Chapter 28

"Remember they'll be here at ten," says Mitch, grabbing his blazer and briefcase as he heads for the door.

"When will you be home?" I ask, already feeling lonely, as I follow closely behind.

Just as he reaches for the door, he turns to me and delivers a peck on my cheek.

"Early Mia, I've made reservations at La Fogata." His gaze lingers on me longer than usual.

"Okay, so are the movers taking everything?" I ask as I take a long look at the furniture around us.

"Unless you want to bring it on the plane with us," he says with a grin.

"Okay smart ass," I return.

I rush to him and deliver one last embrace before he leaves, gently closing the door behind him. As I stand in the family room, listening to the car's engine start and the wheels pull away, pangs of loneliness start to consume me.

My hand falls to my belly, and I unconsciously begin to rub. Are you a boy? A girl? And then I start thinking of baby names; Tyler, Michael, Logan, Porter. My emotions start to swirl so fast, making me dizzy. I find my way to the sofa and fall back on the springy cushions.

Curling my legs into my body, and resting my head against the sofa's arm, I start to sob. Images of Logan's face float before me and my heart begins to ache. I don't want this child, but what if it's Logan's? It will be my only connection to him. I do still love him, I knew the moment he told me that he loved me, and I could not even return it to him. Did he read my last text message…that I loved him? I would feel better if he knew before he died…was murdered. Oh God who could have done such a thing….beautiful Logan with his stoic front, and soft heart? He was just beginning to open up and then was taken away from me.

After some time my sobs begin to slow and I feel happy that I am pregnant. I do love Mitch, he is my soul mate. He will be a great partner and father. Knowing I have the love and support of a man I deeply care for, and having the child of a man I still love is something I can accept and live with.

My mind drifts from Logan to Jake and I wonder if it's a sign. Perhaps Logan is reaching out to me through another man that resembles him so much he could easily pass as his brother. I shake the thought from my head as absurd, and not a healthy way of coping with his loss.

Then, as if being guided by an invisible hand, I reach for my phone, tabbing through my contacts, falling on Jake. With some hesitation I click the envelope and type a message.

'Hoz life as a trainer?' A coquettish smile creeps across my face and I close my eyes feeling the cold desk under my trembling body as Jake penetrates me with an eager thrust, almost making me cum on the spot.

Several minutes pass as I anxiously await his reply, but nothing. Then I question my motives. What can I expect to accomplish by carrying on a relationship with a man I will most likely never see again? It occurs to me that I am not only cheating on Mitch, but I am also using Jake to fulfill my need for Logan. It's unfair and I know that I will only hurt myself, and everyone else involved, in the end.

I cast my phone aside and go the bedroom to find something decent to wear for dinner tonight. As I root through my suitcase, dismissing everything I find, I remember the dress I wore the night I first met Mitch. I left it in his closet, wanting to preserve it and the memory of our night together. The corners of my mouth twist into a wide grin as I recall him escorting me to the bathroom. My arm was tight around his waist, and the smell of his skin and cologne made my body tingle. And then my smile starts to fade as my thoughts drift to him confronting me about my relationship with Ben.

A hard knock on the door startles me, sending my heart racing. I quickly pull on some clothes and run to the front door. I peer nervously out the peep hole and see a man in a uniform, wearing a cap.

Cracking the door, I look past the man and see a marked mover's truck. Only after that do I fully open the door and invite him in.

"Howdy M 'am," he says as he brushes past me and surveys the room. "My partner's right behind me."

The rattling of dolly wheels on pavement confirms his statement. The other man tips his hat as he enters.

"Anything you don't want us to take?"

"Uh just leave the suitcases," I say.

They head for the sofa first and I watch with a heavy heart as they wheel it off. So many emotions roiled inside me while sitting on its comforting cushions. I gulp hard as I look at the tramped down spots on the carpet where the leg's once were.

The workers continue removing furniture, and not wanting to get in their way I retreat to the master bedroom and pull out my computer, not even sure why. The desire to probe more deeply into Mitch's life no longer motivates me. I am pregnant, alone and Mitch loves me. He has forgiven me for my indiscretions, but will he be so sympathetic if he discovers he is not the father of my child?

The men finish quickly and just as I close and lock the door behind them I hear a bleep. Reaching into my pocket like a child grabbing for candy, I whip out my phone. A smile breaks across my face, Jake has responded.

'Mia it's great. Doing much better not having a hard ass like u over me.'

'I thought u liked my hard ass,' I respond with a giggle.

'I do and want to pound it again.'

The memory of him thrusting and pivoting his pelvis in a sensual, breathtaking way flashes through my mind.

'Me too.' - And after a moment's hesitation - 'but when?'

'Where r u stationed?'

'Edwards'

'Will see if I can transfer there. I'm going to Buckley.'

'Maybe u can visit,' I respond without thinking.

'Can I call u?' he asks.

I guiltily look around me as if Mitch might materialize before me, with that hurt look in his eyes that tears at my heart, but before I can respond my phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey Mia, it's so nice to hear from you," he says with a deep, sexy voice.

"Yeah, are you excited to be a trainer now?" I ask, starting our conversation with pointless words as I try to figure out why I even bothered contacting him.

"Mia, I miss you and really wish'd we spent more time together."

"Me too," I squeeze out as I imagine him once again making love to me.

"I'm glad you decided to stay in touch, and as soon as I get out of training I'm going to see you…make love to you."

"I'd like that I say, but it seems so long to wait. Will you still feel that way?" My heart pangs with an inexplicable insecurity.

"I will, Mia. Ever since our encounter I cannot stop thinking about you…but I know you're involved with someone right now…is it serious?"

"I'm afraid it is," I say, gulping hard.

"But you're not sure, huh?"

"I'm not," I readily admit as I begin to bite my bottom lip.

"So why's it serious if you don't love the guy?"

"But I do love him," I blurt out, "I…I…it's complicated okay. I don't want to discuss it with you. I don't even know you…What we had was a good time-"

"Whoa – I get it. Calm down, I'd love to be the other man, doesn't bother me one bit."

I am oddly comforted by his admission; although part of me wants him to be madly in love with me and demanding I give myself to him and no one else.

"Okay, good. Then we make plans after training?"

"Yes baby and I can't wait to feel you again."

A smile spreads across my face. "Great."

"Look I've got to go, but stay in touch okay?"

"I will," I say and end the call.

I lean against the wall and slide down to the floor, knees bent. The phone dangles in my hand and I stare across the empty room, trying to make sense of what just happened. Why am I sabotaging my relationship with Mitch? He loves me and has been a perfect gentleman, and he did not kill those men. Maybe I need more excitement. He tries too hard to please me. There is no challenge, I am the only woman for him, he is predictable - and madly in love with me. And then it occurs to me that deep down inside I do not feel I deserve Mitch. He is too good for me.

I release an exasperated sigh as I run my fingers through my hair. Just because I have been treated like trash most of my life does not mean I do not deserve better. It is difficult for me to accept; after all I have done to hurt Mitch, that I am a good person. I decide to focus on our relationship and will start by never contacting Jake again.

The day wears on and the men eventually come for the cars and take them away. Again I find myself alone, stranded in the house. I am no longer comfortable, the rooms feeling so large now they are empty. I open my laptop and login in to Pandora and begin to stream some music, but it does little to console me, the echoing base only making me more anxious.

Finally I call Mitch.

"Mitch," I say, "I cannot stand being alone with nothing to do. Please come home."

"I'm already on my way Mia, why don't you get ready for dinner," he returns with a liveliness to his voice that makes my heart sing.

"Okay, I love you," I say and hang up after he returns my words.

Determined to move on with my life, forgetting Logan and Jake, I pull on my sexy dress, and as I stare at my figure in the mirror I imagine myself with a big belly. The thought of having a beautiful, healthy baby with Mitch, regardless of who the father is, begins to sink in. I close my eyes and try to feel the fetus moving, knowing very well it is too soon.

I go into the living room and lie down on the plush carpet where the sofa once was, staring at the ceiling fan above. My fingers push into my lower abdomen and it feels hard, as if the shell of a seed is forming. It seems strange as I thought my uterus would soften, and be mushy to the touch.

The jingle of keys breaks my meditation. I hear the dead lock clank and the door fling open, but I remain still.

Mitch rushes toward me, gathering me into his arms.

"Mia, are you alright?" he asks.

I open my eyes and smile, instantly relaxing his concerned expression.

"Why are you lying on the floor?" he asks.

"Well there's no furniture," I return.

"I'm sorry Mia, in your state you shouldn't have to sit on the floor. Maybe we can get an air mattress-"

"Mitch, it's okay. I'm only a month or so pregnant. I'll be fine, but I'm eating for two now and I'm starving."

Mitch rises to his feet, grabs my hands, and pulls me up.

"Let's get going." He sweeps the hair from my face. "I love you so much Mia."

His eyes glisten with love and my heart skips a beat. "Me too," I say.

His hand falls on my belly and he begins to rub with a gentle, comforting touch. It's more than I can bear, and despite how hard I try, I cannot stop the heavy tears in my eyes from trickling down my checks.

"What is it Mia?" He clasps my hand in his and stares deep into my eyes, penetrating my soul. I tilt my head down, unable to meet his gaze.

"Mitch I'm so tired of crying all the time and it's because I love you so much and you me and…and I don't want to have any secrets." I force myself to look up at him.

His lips tighten into a thin line and his ocean blue eyes turn stormy. "What is it Mia?"

"I…I'm not sure who the father is."

He releases my hands with a jerk, angering and confusing me at the same time.

"I'm sorry Mitch…I thought you'd at least wonder."

"Wonder Mia? Wonder? Wow!" he releases a long sigh, pushes his fingers through his hair and turns angry eyes on me. "So its Logan's right? You couldn't use protection Mia, at least you could've done that for me…for us."

"I'm sorry, I was wildly attracted to him and I lost control…I told you Logan was only physical-"

"Just shut-up," he snaps with enough force to make me jump. Rushing to me he raises a hand as if to strike, but retracts it, sweeping it over his head.

"My God were you going to hit me?" I say with a quiver in my voice.

Mitch's stare lingers on me for several long seconds, then he turns and begins to pace.

My breathing becomes shallow and I storm off to the master bedroom, slamming the door behind me. Moments later the door busts open, banging the wall behind. Mitch races to me, grabs my arm and pulls me close, making me flinch.

"Mia," he whispers through gritted teeth. "I'd never hurt you. I'm just upset…I love you so much and I only wish you loved me."

"I do love you," I say, drawing away slightly, my eyes pleading for his understanding. "I'm sorry…I just didn't want to lie to you."

He wraps an arm around my shoulder and presses me hard against his chest. "I don't care, Mia," he finally says. "I love you and this baby is mine no matter what."

"I'm truly sorry Mitch," I say, lifting a hand to his chest, rubbing like he did my belly only moments earlier.

"Look, it's getting late. Let's eat and enjoy one last stroll on the River Walk." His hand gently caresses my hair.

A surge of relief runs through me. I squeeze him tight, and lift my face to meet his lips.

Our drive to the restaurant is quiet, the tension thick and uncomfortable. But when we are seated the mood changes and Mitch begins to smile, as if he has already gladly accepted the situation.

The waiter brings us a basket of tortillas chips and a volcano bowl filled with guacamole.

"Mitch, can you ever forgive me?" I ask as I dip a chip in the dip, and slowly turn it.

"I do forgive you Mia. Logan's not here anymore and even if you loved him, I love you and the child needs a father."

I swallow hard, wondering if this is simply the beginning of a loveless relationship.

"I need more than that Mitch," I say. "I want you to want to be with me, not just settle."

"But I do Mia…Look I'm sorry…this wasn't what I had planned for us. I'm hurt, disappointed, but hopeful you will settle down now with this child and be faithful to me."

"I will," I return quickly, pushing aside the guilt from my earlier conversation with Jake. "You're so good to me and I love you."

We finish our chips and order a platter of fajitas to share. The smell of the beef, sizzling on the hot plate set before me makes my stomach grumble. It is the perfect mix of seared beef with garlic and onion. I reach for the soft tortillas, but Mitch pulls them away and prepares one for me.

"Thanks," I say as I take the plate from his hand, open the tortilla and fill it with more sour cream and guacamole.

"You like guacamole," says Mitch. "I'll have to remember that."

I nod my head, smile and take a bite. "You know I could've prepared it myself," I say between chews, mortified by my own lack of manners.

"I know Mia, I just want to take care of you."

My stomach churns and I fear its morning sickness, but come to the realization that Mitch's desire to care for me, manage me, eats worry into my very being. How will he behave when the baby is born? Will he take over, criticize my ways? Will he pamper me to the point of irritation? I start to feel my independence slip away and wonder if I have left one bad relationship for another.

We finish our meal and leave, taking our much anticipated stroll along the River Walk. Mitch's face glows under the light of the moon, brining me back to the night we first met. A tingly sensation rips through my body and I remember now why I love him so much. He makes me happy, his easy manner and boyish smile like a sedative. He offers me the security I desperately need.

I gaze at him as he watches a boat loaded with tourists glide across the river. Then, as if sensing my eyes upon him, he turns to me and his grin grows even wider.

I grab his hand and squeeze hard and he returns the gesture.

We walk in silence for several minutes until the path ends in a set of stairs, running up alongside a stone wall. Mitch stops, grabs my shoulders, turning me to face him, and presses his lips against mine. As his silky tongue darts in and out of my mouth, my hand finds its way to his penis and I begin to rub through his pants. His erection grows and I secretly look out of the side of my eye for a hidden place where we can make wild, spontaneous love. But he grabs my hand, pulling it away. Reaching under my arms, he lifts me, setting me on top the stone wall. He spreads my legs, my dress inching dangerously up my thighs.

"Mia," he says, rubbing my outer thighs, sending my body into a fit of pleasure. "I love you."

"Me too," I return, then plant my lips on his.

He fumbles in his pocket and pulls out a box.

With shaky hands, he opens the lid, revealing a large diamond ring. I clasp my hands together and gasp.

"Mia, will you marry me?"

I am at a loss for words and nod my head vigorously, then finally find my voice. "Yes, I will…I love you Mitch."

I hold out a trembling hand as he slips the ring over my finger. My heart surges with joy and all doubts I had about Mitch vanish. I have never before seen him so nervous, so shaky, making me realize that his love for me is deep and true.

"You're my soul mate Mitch," I practically whisper. "I loved you the moment I saw you."

The smile leaves his face and his expression turns severe. His eyes reflect the light from the street lamps, giving them a mysterious glint. And at the same time a feel of dominance radiates from him, turning me on.

He pulls me roughly into his chest. His lips meet my neck and he begins to lick me, and then nibble. I throw my head back and beg him to make love to me.

"Not here, Mia. People are coming." He breathes in my ear, his warm breath sending chills up and down my spine.

He steps back, my body shrinking in unfulfilled desire as the heat of his body, the pressure from his touch, vanishes. I feel cold and empty. He pushes my legs together and pulls down my dress. Passersby smile uncomfortably as the race past us.

"Let's go home," he says. "I want to hurt you before you get too far along."

I am strangely aroused by his statement, reminiscent of Lewis. I think, hope that he will turn into the wild, passionate lover Logan was – all the men were. If he can pick up something from each man, I would be in shear heaven.

I smile large as we walk to the car. When we are finally alone, I lose control, lean over, unzip Mitch's pants and begin to lick his penis. He pushes out his pelvis and leans his head back. Small, guttural moans escape him as I wrap my tongue around the shaft and move my head up and down. When I feel his abdomen move in and out with each heated breath, I plunge his penis deep down my throat and continue to move my head, quickening as his moans grow louder, until he ejaculates.

When he finishes I lift up, lean in close to him and start to lick his ear. A large grin plasters his face and he reaches across my lap, grabbing my outer thigh with masculine force.

"I can't wait to get home," he says, his voice deep and determined.

I feel the moisture grow in my panties, and wanting to preserve the moment, I continue to lick his ear, eventually sucking his earlobe into my mouth, teasing it with the tip of my tongue. My hand falls to his lower abdomen and I begin to caress.

When we pull into the drive, Mitch parks and jerks up the brake, making it whine in protest. He bounces out of the car and darts over to my side, flinging the door open, grabbing me by my arms and lifting me over his shoulder.

I giggle like a school girl as he races toward the door. He fumbles with the keys, finding the right one and throws open the door. He spins around to turn the deadbolt, making me feel dizzy. I push against his broad back, trying to lower myself to solid ground, but he resists. I give in and slump back over his shoulder.

He enters the master bedroom and gently lowers me to my feet. I stand in awe as he races around me, like a child who has had too much sugar. He throws a quilt on the floor and spreads out the corners. When finished, he places his hands on his hips, taking a moment to review his handy work. Then he turns to me, a boyish smile spread across his face.

I giggle out loud and slip the straps of my dress over my shoulders. He races toward me, pulls me hard into his chest, tips my chin up and looks directly into my eyes.

"I'll be right back," he says, releasing me, making a quick exit out of the bedroom.

I am dumbfounded, but do not let it stop me from completely removing my clothes and lying back on the soft quilt. He finally returns, his arms full with candles and a box of matches.

"Stay there," he says as he meticulously places the candles around the edge of the comforter. He lights a single match, the smell of the sulfur burning my nostrils. With shaky hands he works his way around, lighting every candle. I lift up on my elbows and watch with childish amusement, but the smile leaves my lips as he tears off his clothes. The warm glow of the flames illuminates his face and rock hard body. He is a gorgeous man, perfect, every woman's dream.

I rest back, lifting my arms over my head, and spread my legs.

"I want you Mitch," I whisper.

He carefully steps over the flaming perimeter and straddles me. Grabbing my wrists he yanks my arms hard over my head, making me cry out. His head falls to my neck and he starts to gently kiss me, his lips warm and plump. He makes his way down, shifting his body back as he continues to my breasts. His tongue plays with my nipple, his soft strokes turning into small bites that get harder. I start to writhe under the pain and he stops, releasing my wrists. I wiggle the blood back into my fingers. He reaches over and grabs a candle, holding it under his chin. His eye sparkle blue and the mysterious glint that turned me on earlier returns, making my body tingle in anticipation. He lowers the candle just above my abdomen and pours the hot wax. I gasp when it strikes, sending a searing pain that seems to go right through me.

Mitch blows out the candle and tosses it aside, lowers his head and begins to lick the wax. His moist tongue instantly soothes the pain. He lowers his head to my clitoris and begins to thump it hard with his tongue. I pull back my legs, spreading them as wide as they will go. After several torturous, pleasurable minutes of him playing, teasing, he penetrates me.

He pushes his penis deep inside me, striking my cervix. I moan out in a mixture of pleasure and pain. Reaching around him, I grab his buttocks and pull him in with each thrust. His warm, sweaty body falls against my chest, sliding up and down, our motion like a well oiled machine. Together we orgasm and when he finishes, he becomes limp, resting on top of me, his breath hot and heavy in my ear.

I grab the sides of his head and lift, his eyes meeting mine.

"I love you," I say.

"I love you too Mia," he returns as he lowers himself and buries his face in my abdomen.

We barely make the plane in time and despite being out of breath from running down the terminal, I am happier than I have ever been. I look out the window, holding Mitch's hand tight in my own and, for the first time, not fearful of take off.

Once we are at cruising altitude I turn to Mitch, only to realize he has been staring at me the entire time; a deep penetrating stare that scares me, and makes my heart flutter at the same time.

"Mia," he says softly, "There are two things we have to do first thing."

I imagine he wants to plan the wedding and I picture large bouquets of vibrant, scented flowers lining the aisle of a grand old church, and me in a beautiful lace dress. I nod my head, anxious for his thoughts.

"You need to see an obstetrician and I want you to meet my mother."

"Oh," I sputter, immediately realizing my utter lack of excitement.

"What's wrong?" he asks, disappointedly.

"I'm sorry," I say, turning my languid expression into a smile. "I was imaging our wedding, but you're right. I need to find a good doctor and of course meet your mom."

"I didn't forget about the wedding," he says with a grin. "I have that all planned. We'll keep it simple, in our new house with a few guests. My little niece will make the perfect flower girl."

My soaring spirits sink as he continues speaking gaily about the wedding, right down to the honey moon. A 'romantic trip to Catalina Island', he says.

"Sounds wonderful," I mumble, and just when I start to protest, I stop, his excitement so palpable that I do not want to spoil the moment.

A simple wedding is not a bad idea, after all, I am pregnant, and even though I am not showing it still makes me uncomfortable. I cannot imagine who I would invite anyway. My mother and sister are the only family I have.

"How many people from your side are you inviting?" I ask, causing Mitch to pause with a nonplussed look.

"Have you been listening to me Mia?" he asks.

"I'm sorry, I was thinking ahead."

He rests a hand of my cheek, pecks me on the lips and says, "My mom and her brother, his two children and their children, so ten people, and you?"

"Just two, my mother and sister," I say as I have second thoughts about inviting them. It would be strange, after so many years of no communication to suddenly invite them back into my life, but how would it look if I had no one. My heart sinks and I want to cry. How sad, how pathetic my life is, but I must not wallow in self-pity. Things will be different with me and Mitch and the baby.

"Mitch," I blurt before he can respond. "What are we going to name the baby?"

"Well, if it's a girl we'll name her Ella after my mother."

"Oh that's so nice, but I was thinking Emily. I've always loved that name."

"Eh, it's okay, but it has no meaning. I'm an only child and promised my mother I'd name my daughter after her."

"Has no meaning," I say, feeling my lips press into a thin line as anger rises inside me. "I've always loved that name, that's meaning enough for me."

"I've upset you, I'm sorry Mia." He raises a hand and caresses my hair, but I draw away from his touch. "Look, Mia, it's important to me, but if it's a boy you can name him. Is that fair?"

"I guess so," I whisper, the hand of guilt forcing me to accept his terms.

I turn away from Mitch and look at the clouds that float by and wonder if I am making a mistake. It feels as if Mitch is controlling my life, our life together. He makes all the decisions and I am only along for the ride. I have no input, and feel as if he dismisses me like one would a child. I love him dearly and want to tell him I want a church wedding and want to go to Tahiti for our honey moon.

"Mitch," I say before whipping around to meet his gaze, determined not to swallow my anger. "Why Catalina Island?"

"Because it's close and I cannot take too much time off with my new job," he returns. "I made the reservations months ago." He smiles, as if expecting me to be in awe of his foresight.

"Oh, it's just…I would've liked to have a say in it. You've left me out of the entire planning."

"It's just it was such short notice, and with your training and all…I thought it'd be easier if I took care of everything."

"Okay, you're right," I say, "It's just not what I imagined-"

"Mia, Catalina Island is absolutely beautiful," he cuts in sharply. "You'll enjoy it, trust me." He twists in his seat, his eyes begin to sparkle and he takes on a gentler tone. "You can plan our second honey moon. Anything you want…surprise me."

"Really?" I ask as my eyes begin to water. "You're so sweet." I place my hands around his face and give him a deep, passionate kiss.

The pilot announces the plane's descent and I sit back, bracing myself, clasping the arm chairs until my fingers turn white, thinking that I truly do not deserve Mitch. I keep trying to find flaws in him, but everything he does, says, makes sense. I feel like a selfish, spoiled brat, the horrible person my mother and sister tell me I am. I am determined to no longer doubt him, or continue to behave like an ungrateful bitch. He is my soul mate, he loves me and I will have to make sacrifices, just like anyone else who gets married.