Without A Smile – Chapter 28
To say Bella was nervous would be an understatement. She sat on the edge of her bathtub looking at the beautiful dress hanging up behind her bathroom door and shook her head. She couldn't do this. Intrinsically she knew she was being unreasonable – it was just a dinner after all. However, it was a dinner with Edward amongst a crowd of the city's elite and deep down she was still that scared little girl who was repeatedly told by her foster homes that she wasn't worth anything. She knew this wasn't true and had fought hard against it for so many years but sometimes your inner scared child takes over and it is hard to fight against.
Bella picked up her phone and texted Edward. "I'm such a coward," she thought to herself, and then she promptly threw up in the toilet again. I guess if I'm not going it doesn't matter if I wreck the hair and make-up job Alice did earlier, she thought to herself.
Edward was putting his tux on when he received Bella's text.
I'm sorry. I can do this tonight. Please extend my apologies to your family. I'll make it up to you somehow.
Edward sighed as he responded.
What's wrong?
It's just wrong for me to go. I'm sorry.
Edward didn't bother responding. He called his driver and told him to be ready in five minutes.
When Bella heard the knock on her door she had to admit she wasn't surprised. Edward could be terribly stubborn at times. She debated pretending she wasn't there but knew there was no point.
He knocked again.
"Bella?"
"Go away Edward. I can't do this tonight." Bella said as she leaned against the door.
Edward took a deep breath and began to sing.
"Please don't shut me out again.
Please don't slam the door.
You don't have to keep your distance any more.
Because for the first time in forever, I finally understand.
For the first time in forever we can face this hand and hand.
We can..."
"Stop!" Bella yelled as she whipped open the door.
"Are you seriously singing Frozen at me?" Bella wasn't sure whether she should laugh or cry. Or kiss him. Well, she did know. He sounded so earnest and he was trying to fight her fire with her fire. Or, her ire as the case really was. Part of her wanted to just kiss him but she knew they had to talk. However, she couldn't let him get to the bit about walking down the mountain together because she would have lost it and she needed to keep the upper hand if they were going to have this conversation.
"Edward, I can't be the person you want me to be."
"What do you know about the person I want you to be Bella? That's what you don't understand. I understand that someone, or more than one someone, once told you that who you are wasn't good enough but can't you see that I don't want you to be anyone but yourself? I've been trying to subtly show you this for months, but maybe I've been too subtle."
"Oh Edward," Bella was shaking her head. The tears were running down her face.
"Please, may I come in Bella?"
She stood aside as Edward walked through the door. Once the door was shut Edward grabbed her hand and lead her to the couch.
"Sit."
The tone of his voice made Bella sit even before she realized that she was being bossed around in her own home.
"I can see you are at war with yourself right now Bella. Normally you are a strong woman who knows what she wants in her professional life and has no trouble going out and getting it. But when it comes to personal emotions you're kind of a mess."
Bella didn't know what to say. He was right.
"I think you will be pleasantly surprised if you come out tonight. Even though some of these people have a lot of money it doesn't make them better than anyone else and no one is going to look down on you for any reason."
Edward took Bella's hand in his, and with the tip of one finger gently directed her chin so that she had to look him in the eyes.
"Come out with me tonight and if you truly hate it, and my company, I promise to never ask you out again."
Bella nodded slowly.
"I'm sorry Edward. I..."
"Hey," he cut her off. "No need for apologies. We all have moments of doubt."
She smiled up at him. This man was too good sometimes. "Even you?"
"Especially me Bella."
"Now," he raised an eyebrow at Bella. "As delicious as you look in that bathrobe, you should probably go put on your dress."
Taking a deep breath, Bella went into the bathroom, fixed her makeup and hair and put on her dress.
When the door to the bathroom opened again Edward looked up and felt his breathe escape him. Bella was gorgeous every day, of that he had no doubt. Today, however, Bella was gorgeous in a fitted plaid dress and he didn't know what to say.
Bella didn't know what to say either. She had been so upset earlier she hadn't really noticed how good he looked in his tux but now that she was dressed, and not crying, the air had changed between them.
After a couple more minutes of staring at each other Edward had the wherewithal to ask Bella if she was ready to go.
"Oh! Of course. Let me grab my purse."
Edward shook his head at his driver and helped Bella into the car himself. He ran around to the other side and slid in to his seat, lamenting the fact that the back seat was so wide.
"You look beautiful Bella. Truly stunning."
"Thank you Edward. You look rather nice yourself." Bella smiled at him. "I think the plaid bowtie is a nice touch, I'm sorry I didn't notice it earlier."
"That dress. It's amazing."
"I think I'm going to wear it every day for the rest of my life" Bella winked at him, starting to feel more like herself after their talk. "Do you think anyone would notice?"
"Well, I can tell you your boss won't mind."
"Good to know."
By the time the car pulled up to the hotel both Edward and Bella were felling more relaxed, more like themselves. He still wouldn't let the driver anywhere near her though.
"Oh, don't you two look perfect together!"
"Calm down, Mom." Edward said as he kissed Esme's cheek. Esme looked as though she were going to cry.
"You're going to scare her away dear." Carlisle said while giving Bella a hug. "How are you this evening Bella?"
"I'm doing well Carlisle. You?"
Carlisle didn't answer, he just smiled and kissed Bella on the cheek before handing her over to his wife who wrapped Bella up in a bone crushing hug. "I'm so happy you're here."
"Esme, I can't breath."
"Whoops! Sorry." Esme laughed as she released Bella.
In the distance Bella saw Tanya and an extremely tall man she assumed must be Felix by the way they were holding on to each other. Alice and Jasper were heading towards them.
"So, you two finally made it I see." Alice couldn't help teasing.
Jasper was about to say something when they could hear someone clearing their throat behind them.
"Hello Edward," Kate from HR was looking at him with a glass of wine and a smile.
"Hello Kate," Edward said. "You know my date, Bella."
"Bella?" Kate was unable to hide the shock in her voice. She hadn't recognized Bella but the moment she saw her she tried to think of something intelligent to say. Instead, "is that a Alexander McQueen dress you are wearing?" Blurted out of Kate's mouth.
Bella looked to Alice for help and her tiny friend gave a slight nod of her head.
"Oh, this old thing?" Bella said looking Kate in the eye. "I just picked it up at Plaids-R-Us, but I know how much you hate plaid."
Kate rolled her eyes and walked away.
"Well, it will be all over the office first thing tomorrow that I was your date tonight," Bella said to Edward. It sounded to him like she was apologizing.
"Good." Was what he said. What he was thinking was that he wanted the world to know that Bella was his date tonight and if the 32nd floor harpies were going to gossip about it he wasn't going to worry unless if effected Bella in some way.
Dinner was announced and Edward gently led Bella back to the table with his hand on the small of her back. He was so close she wondered if he could feel her heart beat through her back because she knew it was thumping forcefully.
Bella was pleasantly surprised at how fun much fun she had at dinner. Tanya and Alice loved teasing Edward and he obviously used to it because he took it all good naturedly. Esme and Carlisle seemed very interested in Bella's theatre work and Esme even had some interesting suggestions for when she opened up her theatre of her own.
Once dessert was done Bella was contentedly watching Carlisle and Esme out on the dance floor while Edward was drawing lazy circles on her shoulder as they talked to Tanya and Felix. Edward was congratulating Felix on keeping Tanya relatively sober for this event but Tanya just laughed it off.
"Oh, Felix is intoxicating enough," she said with a sappy, contented grin and Edward couldn't help but feel truly happy for his best friend. He wouldn't fail to keep that information tucked away for another day when he needed something to tease Tanya with.
When the song changed Edward grabbed Bella's hand and asked her if she would like to dance.
"Of course," she said, looking up at him with a smile.
With one hand on his shoulder and the other on his waist Bella smiled up at Edward.
"Edward, thank you for not giving up on me tonight. I've had a wonderful time."
"I will never give up on you Bella."
The air shifted from friendly to something thicker as the two stared at each other. To prevent himself from kissing her right on the dance floor, in front of all those people, he pulled her closer and tucked her head under his chin. This would be enough for tonight. Just having her here was enough.
A/N: Thank you all for your kind words and patience. I've been having a hard time writing this story while I go through chemotherapy right now and I want to do these characters justice and not make them too sad just because I'm sad and feel like crap most of the time. Your support has meant the world to me. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Don't worry - they are going to kiss eventually.
Thanks to Sunflowerfran and Darcysmom for all their pre-reading and Beta help and encouragement. I tried to write you all a little Christmas story but as it turns out I can't write "just a little story" and it turned into a whole mountain of research and more words than I had anticipated - and it isn't any where near done. At least if I am feeling better next Christmas I will have something to offer. ;)
(The usual disclaimers apply: I don't own these characters, I'm just the stage manager running them through these scenes.)
