towards the room. He stopped in his tracks. He shook his head and quickly veered off towards the wall. He wasn't doing that. Jesus! It hadn't even been twenty four hours and he was subconsciously walking right up to her door.
He hurried up the ladder and walked across the roof until he found a good spot to sit down and finally take his turn on watch. Michonne waved and then climbed down from the other roof, probably thankful he was finally pulling his weight around here. Sometimes he left after nightfall and stayed away until morning. That way he could sleep most of the day, take an early watch and then leave again. He glanced down across the yard and was surprised to see that Carol had thrown the curtain open and was now standing in the window, her arms wrapped around herself as she gazed out at the night. He pulled his legs up, resting his chin on his knees. He didn't feel guilty for watching her from here. Not like when he watched her another time. This time was different though. The longing was different, more bitter than sweet.
