A/N: Now, this is a little treat for all of you that have been wondering and speculating about Bella's feelings toward our Jasper. This little event happened during the earlier hours before all hell broke loose with Alice's reappearance and Bella was in La Push. Let me know what you all think, much appreciated.
Life Line
By definition; a life line is someone or something that holds on to you by a thread, allowing you to keep on going -to keep on fighting- even when all seems bleak and lost.
Precarious hours, spent waiting on a call that never rings with frightful hope,
Awaiting to see the lightless screen illuminate, displaying a name.
But not just any name, only his.
A scattered brain and a quivering heart crumbling with pain,
Are what's left behind in the aftermath, with no methods to cope.
Now that it finally rings, you can't bring yourself to answer,
You don't want to chance a look and find disappointment there.
What if it is -?
What if it isn't -?
Each "IF" holds its own dread with weight.
Even so, the room holds its breath along with you, while you wait.
The fixation that is, the time that was,
A single moment altered, now a Universe without axis.
Once love that consumed, now hate that scorches.
"Life line," my consciousness scoffs and smirks, its whisper.
What ill fate has attached such fickle string?
"No, not fickle," it smirks again, taunting, "Such great stitching!"
These threads have become erratic butterfly-stitches,
Piercing through my heart twining and linking love and hate.
Until there is no telling one from the other,
Which is Love, which is Hate?
The amalgam combination so precarious,
And yet, so Precious.
Our Life Line, bound to the seams of our heartstrings, too late;
Our Blood, Pain, Skin, and Souls etched.
Life -Death, nothing farfetched,
Just two hearts, Delirious.
"Please, believe me," He pleaded. "Believe me when I say that not everything is whole." Reaching for my hands and a way into my heart, his eyes beseeched mine. "And, yet, not everything is broken just because it feels out of place," he added in a delicate whisper, hoping.
Shying away, I tried to hide from him and his soul in display. "I'm broken," I barely managed to whisper, my voice as broken as I felt, solidifying my words. If he touched me, I would crumble, and then, what would be left of me? It was too much. Too selfish of me. I'd decided to stop being so selfish toward Jasper, that's why I needed to balance out our time with intervals of Jacob, after all.
"You're just not whole," He countered. "That doesn't mean-"
"Where I come from," I managed to gulp, swallowing with difficulty through my closed off throat and stubbornly continued, "…that's called broken, Jasper."
As my back touched the window sill and my body registered the coolness of the window's glass, so similar to his tender touch, my tears fell freely, over spilling. "I'm broken," I choked out, feeling trapped and with no way out.
This time, he didn't argue. "And I…" He trailed off and now that he stood before me, he reached out a hesitant, trembling hand out to my quivering body. -Contact- "I can't promise I'll be able to make all the pieces fall into place just as before, Bella." -A simple caress- "But I can promise to try my best at making you whole. No matter how long it takes me to show you that you can be put back together."
"For eternity," I heard myself whisper, remembering his promise of not so long ago. So gentle that it felt like a whisper, his hand cradled my left cheek. "Eternity, Jasper. Eternity is what you promised me," I reminded him, imploring. The cool contact upon my customary warmer skin made me shiver and remember moments and touches that didn't belong to, or with, the man standing before me.
"I did," He agreed without hesitation. His sincerity sent a shock through my system, restarting my heart into turmoil of fluttering palpitations that stuttered at the sight of his earnest eyes.
"Can you still promise me this?" A plead, masked as a question. Still, I surrendered. Feeling like I was out of hope and out of strength, this time. Allowing myself to just dwell and take refuge in this simple gesture of gratuity.
"Eternity," He reassured fervently before my next stuttered heartbeat could make my blood pump.
"So blind," I whispered in wonder. For so long I'd been a blind and lost soul, drowning out the sound of my sorrows, and finding it hard to exist. Even with Jasper by my side, I kept running into myself when all I wanted was to find somebody else and get out of this... this torment.
But now, with this simple touch that I finally allowed myself to experience without replacing it for his touch; I found what I'd been looking for. A breath of fresh air, a calm that surrounds me and frees this pain I try and fail to hide, a sanctuary, where fears and lies melt away; a cure, simply, Jasper.
"Bella?"
I smiled delicately at Jasper's confusion, shaking my head. Jasper is my cure. The realization made me practically dizzy with its forwardness. I'm sure this is what a blind person that suddenly regains their vision after never being able to see must feel; aghast and delighted, with all sorts of warring and opposing emotions colliding within.
"It's nothing," I assured him breathlessly. "Just an errand thought."
"Bella, please." He frowned and dropped his hand, leaning slightly away from me and staring over my head, past the window. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" Instantly, I missed his calculated touch as much as I'd been missing his careless ones recently.
After a moment's hesitation, I reached up on tiptoes and smoothed it out for him. "I know." His head dropped forward slightly and he stared, slightly caught off guard, eyes serious and imploring. Fidgeting under the intensity of his golden gaze, I pretended to sniff the air and teased, "I think something's burning."
He sniffed, frowning again and looking down at me with a pout, saying, "And I think your nose is broken." He chuckled, pocking my nose slightly. Just like that, the tension was broken and I was glad that he had gone along with it. With his open palm splayed on the small of my back, Jasper guided me out my bedroom door and toward the perilous stairs.
"Ha, ha," I said sarcastically, scrunching up my nose and following his lead willingly. "I meant your brain." I chuckled. He somewhat snorted, still managing to look handsome. "From strenuous thinking… I mean, how many years has it got under its belt? I'm surprised it hasn't given up on you yet." He pretended to glare, his eyes two perfect slits of darkening gold, before he joined my chuckles with his own richer ones.
"Just post World War two and then some," He replied just as intrepidly as ever. "Me and my brain are vintage darlin'," He added and winked at me. "Getting finer and more valuable with age, just like wine."
"So modest," I mumbled, descending the stairs with his help, since I'd almost tripped on the way down.
"Always…" It was my turn to glare. "Just remember, I'm a vintage creation!" He smiled the picture of innocence. I scoffed. "Trust me; you don't want to damage this fine specimen of a product."
"Jasper!"
"Just saying," He chuckled, splaying his hands up in surrender. "Before you go and do something that you'll later regret, remember the millions ahead of you."
"You are incorrigible," I said, rolling my eyes and smiling.
"Drive safely," He warned; closing the driver's side door once I was safely within.
"I will," I promised.
"And don't trip while driving," He added, trying to keep a straight face, "That could be dangerous."
Indignantly I glared at him, saying, "That's not even possible!"
"Trust me, Bella," he began, placating, "where you are concerned, stranger things have happened." Crossing my arms over my chest I huffed and glared at my steering wheel. He got me there and I had nothing to say. "Actually, if I remember correctly, I think I've seen you trip on air," He added, full out chuckling. I blushed. "Now, that's impossible and it still happened!"
"Point taken," I grunted. "I'll be extra, extra, and extra careful!" I chirped sarcastically and scowled, making him laugh some more. "Laugh away, Whitlock. I'm here Monday through Fridays and if there's enough incentive, I might just entertain you Saturdays and Sundays."
He hollered. "Now that's the Bella I know and lo-" He cleared his throat, looking slightly alarmed. "That's my-" He tried again and shaking his head glared at something somewhere off at the distant before returning his waning smile back to me. "Just go, Swan. Be safe," He finally said, sounding much too demure for Jasper.
Shrugging it off, I waved him goodbye before driving away, and glancing back in the rearview mirror, I kept my sight between the stretch of road ahead and Jasper, my cure, until I could no longer see him.
"Thank you, Jasper," I finally had the courage to say, now that he was out of sight but hopefully not out of earshot.
A/N: I'm still working on the actual chapter. It needs to be right, damn it! ;)
