A/C - So this story was supposed to go 30 chapters long but I'm having WAY too much fun, and want to enjoy this moment since it's highly unlikely I'll write another story about this couple! It's all thanks to those awesome reviews I get and how I want this story to be multi-dimensional. Thank you everyone!
Chapter 28 - I'll Always Be Here For You
Gene's POV
He paced on the empty realm, frustrated.
Because of their linked power, Gene could feel a stirring that was coming from Noll and it caused a flurry of anxiety in the pit of Gene's stomach. So, he decided to see what exactly was going on in the living world.
Gene was reluctant to admit to Oliver or Mai, but he was able to visit the living realm. And, he didn't have to be summoned by Noll. Not necessarily, though in theory it was easier to on his energy reserves and go through Oliver, but if Noll was not touching a mirror the link could not connect. So Gene had to get creative if he wanted to visit the living.
He had effectively landed himself on a narrow park sidewalk that was dimly lit. It wasn't unusual or surprised that Gene appeared close to wherever Noll was. The scenery surprised him, and who Noll had keeping him company tonight surprised him too.
In front of him, Gene saw both Noll and Mai standing in the middle of a sidewalk. The pair were facing one another, whispering, when Noll leaned down and captured Mai's lips.
A strange feeling welled up within Gene as he watched them, specifically as he watched Mai yield herself fully to that kiss, standing on her tiptoes and gripping the front panels of Noll's jacket.
He knew a kiss was not something entirely new to Mai, but for Noll the experience was wholly foreign. Explicit. Gene could tell from the way Noll held himself, tense and rigid, that he was inexperienced in kissing and didn't know things such as the duration, or what he should do with his hands.
Oliver didn't know that when a beautiful girl was kissing you, you should hold her in his arms. Hold her and never let her go. Especially if that girl was Mai.
To say Gene wasn't jealous would be a lie. It was a mixture of happiness for his brother and Mai, and a deep rooted jealousy that his brother was the one who 'got the girl'. Gene was very aware of his feelings for Mai, though it was ludicrous because he was dead.
Noll, however, was very much alive and available. And that bothered Gene even more.
Mai seemed patient with Noll. She had been patient with him for a long time and Gene watched as Mai took away some of Noll's tension when the kiss ended. She stepped back, dropping her hands from Noll's jacket. They spoke softly to each other, but Gene was too far away to hear the conversation.
Gene felt a dull throb in his body and he realized his time was coming up for staying on this realm. He watched for another several seconds before frowning at the couple, now holding hands and walking.
A sad, dangerous thought struck him.
Not a thought. A secret - a very dark and dangerous secret.
It was a secret that could change everything. Gene knew though if that truth ever got out it would change the way Mai looked at Noll. More selfishly, it would change the way Mai looked at Gene. It was such a dangerous secret that Gene wouldn't be surprised, if Mai ever found out, she would walk away from both the twins.
Gene had to admit that on some dark days (like right now) it was harder to resist the temptation of accepting that dark, sweet, vengeance he saw some spirits fall victim to. The urge to watch one of the best things to happen to his brother become ruined was, indeed, a very tempting thought.
But, Gene could never live with himself if he allowed that to happen. He cared for Mai too much. And dare he say it, Gene cared for his idiot-scientist brother too.
Conveniently Sara, who had taken to following Gene around, appeared next to him.
Sara was older than he was technically, even though she appeared as a young girl. Her spirit was over a hundred years old.
And, she was sometimes too smart for her own good.
"Do you think she'll turn her back on you two when she finds out?" Sara asked in her usual chipper voice. It sounded as if she had taken comfort in knowing that Oliver and Gene had screwed up along the way. Maybe it was because she had spent so long filled with indifference towards people and other spirits, Sara had become numb to those living feelings of remorse. Or guilt.
"Who knows," Gene eluded carefully. Sara turned to him, her blue eyes were watching him carefully. "She shouldn't find out if, not everyone can keep their mouths shut than we won't have a problem."
That statement was meant, wholly, for Sara. She ignored him.
"She's going to find out," Sara said. "You both underestimate her ability to stumble onto answers."
Gene sighed. Sara had found out about Gene and Oliver's secret shortly after she started following Gene around. Her presence, he had to admit, was comforting. She also knew things about this world that Gene didn't. Sara was a useful asset.
"She won't." He gritted out. "Did you need something?"
Sara tilted her head, locks of blonde hair falling over her shoulder. Clearly, she was not letting go of this topic just yet. "How does it make you feel to know that she'll be here with you soon? Once the curse is broken and her deal with the Spirit Guardian is done, she will die."
"We don't even know if she'll go through with it," Gene said. "She could decide to simply live with the curse."
That seemed to hit Sara a little harder. Gene watched as she breathed in deeply, recomposing herself. He knew that Sara hadn't lived physically with the curse when she was the anchor, but she had lived with it in spirit form. Maybe that was worst. "You know she won't be able to live with the curse. Not when he's looking for her."
"I won't let that man find her," said Gene. "No way in hell will I let him find her."
"Interesting." Sara mused.
Gene hadn't realized the reaction he let himself show, fist balled and shoulders clenched. He tried to relax, "What is?"
"Even if it means you can never have her?"
Gene did not hesitate when he said, "yes."
"You really mean that. "
"Of course I do."
Sara watched Gene for another moment before she abruptly changed the topic, "Let's go, I have to look for something and I need your help."
Gene didn't have much say in the matter as Sara smirked and a dark, ancient wind summoned the two spirits away.
^.^
It was late when Naru and I returned to the apartment. I quickly showered and then hit the bed, instantly I was asleep.
I had been dreaming of Masako and I laying on a beach. Naru was there, rubbing sun oil on my back. I knew it was a dream because this would never happen in real life, and I was intent to just enjoy the fantasy of it until I was pulled into a different kind of dream. I began recognizing them from my other dreams - this was a spirit dream.
Gene stood in front of me, dressed casually in his usual dark ensemble.
"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned when I saw the look on his face.
"I just wanted to see you," Gene said. He looked disheveled and absolutely tired. "I heard about your run-in with the male spirit. Did you take him to the gates?"
I nodded. "I don't usually have a choice. That place has a mind of its own sometimes. Sometimes, I feel like it's just using me. Like I have no actual control."
It felt good to talk about the Iron Gates with someone. I still didn't know how on board Naru was with the idea of this 'third' realm, so I tended not to delve into any pressing secrets.
"Do the gates have control?" He asked.
"I don't know. It's really strange, I never get a say in whether I take a spirit or not. Once they are in front of the gates and they touch me, it's like the gates see that as the spirits acceptance to be taken."
Gene grew concerned. "Can you keep them from touching you?"
I shook my head. "No."
We stood quietly again. I enjoyed Gene's company, and realized how much I missed it when he was mad at me.
"I wish I could help you more," Gene said a little sadly.
"You can't," I moved closer to him. "None of you can. This is my burden to bear, not yours."
It felt easy to take Gene's hand in my own and give it a little squeeze. His hands, identical to Naru's, were so soft. Gene looked down at our hands, and I couldn't see what passed across his face.
"I don't like watching you suffer."
I smiled and squeezed his hand again. "I'm not suffering. I have you and Naru here again. I have my friends. To be honest, things have never felt better." Just given the circumstances, if you take away the curse and the fact that I could die tomorrow, things were amazing.
It was a rare moment that I had found myself comforting Gene. Usually it was the other way around.
I moved my hands and placed them on his face, gently. Gene did not seem as reluctant to accept physical touch like Naru was and I felt him settle into my hands easily. I scooted closer to him.
"I'm fine. Everything will be fine, Gene."
He lowered his head and closed his eyes. He looked sad, so sad. It was clear that something else was bothering him, but I wouldn't push it. If Gene didn't want to talk to me about it, he didn't have to.
But, I would be here for him when he did need me.
"I'll always be here for you," I told him and felt bold when I pulled him into an embrace. Gene relished in physical touch I realized, and his arms wrapped around me.
It didn't feel the same as hugging or holding Naru did. This wasn't romantic, and I never let myself think it was. Gene and I just understood and needed one another. We were friends. Closer than friends sometimes, but always just friends.
Quietly, he said. "You'll always have me here for you, too."
^.^
I had invited Masako over to help me overhaul my closet. The priest at the church I worked at, and Father Brown, were coordinating a clothing haul for the church and I knew some of my old clothes could be used for the youth.
In the meantime, I told Masako everything that happened the last couple of days. It was still so new for me, but especially for Naru. He wasn't used to physical...anything. It was like teaching a scared animal how to trust again; slowly and patiently.
Not that I wanted to compare Naru to a neglected puppy or anything.
But, it's made me realize that Naru enjoyed tenderness. He enjoyed taking his time.
"Naru kissed you!" Masako lowered a shirt she had been examining. Her face was in complete shock. "Do you think when he said he'll stay with you that he'll be living here permanently?"
"I think he meant it as we could stay together, like friends, unlike last time." I said, re-running that day over again in my head. That night had been one of the best I had in a long time.
Not to mention Naru kissed me.
It had all felt like a dream.
Masako smirked, "I didn't know kissing was reserved for friends."
I sighed. "I don't even know what we are."
"Lovers?"
"God's no!" Now it was my turn to be in complete shock. "It's not… like that between us."
"No?" She asked, her brows rising and her eyes darting momentarily from mine. There was a hint of a smirk on her lips.
"No." I answered firmly.
The amused look on her face grew wider when she moved fast and reached deeper into my closet where her eyes had darted to a moment ago. She proudly pulled out a lacy-black shopping bag.
"Masako!" I lunged for the bag, trying to swipe it out of her hands but she gracefully stood up.
"What's this?" She interrupted, clearly finding amusement in this.
She opened it and pulled out the silky baby-blue two piece. It had been so long ago that Yasu and I picked out this set, mostly as a joke.
Just as I remembered, it wasn't terribly revealing. It was just silky and short, with a decorative lace feature on the bodice of the tank top.
I felt my whole body go red. "I-It's not what you think!"
Masako's face lit up mischievously. "And, per say Mai Taniyama, would I be thinking?"
Quickly, I stood up and snatched the underthings out of her grasp. "Never you mind, I wasn't ever going to wear them."
Masako laughed, whole-heartedly. "This is way too funny. Does Naru know about that?"
"No!" I exclaimed. "These aren't for Naru either, so get that look off your face."
Masako's laugh filled the room as I crossed the room and re-hid the garments in my sock drawer.
From across the room I heard her say, "Have you and Naru really not tried?"
"Like I was telling you," I spun around, completely red in the face. "We haven't been… physical like that."
"But you've kissed?"
"Well, yes."
"Held hands?" She asked.
"Yes." I said, now starting to get annoyed by the way this one-sided conversation was heading. "But it's not like that with Naru. He's...different and I think he's afraid of people touching him."
The room settled into a quietness for several second before Masako asked, "You had a boyfriend, Lucian-san, did you and him ever..."
I waited for her to say it, but realized for Masako simply implying what I knew she meant had been enough.
I shook my head and leaned against the dresser. "Lucien and I got close. But I could never seem to relax. I always felt like my first time had to be special. And maybe I was waiting for that moment."
The words between us stayed unspoken: Maybe I was waiting for that person - and it wasn't Lucien.
"Well, I think you should surprise him with that little outfit." Masako regained her composure and gently patted at her crisp white pants. "Maybe before he goes back to England and he grows bored of you."
I let out a shaky laugh, trying not to let her words bother me too much. Insecurely I asked, "Do you think Naru has ever been with someone like that before?"
Masko turned back to me, a playful smile at her lips. "I guess you'll just have to seduce it out of him."
It took me all but two seconds to realize she was serious.
^.^
After Masako left, Naru came home for dinner and I couldn't get her suggestions out of my head. I wondered if Naru was still as jaded towards being physical as he was towards everything else. Especially after everything that has happened between us. It was a daring thought because assuming Naru's feelings usually left me, and anyone else, on the losing side of the battle.
After we finished eating, I readied myself for my shower. I grabbed clean night clothes but I paused at my dresser.
I could almost feel the silky clothes under my fingers as I hesitated on the drawer they were in.
My hesitation was brief. It couldn't hurt, I thought and besides it wasn't like I would push myself on to him. What was so wrong with being comfortable with my body? He hadn't seemed to mind it when I wore that black jumpsuit and felt like a goddess. This would be the same thing.
Only, this was with scraps of lace and silk covering my body.
Quickly I reached into the drawer, grabbed the silky fabric and left my other night clothes on the dresser.
Then I made my way to the bathroom, and there was no turning back.
My heart was hammering in my chest the entire time I showered, up until the very moment that I went to clothe myself in those lacy underthings.
Before I put them on though, I stood in front of the mirror and gazed at my reflection.
Staring back at me was reality: scars in a variety of shapes and sizes covered my thighs, hips and stomach. Some of them, the deeper ones on my waist, were now welted over and would never fully heal. Some of the others had faded to thin red lines across my light skin. A blemish that would never disappear.
It was more intimate than I would have thought otherwise: to have Naru see that side of me, the side that was so broken and lost. It made me realize that I had never let Lucien see this side of me. I always wore layers of clothes, long pants and long shirts to hide the scars from him. When we had gotten intimate, I felt my entire being shut down and want to stop.
Looking at myself in the mirror though, gently trailing my fingers over the worst of my scars on my waist, I knew that I wanted Naru to see. I wanted to show him that the past did not control me and I was ready to move on.
I took a deep breath and slowly put the lacy underthings on. It took longer than I would have liked to admit I find the right arm holes, and leg holes. Soon, I was staring at myself in the baby-blue garnet and felt instantly silly.
My body wasn't curvy like those mannequins or models in the store. My flat chest (an a-cup) barely held anything of interest to the deep v-neck of the tiny top. The top was flowy and hit just before my waist. The brief bottoms were cut more modestly than I originally thought. The waistband felt smooth on my hips and the legs of the shorts had scalloped hems that seemed to elongate my legs. Because I had no hips or butt the fabric draped over thighs.
I turned around in the mirror a couple of times to see if any of my unmentionables were hanging out. To my relief they hadn't been, and I had to admit that this little number was...cute. Though, on a different body shape it would have looked sexy.
I wondered if Naru had seen someone in lingerie before. Or if anyone had worn lingerie for him. What if they had a curvier body than I did? If they filled it out better than me...
I tried push aside my thoughts of insecurities. Naru wouldn't care about any of that stuff because it was Naru. Besides, this was an experiment. I wanted to see if I had any effect on Naru - if he felt that way towards me at all. I closed my eyes and moved to the door.
Thankfully, Naru wasn't in the living room or he would have seen my exit. But, that meant he was in the bedroom, where he would no doubt see me enter in this little get-up.
All I have to do is walk to the bed, I coached myself. I didn't have to do anything or say anything to make this even more uncomfortable. All I had to do was make it to the bed.
My legs moved on their own as I made my way to the bedroom, opened the door and Naru was there.
He didn't seem to notice me as I scooted inside. He was rummaging at the end of the bed, looking for his own shower things probably. I had all but two seconds to sprint to the safety of the blanket and take refuge under the covers.
But, it didn't happen like that because he stood up and turned to me.
I halted like I had just been in the middle of getting caught doing something bad. Perhaps I had.
"M-My night clothes stunk." I lied. "Remind me to do laundry tomorrow."
I felt myself turn bright red under his gaze, his expression was unreadable.
"W-what it is?" I tried to put myself back together a little more and slowly made my way to the bed. Naru watched the entire time.
"You have scars." He said.
Now, I really turned bright red. And not from the nerves.
The sick and heavy feeling of shame weighed down on me. Of course Naru would notice, Naru noticed everything.
It reminded me of when I ran into him the the hotel in the Kamikawa district, and he commented on my weight loss. No one had really noticed it because I hide it well under baggy clothes. I had since gained a few extra pounds, and it still boggles my mind that no one was able to notice it.
But Naru had.
I gripped my arm. "I told you once before, I fell into a dark place."
And that place would always haunt me.
"I want you to know," I whispered. "That I am broken and healing, but I don't want to hide from you. I want you to see me, Naru."
The room turned into something different when I met Naru's eyes again. I realized that he probably hadn't even noticed the little outfit. Probably hadn't even cared. It was my skin he was solely focused on, and the visibility of those scars, as if he couldn't believe he was seeing them and that first time he had seen them, maybe he convinced himself that he imagined it.
I realized, now, that he was finally putting it together. He hadn't imagined it that day at the prison.
Or maybe there was something else in that expressionless face he was giving me, something more underlying. He was breathing shallowly.
After several moments, he said. "I'm going to shower." Smoothly, he left the room.
Then, I was standing there alone.
It felt stupid of me to wear this, to expose myself and be completely vulnerable to Naru. I threw myself onto the bed and hid under the blankets.
I felt so embarrassed. Naru probably had never wanted to see me like that, and maybe it was for the best. But, at least I had done it - though I was completely rejected for it.
I laid in bed, in the dark - in a foul mood - when Naru had finished showering and I heard him return to the room. He did not come back to the bed though.
I shifted to the farthest part of the bed, even though I was practically clinging to the edge. I couldn't stand being so close to him after seeing his face when he saw those scars.
I wasn't beautiful in his eyes. I was flawed. Broken. Ugly.
I let out a shaky breath as I tried to keep my feelings in check.
"You look...different in those kind of things." Naru said in the darkness from the other side of the room.
In spite of myself, I snorted. "You can just say it. I'm not that kind of beautiful."
It took Naru a moment longer than most to catch on-to my sour mood. My insecurities. "You think I don't think you're beautiful?"
Frustrated, I sat straight up. "Of course not! You should have seen the look on your face when you saw me… I feel so stupid, I thought that maybe you would have liked it."
"Liked it?"
"Yes!" I said, half frustrated and flustered. "I thought maybe you would think I looked good in this! I didn't think you would focus on the flawed parts of me so damned much."
"The flawed parts are a part of you" Naru pointed out. Then, he asked. "You bought that because you thought I would like it?"
"No, I bought it because.. Oh never mind!" I growled and laid back down into the bed. "Just go to sleep."
The lights flickered on and I flinched, covering my eyes with my arm.
"What the hell Naru -"
"Stand up." Naru said from the doorway, and the command seemed to wrap around me. It was purely instinctive that I pushed the covers off and slowly rose out of the bed. As I did, Naru was stalking towards me.
I was standing by the time he had stopped in front of me.
"Lower your arms," he said in a smooth, husky voice. I had hardly noticed I was crossing my arms over my waist.
Slowly, I lowered them to my sides. Naru did not take his eyes off mine until a couple seconds after I dropped my arms. Then, those burning violet-blue eyes dropped to my body.
It felt like someone had touched my spine with an electric wire - and I responded by curling my toes into the carpet. The burning at my neck dropped to my chest, my stomach. Then lower.
Naru didn't seem to notice my squirming. Or maybe he did and just didn't say anything. His eyes slowly roved down the length of my body, stopped and rose back up to my eyes.
If it had come from anyone else, it would have been completely insulting. But because it was Naru, it was highly arousing.
I was visibly breathing heavier now.
"You do look beautiful." He said in a thick voice. "And I do like this."
To emphasize, I felt his fingers graze the flowy top's hem.
I blushed, unable to make any intelligent words come out of my mouth.
The room quieted and I wondered what Naru was thinking. His eyes were shrouded in a darkness, not like his black moods he would get into - this was something else.
I watched as he seemed to struggle internally, watched as his eyes turned into molten heat as he made a decision.
"Don't touch me," Naru said and slowly moved closer. I gave him a confused look but did not say anything.
Our toes were almost touching.
He leaned down and I felt the brush of his soft black hair on my cheek. It was still wet from his shower I shuttered from the sensation.
What I hadn't been expecting was when Naru slowly dropped to his knees before me.
His large hand gently, agonizingly slowly, pushed back the fabric and revealed a particularly bad scar on my waist. Naru used one hand and pressed the pad of his finger on my skin. I inhaled sharply at the touch and unlike the other times when I flinched, Naru did not withdraw. His long fingers traced the over length of the scar.
I let out a shaky breath, fighting to keep my hands still at my sides while he stroked my skin.
Sensitive… it was so sensitive there.
Naru was careful not to actually touch me anywhere else other than the single stroke he placed over my scar. And whether that was intentional or not, it drove me wild. I wanted to desperately run my hands through his hair, to urge him to grab me and to be a little rough. I just wanted his hands on me, touching me. Stroking every inch of my body.
I looked down to watch him and from this vantage, when Naru's eyes dropped for a moment, I could see just how long those eyelashes were. I could make out the strong lines from his jaw and his straight nose. He was beautiful, so beautiful and handsome it hurt.
The urge to touch him began to burn deep in my core now. I gripped my fingers into the soft, buttery fabric of the silk bottoms to keep them from accidentally reaching out and guiding Naru's mouth to the relentless heat that was searing through my core.
I felt my thighs tremble and Naru looked up at me. My body felt hot, so hot that I thought I was going to burn up right then and there.
"What?" I whispered as he gazed at me. The look was lethal, his face was wholly serious.
"Black," he said. I had barely made out what he said through the hammering sound of my heart.
When he didn't say anything else, I asked. "Black what?"
I sucked in a shuddering breath when I felt his fingers toying with the flimsy fabric of the shorts. They were dangerously close to finding out exactly how much I wanted him. I squeezed my thighs together and a wave of desire hit me so hard I shivered again. My spine tingled and I fidgeted with my toes, curling them into the carpet.
Naru said, "Next time, get a black set."
