Yeahhhh...
I'll see you at the bottom!
"Ed, how many of you fuckers are there?"
"Enough, jackass!" a voice I knew all too well echoed.
Oh God.
No.
Not him.
Why the hell did he feel the need to actually show the fuck up here?
Bella looked at me with dread and I thrust my hands in the air. We were fucked.
Emmett's eyes bulged comically as he covered his mouth. "Holy fucking shit, your old, nasty ass Dad is a fucking Tooth Fairy?!"
*~TT&ABOFD~*
"If you'd get your fucking ears cleaned out, you would have heard Bella fucking tell you that earlier!" I griped just as the old man walked in.
He was in his usual uniform of spandex pants and a leopard print shirt two sizes too small.
Yeah, he was one of those fuckers. The kind that believed themselves to get hotter the older they got, but in his case…it was complete fucking opposite.
The old man gave the words 'saggy ass' a whole new fucking meaning.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I grumbled, balling my fists at my sides.
"You know, I gotta hand it to Bella; the bitch knows how to dress your ass."
Why it took me that long to remember what I was wearing was beyond me, but having him fucking bear witness to it was one of the worst things that could have happened.
"Dude, did he just call my sister a bitch?" Emmett exclaimed as I slapped my palm to my forehead with a sigh.
Emmett started to lunge for him but I jumped in front.
I swear, I got myself into enough shit without the old man here to fucking add to it.
"Em, take it easy," I told him quietly. "We'll be fucking lucky if that's the worst thing he says tonight. Just…don't take anything that…"
"Liked the way his junk felt against your dick earlier? That why you're feeling him up now?"
"Jesus fuck, Dad! Will you just shut the fuck up with the insults and shit?! There's a kid in the house for fuck's sake!"
Suddenly, Bella's arms came around me. I'd plum fucking forgotten that she was in the room, which makes it the second or third time now that the old man had called her a bitch in her presence.
And what amazed me was that she hugged low around my waist, avoiding my wings.
She gave me a look, one I should have known not to trust.
"Answer his question, Carlisle. Why the fuck are you here? And it better be good or I'm calling the cops," Bella hissed.
Oh damn…the old man hated the fucking cops.
Shit, I was getting myself in trouble without even opening my mouth! I should have warned her.
"Listen here you crusty ass jizz dumptster, you call the cops and I'll fuc…"
"You aren't doing shit, you old bastard. What the hell are you doing here in my fucking house?" Emmett growled, pushing Bella and I behind him.
"He's not too fucking bright, is he?" the old man asked, looking at me as he grabbed and pulled at his fucking balls.
I'm going to be sick.
"He's here to recruit you, Em."
"Wait, so that shit you said about me being recruited into your way of life because of you telling me…that was real?" he asked with narrow eyes as Bella stretched up, putting her mouth at my ear.
"What do you say we go out back and…" she began with a purr.
"You just can't help yourself, can you?" the old man chuckled, pushing past Emmett. "You really think that since I'm here in the flesh that I can't hear what you're saying or see what you're doing?"
Bella whipped around and faced him. She was fucking pissed.
"What we do and when is none of your fucking business, so why don't you get your disgusting, perverted ass back to that saggy, dusty old hag you have at home?"
"Oh, you're just enough of a bitch to take her place, but I think you and I would make for a better team, don't you? This fucktard…" he started, chucking his thumb at me as he bit as his lip, eyeballing Bella.
Emmett glanced at me in disgust as I felt my blood beginning to boil.
There was only one thing I could fucking think of to do that would save Bella's ass.
It was just a matter of whether Emmett would do it or not.
Right now, the old man was so caught up in hitting on my girl that he wouldn't fucking pay any attention to what we were up to.
Oh, shit…my girl?
God, I'm fucked.
So fucked.
I motioned my head, calling Emmett over.
"Dude, what the fuck is wrong with your old man?"
"That's just it, man. He's old, dilapidated, and horny as hell with erectile dysfunction. Don't ask how I know that shit either. Look, I don't want to do this, but it's the only damn way to get him off Bella."
Emmett's brow raised skeptically, and I didn't blame him at this point for not trusting me.
"I need you to touch me," I hissed, slowly moving into position. I just prayed that I didn't take Bella out too in the process.
"Touch you? What the fuck, Ed? Where?"
"Where the hell do you think, asshole?! My wings."
"Are you seriously asking me to give you a goddamn boner? That's fucking sick!"
"No! I'm telling you to release me…"
Before I could finish, his hand had rubbed my wings, set them—and my cock—loose, sending the old man to the floor with the force of their expansion.
I hurriedly glanced around, making sure Bella hadn't been taken out.
She hadn't, but instead of thanking me, she had to take a jab.
"So, should I give you and Em some privacy? I'm sure the old man would love to watch that shit."
"You're welcome, bitch," I laughed, knowing full well that she'd let me get away with it.
Coming to stand in front of me, my dick slipping between her thighs, Bella kicked at the old man on the floor.
"This old man is about to be fucking sick just thinking about you two dipshits together in any way, shape, or form. Emmett, you'll be in fucking training this week. Rosalie is going to be the one responsible for you. She'll be here when her route is up within the next hour," he informed us, clutching his jaw in pain. His eyes then shot to us. "As for you two, see the Volturi, I don't give a fuck…just know, you little princess," he said, eyeballing me, "that you'll be penalized for bringing in someone that hasn't been sworn in yet."
The sickest park of the whole exchange was that, when he stood, there was a disgusting, prominent bulge against the spandex of his pants and his damned withered, moldy ass wings had spread.
All in response to the girl that was desperately trying to manipulate my cock into sliding home.
So much for his erectile problems.
Fuck.
Thankfully, when he left, Emmett excused himself to the bathroom, leaving just Bella and I in the kitchen.
Alone.
I wasn't sure how long he'd be indisposed, and I didn't give a fuck.
She was obviously feneing for it, and I was done with the teasing.
Okay, before you start throwing stones at me, I'm working on the next chapter now!
It'll be up in the next hour and a half! SWEAR!
Leave some...oh you get the point!
T
