Author's Note: I'm back! Finally! And with an update! Sorry this one took me so long, you guys! I've been crazy busy with work and studying and dealing with my sick dog :( I'm not 100% sure how I feel about this tag, but then again, I feel that way about all my fics! A huge thank you to calikelley for her amazing beta skills with this one! I would be lost without you! Also, please keep in mind: in my universe (because I forgot about this ep) this comes after McKay and Mrs. Miller! Please don't forget that comments are love!

When Meredith comes back through the 'Gate without John, she thinks she's probably about fifty four seconds away from a panic attack. Behind her, she's vaguely aware of Ronon cursing loudly as Teyla grips her arm, pulling her towards the control room. She's surrounded by people and yet she feels totally and completely alone.

"Anything?" Elizabeth asks, hurrying down the stairs to meet them.

Meredith shakes her head dumbly and it's Teyla who finds her voice first. "There was no sign of Colonel Sheppard or our attackers."

"Covered their tracks well," Ronon grunts.

"He was… he was probably taken off world," Meredith says, swallowing hard around the lump in her throat. "I collected the last fifty or so 'Gate addresses that were dialed."

"Good," Elizabeth says, gripping Meredith's wrist in a way that she probably thinks is reassuring. "That's good, but since the transmission calling us to the planet was sent using a code we gave to the Genii, I think that's going to be our starting point."

"You're just going to ask the Genii if they took him?" Meredith asks incredulously. She never liked to lump Elizabeth in with all the idiots, but right about now, she's willing to make an exception.

"That's exactly what I intend to do," she responds and Meredith wonders if she knows that she thinks she's an idiot. If that eyebrow is any indication, it's a good possibility.

Meredith thinks she might just have to give in to the urge to tell Elizabeth just how stupid that idea is when the 'Gate activates.

"Incoming wormhole!" Chuck announces and for a second, Meredith can't breathe. She knows better than to hope it's John, but when it's not him, it takes every ounce of strength—and a little help from Ronon by way of his hand on her elbow—to keep herself upright.

She's never been one of these overly emotional women before, but this is John and while they haven't exactly said it before, she's fairly certainly that she's in love with him.

Scary fucking thought.

Even more so when she realizes she may never see him again.

Meredith shares a look with Teyla and Ronon when Ladon steps through the 'Gate and she wonders if she can grab Ronon's blaster and get a shot off before somebody stops her.

Ronon must know what she's thinking, because he gives her a feral grin before he turns on Ladon, snarling like a freaking bear or something. It would be frightening if it wasn't on John's behalf.

"What have you done with Sheppard?"

"Ronon," Elizabeth snaps. "He's here as our guest. Stand down."

Ronon narrows his eyes at Elizabeth and for a moment, he looks as though he'd like to punch her but instead, he gives a curt nod and steps back.

For the most part, Meredith blocks out whatever bullshit Ladon is spewing. She's never trusted him and she sure as hell doesn't trust him now.

"Just because you've decided you're going to play nice with him doesn't mean we have to," Meredith says and she's pretty sure that Elizabeth knows she's seething at this point. "He knows something about where they've taken him!"

"I assure you, Doctor McKay—"

"Save it! I'm not interested in anything you have to say, unless it's John's location," she snaps, her hands clenching into fists at her sides.

Screw the blaster, she thinks. It'll be more satisfying to feel her fists shattering his nose.

Smug fucker.

"While it's true that the codes were stolen from me, something I take full responsibility for, I assure you that we had nothing to do with Colonel Sheppard's disappearance. You have my full cooperation as well as that of my people."

Meredith snorts because this isn't the first time she's heard this bullshit.

"Perhaps this is just a part of your plan," Teyla says sagely and Meredith thinks she could probably kiss her for calling him out on that.

"Excuse me?"

"It would not be the first time," she reminds him. Meredith thinks she catches just the slightest hint of a smile when Teyla catches her eye.

Ladon's getting pissed now; that much is obvious but Meredith couldn't care less. She wants John and she wants him now.

"I say this rhetorically—since I should think that it's obvious—but if I were involved in this in any way, or if my intentions were anything less than honorable, would I have come to Atlantis at all?"

It's a good point but Meredith's not buying. Apparently, if the grunt is any indication, Ronon isn't either.

"Yeah, who knows? All I know is my friend has gone missing, and you had something to do with it," he says, and before Elizabeth can protest, Ronon's blaster is out again. "This time, it's not set to stun."

"Ronon!"

"This is—"

"—My call," Elizabeth interrupts, glaring at him in a way that, under normal circumstances, would make Meredith proud. Now, it only serves to piss her off more.

"Elizabeth!" Meredith screeches because she's had enough. John is missing and every fucking second they waste with this piece of scum is another minute without him.

"We'll handle this my way," Elizabeth says, turning to Ladon. "Come. We'll discuss this in my office… privately."

A large hand drops onto Meredith's shoulder and it's the only thing keeping her from flying apart completely. "This is…"

"Yup," Ronon says, squeezing gently. "We'll find him."

"Ladon had better fucking hope so," Meredith says through clenched teeth before she pulls away from Ronon and stalks out of the control room.

.::.

It's nearly an hour and a half before Meredith returns and when she does, she ignores the sympathetic stares she gets from nearly everyone in the control room. She has no clue when she became that girl, but it's really fucking irritating, so to rectify the situation, she barks angrily at Simpson and Zelenka.

"Don't you have better things to do than sitting on your asses up here? I can think of twenty five different simulations I expressly told you I wanted before tomorrow, so rather than wasting time, I suggest you scurry down to the labs and get on it!"

Almost immediately, Simpson is on her feet and running out of the control room, but Radek passes at a slower pace and pats her shoulder lightly. "Do not worry," he says, just loud enough for her to hear. "The Colonel will be fine."

At her side, Meredith's hand clenches into a fist but before she can follow through with her violent thoughts, Zelenka's already on his way out of the control room, muttering to himself in Czech.

"Obnoxious little man," she mutters angrily before she storms into Elizabeth's office. "Where do we stand?"

"Meredith—"

"—Where do we stand, Elizabeth? Are we just wasting time here, or what? It doesn't really look like you've accomplished much with him," she sneers, glaring at Ladon. "For all we know, his sole purpose is to keep you distracted long enough to—"

"Unscheduled off-world activation!" Chuck booms, startling Meredith from her rant. She doesn't wait for Elizabeth and Ladon as she sprints out of the office. "We're receiving a transmission."

"Bring it up," Elizabeth orders, crossing her arms over her chest in a stance that almost mirrors Meredith's.

Meredith is vaguely aware of Ronon and Teyla taking up positions behind her. She's grateful for their presence because she knows that out of everyone in the God damned city, they understand the best.

It makes her feel a little less alone.

Chuck isn't moving fast enough and Meredith is about two seconds away from shoving him out of the way and pulling up the transmission herself but before she gets a chance, a familiar face shows up on the screen and it's all she can do to keep from throwing up at the sight of it.

"Doctor Weir," Kolya greets, a smarmy smile on his scarred face. "If you're receiving this transmission, please respond."

"Who the hell is he?" Ronon growls, fingering his blaster.

"Acastus Kolya," Teyla says and Meredith can hear the dislike in her voice. "A Genii military leader who once tried to seize Atlantis. Ladon was a member of his strike team."

"I know you're there, Doctor. It would be pointless not to answer."

Elizabeth is struggling with herself. For a moment, it looks as though she's not going to answer, but then she frowns, her mind made up. "Open a channel."

Chuck nods and fumbles with the panel on his console before nodding.

"This is Doctor Weir," she says, her voice strong despite the hunch of her shoulders.

"Oh good," Kolya says, his ugly smile widening. "I'm glad you're there. I wanted to be certain you were there to see this."

Meredith's stomach is flipflopping almost violently and when Kolya steps aside to reveal a gagged John, bound to a chair, it's all she can do to keep from losing her breakfast. Behind her, Ronon growls again and his hand finds her wrist, steadying her slightly.

She wants to be offended, but she's just grateful.

"What have you done to him?" She asks, her voice stronger than she feels.

"Nothing whatsoever, Doctor McKay," Kolya responds.

"Let me rephrase: What are you planning to do?"

"It's simple, really," Kolya says. "I want to make a trade."

Meredith opens her mouth to respond, but she doesn't get a chance because Elizabeth cuts her off. "Before we continue this conversation another second, I want to speak with Sheppard."

"Be my guest."

"I'll rephrase that too," Meredith spits, when Kolya makes no move to remove the gag. "We want him to be able to speak with us too."

Kolya shrugs and offers the camera a grin. "Very well." Meredith watches, not breathing, as Kolya makes his way over to John and pulls the gag from his mouth.

"On my command authority, whatever he asks, don't do it, even—!"

John's voice cracks just slightly and before he can even finish, one of the guards is shoving the gag back into his mouth. Meredith is seething.

"Well, as you can see, he's his usual charming self," Kolya laughs, as though he's sharing in a private joke.

"Explain your terms, Kolya," Elizabeth orders and Meredith hates her for sounding so calm about all this.

"Fair enough. I've heard the familiar voices of yourself and Doctor McKay, though there is one person I know is there who has yet to speak. Ladon?"

"Why would Ladon be here?" Elizabeth asks, glaring at the man in question.

"To preserve his alliance with you. My sources have already confirmed he's there, so there's no point in denying the fact. Turn him over to me and Colonel Sheppard will be released immediately."

Elizabeth hesitates and inside, Meredith's screaming. In her mind, there is no question. Ladon for Sheppard? That's easy. Turn him over. "Elizabeth," she hisses.

"I'll… need time to consider your offer," Elizabeth says.

"Then please, allow me to expedite your decision."

"Elizabeth!" Meredith hisses again, though the blood in her face drains as movement on the screen catches her attention. Immediately, she realizes what Kolya intends to do and before she can stop herself, she's screeching at him. "Sheppard could have left you to rot down in that hole when we last met, Kolya! He doesn't deserve this!"

"Let's be clear, Doctor McKay: no one does."

Tears have filled Meredith's eyes without her consent and right then, she knows if Elizabeth doesn't give in, that their friendship will never be the same again. If she doesn't give in, there will be no friendship.

"Don't do this, Kolya," Elizabeth says. "Don't do it."

"The choice is yours, Doctor Weir," Kolya says, as a guard rips John's jacket open. "Do we have an agreement?"

"Elizabeth!" Meredith bellows, rushing forward. Ronon and Teyla grab her arms, pulling her back. "You can't do this! You can't, you can't, you…"

"Very well," Kolya says gravely before he turns and nods at the guards.

Meredith doesn't want to watch. She wants to turn away and hide her face, but she can't. It's like a horrific trainwreck that she can't look away from and she wants nothing more than to cry and beat the shit out of something as she watches the Wraith lower its feeding hand to John's chest and literally suck the life out of him.

In the back of her mind, she thinks she hears someone screaming. It's probably her, if the way Ronon and Teyla are squeezing her is any indication, but she can't stop.

"Stop!" Elizabeth shouts, and even in her haze, Meredith is surprised to see her crying. "Stop it!"

"Enough," Kolya says, swallowing hard.

On the screen, John is gasping for air around the gag, his bloody chest heaving and Meredith knows right then and there that if she ever meets Acastus Kolya again, she will kill him in the slowest, most painful way humanly possible.

"You just crossed a line," Elizabeth says, her voice dangerously low and while Meredith can hear the anger in it, it's just not enough.

"You are mine, Kolya," Meredith says, her voice cracking. "Do you hear me? You had better pray to the fucking Ancients that our paths never cross because I will kill you. You understand that?"

"I believe you, Doctor McKay," Kolya says. "But you have no one to blame for this but your dear Doctor Weir. We've found that a minimum of three hours between feeding sessions is crucial to ensure the body has sufficient time to recover from the trauma. That's how long you have to decide. Three hours. Turn Ladon over to me, and I'll return Sheppard to you."

Meredith's making plans before the transmission ever goes blank. There's got to be some way to find John without Ladon's help. For all they know, he's steering them intentionally in the wrong direction. She has three hours to find him, and that's exactly what she intends on doing.

.::.

In the end, John's rescue is incredibly anticlimactic. For the most part, he ends up rescuing himself with the help of the Wraith who'd very nearly killed him before restoring his life. Meredith doesn't even get to come face-to-face with Kolya because the fucker fled the planet before they'd ever even arrived, but that doesn't matter.

Meredith is, by nature, an incredibly impatient woman but for the things that matter, she's more than willing to wait. Just means his death will be that much sweeter when it finally happens.

As it is, Meredith's pretty certain that she's never letting John out of her sight again.

"You're an idiot," she says affectionately from where they'd huddled together on the 'Jumper, arms encircling him as he leans tiredly against him. Though the Wraith had restored his life—and then some, Meredith thinks, though John vehemently denies it—he's exhausted and he's feeling a little shaky and nauseous.

Side effect from the Wraith Enzyme, Carson says.

"I didn't exactly, you know, plan on getting captured, Mer," John says, sounding a little annoyed.

"Doesn't matter. You're still an idiot. That Wraith could have killed you."

"But he didn't," he says tiredly, and he lets himself relax just a little against her, despite the slight trembles coursing through his body.

Meredith says nothing, because he's right. The Wraith didn't kill him, a fact that she's sure will surprise her for years to come. Closing her eyes, she presses her nose to his hair, breathing in his scent.

She didn't used to be so God damned emotional.

The rest of the ride back to Atlantis is quiet, save for Ronon and Lorne up front snickering like two little boys. It's obnoxious and she's tempted to bellow at them to knock it off, but it isn't disturbing John and she knows they were as worked up about this whole fucking situation as she was, so for now, she'll let them have their fun.

For now.

Or at least until John makes a pitiful whining sound in the back of his throat and screws his eyes shut.

"Hey!" She growls, snapping her fingers in their general direction. "Shut the fuck up, huh?"

Ronon turns in the seat and growls at Meredith, though he stops when he sees just how pale John is. Of course, seconds later, John jerks forward and empties the meager contents of his stomach onto the floor—and Meredith's shoe.

She wants to be mad, because hello, that's really fucking gross but she's just glad he's actually still alive to be gross, so rather than bitch, she snaps her fingers at Carson while rubbing John's back gently.

"What the hell?" She snaps, glaring at the doctor. "I knew this shit was all voodoo! You said he'd be fine!"

"Aye, and he will be, Meredith," Carson says and she knows he's exasperated. Too fucking bad.

"'m okay," John mutters and it would be so much more convincing if he wasn't white in the face and shaking like a leaf. Quite literally.

It would have been funny except it wasn't.

"It's the Wraith Enzyme. Not enough to do any real harm, but we'll get you back to the infirmary and you'll be just fine."

John doesn't even protest.

By time they make it back to Atlantis and get John squared away in the infirmary, Meredith feels like a little like the one wound up on Wraith Enzyme rather than him. She's irritable, snapping at the nurses for no apparent reason—like that's anything new—and she's feeling a bit shaky herself.

She's not allowed back just yet—Carson's orders, the bastard—so instead, she's pacing the area outside the infirmary, cracking her fingers almost compulsively. Ronon and Teyla have both gone for the mess hall with orders to bring back food but now, Meredith almost wishes they hadn't gone. She isn't in the mood to be alone.

"Meredith?"

She turns at the sound of her friend's voice, and almost immediately, her eyes narrow in anger. While being alone isn't ideal right now, it's better than seeing Elizabeth.

She adopts her confrontational stance: arms crossed, chin tilted defiantly, eyes blazing. She can tell that it immediately makes Elizabeth uncomfortable, but right now, that's kind of the point.

"What?"

"How is he?" Elizabeth asks and Meredith has to give her credit for not wavering.

"He's been better," she responds curtly. "But Carson says he'll be fine, no thanks to you."

Elizabeth flinches a little at that. "I know that my decision, in your eyes, was the wrong one, but I feel it's what John wanted me to do. You heard him, Mer. As clearly as I did."

"That was before he realized he was going to be fed on by a Wraith! He almost died, Elizabeth! And all I could do was stand by and watch and you wouldn't… you didn't even…"

"He's safe now," Elizabeth reminds her as she moves closer, resting a hand on Meredith's arm. "He's okay."

"Luckily for you," Meredith says. "Because I can assure you, Elizabeth, had we not found him…" she trails off, the threat hanging in the air and she almost feels bad for it.

"But we did," Elizabeth reminds her. "I'm not asking you to forget what happened today, I'm just asking that you try to understand why I did it."

Elizabeth squeezes her arm gently and Meredith doesn't pull away.

"Please tell him I was asking for him," she requests quietly and before Meredith can say anything, she walks away.

"Meredith?"

"Jesus Christ, can't I have a minute without…" she trails off when she realizes it's Carson. "Oh. How is he? Finally tired of keeping me out?"

Carson rolls his eyes at that. "He's fine. Just like I told you he would be. We've got him on some medication to help ease the nausea and he's resting now. He's been askin' for you."

Meredith starts through the doors before she stops and turns back to him. "It's not as bad as…" she trails off, her back still to him.

"Heavens no. Nowhere near as bad," he assures her. "The dose required to return life is minimal compared to that. He's just experiencing a bit of discomfort, but he'll be right as rain by mornin', I'm sure of it."

Meredith nods stiffly before she hurries into the infirmary.

John is sprawled out on the bed, eyes closed and for a moment, Meredith hates the idea of waking him. Unfortunately for him, her desire to make sure he's actually okay outweighs her guilt over not letting him rest and she reaches out, gripping his hand gently.

"John?"

His eyelids flutter open a second later and he offers her a goofy, sleepy smile. "Hi."

"Idiot," she complains, sinking down into a chair beside the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"I'd be better if I could go back to my room. Don't s'pose you can convince the Doc of that, huh?"

"Don't be stupid. You're staying put until you're better and I won't hear any arguments."

"But Meeer," he whines in that nasally way that's so endearing.

"No."

"C'mooon."

"Uh-uh."

"Gonna at least lay with me then?" He asks, barely stifling a yawn as he uses his free hand to pat the space on the bed beside him. "Sleep better with you."

Meredith rolls her eyes at that, but she rounds the bed and kicks her shoes off before she climbs in beside him, careful not to tug any of the wires attached to his body.

"Better already," he mutters, resting his cheek on top of her head.

"You scared the shit out of me today," she confesses, shifting just slightly.

"Scared the shit out of me too," he says, stifling another yawn as he presses a kiss to the top of her curly hair. "But s'okay now."

"Until the next time you're taken hostage."

"Better me than you."

Meredith snorts at that. "Sexist."

"Jus' a little."

She rolls her eyes and cranes her head to press a kiss to the underside of his jaw. "Go to sleep, John."

"Plannin' on it."

"Idiot," she whispers, lacing her fingers through his as she rests their hands on his chest. She hesitates just slightly. She's never been very good at expressing her feelings but after everything that's happened in the last few weeks with Jeannie and the Alternate version of herself and then almost losing John today…

Well, she feels a little justified in feeling sappy.

Closing her eyes, she tucks her head under his chin, listening to the sound of his heart beating steadily in his chest. His breathing hitches just slightly, signaling that he's fallen back asleep and she thinks she's probably safe now.

"I love you, John," she says quietly, closing her eyes.

It might just be her imagination, but she swears she feels his heart speed up just a bit seconds before his lips brush the top of her hair.

"Love you too."