CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
PRIVATE MOMENTS SHARED
Joe lowered his eyes, more from his father's reprimanding glance than from Amanda's penetrating glare.
Amanda started for her glass. Paul gently stayed her with his hand, grabbed the glass, and placed it into her waiting grasp. After swallowing the last of the water, Amanda inhaled deeply, discretely caressed her treasure, and nodded, ready to carry on. "Hoss had been making frequent trips to San Francisco, dealing with the contracts for the shoring lumber at the Parker Mines."
Adam threw a questioning look at his father, who nodded affirmatively.
"One evening, in November of last year," Amanda said, "on what Hoss said was his second trip there, I was dining alone at the Excelsior after a business meeting and as I glanced around the tables, hoping to summon my waitress, I saw a man who was also dining alone, and I'm ashamed to admit that for some reason, I found myself staring at him."
Amanda's voice softened, and Ben watched her face brighten, her eyes glisten, and her lips quiver.
"After a few moments, he happened to look up and, well, as cliché as it sounds, our eyes met, and I blushed and looked away. After a while, I couldn't resist the temptation to look again, and that time, I caught him watching me!"
Amanda smiled warmly as she blushed and for a brief moment, Adam's suspicions faded.
"He finished his meal before I did," Amanda continued, "although later, he accused me of eating slowly so that I'd still be seated when he was through." Amanda's smile brightened. "He said he was glad I'd eaten slowly because he might not have worked up the courage to follow me from the restaurant. As he put it, "talkin' ta pretty gals don't come easy ta me."
"Don't you dare make fun of my brother!" Joe yelled, leaping from his chair and stepping toward Amanda.
Candy grabbed Joe's arm, pulling him back as Adam flanked Joe on the other side.
"JOSEPH!" Ben shouted. "Sit down! Now!"
"I would never make fun of . . ." Amanda covered her mouth with her hand as tears poured down her cheeks.
Joe shook Candy's arm away, glared at Adam, and sat down as far from Amanda as was possible.
"I expected Joe to react this way," Amanda thought. "Hoss told me so many times that they were so close that he wasn't sure where one ended and the other began. But it's still hard, having someone Hoss loved think that I would . . ."
Paul searched the faces in the room and, fearing for Amanda's well being, suggested softly, "Amanda, maybe you should tell . . ."
"I'm alright," Amanda interrupted, gathering herself with several long, deep breaths. "I'm alright. Hoss walked me from the Excelsior to my hotel that evening, and we sat talking together in the lobby until midnight. Before he left, he said he was leaving San Francisco in the morning, but that he'd be back in three weeks to sign a contract he'd been negotiating. I thanked him for keeping me company and then, he was gone," Amanda said.
Remembering all too well how easily Hoss's heart could be broken, Candy shook his head and asked the question searing everyone's lips. "So you spent the evening talking. Did you bother to tell him that you're married?"
Amanda glared at him. "Yes, Candy, I did!"
Her candor did nothing to sway Candy's opinion of the situation. "I see you know my name. So far, everything you've said could easily have been discovered by a few simple inquiries around town!"
"Yes, Candy," Amanda said, his accusations stinging her heart. "I could have asked around, learned the Cartwright names and that of their foreman." Amanda's voice grew in anger. "I could have found out about the lumber deal and made all of the rest up in my mind!"
"Amanda, please," Paul said, "calm down."
"I'm fine, Doctor Martin, just fine," Amanda spat, immediately turning her attention back to Candy. "If you think all of this has been a lie, then maybe you can tell me who in town could have told me that you once found Hoss crying in the barn when the pony he'd given to Margie Owens' daughter had to be put down? Who else but Hoss would have told me about that day and how you promised never to tell a soul he'd been crying and thinking about Margie and the life they could have had together?"
Candy was dumbfounded. He'd never breathed a word of how Hoss had grieved over that pony, or the way Hoss had twisted Candy's heart with his confessions of grief.
"And Joe," Amanda said, turning to face the hearth where Joe sat ready to pounce on the slightest misbegotten detail, "I would have recognized you anywhere! And before you doubt me any more than you already do, who but Hoss would have told me that one night, during John Faraday's race for governor and the plan to find Samuel Endicott's hired killer, you told Hoss you didn't know if you could keep up the charade because reading the obituaries and answering the questions about your father's supposed murder made the prospect of being without him far too real for you to bear? That you'd come close to ruining the entire plan because you couldn't cope with seeing Roy grieving for a friend who wasn't dead?"
Joe looked at his father, and Amanda saw the same love she'd seen in Hoss's eyes each time he spoke of his family.
"And Adam," Amanda said, bracing herself to speak to the Cartwright that she thought would be the most difficult one to convince, "I did not expect to find you here on the Ponderosa. Hoss would be so happy that you're home. Over the months that I knew him, Hoss told me so many stories about his older brother: how sometimes, when you were young boys, you would let him sneak into your bed at night and how the two of you would talk until the wee hours of the morning, and how you would find ways to keep him from getting scolded by helping him explain or hide his fatigue the next day. He told me how you stood beside him when he was teased at school, and how you always let him try to settle things before you stepped in, and he told me how proud you seemed whenever he avoided a fight, and how proud he was of himself in return." Amanda's voice caught in her throat as she pictured Hoss as a young boy, beaming with pride because his brother was so proud of him. "And he said that without you, he would have lost his soul and buried his heart at the hands of Regan Miller."
Adam, standing motionless as he leaned against the hearth, lowered his head, the sting of Hoss's fist against his jaw a vivid memory.
Ben remembered the night when Hoss had seen his fiancé kissing Adam and the endless months of healing after Regan left Virginia City, and he knew that for Hoss to have shared this most difficult time in his life with Amanda, she must have held a special place in Hoss's heart.
Amanda coughed, her throat parched by her nerves.
"I'll get some more water," Joe said, speeding to the kitchen more as a retreat than a helpful gesture.
The silence in the room made everyone squirm and, once again, Amanda felt the need to run for the front door.
Much to her relief, Joe returned quickly, but when he sat the glass firmly on the table instead of handing it to her, Amanda knew she still had her work cut out for her. If this much was difficult for them to accept, how will I convince them of the rest? Amanda started for the glass, but Paul swiped it from the table and offered it to her waiting hand. She looked into the glass as she sipped, avoiding the impatient stares coming from everyone in the room.
"Maybe you should rest awhile, Mrs. Findley," Paul suggested.
The moment Paul used her full name, Amanda knew it would spark yet another set of accusations.
"Alright," Joe said as he ran his fingers through his hair and paced in a tiny circle. "So, you knew my brother and he liked you enough to tell you a little about his family . . ."
"Joe," Candy interrupted, "she knows more than a little. She knows things that no one else could!"
"I don't care what she knows," Joe yelled, "I still don't believe she was Hoss's girl! She probably befriended him, got him to trust her! You know Hoss, he's got . . . he had faith in everybody he ever met! And I can't stand here and . . ."
"Sit down, Joseph," Ben said calmly.
"But, Pa!" he cried. "You don't actually . . ."
"I said sit down. I don't know what I believe, but I do know that there is more to this than we know. Am I right, Mrs. Findley?"
Amanda shivered. He knows. Or at least, he suspects. Oh, Hoss, I can already see the pain in his eyes. I'm so sorry! "Yes, Mr. Cartwright," Amanda said. "There's more."
"You don't have to say anything more if you feel you need to rest," Paul insisted.
"I'm fine, Doctor Martin," Amanda assured, "and I want to continue. I swear that I did tell Hoss that first night that I am married. And in the five hours that we sat together in my hotel lobby, I also told him that I had requested a divorce from my husband, and that he, Jackson Findley, was in San Quinton Prison, serving his sentence of ten years for hiring a man to murder his own father."
Ben saw the shame on Amanda's face, and as much as he wanted the day to begin anew and the outcome to revert to a typical day on his beloved ranch, he somehow knew that Amanda was speaking the truth, and that the truth yet to come would change things forever.
"Keep talking," Adam said coldly. "I want to hear it all."
The detachment in his voice chilled Amanda to her core, but once again, she assured herself that he was protecting his family; that he was still protecting Hoss. "I met my husband at a cattle auction in Utah," Amanda said. "He managed to charm me into having dinner with him after the auction and, as I came to learn after his arrest, while we ate and talked, two of his men broke into my hotel room and went through the papers I had in my suitcase."
"What kind of papers?" Candy asked.
Hearing no accusation in Candy's tone, Amanda spoke directly to him. "Papers that revealed most of my holdings which were, and by the grace of God still are, substantial. As soon as those men were finished in my room, they went to their hotel to wait for Jackson and before the morning after we'd just met, Jackson Findley knew all about my inheritance and he set his sights on stealing every last penny of it!"
"He married you for your money," Joe said, his tone void of compassion. "And you went running to my brother because you made the wrong decision when you married a murderer!"
Amanda glared at Joe, clearly insulted by his implication. "I knew Jackson Findley for six months before we married. I'm ashamed to admit that I loved him, or at least, I thought I did. I cared deeply for his father, Charles, and I was married to Jackson for nine hours when the sheriff came to the door with the news that Charles had been found dead," Amanda said, her tears returning as her hand clung to the treasure inside. "He'd been shot twice in the chest and left to bleed to death at his home. And after just six days of grieving and the funeral that brought scores of people who considered Charles to be a beloved friend, Jackson was arrested for hiring the man who'd killed his father." Amanda, clearly shaken, raised her handkerchief to her face.
Joe dropped his head, his emotions jumbled. He took a seat on the hearth, avoiding Amanda's gaze.
"Jackson never denied what he'd done, his greed much larger than any tiny amount of love he might have had for his father or for me. In fact, I know now that he's incapable of love of any kind. You see, his father was wealthy, but that wealth wasn't enough for Jackson. He knew I'd be at that cattle auction, and he came prepared to meet me, court me, and eventually, to walk away with not only his father's fortune, but mine as well."
Adam softened, remembering how greed had ruined the lives of people he'd cared for and taken the lives of so many others.
Paul reached again for Amanda's hand. "I think that's enough for now, Mrs. Findley," he said. "You should rest."
Amanda turned her troubled eyes to Paul. "I want to finish, Doctor Martin. Please, let me go on."
Ben watched Paul's reluctance. He knows the whole story. And he's worried about what's yet to come.
"Jackson was brought to trial and, along with the man who pulled the trigger, was found guilty. The killer was . . . he was hanged. And Jackson, who came up with the idea, hired a killer, and then danced with me at our wedding . . ."
"Amanda," Paul said, reaching for her wrist.
Amanda pulled her arm away as her lips trembled and her voice wavered. "He danced with me while his father was being murdered! He . . . he talked of love and our life together, our future and our happiness! All of this while his father lay dying on the cold, hard floor!"
"Amanda, I must insist . . ." Paul said, looking for support from Ben and the others.
"No, doctor," Amanda cried. "I'll get hold of myself, I promise."
"Mrs. Findley," Ben said, his voice kind, yet not fully at ease. "Maybe you should heed Doctor Martin's advice. Maybe a rest would . . ."
"No, Mr. Cartwright," Amanda said. "I do appreciate your concern, but I came here to tell you about Hoss and me, and I won't stop now. You see, when Jackson was convicted, he was sentenced to ten years in prison. Ten years for hiring the man who took the life of his own father, and even though he didn't pull the trigger himself, I consider him a murderer."
Candy nodded, and when no one disagreed with her opinion of Jackson, she continued. "In January of last year, I requested a legal divorce from Jackson. My good friend and trusted attorney, Randall Binghamton, went with me to the prison. All Jackson had to do was sign the papers. A signature. That's all and I would have been free," Amanda said, rubbing the cloth-wrapped treasure between her fingertips.
"He didn't sign," Adam said, moving to the blue chair and lowering himself gently against its cushion.
"No," Amanda cried, "he didn't. And ever since that day, Randall and I have been writing to and visiting judges and officials and even senators trying to find a way to keep Jackson in prison, or at least to stop him from serving his time and then coming back and destroying everything I have, including me."
"There must be a judge in California who would help," Joe said, his temper flaring again. "Maybe you aren't trying hard enough!"
Candy wagged his head. "Aw, c'mon Joe," he said.
"Maybe," Joe yelled, "she wanted Hoss's money so she and this Jackson would have three fortunes to squander when he gets outta prison!"
Amanda felt heat rising to her face and she pushed Paul's hand away, her eyes glaring at Joe. She stood on suddenly strong legs, walked from the settee to the fireplace where Joe sat returning her glare. He started to stand when Amanda drew her hand back and slapped his left cheek.
