Casualty Reports.


Still at Cheyenne Mountain due to his Pentagon office being under repair, Col. Sharp gets a call. "Sharp here."

"Sharon here, that lame-o brat Freddy totally lost the puck, uncle Shaw." Scarlett reported in a Californian accent.

"Colin again?" The Col. asked her.

"Naw, he said it was Zack and his stooges, or some junk. Weird thing is, he said they like, took it from Dustin too." She replied.

"...I see, I'll let the fella's at the station know. Take care, young lady." The Col. said, then hung up.

"What's the word, Sharp?" Gen. Schwarzkopf asked him.

"Seems the Dreadnoks stole the Laser Core, sir. From us, and Cobra." Sharp replied.

"Them too? Well, they're only hired muscle; so it's not that surprising. Question is what their plan is." The General said in response.

"Good point, sir. The Soviets and the Chinese would give billions for the Laser Core." Sharp replied.

"Them, and a boatload of other psychopaths." The General added.


At Zartan's hideout, the Dreadnoks are moving the Laser Core. "Blimey, dis tingy's...'eaveyah den it looks." Torch says.

"Ya...can say dat again, Torch." Ripper said.

"Blimey, dis-"

"Shut up, you retards, and keep moving." Zartan said, kicking Ripper in the leg.


At the Cobra Temple, Cobra Commander ends the connection to Destro. "You certain we should just rush in?" Scrap Iron asked.

"Are you sssecond guessing me?" The Commander asked back.

"Ah, it just seemed a bit too easy to trace him, Commander." Scrap Iron said to him.*

"...Irrelevant, my force'ss wont be stopped by sssome marsh dweller with only three lackeys, especially not when they and the Joes wear each other down. Hahahaha." Cobra Commander answered.


After Storm Shadow got away with the Hydro-Master, Scarlett is addressing the two Green-shirts, Short-Fuze, and Zap, who were all trembling. "-No 'count, dumbass, blind wastes of space!" She shouts at them.

"Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am." They reply, only for her to stomp a foot.

"Ya'll address me as sir till da 2IC returns; yah hear me, scum suckers!" She yelled as she squished Short-Fuze's mouth, too worked up to notice her southern accent.

"Yes sir, sorry sir!" They all say.

"Good, now ya'll confined to quarta's till Flint returns, and better pray he ain't...isn't more pissed than i am." She said and pointed to the door, which they ran for.


Once Flint's team returned, Scarlett informed him of the theft and the aftermath. "-nd then Short-Fuze started wetting himself." She said, as Recondo, Blowtorch, Gung-Ho, and Shipwreck walked in.

"Delgado? You damn pile of crap!" Cutter said as he noticed the sailor.

"Uh, hiya Skippy." Shipwreck replied, clearly nervous about something.

"You know dis feller, Cutter?" Wild Bill asked.

"He went and left my sister Tasha at the altar in Coney Island." Cutter replied, causing all the other Joes in the room to turn to a sheepish looking Shipwreck.

"You sure have a way with people, don't you?" Mutt asks, as he and Flint remember how steamed Sikorski was.

"Yeah, about that; it was these mobsters i was really running from, ya see." Shipwreck explained.

"Mobsters?" Cutter asked as he raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, just cause i have one little conversation with the boss's wife...or was it one of his mistresses?" Shipwreck replied.

"...Can we discuss this later, we have to get to Zartan's hideout before Cobra does. Any volunteers?...Then move out. Yo Joe!" Flint asked.

"Yo Joe!" Everyone else replied.


While making their way to the amusement park, Ripcord spoke in to his walkie talkie. "Have to ask, sir, if we couldn't just let these guys tear into each other before we do this."

"Tempting, but negative; we can't risk the chance either of them will escape again, now follow your orders." Flint told him.


At the Temple's store room, Snake-eyes watches Roadblock picking up a jar. He wonders what the new guy is planning, strongly doubting that some vines are able to do anything, but goes along with the plan anyway.

Sept 14, 1994 at the Hinton residence.

Roadblock gets a letter from Japan. "...He still won't give up bringing that little fiasco back like a pup." He says to himself as he crinkles up yet another sketch of himself holding a glass jar.


"I'm getting dizzy!" Airborne says as his Skystriker is tossed about.

"Mah seats splittin' from da heat!" Gung-Ho says as he gets out of his V.A.M.P.

"The fuel lines are frozen up." Cover-Girls says as her Wolverine stops.


Destro makes his escape...along with Zartan. "Get off of there this instant, you calamitous wretch." Destro says.

"Nah, the views much better up here." Zartan replied.

"Get off now before we both die!"

"This is your captain speaking; if you look to your feet, you will notice a pessimistic door knob."

"Tha mi a 'tionndadh do claigeann a-steach pàipear-cuideam!"**

"You give it to The Baroness with that mouth?"

"Zartan!"


While waiting for the vines to dry up, two hands cover Duke's eyes. "Guess who." He heard from behind him.

"...Katharine Hepburn?" He asked with a smirk

"Almost."

"Lori Singer?"

"Maybe."

"Artemis?"

"Getting warmer."

"Ok, i give up, who are you?" Duke asked, only for Scarlett to put him in a wrestling hold.

"I'm wondering who your friend is this time, buster." She said to him.

"Ow, ow, ow; ask...Roadblock. She just showed up with him a half hour ago, i swear." He told her.

"It's a fact, girl; we got here while he and Snake-Eyes were getting rattle smacked." Roadblock said.

"And ah met him a couple days ago when he done hopped in mah company truck." Honda Lou added as she pointed to him.

"...Ok, i believe you, just he's been in this situation before, Miss..." Scarlett said as she let Duke go.

"Honda-Lou West. Like i told him, I'm da president 'n manager of Wild West haulin'" She said, offering a hand.

"Scarlett, G.I. Joe intel division." She replied as the two shook hands. "So how did it go this time, Duke?" She asked him.

Flashback to 39 hours after his capture.

Duke is chained up in an interrogation room with Cobra Commander, Destro, and a Blue-shirt.

"Answer me, what is your command code for your base?" The Commander demanded.

"1800 hissyfit-oof." Duke replied before the Blue-shirt punched him in the gut.

"You are a glutton for punishment, aren't you. Your command code; now." The Commander asked again.

"Go stick your rattle down you-" Duke was about to be kicked with a steel toed boot when he slammed the troopers head into the table, then slipped the metal part off his boot and bashed the Commander in his mask, cracking a piece off. Duke's smirk turns into shock as he sees a deep blue eye on his captors forehead.

"Co...Commander..."/"How is that...What are you?" He asked as he and Destro both stepped back, only for the Commander to beat him unconscious with his cane.

End flashback.

"I can't remember much. But i can say atleast that there were no giants this time." Duke answered, referring to Ramar.


When the Joes return to H.Q. after locking Cobra Commander in another high security prison, they are in the assembly room with Duke and Flint at the stage with several Green-shirts.

"After a review of all actions taken during my absence, it is my privilege to promote the following members of the Green-shirt corps to full time members of G.I. Joe:

Kurt Schnurr, codename: Airtight.

Albert Pine, codename: Alpine.

Gabriel Kelly, codename: Barbecue.

David Katzenbogen, codename: Bazooka.

Malcolm Willoughby, codename: Deep-Six.

Ronald Tadur, codename: Dusty.

Andrew Meyers, codename: Footloose.

Farley Seward, codename Frostbite.

Hector Delgado, codename: Shipwreck.

Chuck Goren, codename: Tollbooth.

Please follow Quartermaster chief Walker so you can be fitted for your new uniforms, men." Duke said to them.


Following the promotion ceremony, the Joes are in the commissary celebrating the events of the last few days. Most of them were dancing to the country song Wild Bill was playing. Roadblock and Gung-Ho were fixing the food. Clutch, Stalker, and Shipwreck were getting chased out by Cover-Girl and five other women with some of the utensils. Bazooka and Breaker were seeing who could make the biggest bubble without popping it.

After being informed that Beachhead had survived, albeit with 27 broken bones, Duke and Flint entered the room. The CO went to break-up the pursuit, while Flint saw Lady-Jaye, Scarlett, and Blowtorch singing something, but couldn't tell if it was a foreign language or just slurring, so he decided to find out.

"-ár rinnsear romhainn,
Ag lámhach go tréan fá'n sár- bhrat séin
Tá thuas sa ghaoith go seolta;
Ba dhúthchas riamh d'ár gcine cháidh
Gan iompáil riar ó imirt áir,
'Siubhal mar iad i gcoinnibh rámhaid
Seo libh, canaidh amhrán na bhFiann.***" They were, badly, singing when they noticed him.

"Hey there, laddie! 'ere fer some of da brew, are ye?" Blowtorch asked him before taking a swig.

"Yeah, da~rink up, sherr!" Scarlett slurred, and offered a bottle while knocking two others over.

"Maybe on-wha-Lady-Jaye?" He asked as he got pulled away and dropped it.

"Ye can 'ave some lateh Dashy, wanna danshy." She slurred, then snorted at herself.

"Dashy? How many have you had?" He asked her, waving away the smell coming from her breath.

"Uh, shixity?" She answered, while holding up four fingers.

"...Not sure you should, you might regret it later." He said, only for her to make a pouty face.

"Layder?, but i wanna dansh now." She whined, then belched in his face.

"Aye laddie, do a jig with thae lady, why dun' ye?" Blowtorch asked, as he and Scarlett raised the bottles.

"Give it a go, pardner."

Snake-Eyes gave a "go-on" gesture.

"Does da homme even know how?"

"Twenty bucks says he can, here ya go man."

"Twenty-six for two left feet."

"...Fine, but just one." Flint said as he nudged some shards under the table with his foot, causing a cheer from them. "What language was that just now?" He asked her.

"Eye...resh, zey dun actshuly speak enghylish." Lady-Jaye explained.

"You sure; you don't look it." He asked next, but she shook her head.

"Nope, ahm haff Shcot, if ye musht know." She told him, then sat down.

"Oh, can you teach me some?" He asked as he did the same.

"Awwraity; umm...Ssha mee Allishon." She answered.

"Sha mi Dash****?" He asked to make sure, and she nodded.

"Mi sheòrssa de..." She said, then leaned forward before Flint caught her.


The next day after Lady-Jaye got over her hangover, she woke up on the floor from her overturned cot and made her way to Flint's office. "Something i can do for you, Lady-Jaye?"

"Just wondering what happened last night. Scarlett, Haruna, and Sally were laughing at me behind my back all morning." She replied.

"It's 3 in the afternoon, and we, or one of us was dancing last night." He answered.

"We what? I, uh-" She started to say.

"It's fine, you just had a bit too much to drink." He said, raising a hand.

"...Did anything else happen?" She asked as she tried to remember.

"I did ask about your language, you said it was Scottish; i think." He replied. "According to Blowtorch, you only got as far as Mi seorsa something before you fell asleep, then we took you to your quarters-don't get me wrong, we all left right away."

"I see, thanks...must have been Mi seòrsa de sgìth. Means I'm kind of tired." She explained.

"Oh, got anything else?" He asked her.

"...Gus an athuair.*****" She replied; he asked what it meant, but she only got up, winked, and left. He could only scratch his head before going over some more work until Duke ran in fifteen minutes later.

"Flint, Sharp just called; that damn sidewinder escaped again!"


Final chapter. Read and review. Thanks for reading...TBC.

*They assumed Zartans signal would have been harder to find.

**I will turn your skull into a paper-weight!

***Part of an Irish song called Amrhan na bhFiann (The soldiers song). Actually noticed after picking it, btw.

****Misspell intentional.

*****Until next time.