o.o.O.O.o.o
Marissa's POV
Listen as the wind blows
From across the great divide
Voices trapped in yearning
Memories trapped in time
The night is my companion
And solitude my guide
Would I spend forever here
And not be satisfied?
And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I
Wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear
Through this world I've stumbled
So many times betrayed
Trying to find an honest word to find
The truth enslaved
Oh you speak to me in riddles and
You speak to me in rhymes
My body aches to breathe your breath
Your words keep me alive
And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I
Wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear
Into this night I wander
It's morning that I dread
Another day of knowing of
The path I fear to tread
Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride
'Cause nothing stands between us here
And I won't be denied
And I would be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I
Wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear
I'll hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
And after I
Wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes
-Possession: Sarah McLachlan
-x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x-
"Okay gimme a few seconds to process all of this before you kiss me again," Marissa said with a large grin. Yet, she realized that Bianca hadn't failed to notice the mask of confusion it had attempted to cover up.
"'Process all of this'? Didn't you just say that you were hungry?"
"Yes…yes I did but then you interrupted me with wanting to kiss me and it just hit me what you meant so…"
"…Soooo you're 'processing' it?"
"Exactly…"
"Okay well…while you do that, here's something else to mull over. I love you…I'm in love with you and I think I have been since I saw you again in the Safe House in February…" Bianca looked at Marissa as the redhead began to turn her head to gaze at the brunette's face, watching her lips as they moved synchronous with the words that filled the room. "I… When I was in there, I thought I was still with Lena. When I woke up every time I thought of her, my heart skipped a beat but one night everything changed. I kept having these dreams and they were always the same, but they were of a different woman and I couldn't understand why because I thought I was supposed to be with Lena. Soon enough the woman in my dreams became the only person I could think about… She had two very distinguishable features. Red hair," Bianca said as she ran her fingers through the light waves of Marissa's hair. "And big hazel eyes." She finished, running the pad of her right thumb along the soft skin just below her eyes. "It was you… I didn't remember the first time I saw you, but my body seemed to. It just ached for you the moment you ran through that door begging to see Miranda."
"…What do you mean?" Marissa asked.
"I'm saying that I'm so sorry that I thought I wanted Maggie for even a second-"
"Bianca-" she whispered.
"No! You need to hear this! Please!" Bianca begged. She sighed. "…I was so stupid for thinking that Maggie and I could work. I just went to her because I could remember her friendship and it was familiar and safe. And then there was that nagging feeling that kept telling me that you were married and I convinced myself that I could be happy with Maggie…but my mind always went to you. And I just couldn't understand why. And then you told me the truth, that it was me you were married to and everything just made so much more sense and I didn't feel so guilty for wanting you so much, for thinking about you every hour of everyday…"
"But Maggie kissed you and you said you felt something."
"I know what I said and that is true, I did feel something, but I was so confused. I still didn't trust my feelings for you because I was starting to remember my history with all of my past relationships around the same time and I got scared. But, like I said, when I was with Maggie I could only think of you and that was the last straw. I didn't wanna deny it anymore. I had pushed you down for too long and I was fighting a losing battle."
"So why are you telling me this now? How long have you felt this way?"
Bianca sighed, pulling Marissa closer, careful not to cause any irritation to her burns. She could feel the rapid beating of Marissa's heart colliding with her own, knowing the redhead's anticipation of her answer. The brunette looked down at her wife and gave her a soft smile as she caressed her face with her right hand.
"I guess I've always felt this way… But I wanted to tell you the day of the fire…" Marissa raised her eyebrows. "I know, ironic isn't it?"
"So why didn't you?"
"…Because I wanted to make things with Maggie clear before I could begin anything with you. You deserve all of me all at once instead of me having to keep running off to Maggie to explain things to her; things that she can't understand. How could I do that to you when I had already caused you so much pain? Not to mention it was the least I could do for Maggie. I kind of led her on-"
"No, you didn't. She knew what was going on. She knew you and I were married and that there was a very huge possibility that you and her wouldn't end up being together." Marissa said absentmindedly. Her words lingered as she had realized that she had given away a little more information than she had intended.
"Wh-what? She…she knew you and I were married?"
Marissa tore her gaze from Bianca and rested her forehead against Bianca's chest, just at the base of her neck. She let out a long and much needed exhale before she returned her stare to Bianca's eyes.
"Yeah… She came to the house looking for you while you were at the Miranda Centre. I let it slip while she was trying to get a rise out of me. She thought I was hiding you from her… Like I could hide you from anyone."
"But she knew… She knew and she didn't tell me… Damn." Bianca said. "Makes me wonder what else she didn't tell me."
"That's all she said? How you two ended?"
"Yeah…that we grew apart."
Marissa shook the memory from her head, trying not to give away her thoughts, but as she caught the darkening gleam in Bianca's eyes, she realized that the brunette's memories hadn't failed her and that the pair of them may have just shared the same flashback.
"…But you know what else she didn't tell me, don't you?"
Marissa sighed as she removed herself from atop Bianca. She couldn't handle being so close to her wife when things could get so ugly so fast within the next few minutes. She hopped off of the bed and began to pace the floor. Dammit! You just had to 'process' things didn't you? Couldn't have just let things be and let yourself finally be happy again? Shit!
"Marissa?" Bianca asked.
She stopped pacing and turned to face Bianca. She didn't know what to say.
"Yes…"
"Yes what?"
"Yes, I know what she didn't tell you…"
"Well? What is it?"
Marissa stared at Bianca. She looked the same way Marissa was almost certain she felt; betrayed. Bianca had thought Maggie her security, her safe haven; the one person she could run to when no one understood what was going on in her mind. Marissa knew that Bianca needed Maggie to be that person because other than her family, Maggie was the only thing that was familiar to Bianca in a world that made no sense to her. The way Bianca looked at her right now, however, had Marissa's heart crumbling to pieces. The brunette was beginning to realize that her former lover should never have been trusted.
"…I…" Marissa began. "I don't know if I should tell you."
Bianca scrambled to her feet and moved in a dash to stand before Marissa. They were toe to toe and the taller one grabbed her wife's hands.
"Why not?"
"Because I really don't think it's my place to tell you, okay? I don't want you to want me because all of a sudden Maggie isn't so trustworthy or appealing. I want you to want me because it's what you want!"
"Haven't you been listening to me at all this last half hour? You already have me! You've had me since the moment you came to me! I just took a little too long to realize it. Anything you say now won't affect me in any way. Maggie's gone for good. I don't want her. I want you…I need you…" Bianca released Marissa's hands to bring her own to the redhead's cheeks to cup her face lovingly. "Please? …I have to know Marissa."
"…She cheated on you…"
"…She what?"
"The other woman's name was-"
"Cecilia…"
Marissa moved away from Bianca's embrace, thinking that the brunette didn't want to be anywhere near her, but she was stopped. She looked down as Bianca's hand encompassed her wrist in a soft grasp, pulling her back to her. Marissa pulled her wife into a warm hug, as she let Bianca cry freely. She could feel the moisture from the tears soak her neck. Wanting desperately to get Bianca to sit down to relax, she pulled back and removed the fallen hair from her wife's face, which had begun to conceal her eyes.
"C'mon," Marissa whispered as she led the two of them back to the bed. She sat Bianca down and lifted her legs so they rested on the bed. Climbing in next to her, Marissa rested on her side as she faced her wife. Her heart was breaking.
"Wh…why d-didn't you t-t-tell me?" Bianca managed to get out through the sniffling and the tears.
Marissa shifted herself closer to the brunette.
"I told you… Because I didn't want it to influence your decision… And I didn't want to be selfish. If it meant you were happy, then I was happy."
"Even if I was happy with the wrong person?"
"…Even then."
Bianca moved even closer to Marissa, connecting her lips with Marissa's in a gentle and tender kiss. Bianca moved forward as she snaked her arm around Marissa's waist and pulled her towards her, shifting their position so Marissa rested easily on Bianca. Their stomachs connected as Bianca pulled her wife closer, holding her tighter as Marissa kissed her a bit more forcefully before pulling away momentarily. The redhead pecked her wife's lips once more, quickly, before releasing a much needed breath. She connected her forehead with Bianca's and opened her eyes to find the brunette staring at her.
"Do you have any idea how much I love you?"
Bianca reached up to swiftly nip at Marissa's bottom lip before she sighed and smiled through her still falling tears.
"I might have some idea," she whispered.
Marissa raised her right hand to remove the hair from Bianca's eyes and noticed the glistening water droplets still escaping Bianca's eyes.
"I don't think you do…" Marissa said softly before she placed another firm kiss on Bianca's mouth.
The power that wielded from the indestructible feelings in her veins had Marissa losing all sense of control. Her body ached for the woman below and could easily be conveyed through the way her lips moved so fervently and avidly across Bianca's. She moved her hands to her waist, seeking out Bianca's and as she pulled them away from her hips, Marissa clasped their hands together, intertwining their fingers. They both began to tighten their grip on the other as their tongues met with intense ardor. The redhead lifted their hands, pushing the, softly, upwards to rest on the pillows above Bianca's head. As she let go of one of her hands, Marissa used it to wander below the brunette's shirt, feeling the smooth skin of her stomach. Bianca lifted herself, careful not to hurt Marissa, as she moved her mouth more hungrily against her wife's. She lifted her arms as Marissa removed the article of clothing that caused a barrier between them. Leaning back, Bianca took Marissa's by her hips and pulled her down atop her once more. Their kisses became slower as their need to breathe became more and more apparent.
Finally calming down, Marissa tore her lips slowly from Bianca's. Resting completely on her wife, the redhead raised her hands to wipe away the tears that the brunette had yet to let dry. She leaned down and kissed Bianca's head as she fell to the side and pulled Bianca close to her.
"Shh." Marissa said. "Just close your eyes."
Marissa watched as Bianca closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She noticed the brunette's hand seeking her out and thought to guide her. Once she held her hand, she noticed the smile gracing Bianca's flawless features.
"What?" She asked.
"You… I don't think you've ever kissed me like that before… I could barely breathe after that."
Unable to help herself, Marissa moved those few little inches between them to kiss Bianca one more time. She couldn't get enough of her sweet and alluring lips.
As their lip-lock began to reach new heights, Bianca pulled back momentarily, muttering against Marissa's lips.
"I was just wondering…" She said.
"Yeah?" Marissa replied, still eagerly attached to Bianca's mouth.
"Are you still hungry?"
"Not really."
As if on cue, Marissa's stomach growled loudly, causing both women to laugh.
"Okay." Marissa said, pecking Bianca's lips one final time. "I guess I am."
"Food?" Bianca asked.
"Food."
Bianca and Marissa entered Krystal's hand in hand. Marissa had the biggest smile on her face and kept looking down at her and Bianca's entwined hands as their fingers stayed laced between each other's.
"You don't need to. I'll do it. I promise."
Marissa knew that voice.
She turned her head and her eyes fell on a man with sandy blonde hair and as her hazel eyes met his cobalt blue ones, she found herself being pulled away from reality into a distant, unfamiliar, yet familiar place.
"Yeah, I'm okay but… Oh, God, Bianca." Marissa said as she looked past her. Bianca turned her head to see J.R emerging from the hidden passage behind the wall. Bianca turned and shielded Marissa with her body.
"You!" He shouted, aiming the gun directly at the two ladies who were rising to their feet. Marissa held onto Bianca's hand as she continued to let her girlfriend shield her. She tried to move, struggled to move beside her, but Bianca wasn't having any of it.
"You! You two SCREWED UP MY LIFE! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" J.R had screamed. Suddenly, his voice became frightening calming. "Do you see what you two have turned me into?"
"You did this to yourself J.R," Bianca replied calmly. "No one forced those drinks down your throat."
"Shut up!" He shouted. He raised his lethal weapon, causing Bianca to stare into it. He shifted its focus from Bianca to Marissa. "And you, my wife-"
"Ex-wife," Marissa stated clearly.
"Doesn't matter! You? You…" He chuckled slightly. "You are going to pay for everything you've put me through. For every promise you broke! For taking my son away from me and forcing him to grow up in a home without his father… In a home…where he wouldn't know how to be a man."
"Haw dare you?" Bianca questioned J.R. And soon, her blood was pounding in her ears for the gun had found its way back to her face. She pushed through the fear. "How dare you speak to her like that? Haven't you done enough? You think you're a man coming in here with a loaded gun, drunk out of your mind? Do you think you can force this to work in your favour?"
"J.R put the gun down."
Marissa looked in the direction of the voice and saw Jesse Hubbard approaching the three of them with caution. He was completely vulnerable, no weapons on him.
"No!"
"J.R, c'mon. You don't wanna do this."
"Yes, I do." J.R said, never tearing his gaze from Marissa. He aimed the firearm at her, but she was blocked by Bianca. "This ends today…right here… Step aside Bianca."
"N-no…" she whispered.
"Step aside…"
"No." She said more clearly.
"STEP ASIDE!" He yelled.
"I SAID NO!"
Marissa watched as J.R shifted his arm from herself to Bianca. Gazing at Bianca, Marissa noticed that she turned her back to J.R as if she knew what would happen next. The redhead felt herself being consumed by the strongest and most loving arms she had ever known or felt around her. Bianca pulled her tightly to her chest, protecting her. But at the sound of a loud gunshot, she felt the shielding embrace go limp. Bianca's form had fallen into her, causing the two of them to head for the ground beneath them. Marissa did her best to bring Bianca down gently and fell to her knees, cradling her love's head, and guided it to the floor. But before she could do anything else, she felt a pair of large arms encompass her waist, pulling her away from the love of her life.
"J.R…" Marissa said as she stood in front of Bianca for fear of history repeating itself.
"Marissa." J.R nodded before looking at Bianca. "Bianca."
"You don't get to speak to her. What are you doing here?" Marissa demanded.
"Mom."
"AJ? What's going on?"
AJ remained still, sitting in the booth and raised his eyebrows to his father. J.R recognized that look and hung his head before taking a deep breath. He stood, and as he rose to his feet, Marissa took a step back still protecting Bianca with her body. J.R lifted his hands up to show that he held nothing.
"I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise."
"Yes, 'cause you're so good at keeping those. You still haven't answered my question. What the hell are you doing here?"
"I'm on parole. I just wanted to talk to AJ and to finally apologize to you."
"Apologize?" Marissa asked.
"Yes." J.R said. "Look… You don't owe me anything. I know that. And I also know that you don't wanna be anywhere near me and I get that. After what I did to you and Bianca? It's unforgiveable. I don't expect anything from either of you-"
"Good! Because you're not going to get anything from either of us."
"I know that. But I was hoping that, if it's okay with him, that I could get to know AJ. I know you have full custody of him and I don't intend to fight you again. I won't put anyone through anything like that again, but I just… I would like the chance to know him. I'll stay away from you and your kids and you won't even see me or know that I'm here. I was only hoping to get to catch up with him and be the father I failed to be. But I needed to apologize to you two first. I know I took so much away from the two of you," J.R said as he turned to the brunette. "Especially you Bianca-"
"What did I say about speaking to her?"
"It's okay Riss," Bianca said as she placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and bent down to kiss her cheek in an attempt to calm the fiery redhead down.
"Thank you Bianca. I nearly killed you and I know 'sorry' can't clear everything up, but it's a start and I'm hoping that one of these days, you won't see me as the monster or demon who nearly took everything from you two."
Marissa stared J.R down, attempting to calm her breathing. She felt Bianca's arm run a smooth path around her waist, pulling her close, but gently on account of her burns. She felt the small pattern of circles that her wife had begun to form; another tactic to calm her down.
"Well, hope is all you have J.R and I don't think there's any with us. You nearly killed Bianca and then me along with it because the truth of the matter is that there's no me without her. She and I are a packaged deal! Not to mention, she's the love of my life and if you had just realized that then none of this would've happened. You allowed yourself to be blinded by hatred and resentment. We never did anything to you. You can't help who you love and you and I obviously would have never worked out. We would've been unhappy and I probably would've ended up leaving you within weeks! But no! You had to resort to your old ways and act exactly as your father would've had he been in the same situation at the time; drank a whole bottle then throw a temper tantrum! You asking for out forgiveness is brave, but you won't get it. Not from me. Maybe Bianca because she's a better person than I am and far more loving than anyone and a billion times the human being you will ever be, but with me? Don't count on forgiveness. As for AJ; he's his own person. He can make his own decisions and doesn't need my permission to spend time with you. If he wants to, that's his business. I may not like or trust it, but I love him and trust him enough to know the difference between a good versus a lost cause."
Marissa turned to face Bianca and raised her hands to her face as she kissed her deeply. Pulling apart, Marissa took a hold of Bianca's hand and led her over to the bar.
"Are you okay?" Bianca whispered.
Marissa lifted Bianca's hand to her lips and placed a tender kiss on her knuckles.
"I will be…"
-x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x-
Sorry for the delay. I promise more frequent UDs this week!
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Thanks for the love!
